Author's Notes: Thank you Mandi, sorry this is a bit late, more at the bottom.

Chapter 8

Marcus didn't look up when the front door slammed open then shut. He kept munching on his dry cereal. Dry because there was no milk and he knew from experience beer didn't work well with Lucky Charms. He didn't like coffee much without milk either but what the hell.

Andrew came into the kitchen, muttering and cursing under his breath. Marcus suppressed a grin as he took a sip of his black but highly sugared motor oil. Andrew always forgot something he needed when he stayed over at his girlfriend's apartment. It was a universal constant.

Andrew poured himself a cup of coffee, saw there was no milk and just about broke his cup. He drank it anyway, with no sugar, in a few gulps.

Andrew was not a morning person.

He sat at the table with Marcus, who had decided not to eat anything Ben bought because Ben had bad taste when it came to food... and also women but that was besides the point. Andrew finished his coffee.

"Who the fuck is that sleeping on our front porch?" he asked now that he was slightly more awake.

Marcus nearly choked on a marshmallow. "Dude, you don't want to know."

Ben didn't get up until both Marcus and Andrew had left already. He was tired. Finley had had a bad night. The headache had eased but twin nightmares had followed it.

So Ben had stayed up with him, watching the ridiculous movies he had rented. Nothing with too much violence, explosions or too depressing; not after nightmares, not when Finley was already fragile.

So basically, they watched chick flicks and movies with a lot of fart jokes in them.

Fin was... Fin was tired. And he wasn't, as Ben had been informed, at all hungry.

He needed to eat something anyway but it was going to be bland. Ben wasn't sure he would keep down anything else. Between the headache and the nightmares... Finley's stomach was going to be touchy.

Mashed potatoes then. Strange to have as a meal for breakfast but whenever Finley wouldn't eat anything else he would eat instant mashed potatoes. Their mother used to make them.

But they needed milk. Shit.

He checked on Finley, who wasn't going anywhere soon, and went to grab the groceries he needed. He was surprised when he found the blanket he had brought out last night neatly folded on the chair but no Alexander. It was... disappointing. He thought, maybe, this would work out for Fin but... damnit.

He sighed, and suddenly felt like punching something or going and hugging his brother very tightly. The latter option was more compelling but Finley wouldn't get it, might even guess something was up so...

Ben was surprised at the relief he felt when Alexander's car pulled up and he got out, carrying a couple bags and, to Ben's slight amazement, clean shaven. Alexander smiled at his expression.

"Wouldn't be the first time I've shaved in a McDonald's washroom," he quipped.

Ben laughed despite himself. "Do I want to know?"

"Probably not," Alexander informed him. "Marcus said you were basically out of food and I figured you wouldn't want to leave Fin, so..."

He pulled out a brown paper bag with a familiar golden M on it. Ben didn't often indulge in really greasy good, he tried to eat semi-well and the semi part was taken up by the sugary junk he figured should've rotted his teeth already. That didn't mean he didn't enjoy it when it was put in front of him, though.

And Alexander had brought enough, too. Two egg McMuffins, sausage and bacon, and three hashbrowns and... no coffee, but Ben'd rather drink actual motor oil than McDonald's coffee.

"You keep this up and I might have to keep you around myself," Ben said, finishing off the first McMuffin quickly.

Alexander raised an eyebrow and pulled out his own breakfast. He only had one McMuffin, but he had three hashbrowns. "Sorry, you're not my type."

Ben laughed and nearly chocked on his breakfast. Alexander smiled slightly. "How's Fin?"

"Could be worse," Ben shrugged. "He had a couple bad nightmares last night."

Alexander grimaced. "Yeah, I figured bringing him any take out wouldn't be helpful and I didn't see anywhere to buy mashed potatoes."

"Instant is best anyway," Ben commented, finishing off a hasbrown.

"I know," Alexander replied, he pulled a box out of the grocery bag and gave a small shrug. "I wasn't sure you had any."

"We do, but thanks," Ben told him.

"You've got to eat more than that, sunshine," Ben told his little brother when Finley moved to push the plate aside.

Finley looked at him, hesitated, leaned back and stuck his tongue out at his brother. Ben grinned but persisted. "You really do, Fin."

"Later, I promise," Finley sighed, pushing the less than half finished plate of mashed potatoes aside. "I'm sorry. I'm not hungry."

Ben wasn't happy but he knew if Finley tried to force the food down it would just make a reappearance. Since Finley had already taken his medication... Ben wasn't about to risk it.

"Okay." Ben put the plate aside.

Finley looked away, then looked back at his brother. "Alex called."

Ben did not look at his brother, keeping his eyes on the television screen. "Yeah."

Finley waited. "Well?"

"Yes?" Ben replied.

"What did he say?" Finley asked softly.

Ben shrugged. "Stuff."

"That isn't an answer," Finley said. "Please, Ben, what did he say?"

Ben sighed, "Just stuff. He told me how that thing might help you."

"That's it?" Finley asked, his voice soft.

"No, that's not it, Fin," Ben replied, finally looking at his brother. "Let me ask you a question. If he was here, right now, what would you do? If he said he didn't want to break up with you and that he was sorry would you even question it?"

Finley's lips got tighter and he looked away.

Ben sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Fin, damnit..."

"I don't know," Finley began hollowly. "I don't know what I'd do. I love him, Ben, I just... I love him."

"I know you do," Ben assured him. "But that doesn't mean you should forgive and forget everything."

"I know that!" Finley replied heatedly and then began coughing fiercely.

Ben moved forward rapidly. Finley rested his head against his brother's shoulder, hunched forward, still coughing. Ben rubbed his arched back until the coughing let up then pushed the mussed hair back, trying to see his brother's pale, pinched face. Finley's thumbs were digging into his hip bones as he held fast to his brother.

"Ben," Finley rasped. "I love him and it hurts to be like this, without him. I miss him and I know if... if things don't change, if I don't change then... then this could happen again, will happen again and that hurts too and I don't want it to. I don't want to hurt anymore."

"But I've tried that, I've tried being apart, not hurting, and it doesn't work either and it really won't now, not again. It's lonely and it's cold and I love him and I can't stop that." Finley tilted his head. His eyes were dark and deep.

"Ben," Finley swallowed. "Ben, I don't know what to do. I don't. But I'm trying to figure it out. I just... I just need some time, is all."

"Okay," Ben said, hugging his brother close. "Okay, Fin."

Ben sat down on the porch with a thud. Alexander turned his gaze to him from the rain. His brow creased in worry. "Fin okay?"

Ben sighed. "Sure, sort of."

Alexander was quiet for a moment. "Are you okay?"

Ben chuckled, humourlessly. "Fine, I suppose."

Alexander didn't say anything just waited. Ben sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "He's my little brother, you know?"

Alexander nodded. He had two younger siblings, after all. Both were confidant enough for themselves now but... that hadn't always been the case for either of them. "I know."

Ben looked at him for a moment, then his gaze dropped back to the porch. Neither spoke for a moment. Ben looked up suddenly, three thin lines appearing on the bridge of his nose. "Don't you work?"

Alexander shook his head. "Took some time off. Indefinite time. I... Well, normally when I come back I want to throw myself into my work, normal work, but this time... I don't know, it's not the same."

Ben frowned. He wasn't sure he liked the sound of that. His eyebrow crept up slowly as he thought about it.

"I'm thinking of starting my own clinic, actually. I've been looking into it. But that doesn't happen overnight. I don't want to rush into it either," Alexander continued. "I wanted to take some time off before I started on that because once I do start trying to make that happen I won't have time to take a large lump of time off for a while. Plus...Well, I'm more burnt out then I first thought I was."

Ben nodded. It would not be good for both his brother and Alexander to be doing nothing all the time. It wasn't good for Finley alone. It was just hard and complicated to get him to the point where functioning in a professional way wasn't a problem.

"How long is indefinite going to last?" Ben asked.

Alexander shrugged, "Depends. I thought maybe a year, year and a half but that depends."

"On what?" Ben pressed.

"Fin, mostly, now, and before," Alexander looked out into the rain again. "I thought about travelling a bit."

The frown lines on Ben's face deepened and he opened his mouth. Alexander half smiled. "With him, Ben, not alone."

"I was hoping you weren't going to say you were going to go off on some quest to find yourself of something ridiculous," Ben admitted.

Alexander laughed. "God, no. I'm too old for that. Shit, if I don't know who I am by now there's no chance of discovering it. Besides, finding yourself seems to too often involve uncomfortable accommodations and I've had my fill of those."

Ben raised an eyebrow. "You've been sitting, day and night, on my porch for three days now. That's not actually comfortable."

Alexander's lips twitched at the corners. "Worth it though, if you let me see Fin."

Ben didn't comment. Then he frowned again and looked at Alexander in bewilderment. "How the hell have you been going to the bathroom?"

Alexander laughed, loudly, shaking his head. "Gas station down the road. They've been looking at me funny since yesterday."

Ben got a funny look on his face, which Alexander thought, but did not say, made him look like he was constipated. Then he gave in and laughed.

Ben shook his head, a smile still playing about his lips. "Okay. So are you going to tell me what the hell happened because I still don't know precisely. Fin thinks you two have broken up."

Alexander grimaced. "We haven't, not unless that's what he wants."

"He doesn't know but he thought you were breaking up with him, and honestly some of the things he said made me wonder," Ben told him. He looked at Alexander carefully. "Are you cheating on him?"

"No!" Alexander replied, looking slightly bewildered by the suggestion. "Of course not!"

"Were you?" Ben pressed.

"NO!" Alexander nearly exploded at that. He stopped, ran a hand through his hair and forced himself to not get angry. "No, I'm not cheating on him and I never did."

Ben said nothing. Alexander's agitation grew. "Why would Fin think that?"

"You stopped calling him. You were never around, made up stupid excuses as to why, and when you were around you weren't, not really. What was he supposed to think?" Ben asked.

Alexander winced. "I never cheated on him. I would never cheat on him." Alexander rubbed a hand roughly over his face. "Fuck."

Anger flicked in Ben's eyes. "Where were you? What was going on?"

"A few things. I was arranging my leave. I was trying to get Hal off my back and trying to keep Isabel away from Fin," Alexander sighed, not saying everything. He couldn't say anything. Finley might believe him but... Shit, Ben would think he was crazy and that wouldn't do him any good. "She left for a few months four days ago. I guess I didn't juggle everything very well."

"No shit." Ben ran a hand through his hair. "You were fucking careless. Why the hell didn't you call him while you were away ever? Or when you were home even?"

"I just..." Alexander hesitated. He couldn't tell Ben. He couldn't. "I've never had anyone to call before, except my parents and whenever I thought to call him it was late and I know how Finley sleeps. I never wanted to wake him."

"Fuck, I need a smoke," Ben grumbled. "You are infuriating."

"I didn't know you smoked," Alexander commented, pointedly ignoring Ben's other words.

"I don't. I quit years ago hoping it would encourage Fin to," Ben replied.

"I think, at this point in time, it would be worse on Fin's health to try and quit," Alexander shrugged. "It calms him when he needs it. Otherwise he'd be making himself sick more often and quitting would only add to the stress."

Ben blew out a huff of breath. "Yeah, I guess so. Who's Hal?"

"Pardon?" Alexander asked, startled by the abrupt subject change.

"Hal. You said Hal was bugging you. Who is Hal?" Ben repeated.

"Oh. Yeah. Hal is a doctor I worked with. He's still with Doctors Without Borders," Alexander chuckled a bit. "He's very straight and dating someone, well, sort of dating someone."

"What was he bugging you about then?" Ben asked.

Alexander shrugged. "He wanted me to go back with him."

"Go back where?" Ben demanded, looking at Alexander as if he had grown another head.

"Africa, where I was before." Alexander scratched his chin and looked at Ben. "I'm not going."

"Good," Ben said shortly. "I know it's your decision and it's your life but, fuck man, I don't even want to think about what that would do to Fin."

"You don't have to, I'm not going back," Alexander told him.

"He'd want to go with you," Ben stated, looking surprised at his sudden insight.

"No. That would not be happening even if I was considering going, which I'm not," Alexander replied firmly. "Jesus, Fin has enough of his own demons haunting him, okay? I'm not going back. End of story."

Ben was silent for a few moments. "If Fin wasn't in the picture would you?"

"No, I don't think so," Alexander shook his head, his eyes distant.

"I know they need doctors there, all over the place," Ben murmured.

"Yeah, they do, but it can't be me again," Alexander said softly. "Not anymore. Maybe I should, maybe I'm just selfish but I'm still not going back. It can't be me anymore."

Ben nodded. "Yeah, well, I don't blame you. I'm glad as hell I'm not deployed any more."

Alexander smiled faintly. "We sound really, really old right now."

Ben laughed. "Yeah, well, maybe you..."

Alexander snorted. Ben grinned for a moment, before falling serious again. "Okay, so I get you were busy but why did Finley freak like this?"

Alexander blushed. "I haven't been spending a lot of time with him and, well, I didn't want him to know about Hal trying to talk me into going back or Izzie being around all the time and I didn't tell him about the leave, not until I got it, so..."

"So he had no clue what was going on at all." Ben's face darkened. "Fuck. Why didn't you want him around your friends?"

"Because my friends can be assholes when they're trying to get me to do something, especially Hal because he knows that part of me considers going back an option even though I won't. He's not above trying to get Fin to help talk me into it and he pries. My sister can easily be a bitch. She thinks Finley is a gold digger," Alexander grimaced. "She thinks everyone I've ever dated was a gold digger and thought my brother's wife was for a long time too. She already managed to upset him once, I'm trying to keep her away from him and, well, she's had a crush on Hal for awhile."

"You're not going to be able to keep her away from Fin forever, not if you want this to be a long term thing." Ben's expression said it had better be a long term thing.

"I know, but she'll be gone for a few months now," Alexander said. "Which solves nothing, but it means I don't have to think about it until she does get back."

"Yeah, that's not the greatest idea," Ben told him.

Alexander looked at him. "I'll worry about her when I don't have to worry about Fin."

"Fair enough," Ben conceded. "You still basically did everything wrong."

"Yeah, I fucked up," Alexander sighed. "I'm sorry. I can't say that enough but I am."

Ben rubbed a hand over his face. "Fucking up with Finley has some major ramifications, as I'm sure you've noticed."

"No shit," Alexander muttered. "If I had known..."

"Yeah, well, hindsight is always 20/20," Ben pointed out. "Now you do know. Finley... If he lets you close then he gets dependant on you and taking that away... It fucks him up. And..."

Ben sighed, "And I don't know what to do, how to help him. Fuck, I can't protect him, not if I don't want to hurt him because in the long run that's what I'll do. I can't be the only solid person in his life, it doesn't work that way."

"And thinking no one will ever hurt him is unrealistic. I know that. People fight and can be selfish no matter how good intentioned or kind they are." Ben's eyes were hard and they bore into Alexander's. He didn't look away. "But not like this. You can't hurt him like this again. He'll survive it, yeah, but part of him died and no one can fucking fix that. You, however, will not survive because if you ever hurt him like this again, I will kill you."

Alexander swallowed because Ben could do just that and with very little effort. He wouldn't, because of Finley, because it would mean he went to jail and that would just about kill Finley, but he could and that was a damn scary thought.

Ben sighed and suddenly looked very weary. "There's no way I can know for sure you won't hurt him again but that's fucking life, isn't it?"

Ben looked at Alexander and Alexander wished he could tell him that he would never hurt Finley again, that no one would ever hurt his brother again. He nodded.

"But you love him," Ben said. "And he loves you. Of all the stupid..." He shook his head. "I ought to smack you both. Don't you fuck this up again. I'm not entirely satisfied with your reasons for fucking up in the first place but..."

Ben shrugged. "It's Fin's choice, in the end."

"Never meant to hurt him in the first place," Alexander replied. "Don't plan on doing it again."

"Yeah, well, good," Ben stood up. So did Alexander.

"When he's ready to see you I'll let you come in and he's not, not yet. Give him a little more time." Ben looked at him sharply. "You going to stay here?"

"Yeah," Alexander replied. "If you don't object?"

"I don't," Ben told him. "But I have to go check on him."

Alexander nodded and watched Ben go back inside the house. He stuck his head out before he disappeared inside and gave Alexander a funny look. "And for God's sake, knock when you have to go to the washroom. Shit, that's just bloody ridiculous..."

Someone Stupid (who isn't stupid): I update every two weeks or there abouts. I try to do it Mondays. Sometimes I forget what day it is, sometimes I get busy so sometimes it gets delayed. Like this week! Oopsie.

athelas63: Yeah, Alex...yeah. I don't know what got into him. Alex is actually the character who I understand the least. He's not diffifult to write I just never seem to know what he thinking. I love Ben. He's a big teddy bear. A teddy bear that kills. Fin will eventually get a break, I think. Eventually.

clairon: Half the time I want to cuddle Fin, so no, you aren't.

Kasmi Kassim: Thank you! And it's changed!

Hopeless Delirium: The girlie magazine didn't get fixed. :-( So a friend and I are planning to take it over next year. I'm currently writing for the school newspaper as a sports writer.

PrincessFAz: There are reasons for it, though they aren't really solid gold reasons. The man is only human, after all. I didn't know what a vaporizer was so Ben didn't either. (I think that's because we call them something else actually) And there mother died when they were young so...Ben will get really, really angry at least once before the story is over, I'm just not saying who he'll be angry at! ;-) Fin's got some mashed potatoes, it's not chicken soup but it's what he likes.

Amy Earls: Alex and Fin's seperation wasn't meant as something to up the angst but as a way to bring up a lot of issues that needed to be brought up, and not just between Alex and Fin. There is also a reason behind it. A reason that is not in this chapter but will be partly in the next one and partly in other ones. I probably don't need all the characters or at least I don't need to link them all back. Ben needed house mates though and Alexander needed parents and siblings, who will be back, and it makes sense, to me, to link them back when that's an option. All the characters, so far, that are reincarnations match to their character by the first letter of their name, if that helps any. There was also a character list with family connections in another author's note.

Just as a tease, the next chapter will include Alex and Fin seeing each other.