A/N: This is my first wack at a Kevin Smith fanfiction. I don't know if anyone's all ready done this or not, but what the hell. Read and enjoy.
"Shit, this music sucks! Ow!"
"Watch your mouth!" Renee hissed,givingBrodie a warning glare. "I swear to God, if you embarrass me in front of my parents…"
Brodie bristled at the idea of being treated like a five year-old. He'd been getting nothing but dirty looks ever since he arrived at the funeral and he couldn't see why. Who with an ounce of sense wouldn't appreciate his standard jeans, green jacket and a Superman T-shirt featuring the Man of Steele banging Wonderwoman?
Renee's father stood beside the casket. Tears streamed down his cheeks as his loving wife supported him and held him.
She seems so peaceful, Renee thought as the old woman lay there with her hands clasped over her white gown.
"Hi mom, hi dad," she said softly.
Renee's father looked up and hugged his daughter.
"Wow," Brodie said, loudly as he leaned in the casket for a closer look. "You can totally see her nipples."
A few people gasped. Renee's father looked mortified. Renee yanked him back with more strength than she knew she had.
"Who is this?" He asked, trying to be as polite as possible under the circumstances.
"Oh, dad, mom, this is…" Renee struggled with the idea of admitting that Brodie was her boyfriend. She looked at him for a moment as he gawked at the coffin. "This is Brodie."
"Hey," Brodie responded, shaking the man's offered hand. "Sorry about that, I just couldn't help noticing the corpse's nipples."
"I beg your pardon!"
"Well it's not her fault. My cousin was working one night when this old fart was found dead after jerking off in the bathroom. The sick old fuck was jerking off to porno that the moron clerk gave him and-Ahhh, ow, ow, ow, Renee…my hand."
"Brodie, lets go." Renee stormed out of the funeral parlor. Brodie had to follow along or possibly risk losing his hand. "You are the biggest fucking retard in this city! Why do I put up with you?"
Brodie spent the drive home reading an Amazing Spiderman #49. Renee couldn't help but glance at him out of the corner of her eye. He giggled at something, though she couldn't guess what. It was almost as if he hadn't completely humiliated her. She wanted to take him out to the New Jersey Turnpike and leave him to rot.
I just can't help it, shethought with a sigh. I love the retard.