Ah, yes, I've finally updated this story. It's been so long...

Disclaimer: I own no one except Johnny English and Bough. Ratigan and Basil belong to Eve Titus and Disney. Mr. Scratch and Erasmus Craven belong respectively to whoever made The Story of Mankind and The Raven.

"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view . . . until you climb into his skin and walk around in it." -Atticus Finch; To Kill A Mockingbird
"Very well, gentlemen. Let's get to business."

"Fine", Bough said nonchalantly.

"Just one question", Ratigan interrupted. "Why did you have to tie Basil up?"

"Insurance."

"...'Insurance'?", Ratigan inquired doubtfully. "Listen, English. Basil isn't going to turn me in. Not if he wants to be locked up himself, either alongside me, or just for making what they would consider an insane claim."

"But how can you be sure?"

"I don't know. But Basil's a mouse of his word. He won't talk."

English sighed, but relented. "Fine. I'll remove the gag."

He did as he said, and Basil shook his head briefly after it was removed.

Ratigan sighed, blushing. "Sorry", he whispered discreetly to the detective.

"I can see why you demoted him", Basil muttered in reply.

"Anyway!", Ratigan interjected, turning to English. "Where exactly were you?"

"Oh. Well, ah, you see..."

Idiot alert, Ratigan thought-spoke to Basil.

Ditto.

"...Bough?"

"Ah." Bough cleared his throat. "Well, it all started when..."

Quite a few hours of roundabout explaining later...

"And that's how we ended up here. Now", Bough continued, "we told you what happened to us. Now tell us what got you into this mess."

"Ah", Ratigan said faintly, his brain coming back to reality. The sun would be rising soon, and he'd have to make his explanation brief, unlike Bough's. "Well, to make this story a lot shorter than Bough's-"-At this, the rodent in question turned his attention to an invisible something on the wall-"somehow Basil and I were merged into one being, this strange alchemy apparently having been caused by my fall from Big Ben in some way-"

"Speaking of which", English interjected, "where is the detective?"

Ratigan gasped, looking in the direction of where said detective was sitting. Make that had sat!

All that was in Basil's place were the ropes that English had tied him up with.

"Where's Basil!", he hissed.

"Escaped?", English suggested, shrugging.

But Ratigan placed a now-gloveless hand on the bed. "...Still warm... So, no. He didn't." The Professor's eyes widened as he realized what that could mean. "But... if he didn't escape...", he slowly said, running the possibility through his brain.

It couldn't be.

It wasn't possible.

But...

...Ratigan?

...Basil? Where are you!

...I don't know...

Ratigan growled. "Gentlemen, I belive we have a problem."

Basil found himself lying on his back, his arms spread-eagled away from him. The ropes that were binding him before were gone. So were Ratigan and the others.

The mouse sat straight up, expecting to see the hotel room he was in, but was surprised to find himself in a strange jungle environment. Light flickered down through the foliage, creating strange patterns on the ground and plants.

Basil looked around in increasing horror at his surroundings. "Where... where am I?"

Basil!

The detective raised an eyebrow. Ratigan? Where am I!

I don't know...

In the real world, Ratigan was busy examining the rope that had held his arch-foe. It seemed normal enough... but his fears were realized when it transformed into a long strand of-

"Ivy." Ratigan frowned, turning to Bough. "Where did you find this... rope?"

"Outside, sir."

"You mean it was just lying there?"

"Well, I wouldn't have used it if it could do this!" A pause, then- "Speaking of which..."

"No", Ratigan interjected, "I don't know how simple ivy could have caused this. Of course, this is merely viewing the situation from a scientific point of view. But if it is viewed from a supernaturalist's point of view..."

"What?", English scoffed. "You're not suggesting that?"

"That Basil and I were bound magically?" Ratigan chuckled darkly. "Somehow, I wouldn't be surprised."

So... Basil's voice echoed in Ratigan's head, What now?

Ratigan mentally sighed. There's nothing to do but wait...

In Ratigan's subconscious, Basil groaned. More waiting?

Patience, detective, patience.

...You know what? You can be really annoying sometimes, you know that?

No response. Basil sighed. "Now what?"

...rrr...

"Ugh..."

"So, Professor", English spoke up. "What are we..."

But Ratigan had already fallen asleep.

" Ah, this is just... I mean, no one falls asleep that fast!"

Hnnnk... ZZZZZ...

"...Or maybe you can..."

Everything seemed strangely perfect. A strange jungle paradise, beautiful in an exotic fashion...

"This is all in Ratigan's mind?", Basil finally said. "It's all so... I never thought..."

The sound of a rusty gate being opened prompted him to look up. "Hm?"

Rrr...

"Oh no."

A lion crept through the foliage. Its body was brown, and its mane was dark gray with traces of crimson red. Strangely enough, it seemed the size a lion would be if Basil had been human.

"Oh God..."

The lion stalked closer... closer...

"Nice lion... I am not your next meal..."

Basil had his arm out in front of him as if it would stop the approaching beast. But the lion came closer-

Basil winced-

The lion nuzzled its head against his hand, wanting to be petted. Basil cautiously patted the lion's mane, and the lion purred. Any thoughts of the beast killing him stymied, Basil kneeled, scratching the lion behind the ears.

"So... you're a lion...", Basil said to no one in particular, still slightly amazed. "Of course, you may be a hallucinogenic flashback, but somehow I doubt it."

The lion turned and started off.

Basil cautiously took a step forward. Seeing that the lion didn't reproach him, he kept following. "I just hope you actually lead me somewhere", he muttered.

A minute or so later...

"So", Basil stated finally, "it's a big... tarp... screen... thing..."

"I see you've discovered the memory theater."

Basil glanced up sharply at the strange human. "Who are you?"

"Allow me to introduce myself. I am Mr. Scratch, though I am more commonly known as-"

"You'll have to excuse my friend's dramatics." Another human appeared, apparently out of nowhere. "My name is Erasmus Craven."

"Right..." The detective sighed. "Just out of curiousity, I haven't gone insane, have I?"

"No, fortunately. I must say, you're the first visitor to our little part of the subconscious since, well, forever." Erasmus smiled. "You're Basil of Baker Street, no doubt."

"How do you know?"

"How do we know?" Again, he smiled. "You see, this is the memory theater, where memories are replayed to a certain extent. Sometimes, my companion and I view these memories when we're not needed for our duties."

"And those duties are?", Basil asked dryly.

"Ah, yes, I was getting to that. Mr. Scratch and I are what you would refer to sometimes as Yin and Yang, the two sides of the conscious."

Basil stepped back and took it all in. Erasmus Craven wore a blue, fur-lined robe, and looked like something that stepped out of a fantasy novel. Mr. Scratch, however, looked like he would get along perfectly in London. If he were human, that is.

"Let me guess." He pointed to Mr. Scratch, then to Erasmus. "You're Ratigan's 'devil', and you're his 'angel', so to speak."

"Yes", Mr. Scratch smiled smugly. "He can be taught."

Suddenly, the sky darkened.

"What's going on?", Basil inquired.

"Ah, yes, it's starting. Maybe this one will answer any questions you might have..."

"About what?"

"'About what?', he asks", Mr. Scratch stated dryly. "Well, you probably did want to know why Ratigan isn't currently a rotting corpse at the bottom of the Thames, didn't you?"

Tsuzuku...

Coming up next chapter: Basil discovers just what happened to Ratigan that rainy night overlooking the Thames...

Same rat time, same rat network!

Ratigan: (flatly) Same bad Batman parody.