Author's Note: It was the complete lack of anything else to do that prompted me to write this chapter now. That's why this update is coming so quickly. Watch out for Major Davies being a complete idiot in this chapter, and an explanation for the scorpion on Ultra Rodimus's left arm.
Disclaimer: See previous chapters.
Cyber Stargate
Chapter 10: Talking
"A new ally?" Jacob repeated, taking another step into the room. "Who?"
"The residents of the planet Cybertron," Daniel answered, indicating Ultra Rodimus. "They intend to be much more helpful allies that the Tok'ra."
Aldwin twitched. Jacob shot him a look, then turned back to the table. "Cybertron? I've never heard of that planet."
"The Goa'uld are terrified of the inhabitants," Teal'c pointed out calmly. "No Goa'uld who has entered Cybertronian space has ever come out alive. Goa'uld shields and weapons are useless against the Transformers. It does not surprise me that Selmac has never told you of them."
Ultra Rodimus smiled. "According to one of my command staff, we first encountered the Goa'uld about seven or so thousand years ago. They blundered into the middle of a battle against our enemies, the Decepticons, and were caught in the crossfire. Only a few small ships got away. The big ones, the ha'taks were all destroyed. At the time we didn't know who they were. They were collateral damage. Now we know, and we intend to keep them running."
Jacob stared at him, feeling Selmac gaping dumbly in the back of his mind. Ultra Rodimus grinned at him, running long fingers over the scorpion on his arm.
"Where did that come from?" Daniel asked, pointing at the creature. Its legs were gripping Ultra Rodimus's forearm, the claws were crossed near its head, and its tail was wound around his arm just below his elbow, the sting held away from his skin. "That wasn't there last night."
"It's not attached to me." Ultra Rodimus traced the segmented tail. "Turbofoxes, cyber-wolves, cyber-crocs, and turbo-rats aren't the only critters on Cybertron, only the most visible. This is a cyber-scorpion. You find them inside walls and in dark corridors and abandoned cities. No stings on their tails. They have drills instead, and their claws can amputate a finger if you aren't careful. They chew through power conduits to eat the energy. Little pests. I found this one in the ruins of Vos a few months ago."
"If they're dangerous, how is it sitting on your arm?" Sam asked.
"It was very dead when I found it. My guess is that a hungry turbo-rat caught it and chewed its belly open. Not much left of its internals. But it gave me an idea. The little buggers are everywhere. No one really notices them unless they start draining too much power. I've seen them crawling all over some bots, and the bots never even noticed. So I decided to try something. I took the shell with me, and I started rebuilding it. My tech skills are nowhere near the level of Perceptor or First Aid, but these little pests are relatively simple. I rebuilt its internals and upgraded its tail drill, but I never gave it real life. Instead, I attached a receiver to its brain unit and set it to a special frequency. The transmitter is part of my cranial circuitry. This critter is remote-controlled. I use it for recon, or to check for battle damage in places no Autobot can reach. What it sees is transmitted directly to my brain, so I can see everything it sees in realtime."
"Cool."
The cyber-scorpion's red optics glowed to life. It unwrapped its tail and dropped off its master's arm. Jack poked at it as Ultra Rodimus guided it across the table.
"When I explained what I was doing with the dead scorpion, my mate kicked himself for not thinking of it on his own." Ultra Rodimus chuckled. "Neither of us can figure out how nobody ever thought of using such a common and unnoticed pest as a spy."
"You have a mate?" Major Davies blurted from the corner he stood in.
Ultra Rodimus nodded. "I do. His name's Ultra Magnus. He's the big red and blue car carrier you saw on the surface."
"He?" Jacob repeated. "Both of you are male?"
"Yes." Ultra Rodimus read their expressions and snorted. "Don't give me that look. I know how you humans feel about such relationships. Unfortunately for you, there are several hundred Autobot males and less than thirty females, and those few femmes are raiders who very rarely venture onto the planet's surface. We haven't had contact with them for years, and there's only one femme not hiding underground. Very difficult not to pair up male-male when the ratio of males to females is something like twenty to one, more or less."
"Oh."
"That explains why Arcee was the only female we saw," Sam pointed out.
"And she's mated with Springer."
Davies frowned. "But you're robots. How do you, you know, couple?"
Jack had been taking a drink from his mug of coffee when Davies asked that question, and ended up spitting the coffee across the table. Hammond choked. Sam suddenly coughed into her glass of water, and Daniel pounded her on the back. Teal'c looked tongue-tied. Aldwin almost passed out. Jacob could only gape at Davies.
Ultra Rodimus didn't even bat an eyelash. "The same way you humans do. The only difference is that our equipment is internal until the proper stimulus is applied." He took a calm drink of water and then raised a silver eyebrow. "And other questions?"
"Uhm... no..."
"Good."
"You aren't bothered by that question?" Daniel asked curiously.
"No. The subject might be embarrassing to you humans, but we don't care. Just don't ask what goes on behind closed doors, or you might get your heads bitten off."
"We don't want to know," Jack told him firmly.
"Sensible. Now, shall we get back to business?" Ultra Rodimus collected his scorpion, returning it to its perch on his arm, pointedly ignoring Magnus's laughter as it filtered through their lifebond.
"What's so funny?" Springer demanded, glaring at Magnus.
The big city commander had been watching the others playing cards, listening through the lifebond to what was going on during the negotiations. Then he'd suddenly fallen over backward, laughing too hard to get up. The rest of the group could only stare in confusion while Magnus rolled around on his back, roaring with laughter at whatever he'd heard.
"Yo, big guy!" Jazz yelled.
Magnus's eyes shone with amusement, but he still couldn't speak. The others had to wait until he calmed down enough to get his voice back.
"Now tell us what made you laugh like that!"
Still fighting snickers and frequently interrupted by fits of irrepressible giggles, Magnus repeated what had happened in the briefing room, and the others started snickering. The snickering progressed to all-out laughing, and the card game was put on hold until they caught their breath and calmed down again. Then the game resumed, but every now and then someone would start snickering again.
The Marines at the gates watched the group of huge robots and wondered what the hell had made them laugh like that.
Down in the SGC, a treaty had finally been agreed upon. Both Ultra Rodimus and General Hammond signed it. Then Ultra Rodimus idly wondered if he would be able to tag along with SG-1 on a couple of missions, collect his own data on the Goa'uld. Jack told him that he could if he wanted to, but he'd better be able to look out for himself.
"I survived four million years of civil war, tangling with a dark god who was definitely not a Goa'uld, and leading an army. I can take care of myself."
"Good. 'Cause we have a few planets to go to, and some of them have reports of resident Goa'uld."
Ultra Rodimus's grin showed all his teeth. "Sounds fun to me."
To be continued...
I've been wanting to write out that Davis-being-nosy scene for weeks, so I did it. It was very amusing to write. And here are some reviewer responses:
Fenestrae: I wanted to do something to that pain in the ass Kinsey, so I did it. And the Tok'ra had to be in there somewhere. I have yet to find an SG-1 fic that doesn't have them in it somewhere.
Gromia: I catch random episodes on TV, and I have about three tapes of various episodes. Makes it easier for me to get ideas.
Now send me reviews, and you'll get more chapters!