Shall I Ever Forget You?
Chapter 1
All I could hear was the sound of a knife hitting a chopping board. She was standing there. That figure. Holding the knife as it hit the board over and over again. A sharp scream suddenly echoed and red crimson trickled down her blurry finger and onto the floor.
'Drip'
'Drip'
'Drip'
'Drip'
'Bang!'
My vision was suddenly clouded by darkness. Slowly it faded away to reveal a large pool of crimson. A boy was screaming holding the figure in his arms. Shouting, painful cries, the pool of blood growing larger.
A black figure holding a gun paced forwards and backwards, the boy screaming at him.
Then a silver ring fell, 'tink', 'tink', tink' as it bounced over the concrete before cycling around and falling. A whispery voice in the winds, blowing over the object. Its ghost like words cursing the metal.
'Love can't last forever.'
Then suddenly it's just black. Piercing screams ring violently through the air. Screaming. Screaming. Crying in pain.
My eyes snapped open as I sat up instantly. My body dripping with a heavy layer of cold sweat. My breathing jagged and heavy as I ran a hand hesitantly through my limp hair.
I had another dream… if you can call it that. They were coming more frequent. Flashing back to the event that haunts me still to this day. Time has pasted so slowly for me, it's like time hasn't really moved at all.
Slowly getting out of bed I moved the few paces to the kitchen. Taking the cold cup of tea from the counter I added a tablespoon of sugar, watching as the milky liquid swirled around in the bleak cup.
Forcing the mind piercing images from my head I walked sullenly over to the window. Ripping the grey curtains open I sat on the windowsill, looking down at the many cars and lights that whizzed by on the busy road below. The many people who were still out at this hour as they chatted happily to one another.
I dunno why I do this every time I dream that nightmare. Maybe it's because I wish I were one of those busy people, not having a heavy burden weighing them down every single hour, minute of the day.
Those burdens... Those nightmares… I wonder why I dream them. That blurry female figure cutting the board. Suddenly in his arms, crying for him. I know it's about what happened. I know that figure got shot, but why is he holding her.
I believe that the blurry figure is myself, being held, but that's not what happened. He died. I held him. I screamed for him. I found the ring as it fell out of his pocket and bounced along the ground. I was the one who screamed at his father as he told me that love couldn't last forever. Why do I swap places with him? Why? Maybe I wish I had, maybe I wished he had buried me and been at my funeral.
I wish…
But I can't change that now, all I can do is deal with these raging feelings and try to cast away these nightmares. I'll do what I do all the time, sip overly sugary white liquid as I watch the New York lights zip by.
Placing my cup down I got up, looking around the small grey room I now lived in. It's small single bed only two steps from a kitchen made up of a sink, stove and fridge, with a few cupboards here and there. The lounge, a small sofa with tiny t.v, right next to the hotel sized bathroom, which was behind the single blue door. My belongings packed in a suitcase, which lived under my bed.
I wonder why I lived like this, in a small cramped apartment. Maybe cause it was like nothing at home. No elegant mansions, with beautiful furnishings. No memories of him.
The environment outside was totally different, no peaceful, quite areas. I know trying to block myself off from everything I knew and brought back memories was pointless, but I was going to try. I didn't want to cry every night. I didn't want to sob until my stomach clenched up so much that I threw up. I wanted to move on and forget.
As without thought, as I knew the way well, I walked over to the bathroom, opening the door and turning the light on. I waited the few minutes it took for the light to flicker on, revealing the basic restroom. Taking the three steps to the mirror cupboard I tore it open, not glancing once at the reflection.
In a hurried rush I dug through the cupboard looking for the only object which could bring me relief. As I clasped my fingers around the tube I pulled it quickly out, revealing to me in the light a transparent orange cylinder, many white tablets resting inside.
Quickly I took the lid off, shaking two oval shapes into my palm. Filling the glass that I left by the basin with tap water, I quickly gulping the tablets down.
Sighing I placed the container clearly marked back on the shelf. Ignoring the label, which stood out in the light.
'Benzodiazepine
Sleeping Tablets – Treatment for Insomnia
Are to betaken about 15 to 30 minutes before you go to bed.
Miss Katie Jefferson'
Shutting the cupboard with more then needed force I stared at my reflection. My long blonde hair hanging messily around my skinny shoulders. My face looked tired and pale, still covered with a thin layer of sweat.
Growling slightly I turned the tap back on. The cold water gushing quickly through the pipes and into my cupped hands as I bent over and wet my face, drawing my hair back from my forehead.
Gripping the side of the basin I looked down at the running water, my eyes trailing along the scars on my arms. The telltale discoloured skin that told of my past.
"Two years is a long time." I muttered to myself, absent-mindedly running a hand over the scars on my left arm. Tracing the thin marks in a pattern as I delved into thoughts.
Two years since that day, since my world had crashed around me. Sighing as I drew myself quickly away from those thoughts I turned the water off, walking out of the bathroom and back to the windowsill where I picked my cup up and continued the sipping of tea and watching of cars as I had done before.
Only if they knew what had happened…
My eyes slowly craned open as I felt the hot sun on my skin. I don't remember falling asleep.
Slowly and with great difficulty I sat up, looking around at the floor. The cup that had once contained tea lay on its side next to me, like I had dropped it.
Groaning as I clutched my throbbing head I stood up. My legs wobbling slightly as I walked into the tiny bathroom.
Dumping my discarded fragments of clothes I had just been wearing onto the floor I slowly turning the shower on. The sound of the pipes rattling as the high-pressure liquid thrust its way up through the head was heard before the icy cold water gushed out.
I turned the hot water lever but nothing happened. The small luxuries I give up for the way I wanted to live.
Taking the soap as the freezing water ripped over my skin I scrubbed. Scrubbing away all the filthy dirt, which I felt clung to my reddening skin. Washing my hair viscously with the concoction of shampoo and conditioner I had made myself, I tried to rid my mind of the feeling.
I felt like one huge ball of dirt, wound tightly together with the threads of my existence. I felt pathetic and venerable, something I hadn't felt truthfully in a long time.
Tears started to leak down my cheeks, running away with the quickened pace of the shower.
Cupping my face with my hands I sunk down into the tiny corner, my legs bent up against me. My whole body shook as I let my sobs take over, but the more I sobbed the more I needed to cry.
Gripping my legs painfully so my nails dug in I screamed. Forcing everything I felt through that one high note.
Loud banging and complaining could be heard as my neighbour beat his broom against the wall, shouting for me to shut up.
I suddenly stopped. Forcing everything back down until it was just a series of short gasps and sobs. Everything went silent again, the neighbour probably going back to sleep.
Easing myself slowly up I turned the water off, stepping lightly out onto the pale blue mat. Grabbing a towel I wiped myself lightly down before wrapping it securely around my tiny frame. Examining unwontedly the ghostly looking face in the mirror. I had turned quite pale and my lips were blue.
"Stupid water." I growled, brushing my hair back and tying it in a messy wet bun.
I continued to look at my face, forcing all thoughts and emotions away before I turned and left the bathroom. I walked quickly over to my bed, pulling the suitcase out with ease I ripped the zip open, grabbing garments with little interest.
Standing up I got changed, pulling my jeans on over the top of the undergarments I had chosen, before slipping into a light pink silk top.
Glancing once more around the bleak apartment I grabbed my keys and handbag before opening the door and leaving. Gliding down the metal stairs outside I jumped the last three steps landing in the alleyway.
My chest moved up and down rhythmically with my heart as it pounded against my ribs. My eyes were cast down on the shadowy bitumen under my feet.
For a second I recalled the feeling of being back in high school. The feeling of once again being on the back of a motorbike. Whizzing down the highway at extreme speeds, the shadows of the trees on the side of the road whipping past as I looked down. The sound of the engine, the feel of his leather jacket as I wrapped my arms around his body, the back of his helmet…
Everything whizzed around me but suddenly stopped as an alley cat tipped over a rubbish bin, the clang and clutter of its contents dragging me out of my thoughts.
Then back again I was, staring down at the cracked, broken bitumen and I felt foolish, this wasn't what I had woken up this morning to do.
Slowly I sighed, lifting my chin up and looking down the alley towards the mob of people bustling along the main road.
Shifting my bag high up on my shoulder I started off towards them. Preparing myself to be swallowed whole into the crowd, walking like a sheep amongst them.
As soon as I stepped into the crowd I instantly started to shove my way though, wanting to get onto the other side of the road. Constantly I was pushed back by the masses of people but I continued my battle and eventually got to the curb.
Glancing along the busy road I spotted a brake, running out I dashed across jumping once again into the main stream on the other side. Sighing with relief that a car didn't hit me, I started a slow pace towards the corner.
There was something I had to do today. Like I did every day.
I could see my destination now and it made my heart beat faster. The object loomed over me as I pulled the glass door open. Slowly I picked up the receiver and dropped in the few coins I had in my purse.
As from memory my fingers dialled the number I wanted. The sound of ringing rang through my ear as I waited patiently. She had to be up. She always was.
"Hello, Judy speaking."
My breath caught in my throat and all I could do was just listened to her voice.
"Hello? Hello? … Kate? Kitten? … It's you isn't it."
Looking around nervously I mumbled a yes.
"Thank god, you've rang to speak to Benji haven't you."
"Yeah, I was wondering how he was doing."
"Dear, like I told you yesterday he is doing fine. He's growing fast, and he's already learnt so many words, he's a bright young boy and he misses his mother."
My eyes instantly dropped towards the ground, guilt and sadness washed over me.
"I know he does and I miss him to… May I please speak to him now, just for a quick second."
"Alright, be right back."
I could hear Judy call Benjamin, her voice ringing through the silent air like a strange song. Instantly I heard the pitta patter of his small feet on the floorboards as he ran for the phone.
I could hear him pick it up, imagining in my mind his small hands grasping tightly to the phone head.
"Mum?" His small childish voice talked deeply into the mouthpiece.
"Yeah it's me Benji." I could already feel my eyes well up with tears. Oh how I missed him and how I missed his father. "Hows helping Aunty Judy been?"
Placing my words simply so he could understand.
"Fun." He replied quickly. "But boring."
"Boring?"
"Yea, I miss the swing Ma."
Tears rolled down my cheeks, he could still remember that.
"When you coming back Ma, when?"
"Soon Benji, Soon." I sobbed lightly wanting to be able to hold him, to stroke his soft blonde hair and look into his bright unique green eyes.
"Good…I got to go Ma, Auntie wanna speak to ya."
"Ok, I love you Benji."
"I love ya Ma."
And with that Benji handed the receiver over to Judy who must have been waiting, listening to Benji's side of the conversation.
"When are you coming back?" She asked me instantly, drawing me back into my cover.
"I dunno."
"Are you at least going to give us all a contact number? Information on where you are? May is panicking every day, she's too worried to be mad about you not calling her. We're all worried about you."
"I know, but I can't"
"So is it gonna stay like this then, like it has for ages, phone calls often in the morning to speak to your son and your son alone. I'm scared Kitten that he's gonna forget who he's mother is, that would brake my heart and yours."
I didn't reply, I knew it was killing everyone back home but there was no way I was going back right now, if I did the memories would surely kill me.
"It's Benji's birthday in a couple of months you know that right. He's turning 2 you know, you gotta be here for that and I recall that it's not long till yours either. You're coming home to celebrate right? You must."
"I can't… I'm… I'm sorry… I just can't…" I mumbled out, quickly wiping the old tears from my face.
"Kitten, don't do this to us don't do this to Benji! My son wouldn't ha—"
I slammed the phone down, staring at the public phone as new tears sprung to life. That was enough, I didn't need to be reminded.
Turning I viscously tore the door open stepping out onto the footpath once again. I looked up at the blue sky, watching the white puffy clouds as I tried to rid my tears. Then suddenly I felt someone bump into me and I fell roughly onto the ground. My bag flying a bit ahead.
"Oh my god I am so sorry." I faintly heard the voice apologise as I reached over and grabbed my bag back, hugging it to my body as the unknown person helped me to my feet.
"I am so sorry."
"No, I'm sorry it was my fault." I mumbled before turning and looking up at the stranger standing before me.
I was surprised to find a well-groomed man standing there. His messy blonde hair left shaggy while he wore a black business shirt on the outside of his pressed charcoal grey pants. The top few buttons undone while his black tie was slung around his neck. His crystal blue eyes stared down at me as he had his mobile to his ear.
"I'll call you back." He stated quickly into the phone before snapping it shut and shoving it into his pocket.
"Repeat, I am really sorry, I wasn't paying any attention to where I was going."
"No, no it's fine."
"No I feel bad about this, maybe I can make it up to you."
I glanced back up at him; his blue eyes still fixed on me.
"Can I grab you a cup of coffee?" He asked. A small smile lighting up his face.
I looked at him, not answering. Usually people would barge through and say 'watch where you're going' instead of apologise, it was strange.
"I should shouldn't I, there's a café just around the corner anyway." And before I could really say anything he escorted me nicely around the corner and to the café.
I took a seat by the door in the nice furnished booth as this guy I didn't even know sat in front of me. I watched with interest as he placed his mobile down and folded his tie neatly before setting it onto the counter beside his phone. Leaning back he smiled at me, suddenly a look flashed over his beautiful face.
"Oh I'm sorry. I don't even know why you have stayed, the names Miguel. Sorry I totally forgot to introduce myself."
I forced a smile onto my face and nodded. "My names Katie," I stated shaking his hand as he extended it over the table.
"Nice to met you, though our greeting wasn't exactly a nice one."
A real smile laced my lips this time as I watched Miguel glance up to the waitress that had stopped at our table.
"Can I take your orders?"
"Yeah, can I please have a short black and my friend Katie would like…."
"A milky tea please and a muffin."
The waitress nodded before heading off.
"Hungry?" Miguel asked, leaning forward on the table.
"Haven't had breakfast yet." I admitted slowly, glancing over to his mobile as it vibrated across the counter.
"Damn thing," Miguel complained. Flipping the phone open and then shutting it again before placing it back onto the counter.
"So what do you do?" I asked, trying to start a conversation.
"Oh… I… I'm a mail boy at one of the large corporation's here." He replied quickly, nodding as soon as he had finished. "How 'bout you?
"Oh I haven't started working yet, but I'm starting a secretary position tomorrow."
"Really, where?"
I was about to reply but his mobile went off again, skidding across the table once again.
"You're popular for a mail boy." I smiled jokingly. Miguel smirked back and flipped his phone open before shutting it once again.
"Don't you think you should answer those?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Nah, they probably just want Mc'ers or something like that."
I just nodded.
"So is there a reason you've just started working?"
I looked down at the table. Should I tell this complete stranger the real truth, or should I lie? My mind whizzed around going through possibilities and answers but I couldn't decide, so I just went with the easiest answer.
"I have only just started looking really, I only arrived here a couple of months ago." Not the whole answer but it was the truth in part.
"Really, where from?"
"California." The name just slid out of my mouth without thinking, just great. This would probably start a chain of questions of why leave the orange county, and what not.
"Oh, that's a beautiful place, lovely beaches," and that was it.
I looked Miguel in the eyes. His blue eyes holding some unknown feeling that made me feel safe. He was a stranger, though I felt I could trust him.
I leant back as the waitress placed our orders on the table. Smiling, I grabbed 4 bags of sugar and ripped the tops off, pouring them into my tea.
"You like your drinks sweet." Miguel stated smirking as he placed one sugar in his coffee.
"I see you like caffeine." I smirked.
"Caffeine is the best thing ever invented. I could never survive with out it." He muttered smiling, taking a sip.
"I don't really know, haven't really had coffee before." I replied braking a piece of my muffin off and placing it in my mouth.
Miguel who was half way though taking a sip starting coughing, nearly choking on his drink.
"You've never tried coffee!"
"No, not really." I stated truthfully.
"Well you got to try some." I looked down as he slid his cup over the counter. "Take a sip and don't worry it's not poisoned."
I shot him a look before smiling weakly not really sure of what to do.
"Oh just take a sip, it's like being reborn."
Raising an eyebrow and the cup I slowly took a sip, instantly tasting the foul, bitter substance in my mouth. Spluttering I placed the cup down quickly pushing it back towards him, drowning the taste down with my cup of tea.
"That… was… absolutely… foul!" I bit out, taking more mouthfuls of muffin.
Miguel chuckled lightly. "I see you're a sweets girl."
I nodded in agreement, happy as he took his cup back, taking a sip himself.
"My heaven." He murmured in bliss.
I looked at him oddly as he closed his eyes and placed the cup down. He was strange, he had this relaxed almost soothing feeling about him but at the same time extremely energetic, like there could never be a dull moment around him.
My eyes darted to his mobile as it once again shuffled across the counter top. Sighing loudly Miguel opened his eyes and picked it up this time answering.
Smiling apologetic to me he turned away and put the phone up to his ear.
"Yes… aha… yeah… ok… will do… ok… be right over… no… ok… defiantly… ok … bye."
With that he snapped his phone shut and stood slowly.
"I'm sorry… Katie… but the boss calls and I have to return to the depths of hell, but it was nice meeting you and I hope we can catch up some time."
With that he pulled a pen out of his shirt pocket and scribbled his name and number down on a napkin.
"Call sometime if you need someone to have a drink with."
I smiled and nodded. "I sure will, it was nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you to." Miguel leaned over and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek before smiling and leaving, paying on his way out.
I looked out the window as he walked down the street, at the corner he turned and waved before disappearing.
I smiled to myself, stirring the tea with the small spoon as I looked down into the liquid. That was… interesting to say the least.
AN: Just stating if you've read the first story and are slightly confused, the last chapter of 'Can I Ever Forgive You?' was actually a more detailed dream that Katie had XP I know weird big twist! The hot guys dead! NOOO :P Do tell me what you think cause i love to hear from you guys and well
Until Nex Time,
Red