Two girls came racing up the road, screaming like maniacs and tripping over their feet in their hurry to get away. They, not paying attention, ran right into the little group, now to be known as the fellowship/order.

"AHHHHHHH! HOBBITS!" One screamed.

"Not just any Hobbits, but Pippin, Frodo, Sam, and MERRY! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Screeched the other. "Get them inside, before the Mary Sues get here! They can't get them!"

They pushed the fellowship/order inside, barring and locking the door. "Kit, Roshaun, don't let the Mary Sues see you, or you'll be next on their stalker list. Especially you Roshaun. CAT! Get away from the Hobbit!" The first one yelled. CAT slunk away from Merry, muttering about how she'd get MSM as soon as she could. Merry just looked a trifle scared.

"I thought the point of this was to keep Mary Sues out." Pippin whispered. "But they're here!"

"I'll have you know, I find that offensive. I am NOT a Mary Sue. Just a rabid fangirl." The one called Cat protested. "I mean, look at MSM. It's practically her hobby to torture Mary Sues. She even wrote a list on what to do to them. So there." And she stuck her tongue out at them.

"I don't believe you." Said a rather harried looking Sirius.

"Fine." Said a rather offended MSM. "Here." She handed him the list. "When you're done, you can try some if you want.

So 15 people huddled around a piece of vellum. Very durable stuff vellum is. (A/N Excerpt from my other fic. Enjoy this excerpt, then go read it pwease? 25. )

25. Tell them how they make you wanna puke. (Throw your hands up, PUKE! Throw your hands up….okay, yeah…)

24. Emphasize this point by throwing up on their perfection.

23. Pull their hair.

22. Tell them that her eye is changing to brown.

21. Make the eye brown.

20. Laugh at them (A/N I know people have this condition, and I think it's cool, but come on, purple and brown? On a Mary Sue? Wouldn't you laugh?) for now having a purple and brown eye.

19. Push her over the moving stairwells hoping she'll fall on one far, far below. Really far. Really, really, really far.

18. Tell her she's a pimple on society's ass and she'll never amount to anything.

17. Tell her she's a fraud. She's not pretty. She'll never save the world, and Draco/Harry/Sirius/whoever only wants her for the assets.

16. Attempt to poison her. As we all know, her damn little fairy will come and bring her back to life with all this bull about how she hasn't completed her task, or some other bullshit excuse.

15. Make a voodoo doll of her, and then stab it viciously with pins.

14. Melt her perfect plastic face. Come on, we all know THAT's fake.

13. Ask just how many plastic surgeries she had.

12. Steal her love interest right from under her nose, like Legolas…

11. Mention in front of her love interest how her affair with Snape is working out?

10. Lock her in the astronomy tower with McGonnagal and Trewlany.

9. Send her to Voldies Lair.

8. Drop "hints" that she's working for the Death Eaters to the Order, then laugh when she's sent to Azkaban.

7. Take her credit card and stick her on a plane to Paris. Far away from you. With no money to shop with. Oh, well. Guess she can't buy anything on her permanent vacation.

6. Give her a love potion. A special love potion that makes her love Voldemort.

5. Put the Sue in something ugly, like the Yahoo avatar clothes!

4. Sacrifice her at a pagan alter. About time too.

3. Lock her in a room with Bean (A/N My little sister.) and her stuffed reindeer.

2. Jinx her off her broomstick while she's playing Quidditch perfectly.

And the number one thing you shouldn't do to Mary Sues, but you want to do anyway, so you do is Drug her, take her to a plastic surgeon and deform her.

Some things were only understood by certain worlds. But everyone got the gist that this would be very fun to try.

"So, what do you propose we do now." Aragorn asked. "We obviously can't go outside."

MSM and CAT just grinned evilly, and shot looks at the Hobbits. "I'm sure we'll think of something…"