Rating: 15
Spoilers: Up to and including season 10.
Authors note: This is an experiment lets say, I'm trying something new here, a different style of writing I wanted to adopt for maybe a darker piece in the future and basically anything you'd like to tell me concerning your thoughts about it would be a great help to me. Apologies in advance if its shambolic. Thanks :)
Loss?
He was my confidante, my equal, my friend, my comrade, playmate, companion.
He was sick, life-threateningly so, fatally so.
He was my brother.
Pain?
He steps into the room, shutting the door on the cheerful sounds of a work party.
Gazing at a card from a sweet old lady, perusing the day's events, patient care has been varied today, and undeniably interesting.
The tip of the blade pierces his skin, a sudden lack of precision and planning tears the skin, intruding his body, uninvited.
The whites of his eyes are flashing, focusing, dilating in shock.
He clutches at his heart with one hand, reaching at a metal stand with the other, as he falls.
He can see her, on the floor, she's barely breathing, hardly any life left in her.
The last thing he sees before drowning in unconsciousness is her eyes, scared, mirroring his own.
Carelessness?He swallows sharply, as the pills slide happily down his throat.
How such a smooth little white capsule can provide such relief is a wonder, even to him. How could he have let this happen? How could he be so careless? And now his colleague is dead.
His mood swings are extreme, and people are starting to notice this, but drugs are the only solution to the alternative. What is the alternative, he wonders? It's funny how a doctor can become addicted to drugs, poignantly ironic.
Shame?It is a shame which aches him, a part of him which will never be retrieved, he will never be as unblemished as he once was, but he returns to work. Supposedly a new man, but not with a clean slate. His mistakes have been counted, in permanent marker are written over his head. But he can only persevere.
Bereavement?The only clue now is the broken bird bath, the half cut lawn. Look deeper and you will see the grieving family, his wife and grandson. The only light relief comes from the little brunette from the hospital, she makes the grandson feel happier when he's with her, and in turn he is there for his widowed grandmother.
Broken Dreams?Even though they never had the perfect family, even though they never saw each other, they were never together, hardly smiled together, hugged or kissed, even though there's was always a broken family, now its official.
Why take me so seriously dad? I never meant it! Not if this has to be the outcome, why couldn't you two just make it work?
Grief?
She was his mother figure. He loved her, she loved him, they cared for each other, supported each other, shared moments together, like a mother and son would. But now she's gone, her funeral tainted by a sick brother of a girlfriend. Her memory will be with him forever, but the moment to reflect was spoiled.
Seperation?
Her brother had issues, so did her mother, and boy did she have some issues, but he loved her all the same, he placed her up high on a pedestal, but when it came down to it, she wasn't there for him, not in the impossible way he wanted.
Searching?Why did he go there? To find himself.
Was he actually lost? Not really.
What did he find? A place that was simple, where he was needed and had a purpose.
What did he realise? He was running from the past.
Illusion?
A safe haven, a place to dream, to build a life on sand, which would collapse around your heels.
Fear?
What to do without her? That dark beauteous woman, that exotic treasure, that pained mother with her lost son. The woman who knew it wouldn't work, she could see through the pain and loss. She knew it wasn't meant to last.
"Another, sir?"
"yep, same again please" he replied, pushing his glass forward.
Discovery.
Her hair, like a waterfall shrouding her face, it's longer, lighter, it flows more freely, she is a new person, with confidance in her ability and talents. She can begin to love herself through her achievements, she is radiant. He has rediscovered her, he appreciates her, he is sorry, he will work on his steps, he will do whatever it takes.