Title: Holding on for Dear Life

Rating: R for violence baby.

Spoilers: Nesting Dolls…But still it's hard to remember them anyways.

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI. If I did I would kick Grissom's arse.

Summary: Post Unbearable fic. There are many of these, but I thought I would do my part. I think Sara is a beautifully flawed character and I'd like this opportunity to play on that. GSR angst, cause that is always fun.

A/N: No beta, I can't seem to find one and keep one. If anyone is interesting in being a Beta, let me know. All mistakes are mine. Thank you guys SO much for all your kind, kind reviews. I admit I like Sara sad. I like her fighting her demons and her emotions and all the things that make her Sara. That's what makes her so beautiful. Did I mention that I love Sara? As for this chapter, I know you are going to HATE what happens, but it's all in the name of Geeklove. R and R.

"What is it Gil?" Sophia said stepping next to Grissom as he stormed out of the Crime Lab into the parking lot.

The cool air stung the dry streams of tears on his face. The thought of what just went on in the locker room had yet to sink in. Had he really done it, had he been the one to push Sara over the edge. The thought of what he had done made his head ache and his thoughts haze. He grabbed Sophia's arm suddenly as his balance faltered, his other hand rose to shield his eyes.

"Come on, let's sit you down." Sophia said, leading Grissom to a bench outside the Crime Lab. Grissom mumbled something as Sophia sat Grissom down and she took a seat next to him.

"Do you need anything?" Sophia asked as put one hand on Grissom's shoulder. He twitched at her sudden touch. He stared at the floor just like Sara had done in the locker room, except tears had failed to fall from his eyes.

"No." Grissom said blatantly.

"What happened in there?" Sophia said, looking at Grissom as his eyes rose from the ground and met with hers.

"Sara…" Grissom said, choking on his emotions before breaking his glance with Sophia.

"What did she do?" Sophia asked.

Sophia's question caught him off guard and he jerked his head up towards her, giving her a puzzled stare. It wasn't her fault, it was his fault and he knew it. He sighed and opened his mouth to speak when Sophia moved in and pushed her lips into his. His eyes grew wide with surprise as she reached up and put her hand on his neck, moving his head deeper into the kiss. He grabbed her hands and yanked them off as he pulled his lips quickly from hers, she resisted.

"Stop it!" He said glaring at her.

"What?" Sophia asked innocently.

Grissom opened his mouth to speak but the words got caught in his throat. He looked past Sophia and saw Sara standing by the Crime Lab door, her mouth open with fright and her eyes wet with tears. Sophia spun her head around to Sara and stared at her, like Sara was the intruder. Like Sara had no right to be there. Perhaps she didn't.

Sara bit her lip and held her tears back staring at Grissom with such a hurt in her eyes it tore at Grissom's heart. Before Grissom could say anything Sara ran to her car, the floodgates of tears starting once again. This time it seemed like they wouldn't stop until she was dead.

"Oh god!" Grissom whispered, throwing Sophia's arms down and running after Sara.

"SARA!" He yelled running up after her.

Grissom thought it couldn't get any worse, he was so unbelievably wrong. Sara suddenly didn't know where her car was, her mind was in a haze of confusion and hate and urges. She stopped running and looked around frantically looking for her car, one hand wiping streaming tears and another searching for her keys. She didn't hear Grissom's cries and she didn't hear when he ran up next to her.

"Sara, it's not what you think." He said frantically.

She did not respond and kept walking, faster.

"Sara! Please!" Grissom pleaded.

Sara spotted her car and walked towards it, ignoring Grissom's pleas. Anger bubbled insider her and she tried to ignore it. She felt it rise from the deepest parts of her body through her veins, her stomach and rose as bile in her throat. Reaching her car she tore out her keys and jammed them in the lock, trying to turn it but realizing that her hands were shaking and preventing her from doing so.

"Sara please." Grissom whispered grabbing her shoulders and turning her around. Her stare tore at him and he gasped at the horrible face looking back at him, that wasn't his Sara.

"I told you not to touch me!" She snapped, turning back around and fiddling with the lock.

"No! I need stress to you that it was not what you think." Grissom said, spinning her back around and increasing his grip.

Sara laughed mockingly through her tears.

"Not what I think huh? So you weren't kissing that whore then?" Sara snapped.

Grissom tightened his grip.

"Please Sara, she kissed me, I didn't kiss her back."

"You're hurting me Grissom, and not in ways you think." Sara said, turning her glance down to his hand on her shoulder.

"Please let go of me." She whimpered, staring deep into his eyes.

"Not until you tell me you understand." He responded.

"Grissom…" she whispered.

"Sara…" He said, taking one hand from her shoulder and brushingthe tears on her cheek.

Sara smiled at Grissom and he smiled back. Then her smile turned into a look of hatred, her lips pursed and her nostrils flared.

"I said" she began softly,"…GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!" She yelled throwing Grissom's hands off of her, not realizing the strength she had.

Grissom gasped and lost his footing and fell back onto the hard pavement with a loud thud. Sara dropped her keys and reached for her holster and brandished her gun at Grissom, the sound of the metal echoing through the silent parking lot. His mouth flew open in shock.

As he stared down the barrel of Sara's gun he couldn't help but think of Ecklie's comment just a week ago. She's a loose cannon with a gun.

"Stay away from me." Sara said, tears streaming down her face as she pointed the gun at Grissom, her handsshaking."Just stay away." She said, climbing into her car.

"You have hurt me too much Grissom." Sara said before starting her engine.

"I don't want to hurt anymore." She said, smiling strangely before backing up and driving off, her tires screeching.

Grissom struggled to get up; he saw Sophia in the distance and gave her a glance. The only presence of Sara left was the smell of burnt rubber, and Grissom snickered. Getting up he dusted dirt from his coat and walked towards the approaching Sophia.

"No dinner tonight, I'm going home." He said.

"What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Grissom said, putting his hand up between them and disappearing between a row of cars.

His mind couldn't fathom what just went on, and in a way he didn't. Sara drew her gun, drew her gun in his face. Only he could have made her done that, he was pushing to hard to make her better. He wanted to wipe the look of fear and uncertainty from her face, the fear of being alone, of not knowing what is going on in your body. He tried to believe that Sara had no control of the emotions surging through her veins. That when her emotions took her prisoner she could not escape, that she was held hostage. If only he could rescue her.

TBC

I hated writing that, but it had to be done. Forgive me, please don't flame me. Sophia will get hers.