It's not mine; it's J.K. Rowling's.

Chapter 10: In which Lily Talks to the House/Illusion/Ghosty Thingy

Or

In which Lily Fights with James

Lily woke up, feeling like she had eaten her pillow while she slept. Her whole body was sore; she gingerly moved a hand to her back, tensing as she felt the tender skin. Dragging her aching body out of bed, she stumbled into the bathroom and used the mirror to check out her back. All that was left of the nasty red scars were thin white lines. It was definitely a lot nicer. After getting dressed, Lily felt a lot better; she stuck her head out into the hall and checked for movement. She didn't see any of James' family, so she raced across the hall and dove into James' room. Damn. She'd found the family, or at least the female half of it, none of the men were there except James.

"Hi..." she said slowly.

"Lily," James grinned, "You're up."

"Yeah," she said, edging back toward the door.

"So, we'll see you at dinner, but it's up to you to keep the boys in line."

"Alright Auntie M, nothing to fear. I'll make sure nothing illegal goes on."

James' mom, Krista, turned to Lily who'd just managed to to turn the door knob and was inching the door open, "Well, we'll let you and James say your good-byes and then we'll meet in the kitchen for our shopping expedition."

All of the women filed out, giving her smiles and winks, leaving her bright red and alone with James.

"I didn't realize they were in here," she told him.

"No problem," he said as he finished buttoning his shirt. He looked very handsome dressed semi-formal.

"Is this how you always dress at home?"
"No way," he said, laughing, "Today I have to look presentable so the Potter boys can go terrorize the citizenry for their annual day out."

"You look nice," she told him.

He put his hands on her waist, "Well, thank you kindly, ma'am. You look mighty fine as well."

"Ugh ... stop pretending you're a cowboy."

"If you insist," he said pitifully.

She pulled him into a tight hug. "I can never face your relatives again."

"Sure you can. They think you're brilliant."

She leveled a glance at him that said, 'yeah, right'.

"Well, they know I'm not changing my mind about being head over heels in love with you, so they're going to put their best feet forward." She must have looked as skeptical as she felt because he added, "My dad likes you. He wouldn't stop gushing about you last night. He was almost as bad as I am and we both know that that's saying something."

Lily sighed, "Your Aunt Marie is very nice."

"Yeah, how did that go? Does your back feel better?"

"It's a little sore, but you can hardly see the scars anymore."

"That's great. Do you want to move our talk we planned for last night to tonight?"

"Sure."

"Great," he said, leaning down and kissing her gently.

"You look really nice in that shirt, James," she said and grabbed his collar, pulling him back to her for another kiss.

"Alright, alright," he said, pulling back, "I've got to go; otherwise I would love to stay here and let you admire my shirt."

Lily pouted. He kissed her again.

"Ok, I'm leaving. I'll see you tonight." He walked out the door and 5 seconds later came back in and kissed her again.

"I'm really leaving this time." He came back twice more before he just took Lily with him. It was really lucky he had too, since Lily had no clue how she would have found the kitchen otherwise.

"Here you are, safe and sound," he said, ushering her into the kitchen which was once again packed to the gills with family.

But something was wrong; they were all crying.

"Dad?" James said confused.

"There's been an attack, son; Edna and Walter are dead."

Lily wasn't sure which ones they were.

"Dead?" James said, his eyes wide with disbelief.

"They were getting too close," Mr. Potter said, his eyes filled with grief, "Voldemort had to get rid of them. They shouldn't have left last night."

"They left because of me," James said, horror flowing over his face. He stumbled backwards and Lily grabbed him, supporting him.

"No, James," Marie said, "It's not your fault."

Lily watched amazed as the whole family pushed away their grief to comfort their son and nephew. Lily kept to the wall while the family cried. Lily mourned with them; she might not have known these two people, but she did know that this kind family didn't deserve this kind of pain. She wondered why James felt it was his fault that Edna and Walter had left. She knew how he must feel. She had felt the way the guilt pulls at you, experienced the pain that racked your bones for months to come as memories of those you lost were triggered. And when you did manage to think about it, it was your fault; it was your fault they were dead; you were nothing more than a murderer. Maybe things would be different for James; she hadn't had anyone to comfort her. He on the other hand had a full family of support that would tell him he wasn't a murderer, that he wasn't to blame.

The crying had lessened a little when she looked up from her reverie.

"Lily," James said, his voice choked with pain. He needed comfort. She went to him and wrapped her arms tightly around his trembling body.

"It's ok, James," she whispered, stroking his hair, "I know right now it feels like it's your fault James, but death isn't something we can control. Evil is outside of your boundaries; you don't have to account for it. You are pure and good, evil will never work through you, James."

Lily's words weren't coming from her anymore, they were coming from a memory. A memory of a woman who'd held her while she cried,thinking herself to be the cause of her parents deaths. Lily's mouth moved forming the words without thought; she only remembered the intense gratitude she'd felt after hearing these words.

To her surprise, James didn't seem to take the words quite as well as she had.

"What do you know about it?" He screamed, rage, uncertainty, and guilt running rampant through his words.

She'd forgotten about the anger phase of the recovery process. She'd taken most of hers out on the death eaters and the decor of her cell (mainly half rotting skeletons; death eaters are awful interior decorators).

"I'm as good as a murderer," he roared, throwing her arms off of him and leaping to his feet. "What do you know about death? You think you know what it's like since you've got a few scars from getting on the wrong side of a death eater. You have no clue what it feels like to lose two people you love. What's the most you've ever lost? A pet goldfish?"

James voice died away in the silent room, his body trembling, unable to control his emotions. Lily knew he would regret what he'd said later, but right now it hurt like hell. And it made her angry.

"I've got news for you, James Tristan Potter!" She yelled. "I've lost more than you ever have. Sure they were your aunt and uncle, I get that, but you've got all of these people who love you to help you through it. When the Dark Lord killed my parents, all he left me was a sister who kicked me out of the house screaming, "murderer," at my back! So don't tell me I don't know what it's like because I know, I know more than I'd ever like too."

She was right up in his face now, angry as hell. She was practically daring him to yell at her, to hit her, to let her vent her anger on him. It took her only a moment to realize that he would never lay so much as a finger on her in anger, not to mention that he didn't seem quite so angry anymore.

"Your parents are dead!?! And you're just telling me now? You didn't think that maybe that would be a fact I'd like to know?" He cried, grabbing her shoulders.

"James, just shut-up," she yelled back, struggling out of James' grip, "I don't want your gods damned sympathy. I can deal on my own and I'm pretty damn good at it. So stay the hell out of my past; it's only filled with death!"

She took in a shuddering breath and voiced the thoughts that had haunted her since she'd gotten here, "This whole thing is wrong! You're way to good for me. Why the hell are you wasting your time on some stupid mudblood? You could have any girl you want and you choose me. Why, James? I'm nothing special. You should find yourself someone else, someone better."

She started crying. "I hate crying," she fumed, angry at her weakness, "All I can seem to do around you is cry. I'm sick of it. You can bring my stuff back with you at the end of break."

She turned and stormed out. She took a turn and ended up confused; she took a few more turns and ended up completely lost.

Frustrated, she screamed, "Damn house!" At the top of her lungs.

Behind her she heard a soft voice say, "Being large has its advantages and its disadvantages, I'll agree with you there."

Lily spun around to see a shimmering ghostly shape of a woman. "Are you a ghost?"

"No, not really. I'm more like an embodiment of this house. I've just been here for so long I became real. Although it's not every day that I bother to talk to people."

"Really?" Lily said, intrigued in spite of herself.

"Yes, well, I figured that you might want to hear about what's happening in the kitchen."

"No, not really," Lily said, "I'm more interested in finding a way out of this death trap." Realizing the insult in her words, she hastily added, "Not that it isn't a very nice death trap."

"Oh that doesn't bother me dear, but if you're sure you're not interested in the fact James is currently demolishing plates in the kitchen, trying to convince himself he really doesn't want to run after you, that's fine."

"He's what?"

"Throwing plates at the walls. I was starting to think he was going to run out, but his mother kicked everyone else out of the kitchen and started repairing them for him. Sensible woman Krista, probably doesn't want him at the glasses."

Lily couldn't help nodding in agreement; they were very nice glasses. "Why doesn't he want to come after me?"

"Well, sweetheart, he's not very lucid at the moment, but I gather he thinks that you hate him and he doesn't want to have you say that to his face."

"I don't hate him."

"I know dear, but men's minds are odd places. I doubt I'll ever be able to understand them."

Lily thought over what the house had said. "I'm not really angry at him, I guess. I know that he didn't really mean it. Hell, I know exactly how much pain he's in right now and it's awful. It's just that he hurt me a little. I need some time to heal."

"I'm sure he'd be glad to help you heal if you asked."

Lily didn't respond.

"He didn't know about your parents?"

"No, I never told anyone. I think my friend Ally suspected it, but she never asked."

"It's hard keeping things like that to yourself."

"I know. I just didn't want to think about it, much less talk about it. You know it's odd really," Lily said with a small laugh at herself, "James knows more about me than anyone else and that's because he gets me so angry at him I'll yell out any old secret to prove him wrong."

"Love has that affect on people."

"Love," Lily said, "Is that what this feeling is?"

The illusion bobbed her head, "You should go talk to him."

"I don't know."

"I wish you would. He's getting rather frustrated with the china and is eyeing the cutlery drawer in a rather unnerving fashion."

"I guess I could go," Lily mused, "I mean, it would be really bad for you if he started on the knives and I couldn't let that happen to a new friend."

"If you want to think about it that way you can dear, although I must say it's really quite an uninspired justification. Couldn't you have come up with something a little more creative?"

"I've left my coat?"

"That's really not any better."

Lily grinned, "How about 'I'm in love'?"

"Oh, that's my favorite. I'd stick with that one."

"How do I get back to the kitchen?"

"Well, there's the way you came ... or you could go the easy way."

"I'll take the easy way please."

A door popped open out of the wall.

"That will take you right to the kitchen dear."

"Aren't' you coming?"

"No, I don't really talk to many people. I prefer it on my own."

"Will I see you again?"

"Just call dear, I'm everywhere."

Lily started toward the door and then stopped, "Do you have a name?"

"A name? No I don't believe I do."

"Oh, well I was wondering, since you're everywhere and all, do you know why James is blaming himself for Edna and Walter's deaths?"

The illusion shifted, looking uncomfortable, "Edna said something inappropriate about you and James blew up at her. After he left, it wasn't much of a surprise that the rest of the family asked her to leave so James' temper could cool off. Of course Walter went with her... and you know the rest."

"So it's really my fault then," Lily whispered, her entire mind swirling into a vortex of guilt and self-loathing.

"No, it's not. It's that no good You-Know-Who's fault. He's just trying to turn us against each other and against ourselves; we just have to resist and remain strong. If we do that then he'll have no power over us."

Lily was flashed back once again to the cell she'd languished in over the summer...

"You know, kiddo, not everyone in the world is bad or good; sometimes you get a mix."

Lily shrugged non-committally, trying to ignore her older cell mate's stab at starting a conversation. She'd been at it since Lily had woken up 4 hours ago and it was beginning to get annoying. Lily just wanted to feel sorry for herself, with NO interruptions.

"So he killed your parents?"

Again Lily didn't answer.

"Muggles, I assume?... It's hard to deal with things like that, but you don't have to let it consume you. You don't have to die here."

Lily couldn't help but respond to that, "The only way out of the lovely impenetrable Baramore, fortress of the Dark Lord, is in a body bag."

"Not quite."

Lily looked at the woman piercingly.

"My husband built Baramore for Tom - he wasn't Voldemort then - that's why I'm here. I'm the only living person who may possibly know the secret ways into and out of the fortress."

"If you know the way out, why didn't the Dark Lord kill you?"

"He knew my husband; didn't have the heart, I expect. Now, of course, he wouldn't hesitate, but I was one of his first prisoners; he was just beginning to go evil then. Besides, if I really did know about any secret passage ways, I would have talked during torture long ago."

"Oh," Lily said disheartened.

"If there was a way out what would you have to go back to?"

"Nothing," Lily said bitterly, "Everyone I ever loved is dead."

"No husband, boyfriend..."

"I'm only 17."

"So?"

Lily shrugged.

"Well, any regrets then?"

Lily froze at that. She did have one regret and it was a big one. "There's this boy..."

"Go on."

"And we fight a lot, but it's kind of a joke."

The woman gestured for her to continue.

"And when we fight, I always insult his hair. You know, something like, 'didn't your mother show you what a comb was' or 'what's nesting in your hair today' because it's always ruffled and never lies flat."

"So you regret being mean to him?"

"Hell no, he is ... he was a prat."

"Why do you say was?"

"He changed."

"Ah ... so what do you regret then."

"It's kind of hard to explain, but if you could see him you'd completely understand because he has certifiably the sexiest hair I've ever seen. It's just gorgeous and it always looks so wind-swept and adorable, and it's enough to make any girl keel over. I'm just sorry I never went up to him and said, 'You have the sexiest hair I've ever seen; can I run my fingers through it?'"

"That's a damn good regret."

"I know. Can you imagine the look on his face?" Lily actually smiled at the thought of James' startled expression. "I bet it feels really nice, too."

"You can't beat sexy wind-swept hair."

"I know," Lily said miserably, cursing herself for never actually saying that to James when she'd had the chance.

"That sounds like a good reason to get out of here to me."

Lily looked at the woman; so they were back to the 'escape' mind track again. What a laugh. "If there's a way out, why don't you use it?"

"Can't."

"Why not?"

"It's in Tom's bedroom, and you have to be pretty damn enticing to get in there, sweetie."

Lily stared at her cell mate, open mouthed, "There's seriously a way out?"

"You bet. And for a girl like you," she said, eyeing Lily's figure that was shown off quite well by the tight tank top her mother had shoved her into the day of the attack, "It might even be an option. The question is, are you willing to risk death, mayhem, rape, destruction, and pretty much eternal damnation to get back to your boy and tell him about his sexy hair?"

Lily thought about it over the next day. Her first instinct said, 'screw it, what's the point.' But then she thought of James' face and the look he'd get when she walked up to him out of the blue and announced to the world he had sexy hair. She was going to die anyway, why not go her way? She kept thinking while she scarfed down her meager rations, while death eaters leered at her and beat her cell mate, and then while they beat her; finally she came to a decision.

She was getting out of here; eternal damnation be damned.

Lily was flung out of the memory and back to the present and the house who was anxiously inquiring if she felt alright.

"Yes, yes, no," Lily replied.

"Oh, it's one of those things, huh?"

"Yeah, it's just ... I completely forgot ... I concentrated so hard on the goal of getting out I forgot what inspired me to get out in the first place. I never told him ... I can't believe I never told him ... I can't believe I forgot." Lily snapped her attention back to the illusion, "I have to tell him!"

"Of course you do, but you should talk to James first, dear."

"You're right, it's James I have to talk to," Lily said decisively, setting off down the corridor in the wall.

"I'll see you later," the house called after her, but when Lily turned to wave to the illusion, it was already gone.

Lily continued down the passage, which was lit with phosphorescent moss shining from the walls, until she reached the end, which was a door. She groped for the handle in the dim light. Turning it, the door opened into the warmly lit kitchen, and Lily screamed.

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Thanks for all of the reviews!!

I don't know when the next chapter will be up, but it's coming. And just in case you're panicking, I know I do, I am going to finish this story. I'm not going until James and Lily's deaths or anything, but there's going to be closure, I'm not going to leave you hanging.

Daystar - I'm on page 114!

Katalina - I'll never let the IB teachers bring me down! Ever! Except for every day that ends in 'y'. You can hold me to that.

Farmer-girl-indy: glad you liked the family list

JamesLvr4eva: I'm not in 8th grade actually, that was a while ago. I'm in 11th right now.

sumrandumperson: she isn't his first girlfriend, she's just the first he's brought home

Prongs312: Alright, so you're hannah and hannah's you. I'll try to remember, but if I forget you'll just have to develop multiple personalities and deal with it

Desi-Siriuslovesyou: sorry about the freakishly similar to your boyfriend thing, wasn't intentional, I hope there aren't any copyright infringements there. hehe

Thank you all so much: crzazyladay, DK LILI, Lille katt, siriusforeva, seven salted french fries, katie, Desi-Siriuslovesyou, spunky melon, kat