I was seething. My blood was boiling in my veins, and I was sure I had fire in my eyes. How could he? How could he?! That goddamn son of a bitch! How could he do this?!
Three days. He had been in the Gerudo Fortress for THREE DAYS. He wasn't captured, I knew that, so why, WHY, did he feel the need to stay there?!
Of course, he'd told me himself he was horny as hell, but I'd never expected him to act on it. And with the Gerudos no less! He'd probably done half the tribe by now. Those dirty whores will spread their legs for anyone or anything, good or evil, living or not, male or female, and I should know.
Woah, woah, back up. Don't get me wrong, I was still a virgin, but I'd visited the Gerudos once or twice and they'd all been willing to take that from me. The whores.
I suppose it's different for guys. Sure girls get horny, but mostly we can take or leave sex. It's not crucial. For guys it's like...good food, or clothing, something they want desperately and think they need, but that they can only do without if they absolutely must. But they'd prefer not to.
So Link, my Link, the Hero of Time, was down there in the Gerudo fortress, satisfying his craving for good food or clothing.
The bastard.
I had been watching him since the moment he'd entered the Valley. I intended to help him break out if he got captured, but he did a good job of sneaking around and avoiding whores. I mean Gerudos! No... I meant whores.
Link left the Fortress late in the morning of the third day. I followed. I wanted to beat the crap out of him, but I was paralyzed with rage and despair.
I shouldn't have been despairing of course, it's not like I really had a claim to Link, it was just...I SAW HIM FIRST!! I loved him and I listened to him and...and...and I wanted him to be all mine...
Damn.
I played the Requiem of Spirit and warped to the Desert Colossus. Link didn't need a stalker and I didn't need an obsession. I seemed to have one, but I didn't need one.
A couple of hours later, the Ocarina of Time drew near. Link entered the Colossus area, plagued by Leevers and carrying a big-ass sword that gave me all kinds of wrong ideas.
Everyone knows what swords symbolize, right?
Link walked into the goddess and all I could do was watch. I loved him, I wanted him, I was mad at him. I decided to do something meaningless and impressive, so I shimmied up the side of the decorative arch in front of the Temple and waited.
Soon enough, Link emerged.
I leapt down from the arch, landing perfectly and standing with barely concealed smugness.
Link didn't even say anything, just stood there attentively.
"Past, Present, Future," I said. "The Master Sword is a ship with which you can sail upstream and downstream through time's river. The port for that ship is in the Temple of Time. To restore the Desert Colossus and enter the Spirit Temple, you must travel back through Time's flow." I pulled out my harp. "Listen to the Requiem of Spirit. This melody will lead a child back to the desert."
I played and he played along. It seemed like this time Link was going to be easy to deal with. He was still unbelievably hot, and just seeing him sent my blood boiling, but at least he wasn't coming near me, tempting me.
"Link…" I started to back away. "I'll see you again."
"Hey wait!" he started towards me. Damn. "Hold on a second!"
I called up a harsh sand-filled wind from the side, blinding him and keeping him away from me.
"Oh, no you don't! Not again!" Link shouted. "You're not going anywhere!" Something grabbed me by my collar and yanked me forward. I killed the wind before it could blind me.
Link was holding me. He sighed and blinked some sand out of his eyes. "Like I said, you're not going anywhere," he let go of my collar, "until I get some answers."
"Answers?" I adjusted my collar and looked at him in surprise. "What could you possibly still have questions about?" I thought he already knew all about what was going on.
"Um, hello! Everything." He looked at me like I was dense. "Especially you."
"Me?" Oh no. Hell no. He could not be doing this. This could ruin everything.
"Yeah, you." He shook his head. "Come on Sheik, I don't know anything about you, and I want to."
"You- you do?" My heart was pounding out of control. I'd done such a good job of staying away from him, keeping my urges under control, now this?
"Of course, I thought we were friends. If someone as solitary as you even wants friends."
"I do!" I exclaimed, involuntarily stepping toward him. He looked so hurt, I just wanted to comfort him. "I do want friends, I just… It's dangerous for anyone to get too close to me."
"Oh, and about that," he stepped towards me purposefully. "How come whenever I come within, like, five feet of you, you back up? I'm not gonna bite you. I probably won't even hit you."
"It's not that…" I couldn't meet his eyes. "Look, I've got to go. You have a lot you need to do and -"
"Nope," he grabbed my arm as I tried to turn away. "Not a chance. I told you, you can't leave unless you tell me why you literally won't let me get close to you."
"I- I-" He was touching me. He was touching me. "It's just- I- That is- I-"
"Out with it!" He pulled me closer to him. He smelled like warm bread. "Why can't I get near you?"
"It's not that I don't want you near me!" The words exploded out of me, I couldn't even control them. "It's that I don't trust myself near you!" Oh hell, I'd crossed the line now.
"What?" He let go of my arm in his confusion. "What are you talking about?"
"I- I-" I closed my eyes, sighed, and resigned myself. It was too late anyway, and I didn't have any other songs to teach him, I might as well just go for it. As I said, "Oh, fuck it."
Quickly, so quickly he couldn't escape, I grabbed him by the back of his neck with one hand, pulled my mask down with the other, then pulled his head down and kissed him firmly on the mouth.
His mouth was warm and his lips were soft. I could feel a thrill run through my body as our lips moved together. My hands were trembling even before he started kissing me back.
Oh yeah, he kissed me back. And he was just as good at kissing as he was at looking good. I opened my mouth and tasted him with my tongue, a little trick I'd learned not too long ago, and Link did it right back. I could feel it all the way down to the soles of my feet. Things continued on like that for awhile, with both of us making little "ah" and "mm" noises from time to time. I have no idea how long the kiss lasted, but just as I was ready to rip my clothes off and show him what he could have, I pulled back for air and Link gasped: "Zel!"
Abruptly I pulled away, shocked back to reality. He was thinking of me, but not the me he knew, the me I really was. I was suddenly dumbfounded by the horrible complexities of our relationship. We were going to need decades of couple's therapy if this worked out.
Link was staring at me with this incredible look of shame. "Sheik, I-"
I smiled sadly and readjusted my collar. "I've been wanting to do that since the moment I first saw you in the Temple of Time."
"Listen Shiek, I-"
"Goodbye Link." I stepped back from him and called up the sand-filled wind again. "I won't see you again."
"Wait, Sheik!" Link called, but I was already half-gone.
This time, as soon as I got away, I pounded my fist into a wall and started cussing. I'd heard a lot of swear words in the time I'd spent as a guy, and I used all of them, biting them off as savagely as I could and repeating all the worst ones. I cussed for a half hour, not stopping until I realized I'd just been repeating 'crap crap crap crap' for the last five minutes, then I pounded the wall a few more times and burst into tears.
It was all over now. The next time I saw him, I would tell him the truth. I swore it.
I also swore, in a less honorable sense, for the next two hours.