It's not mine; it's J.K. Rowling's.

Chapter 16: In Which James Cries Over Lost Love

Or

In Which James Goes to the Ball

Dear James,

I'm writing you this letter to inform you that I'm leaving; I'm going back to Hogwarts. I know you must be asking yourself, 'Why?', and let me say that the fault lies with me, not you.

Our whole relationship has been based on a lie. I've tried my hardest to make this work because I know how much it means to you, but I simply can't keep pretending any longer. I cannot explain what it is about you that makes your presence repulsive to me or the way my skin crawls when you touch me, but it is clear that these feelings are not going away, no matter how hard I try to over come them.

I am sure that there are many other girls out there who find you far more attractive than I ever could, and I hope that you can find happiness with one of them. After realizing that I could never hope to love you, or even see you as a decent human being, I'm sure you can understand why I had to leave. I would greatly appreciate it if you brought any possessions that I may have accidentally left at your house with you when you return to Hogwarts.

I hope that this break-up will not affect our professional relationship as Head Boy and Head Girl. I am sure we will both be able to conduct ourselves as professionals in spite of our differing desires. I believe it would be in our best interests if we cut off the time we have to work physically together instead simply splitting the work. If you are agreeable we can discuss these arrangements at the first Head's meeting of the new year.

Please thank your parents for letting me stay at your house over the holidays, for the most part I had a lovely time.

Sincerely,

Lily Evans

-

James threw his tie visciously against the wall. It was frustrating him; he couldn't get it tied right. He sank onto his bed. His life had been falling apart since Christmas.

Lily had left that night.

Just left.

Left him.

Left him with nothing but a note, saying that she'd never loved him, that she was going back to Hogwarts, that she didn't want to be around him anymore.

Tears started falling down his face. He'd been so easily fooled. He'd been so eager to love her, to be loved by her.

How could he have not seen it?

She must have been grimacing in disgust every time they kissed and he'd never noticed.

He let the tears keep falling. They ran off his cheeks, landing heavily on his suit pants.

He needed to get ready. Tonight was the New Year's ball. He had to put on a good show; he couldn't be sad.

The whole Potter family had to present one strong united front to dispel any rumors that Voldemort had ordered the elimination of not just Edna and Walter, but all of the Potters.

He didn't want to stop crying, though.

His heart had just been torn to shreds; he deserved a chance to mourn.

What scared him most of all was that, though torn to shreds, his heart still belonged to the lovely, irresistible Lily Evans.

How he longed to hate her, but he couldn't. How could he hate the woman he loved?

He was going to be in so much trouble when he went back to Hogwarts. She would be there, constantly reminding him of what he'd lost, of what she still possessed.

"James?" His mother called, tapping lightly on the door.

"Go away!" He cried miserably, curling up on his bed.

He didn't want to go anywhere, especially not a ball where every girl's parents (or so it seemed to him) were trying to introduce their daughters to him.

"James, mate, this is pitiful," Sirius' voice sounded through his reverie.

"Leave me alone," James muttered, pulling a pillow over his face.

"She was a bitch, James, that's it; a cold-hearted bitch who was just messing around with you. Let her go. Get your ass out of bed and come hit on all of the hot chicks at the ball tonight with me."

"What about Ally?" James whispered, filled with jealousy that his best friend hadn't lost his girl.

"Well, you can hit on the hot chicks with Remus."

"She's not a bitch," James said, more to himself than Sirius.

"Ally? Damn straight she's not."

"No, Lily."

"What are you talking about, James? Of course that girl is a bitch. She pretended she loved you and then left without even saying good-bye."

"Stop talking about the woman I love that way!" James screamed, sitting up and glaring at Sirius.

Sirius looked at him, his eyes filled with more sadness than James had ever seen his best friend display. Even more than when he had made the final break with his family.

"I wish I could help you," Sirius finally said, shaking his head, "I wish I could make you stop loving her or make her love you, but I can't. You have to move on. I know it'll be hard, but tonight's the first step. First you convince everyone else that she means nothing to you, and then you have all the time you need to convince yourself."

"I don't know if I can, Sirius. I love her. I don't want to stop."

"We can only hope that one day you'll be able to, James. I mean, you can't remain hopelessly devoted to her forever. You know you're the only heir to the Potter family. You're going to have to have kids at some point."

"I don't want kids unless they're hers," James growled, angry at Sirius for reminding him of the huge responsibility he owed to his family.

"No one said this was going to be easy," Sirius intoned, sitting down next to James on the bed and patting his arm.

"No," James agreed, standing up and retrieving his tie, "They didn't."

-

James ran his hand through his hair as he made his way down the stairs, keeping a carefully perfected mask of pleasantness over his features. His only betrayal was that his hand was sweeping his hair with more agitation than casualness.

His mother greeted him with a look that said, 'Don't mess up your hair anymore, mister.'

James shoved his restless hands into his pockets.

Sirius laughed at him while his mother and Aunt Mary tried to smooth his hair. James just let them. He didn't care about his hair. He didn't care about anything at all, except for one person and she wasn't going to be here.

He stood with his parents in the entrance hall and greeted the guests as they arrived.

He clasped hands with person after person, their faces blurring in his mind. The girls were particularly forgetful. He found himself taking one look at them and saying to himself, 'too tall, too blonde, wrong color eyes.' As the arriving guests were cutting down to a trickle, he realized that he had been comparing all of the girls to Lily. He felt anger at himself, and at her, bubbling up in his otherwise lifeless body.

His mother handed him one last girl's hand so he could greet her, and maybe it was the anger, but for some reason he showed interest.

"Pardon me, lovely lady, but I didn't catch your name."

"Colette," she said, giggling sickeningly. She was pretty enough, and the exact opposite of Lily, a tall, willowy blonde who looked like she didn't have a lick of sense in her entire being.

"Would you allow me the pleasure of escorting you in?" He asked with a bow. The anger was still fueling his actions, but he could also hear a little voice in the back of his mind saying maybe he could forget about Lily for tonight with ... was it Colette or had she said Cosette?

James was aware of his parents scrutinizing him as Colette/Cosette giggled again, and seeing her parents nodding enthusiastically, nodded as well. James offered her his arm and they followed his parents into the ballroom.

His parents opened up the dancing in the traditional first dance for those in love. He'd watched his parents dance this dance for as long as he could remember and, as always, they looked completely in love with each other. James felt the bitter hole Lily had left in him widen even farther. He had always stood on the sidelines, as he did now with Colette/Cosette on his arm. How silly he had been to imagine that he too could one day dance this dance. It had been even sillier of him to dream of dancing it this very year with Lily. He watched as the rest of his relatives and other couples joined his parents on the dance floor. James even spotted Sirius and Ally dancing on the edge of the crowd; he hadn't realized they were that serious.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the song ended. Eager to tire himself out, James asked Colette/Cosette to dance.

After several sets she pleaded that she was exhausted, so James escorted her back to her parents.

That done, he slouched over to his mom and sunk into the open chair next to her.

She grasped his hand. "My poor baby," she whispered tenderly, and James nearly broke down in tears. His mom understood. She saw that even though everyone else thought Lily was a scheming wench, he still loved her.

She gave him a tight hug and stroked his hair with gentle fingers, "I didn't see it either, James. You're not the only one she fooled."

James felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders when he pulled away. He hadn't been the only one fooled into thinking Lily loved him. His mother, a counselor trained to see through facades, had missed it as well. He wasn't as foolish as he'd though. Lily was just a better actress than he'd given her credit for.

His mother smiled at him and he smiled back.

He got out of the chair, standing straighter and went to find Sirius and Ally, so that he could tease them about their participation in the opening dance.

Predictably Ally smiled and Sirius blushed, pulling Ally to his side.

"I'm surprised you weren't out there too," Ally said.

James looked at her confused; who would he have danced with?

He looked to Sirius for an explanation, but found Sirius had a twisted expression on his face. That's when it hit him, Ally didn't know. Ally didn't know what her best friend had done to him.

"Ally, we need to talk," Sirius said, pulling his confused girlfriend away.

James sighed; he felt his depression starting to resettle on his shoulders.

He was about to head back to his mom when a blushing girl tapped his arm and asked for a dance. Deciding that dancing was preferable to sitting and brooding, he agreed and danced a few sets, switching partners without even noticing the difference.

Pulling out of the dancing, he went back to his mother, who had been joined by his father.

"Having a good time?" His dad asked.

His mother hit his father's arm and he started, "I mean ... umm ... the musicians are really good, don't you think?"

James rolled his eyes. "The band is good," he agreed.

"I'm glad you're trying to have a good time," his mother said, "I've already had several compliments on your excellent dancing."

James grumped, "I've always been a good dancer."

"I know, dear," his mother smiled reassuringly, "But you're putting on quite a show this evening. You've left all of your partners gasping for breath."

James scowled, "What are they, out of shape? Lily could dance circles around the lot of them."

He blanched as he realized that he'd mentioned Lily. He hadn't meant to mention her. He saw his father's look darken as he started stuttering.

"I mean ... umm ... what I meant to say was really that ... umm ..."

His father stood up, "Come on, I'll find you some distraction."

James trailed after his father through the crowd toward the drinks table, feeling ashamed of himself. How stupid had he been to mention Lily? Why did he always compare other girls to her? Well, at least he knew the answer to that one; she was simply better. That was an entirely depressing thought, seeing as he could never have her.

James ran into his dad when he stopped suddenly.

They were in front of Jason the Troll Wrestler. At least that's what James called him ever since he was a child. Jason was quite a hulking man, but with a kindly nature and it was doubtful he'd ever wrestled any trolls since he was quite anti-violence.

"Tristan," Jason said, nodding his head.

"Jason," his dad responded, "I was hoping I could borrow young master Lupin, if it wouldn't be too much trouble."

Jason laughed and moved to the side a little, revealing Remus, who he had been conversing with before his dad had interrupted.

"I hate to ruin your conversation ..." James' dad said, smiling.

All of them knew the real reason Remus was spending time with Jason was to avoid all of the girls who thought he'd make a 'dreamy catch'. Jason was always willing to help, and when said girls appeared, he would tell them in a menacing voice that he and Mr. Lupin were conversing, so they would have to wait their turn.

"Oh, no, it's fine Mr.P, we were running out of topics of conversation anyway," Remus replied.

"James is in need of some distraction. I was hoping you would help him do something nefarious. For instance," his dad said, skimming the crowd with his eyes, "It would be entirely amusing if Mrs. Richardson's hair was to develop a mind of it's own."

Remus and Jason both laughed. James just gave a weak smile. He wasn't in the mood.

"Planning the pranks for your own party, Tristan; that's kind of shady," Jason joked.

"I didn't hear him planning anything," Remus said with a wink, "Don't worry though, I'm sure James and I can come up with something that, of course, would not resemble any plans that have been made or not have not been made by the infamous Tristan Potter."

Remus finished off his speech by clapping James on the shoulder, a move that James hadn't been expecting and sent him stumbling sideways. Luckily Jason was able to grab his arm and pull him straight.

"What's up with you, little Potter?" Jason asked.

"Nothing," James said, a blush coloring his cheeks. He hated the embarrassment he felt at his inability to get over a girl, a girl he loved admittedly, but Potters weren't supposed to mope around heart broken. Oh no, they were supposed to bounce right back and meet the real girl of their dreams at the next ball, get married, and live happily ever after.

Jason looked skeptical at James' answer. No surprise there, James was also skeptical.

James heard his dad sigh, it was obvious that he was just as embarrassed by James' behavior as James was.

"James is having girl trouble," his dad said shortly.

James looked at the floor feeling miserable.

"I have faith that he'll feel better after a few pranks, though," his dad finished, giving James a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder.

"Yeah, little Potter, you aren't going to have any problems getting the girls."

Except the one I want, James added mentally. On the outside he smiled his thanks at Jason and allowed Remus to pull him away.

Remus rambled about the different spells they could use for the prank as they began walking. James felt extremely grateful to his friend. Normally Remus wasn't one for pranks, but he was planning one today to help James feel a little better.

"Now we just need to find a vantage point to do this from," Remus said.

Deciding he might as well participate, James said, "How about over there?" He gestured toward the statue, which stood next to the tapestry of an angel in the snow. That tapestry covered the fastest exit from the ballroom to the kitchen, which was always a good thing if something went wrong and a fast escape became necessary. Not that anything ever (well, hardly ever) went wrong when it was the Marauders pulling the pranks.

He and Remus situated themselves behind the statue. While they were waiting for Mrs. Richardson and her beehive hairdo to move into the opportune location for their prank, they talked about the killer Potions essay they'd been assigned to do over break. After a while, the conversation sputtered out and they were left without words in their own thoughts.

Mrs. Richardson came and went from the opportune location and neither of the boys made a move. They simply stood there in silence.

"You're brooding," Remus said finally.

"So, I feel like brooding," James grumped unhappily.

"Oh, come one, cheer up, James; Lily's been gone forever, it's time to move on!" Remus said, clearly trying to cheer James up.

"She's been gone a week," James said bitterly, "That's hardly forever."

"Everyone's worried about you. We all want to see you happy."

"Well, maybe I'm not meant to be happy!" James growled, squeezing his hands into fists.

"Sure you are, everyone is meant to be happy. You've just got to find the right girl and you'll fall madly in love with her and then never give another thought to this whole incident."

"Incident," James repeated with a laugh, that was just what it was an 'incident.'

Remus didn't pay him any mind and kept talking, "It can't be that hard, James. No girl in her right mind would refuse you. How about that girl you were dancing with at the beginning of the ball? She looked like she was a nice sort of person."

"Which one? Cosette ... I mean ... Colette ... oh, damn ... I don't remember which one's her name." James cursed his bad memory.

Remus gave a little laugh and in a false happy voice said, " I guess that means you won't be announcing you're in love with Cosette now, to the family. Or Colette," Remus added as an after thought.

"Yeah," James muttered. Then mimicking Remus, he also put on a fake happy voice, "I would say it's about as likely as me saying," James stopped for a dramatic pause, then continued still in the sugary fake happy voice, "Lily never meant anything to me, she was just a bit of fun."

Remus and James shared a wry smile.

"What a pair we make with our sarcasm and fake smiles."

"I know," James agreed, "But at least we have each other."

They both laughed.

"Look," James said, spotting Mrs. Richardson once again heading toward the right location for their prank.

"Shall we?" Remus said.

"But of course; we must do something to give meaning to our lives!"

Remus rolled his eyes, "Whatever you say James, whatever you say."

-

Thanks for all of the reviews about the last chapter. I now feel confident enough on the material to say officially that there will be two more chapters. Unless, of course, I decide to write more, which won't happen in the immediate future, but may at some point.

Since most reviews concerned it let me say ... of course she got kidnapped as soon as she took the necklace off, that's just the way these things work.

Daystar: You are so lucky I was sick or this would never have gotten updated.