A/N: Keep in mind while reading this chapter that (as I have often said) I am not an engineer. I hope I don't sound too ridiculous during that part.
Oh, and I could never love again so much as I love you is the property of the Dave Matthews Band and not me. Sad, but true.
T'Pol opened her eyes, frustrated beyond all reason. She had been in a state of meditation for several hours, but found herself unable to concentrate. There was so much on her mind that it was nearly impossible for her to clear it and focus on feeling calm. When she wasn't thinking of Trip, she thought of Kamea and her seemingly impossible tale. But even though T'Pol didn't want to believe it, she knew, deep in the pit of her stomach, that Kamea was telling the truth. It was the logical conclusion. After all, Kamea had known about T'Mir and her "adventure" at Carbon Creek. T'Pol also couldn't argue with Phlox's medical evidence, and the picture she had found among Kamea's belongings verified that fact.
She had never met her uncle. Lorian had been banished from Vulcan years before T'Pol's birth, but her parents used to discuss T'Les's wayward brother when they thought that T'Pol was out of earshot. T'Les had been furious over her brother's actions; he had brought shame upon the entire family. She ignored his communiqués every time he tried to contact her; she destroyed anything that bore his image, but T'Pol had managed to save one solitary photograph.
T'Pol went to her shelf and pulled out her copy of Reflections, a work of Vulcan poetry. She shook the book until the photo fell from the pages. There was her uncle, a mirror image of the man in the picture from Kamea's trunk.
No Vulcan could have ever imagined that Lorian would have children with his human wife. It had never happened before. It had been deemed impossible. But the proof now resided on Enterprise, just a deck above where T'Pol stood. Kamea was a female version of Lorian. Especially the eyes. It was the eyes T'Pol remembered most vividly; never before had she seen a Vulcan with blue eyes.
Thinking of her uncle made her think of the other Lorian – her son with Trip. She hadn't wanted to believe that either, but part of her had secretly been thrilled at the prospect of having a family with Trip. That same part had been disappointed to learn that they hadn't had more children. Lorian's arrival had forced her to admit that the Trellium hadn't induced what she felt for Trip; it had merely served as a catalyst to bring those suppressed emotions to the surface.
In truth, she had been attracted to Trip for some time. If she forced herself to admit it, she would have to say that it had all started the first day they met. The attraction had grown the first time they got into an argument. It kept growing until she not only enjoyed but looked forward to their verbal sparring matches, until their arguments changed from petty bickering to playful bantering, until she realized that she was not as comfortable with anyone else aboard Enterprise as she was with Trip. Whereas much of the year before she had spent most of her time with the captain, during their time in the expanse she spent a majority of her time with Trip. She welcomed the change; Captain Archer was only slowly overcoming his deep-seated prejudice toward the Vulcan people, but Commander Tucker had long ago realized that one shouldn't judge an entire population based on the actions of a few.
Neuro-pressure sessions had advanced that level of comfort. Trellium enhanced it. So much so that she could no longer control the emotions Trip evoked while in his presence. She had eventually succumbed to them and effectively seduced him. Afterwards, she told him it was simply an exploration of human sexuality – which was true, to a degree – but really, she had been staking her claim. The thought of another woman having what was rightfully hers had caused T'Pol's baser instincts to take effect before she could stifle them.
It was a well-guarded secret that Vulcans were touch-telepaths, which was one reason she had initially argued against teaching the techniques of neuro-pressure to Trip. She had not expected to be able to have the same type of contact with a human, but she had attributed that to the primitive structure of the human mind, which was not as orderly and controlled as a Vulcan's. The beginnings of the bond formed by their neuro-pressure sessions had been strengthened due to their physical intimacy, which had increased in frequency on their trip to Vulcan, so that now they were both marked indelibly by the other – though only T'Pol knew of its existence.
She had hoped to keep the bond a secret and so far had managed to do just that. Not even Trip knew what exactly had transpired between them. But Kamea's comments at breakfast the other day had shattered T'Pol's sense of secrecy. How could the girl possibly know about T'Pol's relationship with Trip? No one but the two of them knew the extent to which their relationship had progressed, and T'Pol knew that Trip would never say anything to Kamea.
Meditation ultimately forgotten, T'Pol ventured over to her computer. If the captain and Phlox had been able to call up Kamea's records, then so could T'Pol. It would answer some of her questions that she was too embarrassed to ask.
Kamea's records weren't as difficult to access as T'Pol had anticipated. For some reason, T'Pol had been expecting to have to hack her way through government files in order to find the information she desired, but it seemed Kamea had been correct in stating that the government didn't believe her to be a hybrid. In fact, she was listed in the database as being human. T'Pol continued searching until she found the copy of Kamea's birth certificate that the captain had mentioned. There, on the bottom, was her uncle's signature. T'Pol's eyes drifted upwards to the date on the top, and she was surprised to learn that her cousin was only seven years younger than she was.
T'Pol abruptly left her quarters and began to aimlessly wander the corridors. Her shift on the bridge had finished hours ago, and it was nearly time for supper, but she was not hungry. She needed to talk to someone, and, given recent events, there was really only one person on Enterprise to whom she could go. She headed for sickbay.
Phlox was thoroughly engrossed with a PADD when she entered and did not acknowledge her until she was directly beside him. "Commander," he said, nodding at her. But he did not put down the PADD.
"What is so interesting?" she asked, glancing around sickbay. They were alone.
"Kamea dropped this off days ago," Phlox said, still entranced. "It's her father's notes on his experiments. It's fascinating. Her father was really quite brilliant." He looked at her for the first time. "Did you know that, in addition to successfully combining human and Vulcan genomes, he also found a way to increase a human's life span?"
T'Pol fought to keep emotion from her voice. It was difficult – more difficult than it would have been had she not used Trellium-D.
"Indeed?" The difference in their life spans was one of the major reasons T'Pol had been unwilling to have an intimate relationship with Trip. She did not want to become involved with him if he was going to die in forty or fifty years and leave her alone for the next hundred. But it was pointless now; she was bound to him, and when he died, a part of her would die as well.
"According to her father, he was only willing to share the procedure with mixed couples," Phlox said. "Apparently, he thought that it would severely alter human evolution if it was widely known. An astute observation on his part. Simply amazing." He put down the PADD and turned to her. "What brings you to sickbay, Commander?"
He sounded concerned, which T'Pol attributed to her condition. But the treatments for the Pa'nar syndrome were going well, and since she had been avoiding Trip she had not experienced any emotional surges. "I wanted to ask you a few questions. About Kamea." She tried to make it sound casual.
Phlox smiled and walked over to the table full of chinkara plants that she and Malcolm had collected during their visit to the M-class planet Bulzama before Kamea's appearance. Phlox had been conducting experiments on them ever since. "I thought you might," he said. "She's a very interesting young girl. She recognized the chinkara plant immediately. You know, it took me several tests before I was able to determine – "
"She's hardly young," T'Pol said, crossing her arms. "She's almost sixty years old." T'Pol had no idea why she was so upset with Kamea's arrival.
No, that wasn't true. Kamea's very presence irritated T'Pol because the girl had so much in common with Trip that the two of them have formed a close relationship almost instantaneously. It had taken T'Pol years to get close to Trip, and Kamea had managed the feat in a matter of days. Also, Kamea challenged and questioned the views and ideas that T'Pol had believed basically from birth, and she seemed to do so only to infuriate T'Pol – there could be no other logical explanation.
"You figured out her age," Phlox said. It wasn't a question.
T'Pol nodded. "You aren't the only one who can access medical records, Doctor."
Phlox raised his eyebrows. "Commander, I didn't expect you to be so duplicitous."
T'Pol resisted the urge to avert her eyes. "I wanted confirmation that she is who she claims to be. Since my uncle's name is on the birth certificate – "
"Ah, she said you probably didn't remember her father. You've never mentioned it before." He paused to water the chinkara plants. "Or the fact that his name was Lorian."
This time she did avoid his gaze. "My mother was so furious that she forbade my father to speak of him. It was as if he had never existed." She picked up the PADD. "So then she is telling the truth?"
The doctor nodded. "Yes. Her father was quite the scientist. According to his notes, his ultimate goal was a better relationship between humans and Vulcans. He dedicated his life to it, even after the way he was treated by his own people. And to think, everything he went through was for the love of a woman. It's very romantic, when you think about it, hmmm?"
T'Pol swallowed, remembering her earlier conversation with Trip about courage, and Kamea's declaration about 'Romeo and Juliet'. If given the choice to wed all over again, would T'Pol have made the same decision? "Very." She sighed. "Do you know where I might find Kamea?"
Phlox cocked his head to the side. "You might want to try engineering. She and Commander Tucker seem to be attached at the hip."
It was difficult to fight the angry flush that rose in her cheeks, so she turned away before Phlox could see. "I will start there, then. Thank you, Doctor."
She left sickbay and went directly to engineering. She picked her way through the now familiar maze that was the engine room, but stopped short when she heard Trip's voice.
"How long are ya plannin' on holdin' that position?" T'Pol narrowed her eyes. What was he talking about?
Kamea's voice answered him. "Well, I could get done a lot faster if you weren't constantly interrupting me."
T'Pol felt her stomach turn to fire – the all-too familiar feeling of jealousy. Where was the rest of Trip's crew? What were the two of them doing, alone in the bowels of the ship?
"Interruptin' is what I do best. Ask anyone."
"I'll take that into consideration."
T'Pol crept forward, inching her way among the machines until she could see Trip and Kamea. Kamea hung by her legs from a pipe in the ceiling, obviously trying to get at something high up on the engine. Trip stood below her, handing her various tools. T'Pol chastised herself for jumping to conclusions; it was illogical. She often told Trip to look at things objectively, and here she was ready to believe the worst about both of them because of a few sentences taken entirely out of context. Besides, what right did she have to become jealous of the commander's romantic entanglements? She was married to another man; did she seriously expect him to wait for her marriage to dissolve?
The answer came unbidden. Yes. She had. He'd declared his intention to do so the night before the ceremony. "I could never love again so much as I love you, T'Pol. I will wait for you." So now why did she doubt his feelings toward her?
"These conduits are fried," Kamea said. She allowed herself to drop down and reached for the tools in Trip's arms. "Hand me the soldering iron. I'll see if I can repair this damage while I'm up here."
Trip handed her the appropriate tool, and she hauled herself back up onto the pipe. He looked as though he was anxious to climb up onto the pipe and conduct the repairs himself. T'Pol was surprised that he hadn't done so already. He was very territorial about Enterprise's engines. "Any sign of a breach in the plasma flow?"
Kamea's response was muffled, as she was buried in engine parts. "That would be a negative. Indication of massive corrosion, though. When was the last time these conduits were repaired?"
Trip leaned against the warp drive. "Should've been replaced months ago. After our mission in the expanse, Enterprise got refitted. Complete overhaul. That was back in March."
"Well, someone didn't do their job."
Trip glanced up. He looked furious, and T'Pol knew that was because he had wanted to be present during the refit, but Captain Archer had practically ordered him off the ship. So he had accompanied her to Vulcan instead. "Whaddaya think? Should we reinforce the outer tubin'?"
Kamea's arm appeared, holding the soldering iron. Trip stretched up to grab it from her. "That would be my recommendation. I read about your engineering problems during your time the expanse. I think it's safe to say that this corrosion is the reason the engine exploded."
He snapped his head in her direction. T'Pol vividly remembered that accident. Seeing him comatose in sickbay, having to deal with his clone on a day-to-day basis… That was when she had first begun to acknowledge that her feelings for the commander were less than platonic. "How'd you know 'bout that?"
She pulled herself out of the engine and swung down. T'Pol was reminded of some Terran monkeys she had seen during a visit to the San Francisco zoo several years before. "It was in the logs. You were trying to obtain a perfect warp five, correct?" He nodded, and she shrugged, though the gesture looked odd, as she was hanging upside down. "You never know how much one seemingly insignificant part can affect the whole." She pointed at a specific tool. "Hand me that, will you?"
"Sure," he said, giving her the molecular welding torch. "You know, I'm not proud of that."
Kamea pulled herself back up and returned to her work. "You should be. It was a good theory. Enterprise just lacks the proper structural components." There was a loud clang, and some mutterings that even T'Pol's sensitive ears could not make out. Then Kamea said, in a sharp voice, "Kuamuamu!" There was a sigh and Kamea said, much more calmly, "I hope I won't need that finger for a while."
"Are you all right?" Trip asked. He sounded concerned. T'Pol's cheeks flushed with anger, and she berated herself for it. She didn't understand why she was so upset. Of course he was concerned; that was the type of person that he was.
Kamea pulled her head out. "I'll live." She grabbed the pipe with both hands and slid her legs off, swinging violently down, then dropping to the floor with a thud. She turned to Trip. "I think I've got it."
"Do you really think we could get a perfect warp five?"
Kamea exhaled. "The engine isn't strong enough to meet the kind of demands you want to place on it. A perfect warp five in a ship only capable of reaching warp five is next to impossible."
"It's totally possible. If you take into account – "
She raised her eyebrows. "I never said it was impossible. I said it was next to impossible. There's a difference." She narrowed her eyes in thought, the tip of her tongue poking out between her lips. "Perhaps if we strengthened the engine with polymerized titanium. It's difficult to come by but would suit our needs perfectly."
Trip nodded, as if he understood. "That could work. It's expensive, though. We probably couldn't afford to coat the whole shebang. What if we just reinforced parts of the engine?"
Kamea opened her mouth to speak but closed it abruptly. She looked like she was smelling the air. T'Pol ducked out of sight, afraid that she would be spotted. She crouched against the wall, remembering belatedly that Kamea was half-Vulcan, and therefore probably had the acute Vulcan senses.
"What's wrong?" Trip asked.
T'Pol heard the sound of walking, and Kamea suddenly appeared beside her. T'Pol glanced up, embarrassed that she had been caught eavesdropping. She had never intentionally done so before. It had happened, on occasion, because crewmembers sometimes forgot the excellent range of her hearing, but she had never purposely eavesdropped.
"Can I help you, Commander?" Kamea asked.
T'Pol stood. "I was looking for you," she said, trying to sound casual, as if she always hid behind engine parts listening to other people's conversations. "Phlox suggested I start here."
Kamea lifted an eyebrow, clearly amused, as Trip rounded a corner, having obviously followed the sound of their voices. "Then why hide in a corner?"
T'Pol struggled to keep from blushing. "You looked busy."
Trip smiled, obviously at T'Pol's discomfort, much like he had during the early days of the mission. She knew he could sense her discomfort the way she could sense his amusement. "You could've interrupted us. It's nothin' that couldn't've waited a few minutes."
"Besides," Kamea said, "Trip is more than capable of fixing the conduits on his own. I just happened to notice that they needed repairing while I was checking the bearings. Since I was already up there, it seemed the logical decision." She cocked her head. "Not that he didn't try to do it. I just wouldn't let him."
T'Pol felt the annoying stab of jealousy again. Had Kamea just called the commander "Trip"? She didn't even call him Trip anymore. She had, on their trip to Vulcan, but she called him "Commander" now. It was unprofessional to refer to him by his nickname while on duty, and given the level of intimacy with which Vulcans associated first names – especially nicknames – T'Pol didn't feel that it would be appropriate to call him anything else. Not as long as she was married to another. But sometimes she couldn't help herself; it just slipped out – like their conversation in the turbo lift.
She cleared her throat, struggling to regain her composure. "It is nothing important," she said as calmly as she could, though neither Trip nor Kamea looked convinced. "I simply wanted to talk to you."
Kamea's face was impassive. "About what?"
The last thing T'Pol wanted to do was talk to Kamea in front of Trip, but she couldn't ask Trip to leave engineering. She was the one intruding. "I thought perhaps you might like to join me for dinner."
Kamea raised both of her eyebrows, and T'Pol was pleased to note that she looked apprehensive. After all, T'Pol had barely been able to look her in the eye since her arrival. "Of course. I didn't realize it was so late." She nodded at Trip. "We were just working on some modifications."
"Modifications," T'Pol said. Why was she so jealous?
Trip nodded. "Kamea figured out what went wrong that time I tried to reduce field fluctuations. I thought maybe we could give it another try." He grimaced. "Though without the same endin'."
"I wouldn't want to interrupt you," T'Pol said, knowing the minute she spoke the words that they were a lie.
"No hurry," Trip said slowly, staring at T'Pol. She could sense his confusion through the bond. "Just a theory right now, after all. In fact, after last time, I think it's best if we take this slow. You two head on up to the mess hall. I'll be up in a few. I wanna check out the warp coils first."
He disappeared around the corner. T'Pol watched him until she could no longer see him, then turned back to Kamea, who was looking at T'Pol in amusement. "Shall we go the mess hall?" T'Pol asked in a very clipped voice.
The amused look never left Kamea's face. "By all means."