Chapter 3
The scene faded before Severus. The Hogwarts grounds faded underneath his feet, and he found a new scene replacing it. The green grass that he was standing on was now replaced with dead heather. The foothills in the distance disappeared, and all he could see was miles and miles of moor. Severus knew this place, he knew it well.
Wand fire exploded over his head. Severus hit the ground. He was back in his past. This was the final battle, where witches and wizards gave their life, so that others could live. Young and old, they fought until one side came out victorious, if you could call it that. After the horrors that occurred, Severus was unsure if anyone had really won. Of course, Voldermort was gone, and the threat of the Dark Mark was now subdued, but at what cost. 'At what cost?' Severus asked himself. How could this be anyone's heaven?
Severus felt stronger now, as he did before he took the mark. His back arched straight, he walked taller now. He remember when he was called to war, little did he know at the time that he had joined the wrong side.
Severus was seventeen, barely a man when he took the mark. Why he had done it, he now did not understand. He was an emotional wreck as a child, being bullied by nearly everyone in his life did not help.
SSS
It was Severus's sixteenth birthday today.
"Dad, why do I have to do this again?" Severus asked as he cleaned out his cauldron.
"Because no son of mine will be incompetent in potions." Dorian snapped.
"Besides your potion could have greased the door hinges." Dorian said tossing Severus a magic cloth to polish his cauldron.
Severus lit the fire under the cauldron and added the first ingredient. He would glance up at his father every now and then, wanting to hex him.
"Dad, the Headmaster thinks that I should apply for a job in the Department of Mysteries next year." Severus tried to talk to his father, something that he found very difficult.
"What a load of rubbish." Dorian brushed off.
"Dad, I have gotten O's in all my Defense classes, he has even offered to teach me Occulmency."
"You will do no such thing." Dorian hissed.
"Why not?"
"How dare you question me? You will never be anything but a Potions Master, just like my father and his father. You have no other path."
Severus bent over his cauldron letting his long black hair fall over his face. He did not care what his father said, he would make something of his life, and that did not include potion making.
SSS
Young men go to war, sometimes it is because they have to, others because they want to. Always because they feel they are suppose to.
Things with his father only escalated, until it got to the point where no one would tell Severus what to do. Some boys in his house spoke of a man who was teaching the Dark arts to anyone who wished to learn, and Slytherins were guaranteed a place. He weighed his options and found none better. He had made up his mind and not even the Headmaster could convince him otherwise.
His mother was devastated; his father just asked when. Few others knew what he had done; after all he was sworn to secrecy. Severus never expected that Tom Riddle would take it as far as he did. Severus had never used and unforgivable, nor did he have any desire to, but it was asked of him, by both sides.
Looking back now in death, Severus regretted his decision as a young man, but he had in life as well. Severus kept walking through the field, every now and again running to dodge spells firing around him.
SSS
Severus reached the front line. He stopped it was here where it had happened, here where he was brought down his knee flared in pain. Horrors flashed through his head.
"Well, it looks like we meet again, my friend." A man spoke causing Severus to turn on his heel.
"Headmaster?" Severus said unbelieving.
"I am no longer Headmaster, Severus, just Albus, but honored nonetheless." He smiled revealing a half sucked lemon drop.
"It has been many years." Severus said.
"Has it? I would not know, time is not marked here." Albus said.
"How is Hogwarts?" Albus asked curious to see what Severus had to say.
"The building is the same as it ever was, the new Headmistress, Hannah Abbott, she put in a wing dedicated to those who fell in the last battle. I finally agreed to a magical window in my classroom, and the students are into things like rap music and dancing."
Having said this, Severus grew sad, realizing that he would never see his Potions classroom again, nor listen to the students gossip. How he loathed Hogwarts, yet it was his home, the only real home he had known.
"And how were you, after the war?" Albus asked looking into Severus's eyes.
"There was no one left, all dead, all gone. The dreamless sleep potion quit working after the third week. I started staying up more in the nights, just to avoid the nightmares. I never wanted this to happen, I just wanted to be something." Severus confessed to his only friend.
"Oh but you were something, you were so critical to the success of the Order." Albus said. Severus snorted.
"Success, what success? Voldermort may have died, but so did you." Severus said.
"I am sorry I had to leave you, but it was my time Severus." Albus said.
"Do you remember when I came to you? The night you had enough?" Albus asked.
"Of course I remember how could I forget."
SSS
It was Severus's nineteenth birthday today, and he was spending it alone.
Severus was infiltrating the Ministry, and obtaining a list of all the Aurors on staff. This was not what he was planned his life and war to be like. There were no winners, only losers. The Dark Lord killed one of Severus's fellow Slytherins, simply because he had spoken back against the Dark Lord's plan.
All Severus wanted was to make something of himself, not be someone's minion.
"Who's in there?!" A wizard called out as he pointed his lit wand towards Severus.
"Just trying to file some paper work." Severus lied.
"Let me see it then." The wizard demanded.
"I have filed it now." Severus said irritably.
"Then you shouldn't be here, who are you anyway. What department you working for?"
"I am new, Department of Mysteries." Severus lied again hoping it was a department the man was not familiar with.
"Mysteries, eh, you know Johnson then." The man asked scratching his chin.
"Yeah, Johnson." Severus said.
"Come with me, Johnson doesn't work in Mysteries." The man said as he grabbed Severus by the shoulder having made up Johnson to catch Severus in a lie.
He led Severus down a long hallway. He threw open the door with his wand, and shoved Severus in.
"Sit down, and shut up." The wizard said as he pushed Severus into a chair.
"What were you doing? And if you try and pull one over on me I swear you'll regret it."
"My business is my own." Severus said.
"Perhaps I will find some Vertiserum?" He threatened.
Just down the hall Albus Dumbledore and the Minster of Magic were discussing the current events at Hogwarts.
"Is that light suppose to be on?" Albus asked gesturing towards the door.
"Hmm that is curious." The Minister said. The two walked together to the lit room.
"Ah Alastor, what is going on?" The Minister said as he looked in and saw him pinning Severus against the wall.
"This slippery snake was sneaking around where his nose does not belong." Alastor cried.
"Master Snape?" The Headmaster questioned.
"You know this man?" The Minister asked.
"Of course, you see I asked him to come, he must have gotten lost." Albus lied. Severus stared at the man, why was he covering for him?
"Lost in the file room?" Alastor questioned. Severus unsure how to respond looked back to the Headmaster for help.
"I had asked him to submit paperwork for a few students. I am terribly sorry, I did not know that he was required supervision." Albus supplied.
"Alastor, kindly unhand the man." The Minister asked, respectful of the Headmaster's word.
"I am watching you Snape!" Alastor hissed in his ear. Severus glared back.
The Headmaster indicated Severus to lead as the three walked out of the room, and back to the lobby where the minister departed. Severus was about to go on his way, but was stopped by the Headmaster's hand on his shoulder.
"Not so fast, Master Snape, I was wondering if you could perhaps accompany me back to Hogwarts?" Albus said, his blue eyes glistening at him.
"Very well." Severus conceded.
SSS
Once back in the Headmaster's office, Severus was told to take a seat.
The Headmaster's office, he had been here many times before. The most vivid memory being when he was nearly killed by the bloody werewolf.
"Would you care for a lemon drop?" The Headmaster asked.
"No."
"Is there anything you would like to tell me, Severus?"
"No." Severus responded again.
"Perhaps you can tell me then what you were doing in the file room at the Ministry." There was still no response.
"I paid you a favor Severus, one I am unlikely to pay again, so if you could kindly tell me what you were doing, you may go on your way." There was something about the Headmaster that made him very persuasive. Severus was unsure of how he was able to control him the way no other wizard could.
"I was collecting information." Severus said vaguely.
"For Tom?" Albus asked straightforwardly.
"Why should I tell you, you'll only turn me in, and if you wanted to do that, you would have let that Auror detain me. Why did you lie for me? What did I do for you?" Severus asked defensively.
"I know you Severus, I have known you since you were a little boy, do you really want to spend your life taking orders from someone like him?" Albus asked.
"You see it happening already, first it started out as harmless magic, but lately he has been going to far, asking you to do things that do not interest you. Severus I want to help you, but you have to tell me." Albus tried to persuade.
"I want to make something of myself. I want to be respected." Severus confessed.
"Do you really think that He respects you? Severus, there are much better ways to go about gaining respect, than joining a group of dark wizards."
"I do not wish to live my father's life!" Severus yelled.
"Finally, we are getting to the root of the problem." Albus sighed.
"I hate him and his stupid potions. I wanted to go to University, to work in the Ministry. My father, he is always standing in my way." Severus hissed.
"Is he really standing in your way Severus, you are much to old now to be told what to do, and you know this. It is your life now Severus, you must decide what you want to do with it."
"I cannot just leave. It does not work like that." Severus confessed after they sat in a few moments of silence.
"I wish it did Severus, but I fear that you may be killed. Tom is growing stronger, and the Ministry is blind to his power. I however am not." Albus said now pacing around his office.
"What shall you have me do?" Severus asked.
"I have a proposition for you, although you must realize that the trust must go both ways. I want you to trust me, therefore I will never question your word."
"And how can you trust me?" Severus asked.
"As I said, I have known you since you were a mere child, I know when you are unhappy, angry, sad, deceitful. I can see that through your eyes." Albus responded.
"Occulmency?" Severus asked.
"While that is an option, with you I feel it unnecessary, I knew from the moment I saw you tonight that you had taken the Mark. Why? Because you could not bear to look me in the eyes. However, that is not to say that you will not need lessons in Occulmency."
"What for?" Severus asked again.
"How would you like to become a double agent of the Dark Lord?" Albus asked.
"Why do you need a spy? He poses no threat to Hogwarts." Severus confessed.
"Not currently no, but I have seen and heard things as of late, and would much rather be prepared. The Ministry's attitude is concerning to me."
"How would you know that I won't give information to the Dark Lord." Severus asked skeptical of Albus's plan.
"Tom Riddle knows practically everything he needs to know about me, and if wishes to know of the goings on of the school, then so be it. I only have on request. I will not tolerate you using the unforgivables."
"And if I must at the Dark Lord's command?"
"You are far to bright to stoop so low as to use an unforgivable. Can you do this?"
"So all I would have to do is report to you information?" Severus asked still unsure.
"That is correct, you will remain completely anonymous, and if ever captured and questioned by the ministry, I can guarantee your safety, as long as you oblige by my rules." Albus explained.
"Very well." And with those two word Severus became Albus's inside informant.
SSS
"Did you ever wonder why I made you Potions Master, instead of teaching Defense against the Dark Arts?" Albus asked.
"Because my father died, and you had no one else with that amount of extensive knowledge on the subject. That and the fact that you perhaps thought I was a danger to the students teaching Defense."
"It is true, you were remarkably good at Potions, because naturally your father was, but that is not why. I wished you to teach, to have a chance to erase your father's mistakes as a teacher, and make your own. I wanted you to forge your own path, feel like you had the power your father once had over you. That is what you wanted was it not?" Albus looked at Severus.
"I wanted power, true, because I felt I had so little." Severus said.
"Power is not what defines us, it is our choices, our decisions." Albus said.
"Then it must be a mistake that I am here, in Heaven. I made the wrong choices in life, I was nothing to anyone."
"You were something, you helped bring down the Dark Lord. And after the war was over, you continued teaching, not because I had asked you to but because you wanted to. We all make mistakes Severus, the mistake I regret the most is having failed you." Albus conceded.
"It hurt when you cast aside my life, in order to spare those precious Gryffindors from expulsion." Severus admitted.
"I know that now, but that is not what I regret most about our friendship."
"Then what do you regret, you spared me from Azkaban, a fate I surely deserved." Severus stated.
"How is your knee?" Albus asked.
"Fine, no pain. Damm Death Eater, got me from behind. How I hated him for it." Severus said stopping and thinking for a moment.
"Wait, how did you know about my knee, you died before you knew what happened?" Severus asked suspiciously.
SSS
It was the last battle, Severus had been fighting for nearly five hours with no rest. Harry Potter had been taken by Severus to the Dark Lord, in order to show his allegiance. Potter however, was unaware that this would be his final hours. The Order had it all planned out. Severus was to lure the Dark Lord out into the open air of the Yorkshire moors. Aurors would then apparate shortly after Severus's presentation of Potter. One final confrontation to end it all.
Even Severus thought that Potter had performed extraordinarily well; he had been practicing with Lupin and Moody for the last six months on defenses. Witches and wizards falling everywhere, the sight was too much for Severus.
Everywhere he looked the ground was burning, spells being fired left and right. Then it all subsided when a large white orb exploded from the north. Albus had instructed him to search for survivors. Severus ran as fast as he could, still avoiding his former Death Eaters. As he reached the top of the crest, he saw Potter lying on the ground, lifeless.
Unsure what to do, he ran over to him. Severus checked for a pulse, any sign of life, but could not find one. Here he kneeled, next to his enemy's son, praying that Harry would live.
"Well, well, what a touching scene, I should have know it was you Severus. How like you to be too soft to stay loyal to the Dark Lord." Lucius Malfoy sneered as he looked down point blank at Severus.
"It is over now Lucius, you can either kill me and loose your soul, or walk away. It is your choice." Severus said to overcome with grief to care.
"Or, I could kill you escape, and not feel an ounce of regret." Lucius spoke haughtily, pointing his wand at Severus's neck.
"Do your worst." Severus sneered.
Severus closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable, the moment in which he could release all his grief and anguish. However, that moment never came. Severus was hit from behind. His knee collapsed falling into Lucius. Lucius's wand fired and that was the last thing Severus could recall.
SSS
"I do not remember much after getting hit. Poppy told me later, that you had died. I wished that I would have just died. I should have died, it would have served as justice for my mistakes." Severus spoke.
"You were meant to live, you still had a purpose. You single handedly made sure that Hogwarts got back up and running, did you not?" Albus asked.
"I felt obligated to you. You were my mentor, my only friend." Severus said.
"That means a lot, Severus, I just hope you still feel that way after I tell you."
"Tell me what?" Severus asked not understanding.
"It was not a Death Eater who cursed you, it was me." Albus said.
SSS
"What!" Severus nearly screamed. Severus pulled up his pant leg and now saw the mangled flesh. The scar the curse left was hideous. The medi-witches said they did all that they could do, but the cure was just too strong.
"I understand your anger, hit me if you wish." Albus said still as calm as ever.
Severus pushed the Headmaster to the ground. He was so angry, he had not felt this angry since his father had beat him. Because of the Headmaster, he never walked right again. He was stuck teaching at Hogwarts, because no Ministry office would hire him, seeing as it was too much of a liability.
"Go on, hit me." Albus said, pinned on the ground.
"Why the hell did you do that? Why! I should have died!" Severus cried. Tears threatening to spill. Severus rolled over on his back and stared up at the sky.
"It wasn't your time." Albus said now as he brushed himself off.
"You were so out of your mind Severus, I had seen it before, you were going to let Lucius Malfoy, a spineless man kill you, after the fighting had stopped. I had to save you." Albus explained.
"If you saved me, how did you die?" Severus asked.
"Lucius's killing curse misfired and hit me, unprepared." Albus said.
"Oh god, I didn't know. I am so sorry."
"Life is so unfair." Severus said now unsure what to think, the Headmaster had died to save him.
"Life is not unfair Severus, it is about sacrifice." Albus explained.
"Sacrifice?" Severus questioned.
"Lily sacrificed her life, to save her son's, and I sacrificed my life to save yours. And you my friend, sacrificed your life to try and save a little girl." Albus went on.
"But I do not know if I even saved her, do you know?" Severus asked.
"No, I do not, but that is not the point. We all make sacrifices in our lives, you always seemed to regret your sacrifices. You missed a great part of your life being angry. Life is too short to have regrets, to be angry Severus. Sacrifice is a part of life, just as much as death."
"It is my time to go, now. I hope you can forgive me for your leg." Albus said smiling.
"It is forgiven." Severus finally said shaking his mentor's hand. Albus turned to walk into the distance.
"Wait, why here, why is this your Heaven?" Severus asked.
"You and I do not see the same things. You may see the war, but I see miles and miles of purple heather in bloom. Sheep grazing and children playing, peace and harmony are what brings me the most happiness." Albus said with a twinkle in his eye.
That was the last time Severus ever saw Albus, and he was glad to have finally made his peace with his mentor.
A/N: Thank you for all the reviews from the last chapter! Mikee, Moro, Silverthreads, Lilith11, prexus, Mog, Wettlewash, WeasleyGirl-ca, Lady Cecilia. Most of you might have guessed this person. Obviously I had to include him, after all in the books they seem to have an unspoken respect or friendship. This chapter took me a while, I got stuck several times, so I hope it flows well now. Thanks, I bet none of you will know who I pick for the next person.