A/N- I changed my mind. I said the next ficlet would be not insane, but it
is. It's very, very insane. This is a crossover between the old "Batman"
TV show starring Adam West and Les Misérables. You don't need to know the
show to get this, although it would help with some of the jokes. All you
need is a general knowledge of Batman, Robin, and Catwoman. Thank you.
Also, I am aware that telephones did not exist back then. I don't care – I
need them.
La Pamplemousse- Why, thank you. We're studying food in French class, and every time she says "pamplemousse" I think of Etoile.
eponine-meliara- I felt like I was being too obvious with all the "misty in the river" type things... I was pretty much doing the song OMO and a little bit of Mon Histoire. Yeah...
Elyse3- Then this is the ficlet for you! It's weird though, how fangirls will suddenly start hating their... person. I used to hate Fantine, but now I love her. I think it was because I only had the CD with Randy Graff on *pukes*
krazy4kira- Well, this probably won't be called "lovely," but it is lots of fun. Yeah, that was the reaction I was hoping for! YAY!
La Epster- Thank you muches! I could guess from your name that you identify, sorta. I almost identify... yeah; I'm a stalker. Anyway...
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Je Suis la Nuit (Part I)
Narrator: There's trouble brewing at the great bookstore of Paris City!
[Clip of Ratwoman and her Ratburglars stealing copies of "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" from Mabeuf's store.]
Narrator: And in the Paris City Supermarket...
[Clip of Ratwoman and her Ratburglars stealing bottles of rat poison and mousetraps.]
Narrator: And in Grantaire's Wine and Cheese Shop...
[Clip of Ratwoman and her Ratburglars stealing all kinds of cheese.]
Narrator: Is mischief afoot?
[CUE THEME SONG.]
[Muscular cartoons of Slothman and Lemur are running at the screen on a green background. A couple of bad guys pop up, and Slothman and Lemur punch them out.]
Falsetto Voices: Slothman! Slothman! Slothman! Slothman!
[Slothman cartoon and Lemur cartoon shake hands. Lemur fades away and Slothman turns into the little logo.]
Falsetto Voices: Slothman! Slothman! Slothman! Nana nana nana nana nana nana na... Slothman!
Narrator: Meanwhile, in the stately Pontmercy manor, Baron Marius Pontmercy and his youthful wife, Cosette, are about to hear the news.
[Marius and Cosette are having tea with Toussaint.]
[Valjean enters.]
Valjean: The phone, monsieur.
Marius: You may answer it, Jean.
Valjean: [significantly] It's the phone in the STUDY, monsieur.
[Marius and Cosette exchange glances, then rush into the study. Marius picks up the red Sloth-phone.]
Marius: Yes, inspector?
Javert: [sitting in his office] Slothman? We've had some minor robberies in Paris City.
Marius: We'll be there right away, inspector.
[Marius hangs up, then pulls back the head of the bust of Napoleon on the desk. Cosette presses the button, and a bookshelf slides over to reveal two poles labeled "Marius" and "Cosette."]
Marius: To the Sloth-poles!
[Marius and Cosette slide down the poles.]
[In the Sloth-cave, Slothman and Lemur land on the Sloth-cushions. Slothman wears a tan leotard and brown underwear over top with a matching brown cape, mask, glove, and boots. The Slothman logo us on the chest. Lemur wears a brown leotard and shoes, black underwear on top, and a white cape. An "L" is on the chest. She also wears a Mardi-Gras type mask and black gloves.]
Slothman- To the Slothmobile!
[Slothman opens the door of a carriage and hops in. Lemur climbs nimbly through the window. The carriage is brown with the logo on the doors, and the horses are wearing masks.]
Slothman- Don't forget your safety restraints, old chum.
[He and Lemur fasten their seatbelts before the Slothmobile zooms out of the cave and past a sign that says "14 Miles to Paris."]
Narrator: Our Doltish Duo arrives at the police station...
[Inspector Javert and Chief Gueulemer, who has inexplicably joined the police force, are listing the robberies.]
Javert: "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban," rat poison, mousetraps, and Swiss cheese. What could it mean, Slothman?
Slothman: The rat poison, mousetraps, and cheese make sense-
Lemur: But the book, Slothman. Why the third Harry Potter book?
Slothman: Think, Lemur. What is the main villain's animal form in "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban"?
Lemur: Holy rodent, Slothman! A rat!
Slothman: Yes... all the clues point to Ratwoman.
Lemur: Holy reincarnation!
Javert: I thought she was dead, Slothman!
Slothman: Apparently... not.
Gueulemer: Wonder why she's left you these all clues.
Slothman: She must be planning a big crime.
Lemur: Holy heist!
Slothman: I suspect we'll hear more from her before the end. First, I have an idea to trap her.
Lemur: What, Slothman, what?
Slothman: Think, Lemur. How do you catch a rat?
Lemur: With a trap, of course!
Slothman: Exactly.
Javert: What are you going to do, Slothman?
Slothman: You'll find out soon enough, inspector.
Narrator: Back in the Sloth-cave...
Lemur: So, Slothman, what's your plan?
Slothman: Why is a rat attracted to a trap, old chum?
Lemur: Cheese, of course.
Slothman: And where do we find lots of cheese?
Lemur: Holy cheddar! At the Paris City Cheese Museum!
Slothman: Exactly, Lemur.
[Valjean enters.]
Valjean: May I be of assistance, monsieur and madame?
Slothman: Yes, Jean. Can you find me the number of Muchisetta?
Lemur: As in Muchisetta of Muchisetta's gossip column in the Paris City Times?
Slothman: The very same.
[Valjean brings the phone and dials for him.]
Slothman: Thank you, Jean. That'll be all.
Lemur: But can we trust her?
Slothman: That's risk we're going to have to take. [into phone] Hello, is this Muchisetta?
Muchisetta's voice: Yes...
Slothman: This is Slothman. I'd like you to mention a cheese exhibit opening on the thirteenth floor of the Paris City Cheese Museum in your column.
Muchisetta: Sure, Sloth baby.
Slothman: Ick! [hangs up]
Muchisetta: [Also hangs up, then picks up the phone again] Hey Ratwoman? I've gotten wind of a trap...
Ratwoman's voice: Excellent...
Narrator: Are Slothman and Lemur going to be caught in their own trap? Later that night...
[Slothman and Lemur are standing in a dark room full of display cases holding cheese.]
Lemur: Maybe she didn't take the bait, Slothman.
[A Ratburglar appears in the window.]
Slothman: [grabbing him] Where's Ratwoman?
Ratburglar: I don't know! I swear! I'm just an innocent Ratburglar!
Lemur: You lie!
Ratburglar: [pause] You're right, Lemur... I do know where she is.
Slothman: Where?
Ratburglar: Right behind you.
Lemur: We won't fall for that old trick!
Ratwoman's voice: And why not, Girl Wonder?
[Lemur and Slothman turn to see a girl with long, dark hair wearing a gray, one-piece, skin-tight outfit; a headband with little mouse ears on the sides; and a Mardi-Gras type mask with whiskers glued on.]
Lemur: Holy irony!
Ratwoman: Hello, Slothman. How are you?
Slothman: I've been in... better situations.
Ratwoman: I'm so sorry to do this to you.
Lemur: Holy lovebirds, Slothman! I think she's sweet on you!
Ratwoman: So? Get 'em, Ratburglars!
[The two men (one old with a beard, one young and rather handsome) and the gamin dressed in rat costumes rush at Slothman and Lemur.]
BOFF! [Lemur smacks the old Ratburglar.]
BIFF! [Slothman throws the gamin into the young man, who falls on top of Lemur.]
Handsome Ratburglar: Hey, baby!
YEE-OW! [Slothman hits the handsome Ratburglar on the head with a piece of cheese, knocking him out.]
Lemur: Gouda move, Slothman!
OOF! [The bad pun knocks the little gamin Ratburglar unconscious.]
Slothman: It's always good to have a ditz on your side.
POW! [The elderly Ratburglar runs at Slothman, who kicks him in the kneecap.]
[All of the Ratburglars are unconscious.]
Ratwoman: You beat up my Ratburglars, but you won't defeat me!
[Ratwoman is holding a little gun, with which she shoots green smoke at the Doltish Duo. They pass out, and Ratwoman grabs Lemur and drags her off.]
Narrator: Is our Doltish Duo alright? What will Ratwoman do with Lemur? Why didn't she take Slothman too? Tune in next update for our exciting conclusion! Same Sloth-fic, same Sloth-website!
La Pamplemousse- Why, thank you. We're studying food in French class, and every time she says "pamplemousse" I think of Etoile.
eponine-meliara- I felt like I was being too obvious with all the "misty in the river" type things... I was pretty much doing the song OMO and a little bit of Mon Histoire. Yeah...
Elyse3- Then this is the ficlet for you! It's weird though, how fangirls will suddenly start hating their... person. I used to hate Fantine, but now I love her. I think it was because I only had the CD with Randy Graff on *pukes*
krazy4kira- Well, this probably won't be called "lovely," but it is lots of fun. Yeah, that was the reaction I was hoping for! YAY!
La Epster- Thank you muches! I could guess from your name that you identify, sorta. I almost identify... yeah; I'm a stalker. Anyway...
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Je Suis la Nuit (Part I)
Narrator: There's trouble brewing at the great bookstore of Paris City!
[Clip of Ratwoman and her Ratburglars stealing copies of "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" from Mabeuf's store.]
Narrator: And in the Paris City Supermarket...
[Clip of Ratwoman and her Ratburglars stealing bottles of rat poison and mousetraps.]
Narrator: And in Grantaire's Wine and Cheese Shop...
[Clip of Ratwoman and her Ratburglars stealing all kinds of cheese.]
Narrator: Is mischief afoot?
[CUE THEME SONG.]
[Muscular cartoons of Slothman and Lemur are running at the screen on a green background. A couple of bad guys pop up, and Slothman and Lemur punch them out.]
Falsetto Voices: Slothman! Slothman! Slothman! Slothman!
[Slothman cartoon and Lemur cartoon shake hands. Lemur fades away and Slothman turns into the little logo.]
Falsetto Voices: Slothman! Slothman! Slothman! Nana nana nana nana nana nana na... Slothman!
Narrator: Meanwhile, in the stately Pontmercy manor, Baron Marius Pontmercy and his youthful wife, Cosette, are about to hear the news.
[Marius and Cosette are having tea with Toussaint.]
[Valjean enters.]
Valjean: The phone, monsieur.
Marius: You may answer it, Jean.
Valjean: [significantly] It's the phone in the STUDY, monsieur.
[Marius and Cosette exchange glances, then rush into the study. Marius picks up the red Sloth-phone.]
Marius: Yes, inspector?
Javert: [sitting in his office] Slothman? We've had some minor robberies in Paris City.
Marius: We'll be there right away, inspector.
[Marius hangs up, then pulls back the head of the bust of Napoleon on the desk. Cosette presses the button, and a bookshelf slides over to reveal two poles labeled "Marius" and "Cosette."]
Marius: To the Sloth-poles!
[Marius and Cosette slide down the poles.]
[In the Sloth-cave, Slothman and Lemur land on the Sloth-cushions. Slothman wears a tan leotard and brown underwear over top with a matching brown cape, mask, glove, and boots. The Slothman logo us on the chest. Lemur wears a brown leotard and shoes, black underwear on top, and a white cape. An "L" is on the chest. She also wears a Mardi-Gras type mask and black gloves.]
Slothman- To the Slothmobile!
[Slothman opens the door of a carriage and hops in. Lemur climbs nimbly through the window. The carriage is brown with the logo on the doors, and the horses are wearing masks.]
Slothman- Don't forget your safety restraints, old chum.
[He and Lemur fasten their seatbelts before the Slothmobile zooms out of the cave and past a sign that says "14 Miles to Paris."]
Narrator: Our Doltish Duo arrives at the police station...
[Inspector Javert and Chief Gueulemer, who has inexplicably joined the police force, are listing the robberies.]
Javert: "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban," rat poison, mousetraps, and Swiss cheese. What could it mean, Slothman?
Slothman: The rat poison, mousetraps, and cheese make sense-
Lemur: But the book, Slothman. Why the third Harry Potter book?
Slothman: Think, Lemur. What is the main villain's animal form in "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban"?
Lemur: Holy rodent, Slothman! A rat!
Slothman: Yes... all the clues point to Ratwoman.
Lemur: Holy reincarnation!
Javert: I thought she was dead, Slothman!
Slothman: Apparently... not.
Gueulemer: Wonder why she's left you these all clues.
Slothman: She must be planning a big crime.
Lemur: Holy heist!
Slothman: I suspect we'll hear more from her before the end. First, I have an idea to trap her.
Lemur: What, Slothman, what?
Slothman: Think, Lemur. How do you catch a rat?
Lemur: With a trap, of course!
Slothman: Exactly.
Javert: What are you going to do, Slothman?
Slothman: You'll find out soon enough, inspector.
Narrator: Back in the Sloth-cave...
Lemur: So, Slothman, what's your plan?
Slothman: Why is a rat attracted to a trap, old chum?
Lemur: Cheese, of course.
Slothman: And where do we find lots of cheese?
Lemur: Holy cheddar! At the Paris City Cheese Museum!
Slothman: Exactly, Lemur.
[Valjean enters.]
Valjean: May I be of assistance, monsieur and madame?
Slothman: Yes, Jean. Can you find me the number of Muchisetta?
Lemur: As in Muchisetta of Muchisetta's gossip column in the Paris City Times?
Slothman: The very same.
[Valjean brings the phone and dials for him.]
Slothman: Thank you, Jean. That'll be all.
Lemur: But can we trust her?
Slothman: That's risk we're going to have to take. [into phone] Hello, is this Muchisetta?
Muchisetta's voice: Yes...
Slothman: This is Slothman. I'd like you to mention a cheese exhibit opening on the thirteenth floor of the Paris City Cheese Museum in your column.
Muchisetta: Sure, Sloth baby.
Slothman: Ick! [hangs up]
Muchisetta: [Also hangs up, then picks up the phone again] Hey Ratwoman? I've gotten wind of a trap...
Ratwoman's voice: Excellent...
Narrator: Are Slothman and Lemur going to be caught in their own trap? Later that night...
[Slothman and Lemur are standing in a dark room full of display cases holding cheese.]
Lemur: Maybe she didn't take the bait, Slothman.
[A Ratburglar appears in the window.]
Slothman: [grabbing him] Where's Ratwoman?
Ratburglar: I don't know! I swear! I'm just an innocent Ratburglar!
Lemur: You lie!
Ratburglar: [pause] You're right, Lemur... I do know where she is.
Slothman: Where?
Ratburglar: Right behind you.
Lemur: We won't fall for that old trick!
Ratwoman's voice: And why not, Girl Wonder?
[Lemur and Slothman turn to see a girl with long, dark hair wearing a gray, one-piece, skin-tight outfit; a headband with little mouse ears on the sides; and a Mardi-Gras type mask with whiskers glued on.]
Lemur: Holy irony!
Ratwoman: Hello, Slothman. How are you?
Slothman: I've been in... better situations.
Ratwoman: I'm so sorry to do this to you.
Lemur: Holy lovebirds, Slothman! I think she's sweet on you!
Ratwoman: So? Get 'em, Ratburglars!
[The two men (one old with a beard, one young and rather handsome) and the gamin dressed in rat costumes rush at Slothman and Lemur.]
BOFF! [Lemur smacks the old Ratburglar.]
BIFF! [Slothman throws the gamin into the young man, who falls on top of Lemur.]
Handsome Ratburglar: Hey, baby!
YEE-OW! [Slothman hits the handsome Ratburglar on the head with a piece of cheese, knocking him out.]
Lemur: Gouda move, Slothman!
OOF! [The bad pun knocks the little gamin Ratburglar unconscious.]
Slothman: It's always good to have a ditz on your side.
POW! [The elderly Ratburglar runs at Slothman, who kicks him in the kneecap.]
[All of the Ratburglars are unconscious.]
Ratwoman: You beat up my Ratburglars, but you won't defeat me!
[Ratwoman is holding a little gun, with which she shoots green smoke at the Doltish Duo. They pass out, and Ratwoman grabs Lemur and drags her off.]
Narrator: Is our Doltish Duo alright? What will Ratwoman do with Lemur? Why didn't she take Slothman too? Tune in next update for our exciting conclusion! Same Sloth-fic, same Sloth-website!