A/N- Okay... so I've been informed that I had my gods confused, and Apollo ain't no god of war. Oh well, my teacher didn't notice. This one is a book report from English class. The assignment was to have a party for the characters of the book you just read and create an invitation. I, being an over-achieving fanfiction-obsessed weirdo, wrote a story to go along with my card. In case you're wondering, I got a 100/A, which would be more impressive to you if you knew what a psycho my teacher was.
Danica Enjolras, Caz, Elyse3- Thanks very much! I guess I had Enjy and Greek mythology confused somehow... it's interesting that my teacher didn't notice that. As I was proof-reading that I started to wonder...
Obsetress- Ponderful? Hey, I know what it means, so it works for me. Maybe it's a word...
nebulia- I got an A, and she said something along the lines of "I love reading your projects to see how you can fit Les Miserables into them." Hehe...
Karaoke Party!
I sat excitedly in the living room, which I had elaborately decorated for my party. Because it was October 8th, the anniversary of the opening of the musical Les Misérables, I had decided to invite all of the characters from Victor Hugo's book to enjoy the karaoke machine I'd rented. I didn't realize that I might have made a mistake by telling them to dress like they were from the twenty-first century until they began to arrive.
The first guests were Fantine, wearing a halter top and the shortest shorts I'd ever seen (the poor woman); Cosette, wearing a shirt from Abercrombie & Fitch; and Marius, dressed in clothes that looked nice, but were probably from Goodwill. I showed them all to my couch, carefully putting Fantine between Cosette and Marius. The doorbell rang again.
"Listen, I have to go answer the door. Just talk amongst yourselves. Here, I'll give you a topic: Cosette, that lady's your mother. Discuss," I said before rushed off.
My next guests were Les Amis de l'ABC, headed by Enjolras in a red shirt and jeans. Behind him I could see Grantaire (dressed in rumpled clothes with his shirt on backwards), Jean "Jehan" Prouvaire (in an outfit that was nice, but rather out of style), Courfeyrac (wearing a shirt that said, I'm afraid, "Hey babe!"), Bossuet/L'aigle/Lesgle (a shirt with a four-leaf clover printed on the front), Combeferre (dressed quite well, I daresay), Feuilly (wearing a shirt that said in huge letters I [heart] Poland), Joly (his mouth and nose covered by a surgeon's mask), and Bahorel (his scalp covered in a wig). I motioned them in and showed them to the dining room table, although Courfeyrac stopped to talk to Marius (and, I'm sure, Cosette and Fantine).
When all were seated, Enjolras decided not to sit at the table but stand on it, delivering another random speech. I was enjoying watching Les Amis' eyes glazing over when the doorbell rang yet again.
I opened the door to admit the Thénardier family – Monsieur, Madame, Eponine, Azelma, Gavroche, and two random boys who never really had names. All were dressed rather shabbily, and I noticed Monsieur Thénardier eyeing my back pocket, where I had shoved my wallet. I brought them to the rest of the guests, who were all asleep but Enjolras. Thénardier gleefully rushed around the room in an attempt to relieve them of all their valuables, but a shout from Enjolras woke everyone and spoiled the old crook's fun. Eponine headed straight for Marius, much to Cosette's annoyance, while Azelma hung onto her mother's arm. Gavroche joined Les Amis, and the two younger boys followed him quietly.
The next guest I admitted was, thankfully, Inspector Javert. He wore a brown overcoat with the collar turned up and a plaid hat, a magnifying glass clutched in one hand. I hid my laughter and pointed him to the rest of the party.
When he had passed, I noticed a few men hiding in the bushes of my front yard – the Patron-Minette, Paris's most-feared street gang, who had seen Javert and scattered. I called them to the door, and made sure that the four most important members of the gang were there: Montparnasse, Gueulemer, Babet, and Claquesous. Montparnasse looked really, really good in an out-of-style and threadbare fifties-type suit; Gueulemer wore a white muscle shirt and frayed jeans; Babet had found a jacket that looked suspiciously like the one my next-door neighbor often wore; and Claquesous had a black ski-mask to hide his face.
As soon as the Patron-Minette was shown to the living room, they rushed over to Thénardier and began to whisper, glancing around at the other guests. Inspector Javert glared at them from the other side of the room.
I was about to set up the karaoke machine when I heard the doorbell ring one last time. I realized who was missing – the main character, Jean Valjean – although I hadn't really expected him to come. After all, I had informed him that Inspector Javert was planning to attend.
I opened the door, but no one was standing on my porch. I looked around and was about to close it again when I heard a voice calling my name from the bushes.
"Mademoiselle Erin... is Javert here yet?"
"Monsieur Valjean, is that you?"
"No, my name's Fauchelevant!"
"Sure, whatever. Wanna come in, or are you afraid of Sherlock in there?"
"Sherlock? Who's that?"
"Javert. You should see the crazy costume he's wearing..."
I started to describe Javert's clothes, but I trailed off upon finally spotting Valjean. He was crouched on the lowest limb of our oak tree, wearing an outfit in which it was certain no one would recognize him – a gorilla suit.
"Jean Valjean, get yourself out of that tree this instant! You look a fool, do you know that?"
"Maybe, but Javert won't know me."
"Whatever, just come inside."
The Jean-gorilla followed me to the living room. Everyone stared at him for a few moments, then went back to their conversations.
I looked around the room. Cosette and Marius were chatting with Fantine while Eponine gazed sadly at them all. Azelma had joined Gavroche and the two boys in banging on my piano, while Madame Thénardier looked on with pride. Monsieur Thénardier, Babet, Claquesous, and Gueulemer were still in their little huddle, being watched intently by a very suspicious Inspector Javert. I noticed that Montparnasse was missing, and found him being preached to by Enjolras, who wanted the young thief to join in his revolution. The other Amis were watching amusedly except for Grantaire, who was desperately searching for some sort of alcoholic beverage in the kitchen.
I finally hooked up my karaoke machine and held out the microphone.
"Who's first?"
There was no response.
"Oh, do come on! And nobody can sing a song from the musical of Les Misérables – that'd be cheating."
A few people swore.
"And I'll authorize Javert to arrest anyone who tries to leave without singing first."
Javert looked smugly at the rest of the guests. "All you vermin ought to listen to mademoiselle."
"They will, they will – but they'll listen to you first, my dear inspector. Come choose a song and sing it for us."
The inspector blanched. "I... sing? In front of these... these..."
"Yes, you. Sing. Now."
Javert slowly got to his feet and trudged over to the machine, taking the microphone out of my hand. "I should have you arrested for disturbing the peace. Are you sure I can't sing 'Stars'?"
"Positive. Here's the list of songs."
Javert frowned at it, and finally poked a song title with his finger. "This looks promising! I'll sing that one."
I glanced the title he had indicated – "Song of the King" from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
"Monsieur l'Inspecteur... are you sure?"
"Of course. If I can't sing a song about my belief in God and justice, I'll sing about the king."
"Remember, you picked it..."
The rock'n'roll Elvis style music began, and Javert paled. Apparently remembering what I said about jailing anyone who didn't perform, Javert sighed mournfully and began to sing along with the music.
"Well, I was wandering along by the banks of the river when-a seven fat cows came up outta the Nile, uh-huh... oh yeah... and-a right behind these fine healthy animals came seven other cows, skinny and vile uh-huh... oh yeah..."
When the song finally ended, Javert hurried back over to his chair, head down, and tried to ignore everyone else's mirth – especially the Patron- Minette.
"Okay, y'all, who's next?"
No answer.
"How about Enjolras and Les Amis? Marius, you wait."
The group of university students reluctantly approached the microphone.
"I'll let Enjolras pick, if that's okay with everybody."
No one complained.
"Good. Enjy?"
Enjolras immediately pointed to one of the first names on the list. "That's us! We'll sing that one."
"Which one?"
"ABC," Enjolras answered.
I smirked a little, but agreed.
As Les Amis were performing the Jackson Five's most popular song, I tore my eyes away from the spectacle of chaste Enjolras singing "Shake it, shake it, baby," to scan the room for my next victim.
When the students rushed back to their seats, I called up Fantine. She selected "I'd Give My Life for You" from Miss Saigon, a song that fitted her character.
The Patron-Minette was next, and they also picked a song that suited them – "You've Got to Pick a Pocket or Two" from Oliver!.
After Marius and Cosette had done Phantom of the Opera's "All I Ask of You," I called up Gavroche and his two brothers. They performed "You Two" from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, followed by Madame Thénardier and Monsieur singing "If I Were A Rich Man" from Fiddler on the Roof as a duet – and it was not at all odd to think of Madame as a man, considering her physical appearance. Azelma sang "Home" from Beauty and the Beast, and Eponine did "My White Knight" from The Music Man.
I was certain that everyone had gone, but the gorilla cleared his throat. "Oh, sure – you should sing too. What do you want to do?"
He shrugged.
"Want me to pick on for you?"
He nodded.
"Okay then," I sighed, selecting a song and starting it.
"I'm coming home, I've done my time... and I've got to know what is and isn't mine. If you received my letter tellin' you I'd soon be free, then you'll know just what to do-"
Jean Valjean's lovely rendition of "Tie A Yellow Ribbon" was interrupted when Inspector Javert leapt to his feet.
"It's you! Surrender, Valjean!" he shouted, rushing the poor gorilla.
Jean Valjean dropped the microphone and began to run from Javert, screaming something about his sins being forgiven by the nice bishop.
"The bishop! I knew there was a major character I forgot to invite," I mused. No one heard in the chaos.
Javert chased Valjean around the room several times, waving his oversized magnifying glass and shouting. The two finally dashed out the door and into the street.
The chase had kind of ruined my party, so I told everyone to go home – unless Montparnasse wanted to stay. He didn't, so I sighed and bid them all farewell.
"See you on June 6th!" I shouted after them.
And I sat down to plan the entertainment for our next party.