Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and not copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Disclaimer in Layman's Terms: Harry Potter, the characters and the plot do NOT belong to me. Just this fanfic, and the original characters mentioned in it. Thank you.

On Borrowed Time

Chapter 09 - The Indecisive Heart (Saturday - October 19, 1996)

Hermione had cried herself to sleep that night. When she woke up, her eyes were puffy and red. She headed for her bathroom sink and she washed her face before looking in the mirror, contemplating about everything. Her thoughts brought her to think of hers, Harry's and Draco's mental well-being.

Harry was already unstable underneath his cool exterior, especially since he lost someone very important to him every other major event in his life. If he were to lose her, he would definitely be crushed. To make it all worse, losing her over his archenemy might cause him to go on a Slytherin killing rampage.

She that that she could just stay with Harry and not tell him of her real feelings for Draco. But then, she thought, that it would be considered lying and infidelity. But if Harry were to find out, how was he to react? The incident ages ago just showed how Harry could respond violently when he is angry. At that moment, she started to fear that Harry might kill Draco with his bare hands. As to save Draco's neck from Harry, she was to hide her feelings for him.

Draco, on the other hand, was rather unstable as well. If what he said was true, that the main thing that brought him to the brink of suicide was her relationship with Harry, he might decide to end his life again. And Hermione certainly did not want that to happen either.

She wanted to hit her head on the sink. Whatever her choice might be, one of them was bound to go insane… right along with the likes of her. She just cannot decide over something like this, especially when lives are on the line. Her heart was torn, and so was her brain from thinking of every consequence of her decision. Her stomach was rumbling and yet she feared to deal with both boys in the Great Hall.

But she had to eat for she had not eaten the night before. She changed into presentable clothes before hurriedly running down the Great Hall, watching every turn for any sign of Draco.

She looked down as she ran straight to the Gryffindor table. She panted as she started to sit beside Harry. As she was about to sit beside him, he inched towards her direction as to prevent her from sitting.

"Harry?"

"Ron," stressed Harry, not even looking up her direction. "Please tell Hermione that I am not talking to her."

Ron looked at Hermione, shrugged his shoulders, "Apparently, he's not talking to you."

"Why is that, Harry?" she asked.

"Ron, please tell her to stay away from me from this moment on. And don't forget to mention that I hate her guts."

"You heard him, Hermione," mumbled as he chewed on his food.

"Harry, why are you being mean?"

"Ron, tell her that---"

"Hey," whined Ron. "I am not a lettyphone, you know."

"TELEPHONE!"

Harry finally looked up, but she certainly did not like the fact that he was glaring at her.

"Why am I being mean, you asked? Why are you being dishonest?"

"Dishonest about what? Move over and talk to me."

Hermione hit him lightly as to force him to move over, but apparently she had hit him a bit too hard. He winced loudly.

"Oh, I am sorry, Harry---"

"FOR WHAT?" he half-shouted. "For snogging Malfoy?"

"WHAT?" exclaimed Ron, almost choking on his bacon. "What?"

Harry continued.

"People have eyes, Hermione. Some Gryffindors saw you two from the library."

"I did not kiss him, Harry."

"You kissed him."

"No," she said innocently. "I didn't kiss him."

"Are you sure?"

"I did NOT kiss him!"

"YOU KISSED HIM!"

"Whoever told you that is lying!"

"WHY WOULD I LIE TO MYSELF!"

Hermione, flabbergasted, covered her mouth after his statement.

"Holy crickets---"

He was there, she said to herself. He did not go straight to the Common Room or to his dormitories! He followed us.

"That kiss meant nothing to me, Harry," she cried. "I promise. It meant nothing!"

"Then why did you have to lie about not kissing him?"

"Because what you don't know wouldn't hurt you, Harry."

"So you would rather if I heard about this from someone else?"

"No!"

"Then what, Hermione? And, if that kiss meant nothing, why did you cry on his shoulders after you slapped him?"

"I didn't… I did not---"

"I saw it all, Hermione! I caught you, so don't you even think of lying again!"

"I am so sorry, Harry," she pleaded as she touched his shoulder. But he pulled her hand away.

"Leave me alone, Hermione."

"No, Harry. Let me explain!"

"No! We are through."

"Please!"

Harry stood up and looked at her straight in her eyes.

"WE ARE THROUGH!" He pushed her away before turning to Ron. "Be ready for the game. I will see you all in the locker room in an hour."

Hermione tried to catch up to him as he headed towards the exit. But when they were there, he turned around suddenly then pushed her away. Though Hermione knew his intention was only to stop her from following him, Draco have not interpreted such gesture the same way she did.

As Hermione looked up at Harry in fear while holding her wrist, Draco straight for her, helped her up and then stood in a fighting stance.

"How dare you hit a girl, you sissy?" he shouted at Harry.

"How dare you steal something that does not belong to you?"

"You're the one to talk. How do you know her heart really even belongs to you? You call yourself her boyfriend and you treat her like a rag you can just throw away. You don't even deserve to walk the same ground she walks on."

"What would you know?"

"At least I know how to treat woman!"

Harry just held his hands out in defeat before turning away.

"Harry!"

Though Draco was holding her down, she insisted on chasing after Harry.

"If he really loves you," he said as she struggled away, "he will let you go."

"I have had enough from you! I hate you! I HATE YOU!" she shouted at him. Only then did he let her go, following her anyway.

"Harry!" she shouted as Harry left the indoor broom shed. He was already holding his Firebolt. "Harry, please! Let me explain!"

"Stop it, Hermione," he said impassively. "I can't take this… this… whatever this is from you anymore!"

"Harry, I love you, not him!" she exclaimed as she tugged his shirt. "Please! Let me explain!"

"Shut up already!" he said as he continued to pull away. "Shut up and leave me alone!"

When he had successfully pulled himself away from her grasps, he took advantage of the chance and he mounted his broom before flying as fast as he could away from her.

Hermione watched her now distant ex-lover lowering himself to the ground before running towards the Quidditch pitch. She crumpled on the main doorsteps of the castle, crying her little eyes out. Draco appeared from behind her, offering a hand to help her. She slapped it away, kicking and screaming like a little kid, struggling to get away from the help she did not want.

"No, let me go! You caused all this! Stay away from me! Your kiss was a jinx! You're… you're a plague of death! Leave me! Leave me alone---"

She collapsed in his arms, holding her wrist that she had hit on the floor when she fell in the Great Hall.

"It's alright," he said weakly. "Let's get you inside. The infirmary is too far, let's head to my room."

Not hearing what he just said, she cried and sniffled as Draco led the way to the Slytherin commons and into his dormitory. Once inside, Draco made her sit on a small sofa before moving her hair out of her face.

"Sit while I look for my first aid kit."

Hermione concentrated on trying to get her breathing back to normal as her eyes lazily scanned his room. Although Hermione knew that the Heads had their own rooms, she expected his to be simple as hers.

Her free hand touched the nice silky material of the couch she was sitting in as her eyes wandered around, looking at all the things that came with his title of the Slytherin Head Boy along with the elegant necessities of the Wizarding elite. His bed was covered in fine sheets, probably the most expensive in the Wizarding World. Certain items he had were either made of pure silver or gold and crested with, what she thought, was the Malfoy seal.

"I knew this first-aid kit would come in handy for some other purposes than Quidditch mishaps," Draco said weakly as he sat beside her.

Hermione pulled away as he reached for her hand.

"Here. Take the bottle and do it yourself. A few drops would do."

Draco slowly placed the vial on his hand before heading towards the end of the room. She poured the lotion-like substance on her palm and massaged her hurting wrist. The scent of strawberries emanating from the potion filled the air, almost calming Hermione's nerves.

As she capped the vial, he watched Draco open his dresser, pulled out what resembled like his Quidditch undershirt and started to undress.

"Draco," she said weakly, making him turn around. "I am sorry you are stuck in the middle of it all. I… It's my---"

But she stopped talking at the sight of numerous scars, apart from the one she saw him inflict on himself, that ran from his wrist to his Dark Mark. This made her stand up in surprise. Her motion made him take a few steps back as he hurriedly placed his shirt on.

"Draco… what happened to you?"

"It's nothing," he answered in a grating voice. "It's nothing."

"Let me see."

"I said it's nothing."

"If it's nothing, you will sit here by the sofa and let me see it. Let me see it."

He slowly walked towards her and sat beside her on the sofa. He did not resist nor did he help Hermione as she pulled his sleeve up.

"Recently. I have tendency to inflict pain on myself. The blade was there, it always cut through the skin, but I didn't have the courage to slash myself."

"Why do you do this to yourself?"

"I do it because… of my lack of self-worth. There is no point in me living. Why stay alive, you know?"

"Don't you dare do this anymore, Malfoy. Promise me not to!"

"I can't."

"Yes you can."

"I can't help myself, like how I can't help myself to loving you."

"Stop it. Just stop it right now."

"No! You love me and you know it! I do not know why you refuse to acknowledge it all! Just admit it already."

"I love Harry! Not you!"

"Admit it already!"

"NO!"

Draco rushed towards his bedside and reached for something under his pillow. It was shiny and silver, very familiar to Hermione. It was the same dagger that he had planned to take his life with.

She gasped at the sight of the object that she stood up as quick as she can and walked towards him, trying not to aggravate him.

"No, please---"

"Come any closer and I swear I will slash myself dead."

"Don't! Please don't!"

"Then tell me what you really feel! If you hate me, you hate me. If you love me, tell me!"

Hermione's lips quivered and as she tried to make her voice say the truth, she thought she saw him make a sudden movement. Thinking that he had finally slashed himself, she fell face first on Draco's bed as to shield her eyes from the second time she sees him die.

"NO!" Her screams were mottled by the hands on her face. "I can't let the one I love die again. I can't Draco! You can't die. I love you so much. NO! Please, tell me that you didn't please! I am sorry. I am sorry!"

Draco's caressing arms pulled her up and carried her to the middle of his bed. He then sat down, positioned her on his lap and held her tight, rocking her as he kissed her head.

"I am sorry, Hermione. I am sorry! I had to do it! I needed to know. I just needed to know! I am sorry I scared you love."

Hermione continued to cry in his arms, lightly hitting his chest with her palm.

"You scared me! You scared me to death!"

She hugged him tight, thinking that her gesture would reassure him of her true feelings for him.

Draco pulled a few pillows and rested her head on it, before lying beside her, letting his arm rest on her waist

"I love you, Hermione," he whispered in her ear. "I love you."

She turned around, and upon seeing his grey eyes, she finally told him that she loved him.

End of Chapter

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