Ironic

Part Five

Disclaimer: see previous section.

Author's notes: Guys, I'd really like to know what you think of this story. It's kind of out on a limb for me, though I enjoy writing it, and I'd really like some feedback!

Posted: November 30, 2004

She woke up, opening her eyes immediately as she sat up and looked around. She pulled aside the curtain.

"Where is she?"

"Right, here, hon," The blonde waved from the table.

She sighed, "I thought it was all a dream," she went over, and awkwardly hugged her mother. But then she pulled back, "You lied to me."

Angel put a plate of eggs and toast down on the table, harder than he had meant to. "Eat your breakfast." He didn't look at her mother.

"No, this was going to come up sooner or later, and she needs to know. Sit down, Jessica." She complied.

"When you were born, I was only seventeen, and I was petrified. I had sent your father to hell, and your grandmother had made it clear she hated whom I was. When I found out about you, the first thing I did was go to Giles. It was always my first instinct." Her forehead wrinkled in thought, "No, it wasn't…Going to your father was always my first instinct…

"I knew without a doubt I had to have you. You were a miracle baby, and you were all I had of his. But I couldn't keep you. I didn't know the first thing about children. I had just killed my goldfish, for God's sake.

"So I convinced Giles to take you. He told the others you were his niece, but soon changed it to dad to give you some semblance of normalcy. I came back one month after he brought you home, as planned.

"In the beginning, I spent over an hour a night with you, just holding you. I told the others it was extra training, or study help. Faith saw through it. She had her suspicious, but at the same time, Angel was back, so I was too preoccupied, and tired, to notice, trying to spend all my time with both of you."

She turned to Angel, "I wanted to tell you, please believe that I did. It hurt me more than you leaving, lying to you. But Giles said for it to work, for no one to guess, no one could know, not even you. He also said I had to stop visiting you, Jess, or else you might remember me as something more than a friend. That's why I never babysat.

"It hurt so much, he was taking away my child all over again, and I was losing my lover. For silly, stupid reasons, and I hated it.

"I don't know how, but Dawn found out, right before Glory…I made her promise to tell you when you were eighteen, an adult, and able to make your own decisions. I never thought Giles would take it so far. He was always like a father to me, and I guess when I died, you took my place.

"I'm sorry. Miss Calendar's sorry. I-I never wanted to hurt either of you. Once more, I was looking out for what was best for me, I never wanted to hurt you." She blinked a few times, and the unshed tears disappeared. There would be time enough later to shed tears.

"I don't know why Giles never looked for any prophecies concerning you, Jess. Maybe he would have found it, maybe not.

"Anyway, finish eating," she had been picking at the plate in front of her as her mother talked, "your training starts today."

"Training?" her egg-laden fork stopped halfway to her mouth.

"You're not going to defeat this without training." She leaned over the small table, placing a hand on her shoulder, "You have power you can't even imagine, untapped, deep down inside you. You were born with the strength and agility of both the slayer and the vampire. I know you didn't ask for this, none of us did, these things just happen."

She nodded, "I understand."

"Has Giles done any meditation or anything with you?"

She shook her head.

"Damn it. He should have looked, should have known! Everything else about my life was prophesized, from my birth to my death, why not this?!" Angel looked at her strangely, "There are so many lost prophecies, and I've had nothing better to do." She said by way of explaining. She sighed, "That's not his fault, though. He was just trying to give you a normal life, away from all this. The life I wanted you to have, the life I wanted for myself."

"So…meditation first?"

"Balance first. You can't tap into your powers without being centered. You can't use your powers without the knowledge to do it properly. And you can't find your true power without mastery over your body. You must have harmony." She patted Jessica's arm, "Don't worry, I didn't have any of these things in the beginning either, or in the end."

She finished her breakfast in silence, thinking. She had learned so much, and yet she had so many questions. But now wasn't the time. After she had placed her plate in the sink, they pushed the couch aside, and sat on the hard, wood floor.

"Four count breathing; four in, four hold, four out. Square breathing." She pulled her legs in until she was sitting cross-legged. She closed her eyes, and started the breathing exercise. Jessica didn't have time to ask questions, so she followed her example. She soon was bored, and fidgeted on the hard floor. "Clear your mind. Think of it as a blank slate." Even her voice sounded serene as she didn't break the count.

Jessica tried, but her butt started to tingle as it fell asleep. She tried to shift imperceptibly, but it didn't work.

After ten minutes, she sighed, frustrated. "I can't do it! Whenever I try to clear my mind, it flashes back to Dad not being my dad, and you being my Mum."

"He might not be your biological father, but he is your Dad. He loves you as a dad should. He was more a father to me than mine ever was. That's why I knew you'd be safe with him, no matter what happened to me. Let's try again, come on."

This time she managed to do as she was told, and after five minutes, Buffy stood and congratulated her.

"You're a quick study. It took me weeks to find my center. Ok, next we'll work on some Tia Chi, to work on your balance, among other things. Just…follow along."

She tried to follow as best she could, but eventually she decided that seeing the moves first would help. From the kitchen, she hear her-him put down the towel he was drying dishes with. He walked into the room, falling into step with the routine as she raised her arms into a sweeping block.

She watched them move, perfectly in sync, as the slow movements turned into almost a dance.

"You remembered," he whispered in her ear, his hands on hers.

"How could I forget?' she murmured, before catching herself, "We can't do this." She pushed out of his arms, "I have other things I must do, but I'll be back for patrolling tonight. Be safe," she touched Jessica's necklace, before disappearing slowly.

He let out a frustrated growl, and he almost stomped back into the kitchen.