Disclaimer: No, I don't own Hitchhiker, and I am not Douglas Adams.
Notes
Some very, very, very, very, very nice, kind, thoughtful people have taken time out of their busy schedules and have read my pathetic excuse of a story! Can you believe it! Well, I thank all of you. You were all very encouraging. Well, I don't want to bore you, so on with the story!
The Immensely Thoughtful Five:
A Random Wandering Person- you asked for more, and here it is
bridgetash-the idea behind the new title.
BlueEyesWhiteCheesecake-just like Random Person, you asked for more, and here it is.
Queen Pokeyokes-I am planning to write a novel.
CuriousKitty-yes, I agree, Tuesdays do suck.
Marvin Has a Day (oh no, not another one!)
"Well it all started this morning…"
"Um, I have a question before you start," said Medium.
"Let me guess-'Would you mind if I go to the bathroom first? So I can run away when you're not looking? So I can make fun of you with my friends and family at my wonderful home? So I can leave you here at the dredges of the galaxy, all alone and likely (and hopefully) to be killed?'-is that it?"
"No. What is your name?"
"Oh, so you want to know my name, do you? So you can run away when Marvin's not looking? So you can make fun of Marvin with your friends and family at your wonderful home? So you can leave Marvin here at the dredges of the galaxy, all alone and likely (and hopefully) to be killed?" spat Marvin.
"Um, no. But I'm Medium. Medium Rary.
"I'm Marvin, in case you didn't pick that up. Now, where was I before I was so rudely interrupted?"
"Well, you were saying that this morning all your trouble started."
"Oh yes. This morning. Tuesday morning. (author salutes CuriousKitty) The morning of the worst day of my already pathetic existence," droned Marvin.
"Well anyway, it all started when I remembered my mother's saying-"
"Mother! But you're a machine!" yelped Medium.
"Oh yes. Not in the literal sense, of course, but the computer from which much of my intelligence and wisdom, which no one seems to appreciate, by the way, I downloaded, I once called mommy."
"But, you're a-" began Medium.
"Loveless robot? Emotionless machine? Yes, everyone else seems to think so too. But does anyone ever stop to think of that? Do they? Do they? DO THEY?" Marvin shrieked as he grabbed an innocent bystander and commenced to shake him until his heads were making sounds not unlike a pair of maracas.
"NO ONE CARES! WITH A BRAIN THE SIZE OF A SUPERCOMPUTER AND THE CAPABILITIES OF A GOD, NO ONE EVEN BOTHERS TO SAY 'THANK YOU, MARVIN'! OR EVEN 'MARVIN, YOU WERE A REAL HELP TODAY'. NO!NO!NO! THE STUPID, FEELINGLESS MACHINE WILL NEVER FEEL LOVE! NEVER!" Marvin's screeching was like a set of long, unclipped fingernails raking across a blackboard.
"Marvin, calm down!" shouted Medium, wrenching the poor man away from the temporarily-homicidal automaton, leaving the man's arms in Marvin's hands. The man peacefully ambled away, blood sloshing from the place where his arms should be.
"Anyway," said Marvin in an abrupt, completely random change of mood "My mother had a saying: 'Life is like a fat guy's ass. You never know what'll come out.'"
"Hey, doesn't the line go 'life is like a box of-'" began Medium.
"Shut up! Do you want me to get sued!" hissed the author.
"Sorry, man." said Medium "But the line is kind of disgusting."
"Disgusting yet true. Like so many of the things in life," murmured Marvin philosophically.
"Anyway, my day began when I remembered this quote from my old bird. And I realized how true this was when, out of nowhere, completely at random, and seemingly impossible yet feasible due to the fact this particular bit of action is needed to carry the plot along, burst into my hotel room a giant…"