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Chapter 2

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Heero was emotionless as he moved the Reverse Strike through the sky, musing to himself over the mission. He had been instructed to destroy the listening posts in California, to also disable anyone who stepped in his way. He knew that it would be Yzak and Dearka yet he also dreaded it. He had gotten to know the two a few months before their transfer from the Archangel with Miriallia. Yzak was a strong pilot with a stubborn battle spirit while Dearka was more relaxed but still excellent. Yet now he felt nothing towards them, only an emptiness that was common now with his missions.

It began after the New Year arrived, when he was still a Coordinator named Kira Yamato. He had thought deeply over what Raww had shown Mwu La Fraga and himself that fateful day, the day that his entire concept of who he was changed forever. His parents were not his own. Cagalli believed that he was her brother. His entire existence was because of a genetic experiment. The stress only added to his depression from the deaths he caused, the lives he stole as a mobile suit pilot. No one, not Lacus nor his so-called parents could give him reason not to end his life, to terminate the experiment that was his existence.

Instead, he ran away.

He traveled from PLANT to PLANT, hoping to leave the remains of his lie-filled life behind and start again. Yet he couldn't escape, no matter how hard he tried. Kira's dreams were haunted by the ghosts of his past, of the memories of his friends that knew nothing about the truth. Even Frey Alster, in her death, plagued his overtaxed soul to the breaking point.

He found his way to the ranks of GHOST, a secret organization created in ZAFT's defeat. They refused to accept the newly-established peace and declared those that had to be traitors. Kira had met their leader, an older man named Murdock, and began training with them under the name of Heero Shinigami over the recent year. Gone were his ties to the Earth Alliance, to the life and people he abandoned.

Or so he thought.

He eventually was selected to pilot the GAT-105X-R Reverse Strike Gundam, the newest prototype made by the Earth Alliance several months ago. It was based heavily on his old Strike but had several differences, such as weapons. It was equipped with something called a "Psycho system", allowing the pilot's mind and the mobile suit's CPU to interact. It was supposed to help him act faster in battle by focusing the mind on what drove it most to succeed. No one saw what the side effects would be for Kira, one of the strongest Coordinators in existence. After all, the successes would far outweigh the consequences, they would feel.

Kira began using the new system in test simulations and would be plagued with vivid dreams afterwards, memories of the life he once held. Strangely they would only revolve around Cagalli, the last person he wanted to think about even before his self-imposed exile. She was one of the few, other than Asuran and Lacus, that he held close to his heart in high regard. Kira stayed out of her way in the last days of the war, giving them both space to sort out their lives and what they were to each other. Now, he began to have dreams about her that only confused him more.

He would fight the thoughts, to tell himself that this was meaningless to his new life, that it was better to stay away from her and everyone else. Yet his mind and heart refused to listen. Eventually, when Kira looked over the old records from the genetics lab that Raww showed himself and Mwu, he finally learned the truth.

He was not Cagalli's brother after all.

In truth, the other infant in the picture Uzumi gave to Cagalli was her brother but was not Kira. Dr. Hibiki had used the infant's DNA in his artificial womb, fusing it with the DNA of several other potential Coordinators in his experiment. The infant itself died much later but Kira was the end result.

As Kira mused over this, he felt as if a weight was lifted from his shoulders. The truth was hidden from him and Cagalli both for so long, in vain hopes that they would not meet. He had tried harder to stay away in the past few months, hoping that his blond-haired friend would forget him and move on with her life. Kira would find himself watching her secretly, seeing the pain she was in because he was gone. He wanted so badly to end it, to reveal himself to her and his other friends.

But his mission came first.

He had learned that GHOST planned to finish what ZAFT had tried, to eventually destroy all Naturals so that only Coordinators would exist through several systematic attacks on Earth and the PLANTS. Their twisted version of peace meant the deaths of more innocents, deaths that Kira no longer wanted on his already blood-stained hands. Yet the Reverse Strike's "Psycho system" forced him to comply with their wishes, to carry out their missions by manipulating his SEED modes. For now, he had control over himself and set coordinates for the Orb Kingdom. To see, at least for one last time, the only shred of his humanity left before the Psycho system reassumed dominance.

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Asuran stopped his car in front of the mansion's gates, musing over the last time he was here nearly a year ago. It felt like an eternity, after all that had passed since that time. Now he was here for another reason, to help establish the peace that his father, Patrick, tried so hard to corrupt. He was such a different person then, fighting on a side that he didn't truly belong with. Fighting against his friend, Kira.

The memories were painful to Asuran, of the times when he and Kira would clash on the battlefield with their mobile suits. Both so determined in their resolves yet unwilling to destroy each other. They were once closer than brothers would be. Now he was gone, leaving him and their other friends alone without any hint.

As he stepped out of the vehicle, he was assaulted by the familiar sight of several multi-colored Haro robots, all chattering their greetings to him. There was no doubt that he was at the right place. He smiled slightly as he walked up the pathway, where Lacus was sitting with her infamous pink Haro in her hands.

Lacus had changed after the war, becoming more dedicated to establishing peace and ending the fighting. She worked hard, with Asuran's help, to quell any insecurities for both the remaining ZAFT forces and the Earth Alliance. Yet the stress refused to show itself on her gentle face, not even the stress of Kira's abandonment marred her.

She had grown to love him, the two reaching an understanding with each other of all that had gone on. They had started living together in the PLANT, getting to know each other much more than they had the last time Kira was there. Yet in the war's aftermath, he started to drift away from her. He would become so withdrawn, reluctant to speak to anyone for several days. The guilt from the blood on his hands tormented him, that much Lacus could see. She wanted him to let go, to put the devastation he saw in those months behind him. But nothing helped his wounded spirit. Then came the day he disappeared.

Lacus noticed Asuran arriving and arose from the porch, her Haro still in her hands. Though their arranged marriage was gone for some time, they maintained a friendship and worked together often. She could see a worried look in his eyes and she knew why.

"How is she, Asuran?" Lacus asked.

"Better, but I'm still worried." Asuran replied as they moved back to the porch. The two of them sat down and looked toward the horizon, where the sun was "setting" in the distance. "It's been nearly two years now and I don't know what else to do. Cagalli is refusing to give up, though. I mean, what would possess Kira to leave us all like this?"

"I asked myself that same question the day he left." Lacus told him, setting the pink Haro down so it would rejoin the others. "I would look into his eyes and see so much pain, all the people he had to kill driving him away from everyone. He always had such a kind spirit. To see it darkened like that..." Lacus felt tears beginning to well in her eyes, the sadness she felt finally beginning to reveal itself. Asuran was filled with a multitude of emotions, one of them being anger towards Kira and another sorrow for Cagalli and Lacus. After all they had gone through, none of them deserved this. He held Lacus by her bare shoulders, a determination in his green eyes.

"I promised to find him two years ago, Lacus. I'll do what I can to keep it." Seeing her smile somewhat, the anger began to cool in Asuran's heart. "We should get going. The negotiations will start soon."

"All right."

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Cagalli lay awake for the tenth sleepless night in a row, unable to find that peace of mind that would let one sleep at night. This was more common in the last few weeks since her dreams started. She would always be drifting in space, alone and without her Strike Rouge. She would hear Kira's voice somewhere in the distance, crying for help. She would see his body as she tried to float to him, reaching for him with tears in her golden eyes. But she would never reach him. He would always be beyond her reach.

She was startled by the sound of the wind outside her window, rustling the leaves on the nearby tree. Cagalli rose from the bed to close the window when she heard something in the room, like something hitting the floor heavily. Immediately she opened her dresser and pulled out a gun, checking to make sure the catridge was inside. Fortunately, she has had few attempts on her life since becoming ruler of the Orb Kingdom. Still, it was a familiar presence to her ever since she was once part of the guerilla fighters.

Cagalli turned around and was shocked by the last thing she expected to see. Standing in front of her was none other than Heero Shinigami, once know as Kira Yamato. His eyes were hidden by black sunglasses, an emotionless look on his once kind face.

"I wouldn't shoot if I were you." Heero told her, his voice remaining strangely calm as he spoke. "I can't let anyone know I'm here yet." He was greeted with a hard slap across his face.

"Where the hell have you been, Kira?" Cagalli said angrily to the young man, feeling both relief and confusion at the moment. "Everyone's been searching for you for almost two years. We all thought you were dead by now. Do you know what you put all of us through?"

"I know... and I'm sorry." He remained motionless as tears came to Cagalli's eyes, relieved that he was alive and safe. She wrapped her arms around him but was surprised at what she felt. Gone was the warmth and friendship that Kira usually radiated, the kindness that she respected as his source of strength. It was replaced with a colder, darker feeling of loss and loneliness. She released him and looked into his expressionless face in shock.

"Kira... what's happened to you?" She saw his eyes as he removed his sunglasses, his once kind blue eyes filled with a cold depth that should never have existed.

"I'm not the Kira Yamato you know anymore, Cagalli." Heero said as he blankly stared into her golden eyes. "My name is Heero Shinigami now."

Cagalli looked into his cold blue eyes, seeing none of the empathy that once existed. Instead, there was nothing but an empty gaze. "You can't be serious. What... how did this happen?"

"During the war with ZAFT, I saw and caused countless deaths as a pilot. Innocents, some of them with families, all of their blood was on my hands. For a time, I thought I could put that behind me once the war ended. Then the dreams started. I could still hear the screams of everyone I killed with the Strike and Freedom Gundams." Heero paused, as if the grief he felt began coming to the surface. He fought it down, struggling to bind that feeling from him. "I was almost driven insane from those dreams. I just... I just wanted the pain to stop, to escape that nightmare. But they just wouldn't stop..." For the first time in the last two years, he felt the floodgates beginning to crack open, threatening to overwhelm him. Cagalli moved closer and wrapped her arms around him, trying her best to ease his torture.

"Shhh." she reassured him as she felt him struggling against the mixed feelings. "Don't hold this inside anymore, Kira. You have to tell someone. That's what we're here for." She released him and looked into his eyes, still blank but beginning to show faint signs of life again. "I'm your sister. You're supposed to talk to me about these things."

"That's another reason I had to leave." Heero gently eased away from her. "I can't put you and everyone else in danger by pretending I'm something I'm not."

"What do you mean?"

"...I'm not your brother, Cagalli." As the words were spoken, Heero could see that Cagalli thought he wasn't serious. The look on his face said otherwise.

"...No...no, it's not true." Cagalli said, shaking her head in denial at the statement. "You have to be."

"I'm sorry. But as far as we're concerned, I'm just another guy."

"No! I won't accept that!" She went to her dresser, pulling out the picture Uzumi gave to her that showed Kira and herself as infants. "Look at this picture! This is us and our mother, Kira! How can you say that this isn't real when I'm holding the evidence?!?"

"Listen to me!" Heero calmly said as he took her by the shoulders, holding her until she calmed down. He knew that this would be hard to understand for both of them but it needed to be said. "I know you're upset right now. Believe me, it was hard for me too. But I ran some checks and found information on those experiments, documents and computer records from the genetics lab where it took place. Dr. Hibiki, the one who began the experiments, took one of the babies and used it's DNA as a template, combining it with different DNA strands. The infant died but the end result was me, the end product of his work."

Cagalli remained silent as she and Heero sat down at a nearby table, digesting everything that was just said. "I-I don't understand this. Why would my father and your parents lie to us? Why would they make us think we were siblings when we weren't? It doesn't make sense."

"They didn't know. The experiments were done without their knowledge."

"Kira... I... I don't know what I'm supposed to feel right now." Tears of remorse began to develop, clouding Cagalli's vision. "This is just too confusing for me. I... I don't know what I'm supposed to do." She let the tears fall from her eyes as she cried, feeling betrayed and heartbroken for what she thought for so long. Heero moved his arms around her, letting the blond-haired girl sob. He wanted to help her, knowing how confused he was at one time after finding this out. For the first time in a long time, he felt somewhat at peace.

Cagalli suddenly felt Heero pull away, his face contorted in pain as he backed away from her. His breathing was labored, his eyes shut as he fought for control over himself against the Psycho system. Against himself.

"Kira, what's wrong?" she asked.

"It's calling me... I can't... I can't stay. I have to go." He suddenly turned and jumped out of the window, as if he was frightened. Cagalli raced to the window with tears still in her eyes, scared she would lose him again.

"Kira, wait!" Cagalli called. "You can't leave me again! Kira!!!" But it was too late. He was gone, faded into the shadows. She dropped to her knees and cried once more, filled with sorrow over losing Kira again, just when she needed him most. The hot tears streamed down her face as she heard the sound of an engine in the distance, like the type used for mobile suits. She rose and looked out the window, seeing the faint outline of a mobile suit rising into the midnight sky.