Chapter 4 : Solitaire

Toby walked home as fast as he could. He hated that J.T. only wanted to take pity on him because he hasn't been much of a friend since showing up at Rick's funeral. After the funeral was a different story. J.T went back to his ignoring ways at school besides the odd greetings when they passed each other in the hall but other then that he was either too busy directing the play, being a mascot at school games or spending days soaking in the hot tub with Liberty or so he had been told by a disgruntled Danny. The only time he had a decent conversation with J.T., if you can call it that, was when he would call during the weekend talk about random stuff for only a few minutes and then make up an excuse on how his mother wanted to use the phone or he had to do homework.

At school sure other people noticed him they would say hi but most of the time he felt they just felt sorry for him. His own sister didn't even notice him because she was too busy with Craig and his problems. Manny seemed to be his only friend but once she and Spinner became an item even she slowly drifted away from him. Although she broke up with Spin after his confession but now she was seeing Charlie and spent most of her time in school projects. Emma detached herself completely from everyone but Manny after the incident. She didn't even acknowledge Toby's existence as if they both hadn't been through the same thing and weren't there when Rick died. She hung out with the wrong crowd and ruined her good name in a matter of days. Besides the weak attempt she pulled a few hours ago she didn't much care about his existence till now.His friends had deserted him one by one getting on with their lives while he still had no where to go.

He ate his lunch in the bathroom because it was just too depressing eating it alone in front of everyone. It felt like a hundred eyes were staring at him as he ate a tuna fish sandwich or slipped slowly on his milk. He knew what they were thinking "When is he going to snap next." or "Maybe if were somewhat nice to him, he won't go off the deep end like his friend." It was just too depressing. So most of the times he wore dark baggy clothes so people wouldn't stare, he would just be another face in the crowd. But now he felt like a ghost walking through the halls because at least the signs of sympathy from other people acknowledged that he was still there, now no one noticed. Even the teachers rarely called his name when he went to class. It didn't matter since Mrs. H promised that he would receive all A's for the semester. But his father and step mom Kate still wanted him to go to school because of the free counseling they were offering and they wanted him to live life as if it were still normal. His life was never normal before but now it was just sad and even more depressing.

He spent much of his free time since he had so much free time now surfing on the net in chat rooms, forums or downloading songs. He needed all the distractions he could get and if it wasn't for school, Ashley's father wedding and the necessities in life like eating, brushing his teeth, and going to the bathroom he wouldn't have left his room at all. He would talk for days to random people about anything making up different identities and different lives that he read in a book, magazine or just dreamt of. Life as he knew it hadn't been much of a life these days just as he was about to run upstairs and go to his room his step mom came by.

"Hey Toby, you're counselor called. She didn't see you after school today." Kate touched his forehead with the backside of her palm. "Are you feeling ok?"

"I'm fine." Toby sighed. "I just didn't feel like going she won't get too upset if I miss a couple of counseling sessions."

"Toby I really think you need to be a little bit more serious about going to counseling. How about group counseling Ashley gave me a list of teen groups counseling at the Rec.Center. Maybe you can sign up for one."

"No, way!" Toby exclaimed startling Kate.

"Well, you've been through a traumatic event, you watched your friend die and he almost killed your other friend..."

"Spare me the details. Rick wasn't my friend if he was he wouldn't have pulled a gun in my face. He almost killed Emma. I just wish I would have been the one.." Toby paused for a moment. "Look, Kate I'll go to counseling next week, I promise." He ran upstairs before she could say another word.

"Ok, Ellie how do you feel since you moved back in with your mom." The group counselor asked Ellie.

"A little scared but also a little relieved. I was alone at Sean's place and when he said he wasn't returning I almost felt like I wanted to cut myself again. If it wasn't for Bueller my pet Ferret,I wouldn't have had anyone but he died a couple of weeks ago too. It almost felt like I lost Sean all over again." Ellie held back her tears. "I really miss them both. Sometimes I feel like I just want to cut but then I think about how that would make me feel. I don't want to go back to that."

"I'm really sorry about Bueller." Nancy a girl in the group said sympathetically.

"Thanks." Ellie replied with a smile

"Ellie, would you like to add any more thoughts?" The counselor asked.

"No." Ellie answered.

The counselor nodded to Ellie before addressing the entire group. '' So, does anyone else care to give their thoughts on anything that has happened these past few days or even weeks?"

"Umm." Craig uttered.

"Ahhh, Craig we haven't heard from you in a while." The counselor looked up at Craig. "Do you care to express any feelings or get anything off your chest?"

"Well, things are going pretty ok with me, Joey and Angela. Me and Ash are ok, I guess. I just hate it when..." Craig looked at Ellie. " Nothing,"

"No, go on Craig everything is confidential in this group." Ellie responded

"Fine, I feel like I'm being smothered sometimes. I love Ash don't get me wrong but sometimes it feels like the only thing she wants to talk about is my disorder these days. We could have a conversation about our favorite band and then all of a sudden she goes off into talks about Bi-polar and how she's read some new rock star has it or something. It's annoying."

"My mom was like that for a while she gave me pamphlets on Bulimia and Anorexia. I could stack a whole bookcase with all the pamphlets I had" Nancy stated.

"She hasn't passed out pamphlets yet but she does call me to go with her to lookup a new site she found on the Internet." Craig imitates Ash. "Look, Craig this site is so much better then the last one. Look, maybe this is why we had problems last time in our relationship. Craig, I feel so much closer to you now that I know these things about you."

Nancy giggled. Ellie looked around the room at if she were gazing at the random posters on the wall.

"She seems like a very supportive girlfriend to me." Nigel a guy in the group replied. "My girlfriend packed up and left when she found out about my problem. She couldn't handle the pressure or at least thats what she told me."

"She is supportive and I love her for it but sometimes I feel like she's going overboard, she's babying me." Craig said "Even my friend Jimmy said that Ash baby's me more then Hazel baby's him and he's in a wheelchair. I don't feel comfortable around her sometimes. Is this the way I'm going to have to feel from now on?"

The group counselor looked up at everyone as if he waiting for someone to give an answer before stating his own. "Most love one's are a little more attentive at first. Just give her time I'm sure she'll come around. Talking is always the best way to sort problems out in any relationship. When your ready tell her how you feel."

Craig looked up and nodded acknowledging that he was finish. The counselor spoke and listened to everyone in the group before dismissing them.

Ashley couldn't wait to tell Craig the news about how she kind of signed both of them up for Degrassi Duets. She hope he wouldn't get too angry but she read the best outlet for people to fill with their aggressions and problems after discovering they had a new illness was doing something they enjoyed. Since Downtown Sasquatch were officially broken up what better way to get Craig to do something he enjoyed then performing music. Ash had looked over the script a dozen times and besides a couple of blanks with Insert music selection here it was a pretty good. She had already picked out the couple they could audition for,set in the late 80's early 90's. She even had the perfect song selection running through her head, More Than Word's by Extreme because it not only played at her parents five year wedding anniversary celebration during happier times but it was also the perfect way she wanted to express her love for him. Her love for him was more than words could ever say.

Ashley decided she couldn't wait until tonight to call him so after the mini meeting and once she had a burger with Jimmy, Hazel and Marco she walked to the Rec. Center to meet Craig and Ellie. She had to see him in person and give him the news. Plus she wanted him to read the script at least if he looked like he was going to say no she would see it before handing him the script and tell him to read it. Also she drew a big red circle around the characters she wanted them to audition as. The song she wanted them to sing as a duet was written in place of the Insert here sign, it was in bright red capital letters with the shape of a heart surrounding it. She just hoped it would work.

"So are you going to tell Ash?" Ellie asked.

Craig looked at Ellie with an "Are you kidding me" expression.

"So I guess that's a, no. Craig, you shouldn't keep these things bottled in the sooner it's out the better."

"Please, Ellie your starting to sound like Ash. I was thinking about telling her sometime later maybe sometime this weekend when we're alone. I just can't do it now I already have enough to think about ANSIs."

Ellie looked out the door window and saw Ashley waiting across the street sitting on a bench. "Are you sure you want to wait until this weekend?"

"Yeah, why?" Craig asked.

Ellie shifted her eyes to the window giving Craig a nod to where Ashley stood waiting with a wide smile. Craig turned around and saw Ash.

"Great." Craig replied while waving at Ashley.

"No times better then the present, I always say." Ellie stated.

"Maybe, I'll... just wait a couple of more days." Craig responded as he walked out the door with Ellie.