Dun dun da da

The warden threw a party in the county jail.

Dun dun da da

The prison band was there and they began to wail.

Dun Dun da da
The band was jumping and the joint began to swing.

Dun dun da da
You should've heard those knocked out jailbirds sing.

Dun dun da da
Lets rock, everybody, let's rock.

Dun dun da da
Everybody in the whole cellblock

Dun dun da da
Was dancing to the jailhouse rock…

Imitates piano keys tinkle tinkle twinky twink twink twi

"Shut up!" The police screamed smacking Bakura. "You're not going to jail you're going to solitary confinement!"

"Damn can't I sing a little bit of Elvis! Reese's! I'm going to…solitary confinement! No one told me about this! You're lying you're taking me to see Ryou! You had me going there for a second coppers." Bakura said laughing.

"Room 105. This is your new home crazy guy." The police said throwing Bakura inside.

"Oh my god! Rape! Rape! Rape!" Bakura screamed as they put the jacket on him.

"He really is crazy. We have to give Marik an infinite amount of money for just…handing this guy over." The police said.

"It's…it's so dark in here…so warm. No body pissed in here right?" Bakura asked sticking his head out of a little window for food.

"No dammit! Shut up!" The police screamed.

Bakura looked around and saw his shadow. "Ryou! Oh my god! Ryou you're here too! Ryou! Oh Ryou! It's been like…forever!" He screamed jumping on his shadow.

"Wow…you lost a lot of weight Ryou. Those aliums…they haven't been feeding you huh! Huh! Wait till I get them! But maybe it wasn't the aliums…maybe it was Growls…"Yugi" or Yami Marik…and with Marik…as a new culprit. He's such a bad therapist. It's all his fault I'm in jail." Bakura said still talking to his shadow.

"It's Solitary confinement!" The cop yelled outside his door. "Who's he talking to anyway?" A cop asked. "I dunno himself maybe." The 2nd cop asked. "OoOoOh. Schizophrenia?" The 1st cop asked. "Uh-huh." The 2nd cop replied. "Uh-hmm. My uncle had that." The 1st cop asked. "Oh really? And how's he doing?" The 2nd cop asked. "He's dead." The 1st cop said. "Ooh. Pity." The 2nd cop asked. "Yea-huh." The 1st cop said calmly. "You sure it was schizophrenia he died from?" The cops continued.

"Ryou they're stupid…it's been…" He widens his eyes. Oh…no. I'm…itchy! I'm itchy my ass! Oh!" He screamed trying to get his hands out of the jacket. "Oh my god! Help! My itching! Someone! Help! I'm itchy." He started going in circles around the ground like the dogs when they are on a carpet I guess scratching their ass.

"Should we help him?" A cop asked another cop.

"Dude…it's on his ass." The cop that got asked the question replied.

"So…! If you got a bad itch on your ass and you were strapped in a jacket…you'd want that itch to go away wouldn't you! Wouldn't you!" The cop asked tearing up and making his eyes big. Bakura was heard screaming hysterically.

"Well…when you put it that way…" The 2nd cop said sadly and opened Bakura's door.

"We're here to scratch your ass." The cop said. "Oh thank you Ra! It's killing me!" Bakura said mooning them…with his pants on…

"Who's gonna do it?" The 2nd cop asked.

"I'm dying here!" Bakura screamed.

"You were all dramatic about it you touch it." The 2nd cop said.

The 1st cop inched his hand to Bakura's butt. "Which cheek?" He asked.

"Hmm…the right." Bakura said.

The 1st cop scratched Bakura's butt and waited for Bakura's reply.

"Try the left." Bakura said.

The 1st cop obeyed and scratched his left ass cheek.

"No…not there…it's all the way…up." Bakura said.

The cop…stuck it all the way up and heard Bakura yell.

"Ow Reese's! My ass! Are you trying to make me vomit from my ass! It's on my shoulder not in my ass. Ow!" He screamed.

"Are you fucking serious all this pain and suffering and your itch was on your shoulder the whole time!" The 1st cop screamed.

"I can't feel my own itches!" Bakura screamed.

The cops stayed quiet except from the 1st cop smelling his finger.

……

He died on the spot.

"Phil! What did you do!" The 2nd cop asked picking up "Phil" who was the 1st cop.

"Well I'd die too if I smelled that finger. I mean…I only bathe once a week." Bakura said smirking.

"John…I'm…I'm sorry." Phil coughed dramatically. "It looks like…I…I won't have…tea this afternoon with you." Croaks.

"Phil. Phil! Phil!" John (also the 1st cop) screamed dramatically.

"Oh please. He was stupid enough to smell his finger. You don't need him." Bakura said.

"That's it! I can't work with you!" The 2nd cop said crying and carrying off Phil.

The door shut close.

Bakura heard breathing from a far right corner and turned on the light.

He screamed and saw…A RED MEXICAN!

"Oh...I didn't know I had company." Bakura said looking strangely at it.

"I…didn't…know…either." The red Mexican said.

"Oh…where was I. So Ryou…" His shadow was gone. "Ryou! Oh my god! Ryou was kidnapped by them evil cops and Nazi penguins! Or Growls…"Yugi" Or Yami Marik…and now Marik."

"See…I know where this…Ryou feller went." The red Mexican said.

"Really! Where!" Bakura asked grabbing the Mexicans shirt with his teeth on the count of the jacket. He spit it back out when he saw fungi growing on it.

"How long have you been here?" Bakura asked.

"Forever. Ever since I was a litter feller kitty cat. I playder wither yarner and I hadder them fellers. Huh huh—snorts—huh huh." The red Mexican said.

He actually has a reason being here, "BUT he knows where Ryou is! Tell me!" Bakura ordered.

"Turn off the orb." The red Mexican said.

"Orb. What the fuck is an orb!" Bakura asked.

"La luz." (The light in Spanish) The red Mexican said.

"Listen I don't speak shit tell me!" Bakura said angrily.

"Light! The light shit head!" The red Mexican said insanely.

Bakura turned off the light and saw his shadow again "Ryou! You're back! Red Mexican I love…ok never mind that." Bakura said staring at how ugly the red Mexican was.

The light got turned back on.

"Ryou! Ryou! Oh Ryou! He left me again! Damn you aliums…Growls "Yugi" Or Yami Mairk…or Marik too." He screamed going into fetal position.

"Food." The cop said throwing stuff at them.

The red Mexican ate loudly and ate part of the floor.

Bakura rocked in fetal position and felt something crumbling in his pocket. He saw a white tip coming out of his pocket and reached for it with his teeth.

"A letter! Ryou used his powers and sent me a letter! He does miss me! He is worrying about me!" Bakura said crazily opening the letter with his tongue.

Dear Bakura,

Gutentag! I'm in Germany. I…left.

Sincerely (haha I got it right this time)

Ryou

P.S…I was not taken by thieves or "aliums" Love you…aw…crap.

"He's…in this alien place called…Ger-many." Bakura said mispronouncing Germany. I have to get out of here! I must get Ryou! Ryou! Ryou! Ryou!" He screamed returning to fetal position.

A few days later…

"He's been in fetal position for two weeks already…you don't think he's permanently shaped like that now do you?" Phil (the cop that died who had now been revived) asked.

"Let the mailman check him he had a letter for this kid anyway." The 2nd cop asked.

"Bakura? You've got mail." The mailman said.

"AOL?" Bakura asked looking out the food window.

"No it's the mailman. I have a letter for you Bakura." The mailman said.

"It's…it's you again! You're that dude…with the white hat…that gets chased by dogs. Manicotti. (Manicotti is an Italian food)

"Mailman. Mailman dumbass!" The mailman screamed.

"You're the guy that knows my name…and…YOU KIDNAPPED RYOU! I remember! You know my name! You knew my address! You knew Ryou! You did it!" Bakura yelled sticking his head out of the food window and trying to get the mailman with his teeth.

The mailman stuck the letter in Bakura's mouth. "Keep him in their forever!" He said running away quickly.

Bakura pulled his head forcefully out of the little tiny window and ripped the envelope with his teeth.

Dear Bakura,

Where the hell are you! I've been home for the past few weeks! I'm dying to see you. I finally caught Yami Yugi. He's in time out for give you coffee.

Come home soon,

Ryou (Ha! I didn't' say it!)

Bakura started screaming hysterically. "He's home! They returned Ryou! I must get out I must!" He screamed going into fetal position.

"He still has 3 more days in here. What are the odds this Ryou fella will leave?" Phil asked.

Bakura rocked in fetal position. "Ryou! Ryou! Must see Ryou! Back home! Free! From…ALIUMS! And Growls "YUGI!" And…YAMI MARIK or…MARIK!" Bakura screamed everyone's name.

"I know a way…for ye to getter outter." The red Mexican said.

"How!" Bakura screeched.

"Eat ye floorererer." The red Mexican said.

Bakura desperately started chewing on the floor.

"Bakura?" Marik asked from the food window.

Bakura lifted his face and stopped chewing on the floor. "Marik! You kidnapped Ryou!" Bakura yelled.

"Great I'm his new culprit." Marik said. I love that word let me add it to my smart col-lec-tion of words.

"I know you did! I know it! You did it! Don't hide it! It's true! I saw! You…kidnap! Ryou!" Bakura screamed going into fetal position and rocking quickly.

"I brought you something…but it was Yami Yugi…not me. Here's his note." Marik said slipping in the food window some…dramatic music plays coffee.

Bakura grabbed the mug with his teeth and drank it.

"Watch him closely." Marik whispered to the cops and ran off.

Bakura twitched and grunted.

"Wait for it. Wait…for…it." Phil said eyeing Bakura carefully.

"COFFEE! COFFEE! OH THAT COFFEE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA!" Bakura screamed laughing crazily.

"Ay mi madre! (Oh my god in Spanish)" The red Mexican screamed.

"Get me out of here! Auxilio! Auxilio! (Help! Help! In Spanish)"

Bakura laughed crazily and ran around the room. He grabbed the note Marik gave him that said Courtesy of Yami Yugi and gave it to the cop. "G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-give I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-it to R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-Ryou!" He stuttered rapidly.

The cop ran quickly and heard Bakura laughing crazily.

A few days later…

"Mr. Bakura we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts…I mean are free to go." The cop said.

Bakura twitched. His coffee meter was low but Ryou panic meter was still high.

"Where's the red Mexican guy?" The cop asked.

"I ate him." Bakura said calmly.

"I think we should leave you in there you are not well." The cop said.

"NO-O-O-O-O-O-O! I MUST SEE RYOU! Ryou! Ryou!" Bakura screamed dropping on the floor in fetal position.

"Is that comfortable?" Phil asked.

"Very." Bakura said rocking.

Phil tried getting into fetal position and died.

"Phil! Phil oh no! Not again! John screamed crying.

"Wimp." Bakura said proud to be still the only one that's able to get into fetal position.

"Ok…just…just go!" The cop screamed crying frightened of Bakura.

Bakura walked outside. "The outside! The sun! The birds! Yugi! Growls "Yugi". What! Nazi penguins! Yami Marik! Marik! All of Ryou's kidnappers!" Bakura screamed.

The Nazi penguins passed by him casually.

"Niet!" A penguin squawked like Adolph Hitler.

"I better not waste time! Ryou's finally home!" Bakura said taking one step before a mailman's car pulled in front of him.

"Letter for Bakura." The mailman said.

"Why are you stalking me!" Bakura screamed. "How do you know me!" He screamed again.

The mail car drove off.

Bakura opened the letter…which read.

Dear Bakura,

I…left. Yami Yugi escaped me and I ran off after him. I seemed to have lost him by the Bermuda Triangle. I found Amelia Earheart Bakura and some missing boats. I won't see you for a long time Baku.

Sincerely, (I'm getting pretty good at this)

Ryou.

Bakura dropped to his knees. "Ryou! Ryou! Why! I was…so close!" He screamed.

"Are you ready for your therapy Bakura?" Marik asked popping out from nowhere.

"Yes Marik. It's where I will make my move and kill you. Then when I kill you…I'm going after Growls…"Yugi" and Yami Marik that Nazi penguin that strongly reminded me of Adolph Hitler and them Aliums and then Yami Marik AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Bakura dropped down to fetal position and let Marik drag him home.

"I trust you are well from your Peguinitis disease. It's only a matter of time before you look like a penguin." Marik said.

"And then…I'll have to kill myself because…I was someone who stole Ryou. But don't worry Marik you and Growls "Yugi" and Yami Marik and Nazi Penguins will all be dead! I'll take my therapy…I may be really crazy after my solitary confinement days…but when it's over…so will your life and everybody elses. AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Bakura laughed evilly and saw Marik already writing stuff in his notebook.

Bakura smirked evilly and secretly started sharpening his pocketknife.

(To be continued)