(In order to get some of this chapter you need to have read chapter 3)
"One two Bakura's coming for you
Three four gonna drop you to the floor (in fetal position)
Five six he might beat you with sticks
Seven eight he'll run you over with skates
Nine ten he knows a guy named Glenn…"
Bakura chuckled evilly at his new song.
"Why are you laughing? I'm going to bom…bom…bombard you with tons of questions today!" Marik said. Whew…glad I remembered the smart word "bombard" I didn't even know I could remember. This is a new achievement I have to write this in Marik's "Great big book of things he didn't know he could remember"
It's…Marik's…Great big book of things he didn't know he could remember
It's got all his remembrances inside
See the world around him…
This books…not that great of a guide…"
"Shut up you dumb cat and dog! I'm calling them Chinese people to eat you! My "Great big book of things I didn't know I could remember" will win a Newberry award and prove to everyone that I am not smart." Marik said.
"Don't you mean you are smart…" "Whoa…what am I saying? Did I just call Marik smart? I truly am losing it! Ryou! Look what you not being here is doing to me! I complimented Marik!" Bakura started crying.
"It's not bad. Complimenting people is good. It makes them feel good about themselves. It makes them free…wild…um…
"Where are you going with this?" Bakura asked rocking in fetal position in the grass.
"I was thinking about a wild, free running boar… but I meant to say that people like being complimented which is your first lesson of the day. The complimentation of people." Marik said. Oooh I like that word! I don't even know if it's really but it sure sounds smart!
"Complimentation…isn't a word dumbass and I don't wanna do that! I hate complimenting people. It makes me lose my evil badass looking face tone. I start smiling and everyone laughs and runs away from me screaming." Bakura said sticking his bottom lip out and remembering the first time he smiled.
"Aww. I'm sure your smile isn't all that bad." Marik said patting Bakura's shoulder.
"Really?" Bakura asked making his eyes big and biting his lip with big eyes.
"I'm sure it's not bad. I mean it's a smile. Everyone has a nice smile. Like me for example." Marik smiled. "I have an excruciating smile."
We pause this scene of Bakura and Marik to give you the 5th grade spelling Bee! Wheeee!
Teacher: Spell…excruciating.
Girl: E-x-c-r-u-c-I-a-t-I-n-g. Ex-cru-cia-ting.
Teacher: Very good do you know what it means?
Girl: To inflict severe pain on; torture or to inflict mental distress on.
Teacher: Can you use it in a sentence?
Girl: Marik Ishtar has an excruciating smile. His smile inflicts severe pain or torture to humans and animals causing them to acquire mental distress.
Teacher: Excellent first place.
…….
Back with Marik and Bakura.
"Alright so my smile gives you mental defects who cares it's still perfect." Marik said folding his arms. "Now as your therapist and having this fake degree…I mean "real" cough cough degree in therapism…I command you to show me your smile." Marik ordered.
"You sure? I don't really want to go through…my pained past of smiling again." Bakura said sniffing.
"I'm sure it's not all bad. Come on…show me." Marik said smiling.
Bakura scrunched up his face at Marik's retarded smile and tried ignoring it.
"Come on show me." Marik said again still smiling.
Bakura began to tear.
"Bakura." Marik said still smiling.
"Alright ok! Damn just…stop smiling! Oh the mental-ness the pain and severe torment!" Bakura cried.
"Gees how hurtful and harsh. I'm sorry. Your eyes just couldn't resist this tooth paste um…oriented mouth commercialist…ists." Marik said confused.
"You make a retard seem smart Marik. Stop tying to be smart. It's not working. You're only being stupid and your book of remembrances will never win a Newberry award. And your smile…drop it it's not pretty soon everyone in this word will be just as mental and fucked up as you…but thus…will still and forevermore be smarter than…uh you!" Bakura said.
Marik started sniffing and tried controlling his crying. "You…you hurt my…my feelings." He cried.
Marik abruptly stopped crying and cleared his mind. "Now as your therapist, I ordered you to smile. Don't make me smile." Marik said.
Bakura's bottom lip trembled. "I…I don't wanna." He said stubbornly.
"SMILE DAMMIT OR RYOU'S GONNA GET IT!" Marik screamed pulling out a Ryou doll and ripping it apart.
"Ryou! Oh Ryou! You killed him! I can't believe you! Bring him back!" Bakura yelled crying.
A few minutes later…
Marik sewed the doll.
"Now! You smile or…" He made a cracking noise with his mouth and pointed at Ryou.
Bakura looked at Ryou's badly sewn body and the scissor Marik had close to it's neck. "Ok…you win. I'll…I'll…-shudders-I'll smile." Bakura said.
"Excellent." Marik said smiling.
Bakura screamed and covered his eyes.
"Oh sorry I forgot." Marik said still smiling.
What's keeping me alive from this! Knowing Ryou's gone or…my revenge on all these bitches! How can I still be standing it's like looking at death in the face…Damn Marik's ugly. Look at that…eyebrow I mean…it looks like a caterpillar and talk about being cock-eyed. I've heard of a few defects…but damn…Marik's full of them. His mom and dad must have been pretty damn ugly to make this child.
"Well stop looking at my pretty face…" Bakura coughed hysterically and grabbed a glass of water. "As I was saying, stop looking at my pretty face and…" Bakura coughed again and sipped more water. Marik growled. "Stop looking at my face…" Marik waited for Bakura to cough.
"Why'd you stop talking?" Bakura asked.
"Bitch." Marik mumbled. Anyway, smile or Ryou gets a snipped head." He said.
Bakura started sweating and rocking in fetal position for a few minutes. "I will get you back Ryou and after I kill him…I'll save you." He whispered.
He rose to his feet and inhaled deeply. "Get ready." Bakura said sighing.
He scrunched up his face and put on a forced smile.
"HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL!" Marik screamed.
He fell on the floor and died.
Stan (from south park): Oh my god he killed Marik!
Kyle: You bastard!
Bakura smirked and rubbed his hands. "Just need Yami Marik Yugi…Growls "Yugi" those penguins and the aliums." He walked away.
A few days later…
We are…gathered here today…on the death of our good friend…" Bakura coughed. "Good friend…" He coughed again. "Friend Marik. He was a good, loyal person gave people therapy but for some reason they all went mad." The preist said.
"You got that right bitch!" Bakura said.
"We will never forget Marik Ishtar." The priest finished.
"I know I will." Bakura mumbled. "I-ahem- I have a few words to say about Marik." He said standing up and kicking the priest away. "Marik…what to say what to say? He was…not loyal, not nice, was a total bitch to me and for Ra's sake of everyone getting mental disabilities and turning crazy it was for the good of the world. Not that anyone would want that. Marik…deserved his death. He locked me in my house every time, gave me bad therapy and was stupid. He said I had a disease called penguinist that I do not believe because I do not think it's possible to honestly turn into a penguin. He made me crazy and he was the one giving me coffee. He sent my to S.C or solitary confinement or hell, AND HE KIDNAPPED RYOU AND I'M GLAD HE'S DEAD! I technically killed him but it's his fault…he made me smile. May he rest in peace…in hell. Thank you." He said fake crying hysterically and walking away.
He put a check mark on Marik's name on his "Death to cause" list. "Next death…Yami Marik." He said laughing evilly and then coughing.
Yami Marik was at the museum watching TV when Bakura stepped in.
"Yami Marik baby. How are you doing today?" Bakura asked blocking the TV.
"Fine till you blocked the TV. Did you find Ryou?" Yami Marik asked.
Bakura's eye twitched and spoke to Yami Marik in fetal position. "No I didn't. Wanna know why! Because you hid him somewhere! You kidnapped Ryou and stashed him away in your fat stomach you fatass!" Bakura screamed.
Ishizu came in. "Marik died." She said.
Bakura cheered and stopped abruptly. "The poor thing. What happened?" He asked pretending to be sad.
"Probably thought for a long time." Yami Marik laughed with Bakura. He lifted his hand for a high five with Bakura.
"No." Bakura said as he stopped laughing.
"I'm going to throw out his stuff and moving in his room god forbid I have to sleep with you again. You wet dreamer." Ishizu said walking away.
"Dude you piss your bed. How old are you?" Bakura asked narrowing his eyes.
"3 dude. I'm 3." Yami Marik replied.
"A 3 YEAR OLD HAS BEEN STEALING RYOU! You're a prodigy!" Bakura said shocked. "I can…I can use your brain for money and sell you to a zoo for psychopaths where the lions could eat you." Bakura said rubbing Yami Marik's head.
He looked down at Yami Marik and grabbed his knife. "I must have your brain." He said cutting Yami Marik's head open.
Little Link song plays (the one where you get a new item and it goes like dun dun dun daaaaaa hehehe)
You got Yami Marik's brain! Use it wisely.
"Oh I will. I will." Bakura said kissing the brain.
Stan (…again): Oh my god! He killed Yami Marik!
Kyle: You bastard!
Bakura shoved the brain in his pants and waited for the funeral.
"Well that's two deaths in one day. Someone or something must have it in for the Ishtar's." The priest said.
"Damn straight. I have his brain. A brain this beautiful can't afford to be in such an ugly body. Can you imagine this brain in Marik's body?" Bakura mimicked Marik. "The circumference of a circle is diameter times pie…mmm…pie."
"Anyway I have to say my stuff. Yami Marik was ugly too I got his brain he deserved to die he was nothing to me yadda yadda yadda most importantly HE STOLE RYOU!" He cried. He walked off patting the brain.
Yugi skipped happily in the park wearing a hippy shirt and made a hairstyle of the "peace" sign. "Ah Bakura. How do you do?" Yugi asked.
Growls. "Yugi" "Good…till I saw your ugly face. Haha nice hair. Hey is the gay convention at your house?" Bakura asked.
"No it's at my Yami's." Yugi said.
"Dude…anyway! So Yugi…growls "Yugi" we've been…fri-fr-frie-frien-fri-fri-fri…fri-ends for such a long time now. I'm sorry I've been after your puzzle. I never meant you any harm. You're my best fri-fri-fri-fr-fr-fr-fri-fri-end Yugi. Growls "Yugi" Bakura sniffs. "I love you man. You're awesome! Put me in your best friends collage." Bakura said hugging Yugi.
"Aww! Bakura…I didn't know you felt that way! Every time you growled I always thought you growled because you hated me I didn't know it was a friendship growl." Yugi said.
"There's a friendship growl? Damn they got everything now. The perfect pancake, chocolate factory and now this. What happened to the world? Ever since Bush came. Damn bush. I mean who would name their kid Bush? Just call him shrub and he's good." Bakura said.
"Wanna come to the gay convention?" Yugi asked.
Not even if they paid me. "No thanks I actually need something from you." Bakura said. He got on his knee.
"You're not proposing are you?" Yugi asked blushing.
"Oh Ra! What the fuck are you smoking! Must be something fucking strong! Ugh! No! Shit I can't work with him. I can't wait to kill you." Bakura screamed.
"Kill me?" Yugi said confused.
"I mean kill your Yami." Bakura said.
"Oh. Hahaha." Yugi laughed snorting.
"Okay…" Bakura said strangely "Yugi. Growls "Yugi" I need…I know this is all of the sudden but…I need your heart." He said dramatically.
"My heart? Why?" Yugi asked.
"My fish died." Bakura said.
"Your fish?" Yugi said confused.
"Yes dammit! My fish! Hand over your heart!" He screamed cutting Yugi's chest open and stealing his heart.
"Now Cherry will live! Just need to cut it a bit." He said picking at the heart and sticking it in with the brain. He sat on the bench and saw the priest walk up.
"Strike 3 of the day. We don't know what's going on but there goes our king of games. Kaiba…after 3,000 years of wanting to win that title…it looks like it's yours now." The priest said.
"Like oh my god…like oh my god. This is like…oh my god. This was so sudden. Thank you like dear god. I like could've…done it without you. Thank you like that special someone who like killed him. I finally have the title king of games. I'm like so happy. Happy dance ya'll. Doo doo doo doo do. Doo doo doo doo do. Alrighty then like I'm done now. In your face Yugi I won king of games and like you didn't because you're like dead." Kaiba said skipping off cheerfully doing his happy dance.
"Good Yugi's…Growls "Yugi" finally dead! I can win a duel now!" Bakura said laughing evilly.
We interrupt this story to bring you the new hit show Kai-ba-oh!
Old Yugioh theme playsKai-ba-oh he is the king of games
It's time to like d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duel girlfriends
Kai-ba-oh KING OF GA-A-A-AMES!
Kaiba at the Oscars
I'd like to like thank my lawyer and like Booger that's like Mokie people. Yugi for like dying on me, myself for like growing up so like perfect." He smiled at the camera. "That bitch Ishizu for like giving me Obelisk and like making me go like mad with power like all through like the battle city episodes. And me myself and like I. Like thank you. Kai-ba-oh will like be a big hit! Like Whoo! Whoo me people."
A few weeks later…
Kid: Kai-ba-oh sucks! Where's the action!
Another kid: You suck!
Mokuba: DOWN WITH KAI-BA-OH!
Kaiba: Booger…how can you like cancel my show like that?
Mokuba: Easy stop calling my booger and I'll stop hating you bitch. Now die and burn in hell everyone knows the true king of games is Yugi…" Bakura out of nowhere growls "Yugi"
Kaiba commits suicide.
Bakura walks down the street and sees the mailman. He hides behind a bush and watches. He throws a letter at the mailman.
Deer Manicotti,
I kno u stole Ryou and I kno u have been stalking me so that's y I'm stalking u yet u will never suspect I'm behind this bush spying on u rite now. Watch ur bak…
I'm watching you now
Bakura
The mailman walked to the bush and saw Bakura.
"Dammit! How'd you find me!" He asked angrily. "I knew you had special powers…but the power to sense another presence…you're all crazy manicotti's out to get Ryou and me!" he screamed.
"Mailman! Mailman! First of all a Manicotti is an Italian dish! Mailman: one who delivers mail. Manicotti: Italian dish. Second of all I'm not stalking you I put mail in your mailbox or slot or whatever every Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. I don't know you I don't know Ryou and I don't care. For everyone's sake you all died." The mailman said.
"You are too stalking me how did you know I was behind the bush then?" Bakura asked.
"You wrote it in this letter!" The mailman screamed.
"How did you get that!" Bakura asked.
"Here we go with the 20 fucking questions. I saw you dump the letter on the floor in front of my feet you dumbass white head. Listen leave me alone before I call authority on you." The mailman said driving off.
Bakura saw the mail truck drive off and eyed it carefully. He looked at the nametag he stole from the mailman, which read: Billy Bob.
"It's good to be back home." Billy bob said.
"Yes it is." Bakura said turning on the light.
"Aw dammit not you again! I don't have anything!" Billy bob screamed.
"I believe you do. You have Ryou. I want him…hand him over bitch. I know you're…an alium." Bakura said.
Billy Bob started screaming and jumped out his window.
Stan: Oh my god! You killed Billy bob!
Kyle: You bastard!
"You're going to die too you little turds get the fuck out of here!" Bakura said stabbing them all and laughing manically.
"They're dead everyone's dead! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! "Yugi…Growls "Yugi" is dead! Marik thank Ra he's dead! Yami Marik's dead!" He chuckled "And now Billy Bob is dead. We won't be getting mail in a while." He said walking home.
"Bakura? You're here. I was about to call the police." Ryou said.
"So you were gonna rat me out! Huh! Ryou! All these years acting innocent! Bullshit you wanted me in jail. You must die." Bakura said pulling out his knife.
"No! I was worried! Don't kill me! I—" The mail slot opened and letter came flying in.
Bakura ran to the slot and looked through it. "Manicotti's." He said narrowing his eyes. "I thought I killed them. These bitches just keep coming back. It's just like that terminator movie. That shit was awesome I'm watching it tonight." He said opening the door. "I'm off to hunt me some manicotti Ryou. Don't move. I'm coming back for you." Bakura said running after the mailman.
"Manicotti…that's an Italian dish. Someone's been hanging around Marik too much." He said packing a suitcase.
Dear Bakura,
You're too mental for me to live with. I can't ever in a million years ever see you again. I'm living somewhere new now. There's food in the fridge and money in the glove compartment.
Won't ever see you again,
Ryou
Instructions on how to unlock a door
Put hand on door
Turn the knobby thing on doorknob
Turn doorknob
There you see the sunlight
"He…left me…how could he…leave me? After I killed everything in this world from stealing him…what did he get jacked by now!" Bakura cried rocking in fetal position.
Back in Alaska.
"So you're a race of Nazi penguins. Can I join? I'm a wanderer." Ryou said.
"Niet!" The Adolph Hitler sounding penguin said saluting him.
Bakura rocked in fetal position forever and the mail people kept sending him mail for there was an infinite amount of mailmen. Ryou was promoted to Hitler's spot during the Holocaust (for penguins) war in 2000 leaving Ryou and a discombobulated penguin he thought was Bakura the only ones left in the Nazi penguin race.
Everyone but Kaiba, Marik, Yami Marik Yugi…Bakura growls "Yugi" and Nazi general penguin Hitler lived a happily ever after.
The end!
Bakura never stopped the mailmen
Bakura: Damn manicottis
Well…this ends this series…hope I get lots of Reviews for the last chapter of Ryou's gone! Yay! R&R please!