Sonic raised his knife, a gleam in his eyes that could only mean something bad. He had prepared himself for this moment… he lowered the knife…
And began cutting his waffles.
Then, he threw the knife at a Chao while eating his waffles.
Yes, Sonic threw a knife at a Chao. And it was nothing unlike what any of his friends would have done.
You see, Sonic and his friends were not altogether fond of Chao. They had found the little buggers cute in the beginning, but their incessant noise-making was honestly quite annoying. That, coupled with the fact that there was nothing else to kill, made Chao-hunting a rather popular sport among Sonic and his friends. Sonic carried throwing knives, a katana, ninja stars, poison darts, and a pair of daggers. His partner, Shadow, was going for the medieval look; broadswords, bows and arrows, axes and spears.
Little did they know that Omochao was filming them.
Sonic and his friends were stealthy and left no witnesses, so the Chao didn't know that they were slowly being killed off. Of course, they did wonder why fifty of them disappeared every other Tuesday, but that was beside the point. Well, Omochao planned to expose Sonic and his chums for the Chao-hunters they were, and rally the Chao around this cause.
So, Omochao had gotten a tripod and a video camera, and began to film. He zoomed in on the deaths of many Chao, following Sonic and Shadow in particular. Of course, there had been that one incident with Tails and Knuckles… a rather ridiculous flashback sequence began.
"So," said Knuckles, carrying four Beretta submachine guns and a Walther PPK pistol, "have you seen any more Chao?"
"Nope," said Tails
in the attack form of his Tornado, stomping on several dozing Chao
and remaining completely unaware. "But we should find some-
LOOKIE! There's one!"
"That's not a Chao," said Knuckles doubtfully, looking at the oblivious Omochao. "That's the little flying dude who gives us snotty advice!"
"Nonsense!" said
Tails cheerfully. "Open fire!"
Omochao finally caught on
and yipped in fear. He ran as fast as he could while bullets singed
his footsteps.
"Wait… why am I running? I can fly!" realized Omochao. Of course, during that brief pause, Tails shot him in the arm.
"Augh!" screeched
Omochao, rolling on the ground. "Oh god, the pain, the utter pain!
It's unbearable! The agony is simply unimaginable!" Knuckles,
completely disgusted, walked off. Tails followed.
"That was unpleasant," remembered Omochao, then promptly slapped himself in the head as Sonic and Shadow both looked at him.
"What is it?" asked Shadow, prodding Omochao nervously with the end of his spear.
"Um…" Omochao was at a loss for words. Then he thought of something. "Hi! I'm Mr. Jones, and I work for Fox Television! We're filming you as a reality TV show!"
"Wait… then why don't we know about it?" asked Shadow, looking interested.
"Um… it's like Candid Camera! You see, we feel that actors work best when they don't know they're being filmed," said Omochao.
"Great!" said Sonic. "So, how much are we getting paid?"
Omochao gulped. "Paid?"
"Yeah, as in being given money," hissed Shadow, nocking an arrow onto his bow and looking quite upset. "So how much money are we earning, Mr. Jones?"
"Um… well, you see, you were going to be paid next month," lied Omochao, sweat trickling down his neck. "But you see, now that you know we've been filming you, you can't be paid."
"Why ever not?" growled Sonic, pulling out his katana. Omochao backed away slightly.
"Well… it's the way it works. But, we're thinking of making a movie!" he bluffed quickly.
"Really?" said Sonic. "Would we be in it?"
"No," said Omochao, turning pale as they stepped toward him. "But you would have the finest actors playing you! Like you," he said to Shadow, "you would be played by… um… Jude Law!"
"Awesome!" yelped Shadow.
"And you," said Omochao to Sonic, "you would be played by Julia Roberts!"
There was a long silence.
"Wait!" said Omochao at last. "I didn't mean that! I meant to say, Jim Carrey! … Orlando Bloom! … Will Smith?"
"And what about Tails?" spat Shadow, looking very pissed off and lifting his axe again.
"Um… Matt Damon?" asked Omochao.
"Kill him!" shrieked Sonic and Shadow at the same time.
Omochao ran. He held his video camera, hearing the air behind him hiss as arrows and ninja stars flew past him.
"I'm gonna flatten that little tin can into a beer coaster!" roared Shadow, using Chaos Control to propel himself forward.
"I'm gonna use his head as a hood ornament!" cried Sonic, somehow causing a truck in his way to explode and fly off to the side.
"How did THAT happen?" asked Shadow, looking confusedly at the car.
"Well, you see, it all started when my dad was sent to the war in Vietnam to be a waterboy," began Sonic. "Then, my mom died of an addiction to mascara, and I was sent to live with a schizophrenic hobo who ate expired credit cards." By then, of course, Omochao had disappeared.
"Curses!" shrieked Shadow in frustration.
Omochao dashed back to his hotel.
"Yes," he breathed. "I may have been shot at, yelled at, threatened and forced to come up with names of actors… but I captured their Chao-hunting on film!" He swung his arms in glee, accidentally knocking the video camera off the desk where it was perched.
The video camera shattered into millions of pieces.
"Never!" roared Omochao.
Not just because of the video camera, but because a piece of it had lodged in his ankle.
Oh, come on… you really should review!