Let's get it started in here! (God that song's stuck in my head…)
Their mirrored sunglasses flashed in the harsh sun. Their black ties fluttered over the lapels of their black suits. Their faces could have been chiseled in stone. Each bore a firearm in a waist holster, and their shoes were polished.
The only thing that made these mobsters in any way unmenacing was the fact that they were sitting around a lemonade stand.
"Geez!" complained one in a greasy Mediterranean accent, fidgeting and looking at the rings on one hand. "No business! If we don't get any money, we can kiss Don Guido's plans for the Pellegrino bust goodbye!"
"Don't be talking about the Pellegrino bust," hissed another in an outlandish German-Russian accent. "And Don Guido is not to be addressed as such. You call him Father Guillami when in public. Capisce?"
"Capisce," grunted a burly black man in a French accent, examining his fingernails.
Omochao was oblivious to this as he skipped down the lane, singing merrily.
"Cause I'm blinded by the light!" he rasped in one of the least tolerable singing voices in existence. "Man, I really need a drink of water!"
"You mean lemonade," hissed the German-Russian mobster, cracking his knuckles.
"Uh, no thanks, water floats my boat," said Omochao, making the worst pun ever heard.
"No, I think you must be mistaken," said the Mediterranean mobster. "When you say water, you really mean lemonade, right?" Omochao didn't quite know what these men were talking about, but he got the gist of it.
"Yeah," said Omochao. "I'd prefer lemonade, come to think of it."
"And who better to buy lemonade from than us?" said the French mobster. "After all, we sell the cheapest variety around, and ours has 82 percent less rat piss!"
Omochao looked around nervously as two new mobsters walked up behind him. "Um… I always liked pink lemonade," he confessed.
"Well, I'm sure you could make an exception," snarled the Mediterranean mobster, standing up and advancing on the terrified Omochao. "After all, you really like our kind of lemonade best, right?" He flicked a switchblade menacingly.
"Of course," quivered Omochao, reaching for his wallet. "How much does it cost?"
The French mobster smiled. "Thirty dollars."
Omochao grumbled under his breath.
"I BEG YOUR PARDON?" roared the German-Russian mobster, leaping on top of Omochao and whipping out his gun.
"Um… sounds like a deal," lied Omochao quickly. The German-Russian mobster backed off suspiciously. Omochao dropped his credit card on the counter.
"We deal in hard cash here," growled the Mediterranean mobster. With a sigh, Omochao counted out dollar bills and placed them on the counter.
"Thank you," said the French mobster. "I hope you feel good about what you have done… for your sake." The mobsters cracked their knuckles ominously as Omochao sprinted away.
"That's it!" roared Omochao. "The Mob! If I can't get Chao, I'll have the mob to help me! Ingenious!" He scurried off.
Later that day, Omochao hooked himself up to a large, public TV screen and a megaphone. He also had a boombox with him. With this, he planned to play a dark, dramatic song over the deaths of the Chao.
"Citizens of Chao Garden!" he screamed into the megaphone, feeling millions of eyes on him. "Here, today, I plan to give you a surprise: to show you all what Sonic the Hedgehog has been doing to your people!" He pressed play on the VCR, and then on the boombox.
As Chao died bloody deaths onscreen, Omochao chose to have some inspirational words.
"We will show him the impact of what he has done!" he cried. "We will show him how much we appreciate what he's doing! We'll show him just how happy we are!" The crowd looked on menacingly as the boombox started playing. To Omochao's horror, it did not play the dark, dramatic song, but rather this:
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!
If
you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!
If you're happy and you know it, and you really wanna show it,
If you're happy and you…
"He's the one who's been killing them!" screamed a Chao, and many agreed.
"Oh," said Omochao, looking woozy, "shiver me timbers I didn't see that coming."
Two Chao had begun to climb up the TV screen to get at him. One actually lost his grip and fell after the lameness of that joke, but the other climbed up. Omochao slapped him down. As the Chao began to fall, Omochao grabbed his hand.
"I'll never let go, Jack!" said Omochao tearfully. "I'll never let go!"
"How'd you get my name?" wondered the Chao.
"Just kidding!" laughed Omochao diabolically as he let go, sending the Chao to his death. Of course, the TV screen began to fall to the ground, very similarly to the Titanic.
"The ship will suck us down! Kick for the surface and just keep sinking! We're gonna make it, Rose! Trust me!" howled Omochao. Of course, this was all nonsense, but none of the Chao knew that as they were crushed. Omochao jumped off of the falling TV, landing somewhere that somehow was unaffected by the falling TV. Chao bodies flew past him and fiery smoke exploded nearby.
There was an extremely long silence.
"Yep," said Omochao finally, "I'm gonna stick with the mob."
So, all the Chao are dead, and Omochao has to team up with the mob… what'll happen? Review and you'll get more!