Omochao's Revenge
The Hammer Bots surrounded Omochao. He closed his eyes in sheer terror, overwhelmed by their… hammer-ness. He opened his eyes, still quivering. They hadn't changed.
They weren't giant hammers. They weren't those hammer-carrying robots from Sonic Heroes. They weren't even actual motorized hammers. No, each and every one of the Hammer Bots was a life sized, fully functional cyborg model of MC Hammer.
"Stop!" they all said monotonously at once. Omochao stopped, trembling in utter horror. "Hammer Time!" All 10 of them began parading around the room, somehow busting slick ghetto moves with their cyborg bodies.
"Wait a minute!" shrieked Omochao, striking the wall with all his might. "What… nonsense is this?" He was interrupted, of course, by all the Hammer Bots dancing around singing "Can't Touch This" at the top of their lungs.
"This is a monstrous…" Omochao couldn't find words. The only thing he could do was… sing!
He began singing the chorus to Candy Shop by 50 Cent. The robots just looked revolted.
"I think I'm on to something," he said craftily. He immediately began grinding his hips to "Baby Got Back," which had the robots vomiting machine oil. Running through every song with innuendo he could think of, he turned the Hammer Bots from smooth, slick gangstas into rusty old posers.
"I must say," breathed Pappy Jenkins, "back in my day, when water hadn't been invented and we had to walk uphill to school both ways, I would never have guessed that I would witness a rap battle between my son's murderer and a group of robots…" And with that, he passed out.
"What?" roared Omochao. "How'd you get involved (again)? We don't need your old-timer stuff!"
"Nice of you to say that!" shrieked an old woman, dementedly rocking on a rocking chair. "When I was a child, all we ever had to eat was pickles, cause that's how my daddy was paid, in pickles! For 17 and a half years we ate pickles, diced, mashed, put in soup, boiled, deep-fried, and put into cakes. In fact, during the depression, toward the beginning of my life, there wasn't enough money for brine, so we ate cucumbers! Also, if we were good, we got rotten burnt pickle hash, and for Christmas we got pickle cake with our famous pickle sauce! That was a secret family recipe, as I recall, and it required pickles, two miles of duct tape, a cheese grater, and a…" She trailed off as Omochao, looking mentally scarred beyond belief, ran off. "That's so typical of youngsters these days! Always rushing off, even during mealtime! When I was a child, all we ever had to eat was pickles…"
Omochao hid behind a corner, peering out. A large number of machine gun turrets occupied the hall.
"Oh, crap," said Omochao. Because he saw a pile of crap, of course. After all, there's no way that anyone would say those words if they were in a stressful situation, no sir.
One of the machine gun turrets picked up on him and began firing at him. Omochao dodged them Matrix-style, which was extraordinary considering that his legs didn't really have any joints in them. Using a move that would usually never be found outside of a Mortal Kombat game, Omochao picked up a Hammer Bot's body and launched it into the machine gun turret. It blew up, causing some kind of freakish reaction that resulted in the explosion of all of the machine gun turrets.
"How fortunate," said Omochao, running down the hall. He peered around the next corner to see a laser field, guarding a door that could only lead to Eggman's private chambers. The primary hint was the sign saying Eggman's Private Chambers on the door, which was odd since he preferred to be called Robotnik.
"But how will I get past that laser field?" mused Omochao. "I mean, who would ever expect Eggman to have lasers growing in a field outside of his door?"
"Not like that, you idiot!" exclaimed one of the robots, who then pretended not to notice Omochao.
"Hmmm…" Using his amazing Mission Impossible moves, Omochao got across the laser field. He reached for the doorknob… he opened it.
Eggman's private chambers were empty. Oh sure, there was a shaving mirror with blood all over the sink, there was a needle and thread with blood all over the thread, and there was a table with blood all over the plates. But there was no Eggman.
"How disappointing," said Omochao.
"How disappointing," said Eggman, standing directly in front of Omochao.
Hmmm… another cliffhanger! Please review!