Omochao's Revenge

The blue hedgehog pulled himself out of the wreckage of the wall. He glared at Eggman. Eggman opened his mouth, recognizing the hedgehog. He yelled…

"Metal Sonic! How many times have I told you not to punch the walls?"

"I wasn't punching the walls," said Metal Sonic in satisfaction. "I was kicking them."

"Same difference!" roared Eggman. "What if I'd mistaken you for Sonic and shot you?"

"My bulletproof armor would have deflected it," said Metal Sonic smugly.

"Curse you, infernal robot!" shrieked Eggman. "Why must you make my life so difficult?"

"Because you programmed me to," smiled Metal Sonic kindly.

"He makes me so… furious!" roared Eggman in anger. "You're the only one I can turn to in these troubled times, Omo… Omochao?"

For Omochao was singing Eminem while doing the Harlem shuffle.

"Make me feel better!" whined Eggman. "Don't just stand there!"

"Now hush little baby, don't you cry, everything's gonna be alright, stiffen that upper lip up little lady, I told ya Daddy's here to hold ya through the night!" sang Omochao, spinning on his head.

"Don't patronize me!" screeched Eggman. "I'm not a baby, or a little lady! Now stop that condescending stuff and get down to business!"

"I'm down with business," smiled Omochao. "What do we do?"

"Well," glared Eggman, "we need to make some kind of doomsday machine that will lure Sonic here."

"Ingenious," cackled Omochao. "Let's make design sketches!"

So, Eggman and Omochao strode purposefully to the design room. More likely, Eggman waddled purposefully and Omochao half-floated half-bounced purposefully to the design room, but I'm trying to keep it short here.

"So," said Omochao, drawing a quick sketch on graph paper, "my proposed design is this. We shall codename it Kevin. It will be a giant cucumber positioned in outer space. It shall cleverly be disguised as a pickle, and it will have enough firepower to destroy the world." (Author's Note: Anyone who read Sonic Insanity before it was taken off should get a kick out of this!)

"Sounds evil," said Eggman. "What will we do with it?"

"Well," said Omochao, "first we'll destroy the other half of the moon. Then, we'll destroy the world!"

Eggman inhaled fiercely through his nose. However, he accidentally sucked his mustache into his nose and suffocated.

"Oh, drat," said Omochao. "Eggman's dead."

"No, I'm not," said Eggman, walking through the door.

Omochao looked from Eggman's dead body, to the new Eggman standing in the doorway. He didn't want an explanation.

"Well, it's a great plan," said Eggman. "But I think I have a better one. We'll build a massive robot!"

There was a long silence.

"You idiot, that's what you always do!" said Omochao. "That's all you did throughout Sonic Heroes! You threatened everyone with the 'ultimate weapon,' which Sega was too lazy to explain in any way other than a bonus end level, and the only way you fought them throughout the game was in giant robots or with small robots of your own! Even the so-called 'ultimate weapon' was a freaking robot! It was, like, Metal Sonic in a Jurassic Park costume!"

"Yeah, but this one will be even better!" whined Eggman. "It'll have tons of guns, and I'll make obnoxious comments from it! And, if they defeat it, I'll escape using a little floating thing!"

"That's exactly what you always do!" shouted Omochao furiously.

"And it always works," smiled Eggman.

"It always fails!" screamed Omochao. "We need change!"

Eggman's face hardened. "Well, if you don't like it, then I'll just take away the Tommy guns!"

"No!" shrieked Omochao desperately. "I want them! I love your plan! What shall we call the robot?"

Eggman smiled. "It will be called… the Onion of Doom."

Omochao nearly died laughing.

The Onion of Doom… review!