Disclaimer: Harry Potter does not belong to me. Only the characters that you don't recognize belong to me. Some aspects of this story are based off of a book called Warriors Don't Cry by Melba Pattillo Beals.
A/N: Chapter 3!
Chapter 3:
Lily breathed slowly. Very, very slowly. 'Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.' Lily thought to herself, letting her mind only focus on breathing.
The familiar clang of silverware was in the air again. They were at the restaurant. And it was a nice, sit-down, annoying-white-napkin-on-your-lap-that-keeps-falling-off restaurant.
Lily looked down nervously on her menu, shifting uncomfortably in her chair. It was warm inside, and the jean jacket over her green-T didn't help. Or maybe her nervousness was making her hot. Her jean jacket actually wasn't that thick.
Lily looked nervously at her dad, who had the menu right in front of his face, as if he didn't even want to see her face.
Her mother had taken the seat next to her father, as a precaution in case her father lunged at her again like last night. But it left Lily facing her father, right…in the face.
Well, at least the menu was blocking their eye contact. Lily let out a silent sigh, flipping through the menu as if she was busy looking to avoid the "silent" conversation. She already knew what to pick.
Pretty soon the waiter came and took their orders, quietly. 'This is going to be a long lunch,' Lily thought, slouching in her chair as the waiter left with their orders. 'Well, now that we're waiting for the food, I should talk to Dad about Hogwarts…Erm…But how do I do that?'
An idea popped into her head. 'I could get Dad drunk! With wine! This place must have wine!' Lily thought. 'But I can't order wine!'
This was frustrating.
Lily sunk further into her chair as her father and mother started a conversation about friends and work. That's all they seem to talk about these days.
Lily looked around the restaurant, staring at pictures, watching people talk, cramming their mouths with food, and watching the waiters carry in and out dishes. She leaned her face on her hand as her eyes began observing people outside the window. Occasionally it would contain some really cute guys.
She saw a figure pass by, dressed warmly in a black wool coat, but when he passed out of her sight, she nearly knocked her glass of water over the side of the table with her elbow. She sat up quickly, eyes widening with complete shock at what she saw.
That owl was perched on the lamp post near the restaurant door. It ruffled its feathers at her and cocked its head as if questioning whether or not she has her application ready to send.
"Lily, what's wrong?" her dad's gruff voice asked. Lily jumped again, this time really knocking her glass over.
Lily winced when the glass shattered on the wood floor. She looked at her dad, with fear and muttered, "Sorry." She turned a beet red at all the other customers staring at her.
She bent down with the white napkin and tried to at least soak up all the water on the floor but soon enough, the waiters came and mopped it all up, brushing up the glass bits and quickly refilled another glass for her.
"Thank you," she said when the waiter set it down.
'Breathe, Lily, breathe. Just breathe,' Lily thought, cooling herself down by immediately taking a drink of her water.
Setting her glass down, Lily felt a little better, but still felt nervous. She breathed slowly as her parents continued talking. Lily tried to open her mouth during the breaks or when the conversation seemed like it was going to end, but her parents kept on talking, on and on as if she wasn't there. 'Okay, Lily, you are going to cut off their conversation,' Lily thought anxiously, as she checked to see if the owl was still there. 'Okay, you are going to do it now. You are going to say, Mum, Dad and yadda yadda yadda. On the count of 3, you are going to call them, 1...2………………3!'
Lily opened her mouth but then quickly clamped it with her hand. Her outburst had been still-born! She could still feel it there, lingering in the back of her mouth, caressing her tongue, it was almost out!
She let her hand go down quietly and swallowed, her throat hurting. But the feeling didn't go away, it loitered, like foggy wisps flying around in her mouth. It made her tongue itch to talk.
Lily tried again. '1…………………2…………………..3!'
Mu---!"
"And we have the Cajun Rib-Eye Steak?" The waiter said, holding up a tray of their dishes, steaming hot.
Mark made a gesture. "That would be mine!"
"Annnnnd the Fettucini with chicken and sun-dried tomatoes."
"Right here," her mother said.
"And last but not least, the classic Club sandwich." The waiter set down Lily's plate.
Both her parents had already given their prayers and started eating. Lily could hear the same old silverware clang.
'It's going to have to wait after lunch,' Lily thought. She nudged her sandwich, having her lost her appetite because she was annoyed that she was about to make a breakthrough. She checked through the window. The owl was gone!
Lily swallowed, feeling the tears welling up in her eyes again for the thousandth time during lunch. She tried to concentrate on chewing. She was almost finished with her sandwich. Apparently she hadn't lost her appetite. Or it was probably because she felt depressed now that she wouldn't be able to attend Hogwarts anymore. That chance was gone, poof, vamooshed forever. It was gone. And that thought thundered through Lily and ricocheted till the tears almost nearly fell in front of her parents, who were still talking.
Finally, Lily painfully swallowed the last bite of her sandwich, rubbing her fingers she drank the whole glass of water and rubbed her eyes as if she was tired. She pretended to yawn again, stretching her arms a bit. Her parents were still talking, how long was it going to be till they noticed her?
Lily slumped in her chair, anxious to get over with the lunch and run up to her room to really cry. Lily checked the owl, but it still wasn't there. Lily then glanced at her parents, her face scrunched up in pain at what had happened and what she was about to do.
'Lily, you have to do this, if you don't do this, you'll never get the chance again! You'll regret it! The owl is already gone, you might still be able to make it to school and turn it in! JUST SAY IT! JUST DO IT!' Lily thought, trying to rouse herself up, push herself to talk to her parents.
Lily held her breath. 'On the count of 3….'
Lily breathed, this time really nervous. She felt her shoulders tremble, her lips quiver as she slowly whispered the numbers to herself. She already felt her fingers shaking from tensing them up, she balled them into fists to stop the trembling, but it only made it worse. She could feel her tears already leaking and she could hear her heart beating like a drum banging right in her ear. Her mind was racing a thousand miles faster, and some part of her was yelling at her to stop. Stop! It cried. 'You'll only make things worse! Think about your parents, they'll miss you! They're trying to do the best thing for you! They don't want you to get hurt! They are your family! Your parents! What will you do without them! Stop! Don't say it! Don't count! Don't say 3!'
But it was too late, for Lily had already whispered the numbers fatally…
'One…'
'Two…'
'Three…'
"Mum! Dad!"
Lily shut her mouth the instant she finished her outburst. Her mother and father looked a little perplexed and stared at her for a split second as if she was crazy. Her outburst was loud, loud enough to earn a few stares and murmurs from other customers at nearby tables.
Lily felt her face turn scarlet and her back burn with little holes from the eyes that were boring into her, especially from her parents.
"Er…Yes, Lily?" her mother started. "What is it that you want?"
"What's wrong? You look like you're crying," her father put in.
Lily quickly wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "Mum, Dad," she said, as the other tables began chattering. "I need to talk to you about the Hogwarts Application."
The pen her father was holding to sign the check fell, hitting the table with a dull thump sound.
"Don't talk about this now. Not here," her father groaned, rubbing his temples. Rose looked frightened.
"Please Dad, you need to hear me out. This is my life. I'm already 16 and I'm a…" She lowered her voice, "a witch."
"And you, as a Muggle parent, don't know what is best for me in the Wizarding world. Dad, Hogwarts is the best magic school out there. If I don't go, I'll nearly shoot myself because I missed the chance! This is a great opportunity! I don't care about all the purebloods. I don't care about how they're going to treat me, as long as I can learn. That's all I care about. Dad, I want to be in it!"
Lily panted, it was almost off her chest.
"Lils--"
"No, I'm not finished yet," she said. "I know that you care about me and all, but please respect my decision. If you look at the application, I have already signed it. I can't go back, and I won't. I can take care of myself, and joining the Project, the Muggleborn and Pureblood Integration Project, will revolutionize the Wizarding World. It will be a breakthrough, and not only will my name appear in the history textbooks, but I will make a change. This is what everything is about, making a change. I want to be that change. And I want to go. And I'm begging you to sign. You already read some of it, it even said they would protect me," Lily said, pleadingly.
Mark grew angry. "And what about that guy? That guy, what's his name? Lord…Lord Volding, Voldmey, Voldly, Volley….Vol..vol…" Her dad struggled with the name.
Lily winced but filled in for him. "Voldemort."
"Yes, him. He's a powerful dark wizard. And he hates people like you. And he wants to kill you. How do you like that? Do you want to die!" Mark shouted, his fist banging on the table, the glasses, plates, silverware jumping.
Lily felt her tears running down her cheeks profusely now. "But I'll be protected! They'll have Aurors! I'll be in Hogwarts, with Professor Dumbledore, who is a supporter of the project! As long as the famous Professor Dumbledore is there, Lord Voldemort won't touch Hogwarts! Dad, you know Professor Dumbledore. He's the one who founded all the magic schools placed in England! All the ones for the Muggleborns! And he's one of the most powerful wizards ever! Voldemort won't even touch him!"Lily yelled, now standing up from her chair, her hands gripping the corners of the table hard.
People were staring at her. She could feel it, but she didn't care. Now at a crucial time like this. She could feel the heat of her air coming out of her mouth as she panted harder and harder each time.
Mark tried to cover his face. "Lily, this is a public restaurant."
"I don't care, Dad," Lily said. It came out colder than what she had wanted.
"My chance is nearly gone. If you don't sign it, then I will runaway to Hogwarts. I swear to god I will. I'll get on the train, I'll even walk if I have to!" Lily cried. "The owl is gone! I don't know if it will come back! I can't miss this chance!"
Rose patted Lily's arm, trying to get her to relax. "Lily, hon, you know we can't do that. We don't know everything yet."
"You can read the application! It's here, in my purse! You can read it! It says everything in there! Everything you need to know! You have to sign it!" she said, taking out the purple book and slamming it in the center of the table. There it glowed, the silver letters glowing eerily against the lights.
"I won't sign it. If it is a deal you can't go back on, especially if it's this serious, I won't sign it," Mark said gruffly as he filled the check out.
"Please, Dad," Lily said, her voice hoarse now. She could feel her throat burning in pain from yelling so much. "You have to sign it. Look," she flipped through the pages where the signatures were. "I haven't signed it with my wand. I only signed it with a pencil. A Wizarding contract isn't valid until it's signed with a wand. You can go back. You can even go talk to the Minister himself, even request Dumbledore if you have to! I'm serious, look, you can send him an owl. It even says here that if I don't sign at least to go to an interview with the Minister and attend all information nights before I sign with my wand, you can go back on the deal. But please Dad, please just sign the part for the interview."
She pointed to her signature, which was, indeed, in pencil. She then shoved the book to her parents. "Please sign," she whispered. "At least sign for the interview. And if you still don't like it…"
Her parents looked wary.
"Please…"
'Oh my, God. Please just sign! Please just sign! And I hope that when the final contract comes, you'll actually sign. Please, Mum! Please, Dad!' Lily thought.
Mark put down the pen and sighed. "I first want to read it. We need to go home to do this." He got up and put on his coat, putting the purple application book in his briefcase. He gave the tip and beckoned to go. Rose immediately got up and Lily stumbled along after them, sniffing all the way home.
They couldn't read the purple book just yet. Mark really had to go back to work and Rose needed to do some finishing chores and pick up Petunia from school.
Lily wanted to go up to bed and take a nap, or maybe just cry and worry about whether or not the owl would come back. For the rest of the day till her father came home, Lily was snuggled warmly in her bed, wishing the owl would come back.
SLAM!
Lily's eyelids flung open.
"Mum! Can I please go to this party? I mean there's this really cool guy there that I like…"
"You cannot go, Petunia. It is a school night. And most of all, we have a family issue to attend to."
Lily let out a half yawn and half groan. She whacked herself on the head sleepily, prepared for the worst.
Petunia was back.
Lily could hear her whine all the way from the garage to inside the house and up the stairs.
"What is it now?" she complained. "Is it about Lily again?"
"Yes it is. Lily and that…school of hers."
"Oh, you mean Hogwash? God, I can't believe that she wants to go there! Or wait, as long as it's a boarding school, then its fine. I won't have to see her face again!"
Lily rolled her eyes. 'Like I want to see your face! Ms. Horse-neck…'
"Petunia, I need you to help me cook. You can do homework later," her mom called.
She heard Petunia mutter on the other side of the hallway, where her room was. "Like I was going to do any."
"PETUNIA!"
"I'm coming!"
Lily heard her sister trudge down the stairs and groan at the same time. She probably really wanted to go to the party and wanted time to fix up her outfit and then some how, sneak past all of them.
Lily couldn't see why Petunia needed to attend to their "Hogwash" issue. It wasn't really about her anyways. She was the one who started everything.
Mark slumped into a chair on the dining table, smacking the purple book down in front of him and opened to the first page. Rose scooted her chair forward to read with her husband. Lily quietly sat down at the opposite end of the table, her fingers trembling already as she watched both of her parents' expressions as they read through the first page.
It was going to be agonizingly long. Just like lunch.
Lily sat, waiting. Waiting for her mother and father to say anything, even ask a question. But whatever it was, Lily knew she had to answer them as best as she could, with the most positive answers as possible, even if she knew that the issue with Lord Voldemort would be a big con in going to Hogwarts. What if she was attacked on the way?
Lily swallowed. She didn't want to think about it. She was taking a big risk. She was probably going to be killed from all the anger of purebloods. What about what they could do during field trips? Or in meals, or in corridors? They could make her life a living hell. They knew more magic than she did. They knew the ups and downs of the Wizarding world, the latest fashion, the latest curse, jinx, spell….magazines, hair-style, broomsticks, flying techniques…..
The list went on. Lily finally felt a pit growing in her stomach, wider and wider as her head thought up of more and more ways the purebloods could torture her…
Suddenly, she didn't feel like going anymore. She probably couldn't face it. All the protestors, the Aurors, guards, the yelling, screaming, kicking, arm-flinging---
RING!
This time, both her parents jumped. They looked at Lily expectantly, who felt quite nervous already. "Erm…I'll go get it," Lily said and shot out of her seat and grabbed the phone in the kitchen. "You guys keep on reading."
Lily was about the pick up the phone when Petunia came jumping down the stairs screaming her head off.
"ITS MINE! ITS MINE! IT MUST BE MINE! RINA MUST BE CALLING ME ABOUT THE PARTY! OR MAYBE HER BROTHER! VERNON!"
Lily nearly puked at the name 'Vernon'. She almost felt sorry for the guy. Who would name their son, Vernon? It was absolutely disgusting. 'And the guy is probably just as ugly as his name,' Lily thought, rolling her eyes as she picked up the phone.
Petunia snatched it away from her. "Hello?"
Lily raised an eyebrow at what Petunia was wearing. It was in a middle of an "experiment", she had on an electric blue tank top with some white late at the bottom and top. She also had on a really, skimpy looking black skirt, with a large belt. Really big hoop earrings and tight black leggings underneath her skirt and high red heels.
'She must be going to an 80's party…' Lily groaned at her sister's taste in clothes.
Lily folded her arms, and leaned against the wall. She had nothing better to do anyways, so she just watched her sister pause for a second.
Lily closed her eyes. But then she heard Petunia give a disheartening "OH."
Petunia shoved the phone into Lily's hands and said, "It's for you." And ran back upstairs, probably whipping up another horrendous outfit from her closet.
"Hello?"
"Where were you today? Are you sick or something?"
"Oh, hi, Riki. Er, to be honest, my parents got in a fight about Hogwarts. You know, I'm applying and all," Lily said trying to sound casual. Riki was her friend from her school, a very, very crazy witch.
"So?"
"Soooo….they Err, grounded me from going to school. They want me to go to…." Lily choked. "A Muggle school."
Riki let out a scandalous croon. "NOOOoooooooooooo!"
"Yeah."
"They can't do that to you!"
"Yeah."
"Well, did you sign the contract with your wand so that you can't go back on it and that they have to go with it anyhow?"
"Err…No. I haven't thought about it that way. Well, I kind of just was thinking about it, but…" Lily checked to see if her parents were still reading and if they were in earshot. She took the cordless phone out from the kitchen and snuck quietly living room and switched on the TV, pretending to watch it.
"Um, well maybe it isn't a good thing to go."
Riki let out another incredulous croon. "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"
"Why can't I?"
"Because! I mean, come on, think about it Lily! You're missing a chance of a lifetime! You have a chance, a shot at going to Hogwarts! With the Ministry of Magic! That means they can protect you and prosecute any pureblood that harms you! I mean come on, its like a win-win situation! You go, get protected and learn way cooler stuff than here!"
"Yeah, at the cost of my physical and mental safety!"
"Oh, but the experience, the classrooms, the uniforms, the spells, the castle, the grounds….the magic, it's what Hogwarts is all about!"
Lily stiffened.
"And you would go down in history! Your name would be printed in all of Wizarding magazines, newspapers and textbooks! You would be infamous! And you would be making a change!"
Lily felt caught in a web. She couldn't say anything. She wasn't so sure in going anymore.
Sensing her doubt, Riki continued, "Lily, if you don't go now, you know what's going to happen afterwards?"
"What?" Lily whispered.
"Okay, think about it. Suppose you don't go to Hogwarts. Suppose, you never went. Then what would happen?"
"I don't know."
"You would stay here, either in a Muggle school, doing something horrendous, like math! And chemistry! And you would have a hard time getting into college, you would have to explain why you didn't finish off all your credits and you're already too late and all, and on top of that, you would have a boring life." Riki paused for a breath.
"Oh, but if you still go to our school, the magic school, you would learn all sorts of neat stuff to do, but what kind of job afterwards would you get? I mean, the Ministry of Magic is trying to increase the amount of job openings for Muggleborns, but how long do you think that will take? If you go to Hogwarts, not only would they protect you and you get to learn, but you might also be able to become a Healer!"
Lily remained quiet.
"Isn't that what you have always wanted? To be a Healer? You were always interested in that kind of stuff. You were always interested in how wizards and witches fix people up."
"Yeah," Lily whispered.
"Lily, if you don't go, you're going to grow up and shoot yourself. Because you knew you had the chance, the opportunity and you didn't take it. You're going to see someone else's name in the papers."
"Ok, I'll think about it. Look, I really have to go," Lily whispered. Without warning, she hung up.
Lily trudged back into the kitchen and put the phone back into its receiver.
"Lils!" her mother called. "What was that?"
"Riki!" Lily called.
"Okay, well Lils, we need to talk! Come to the dining room, please!"
Lily swore that the butterflies seemed to multiply in her stomach with each step she took into the dining room. Lily plopped into her chair, ready for the worst.
"Lily, are you sure, that you want to go? You will be risking your life. It seem here that you will be protected with Au-auroror-aurars?" Her father started.
"Aurors," Lily said.
"Er, yes, Aurors. Professor Dumbledore, I know, will be there also. You will be accompanied with three other Muggleborns. Lily, do you know what dangers lie ahead of you? Lord Voldemeort and everything else….Its a bad time."
Lily sat quietly. "I'll be protected. I promise I won't be in so much trouble. Look, the Ministry is going to be protecting me. I'll be at Hogwarts at all times. Nothing can penetrate Hogwarts. On top of that, I won't be in any Wizarding communities homes and stuff, where attacks are most likely to happen. Hogwarts is the safest place to be now."
"Yes, yes. Well, I suppose if it gets worse they could always take you back. After all, they are concerned for your safety," Rose said.
"Should we trust these people?" Rose asked.
"If Dumbledore is in it, then I believe yes," Lily replied. "It would be a lot safer than….where I go now."
"Yes, that's true."
"But Lily, we won't see you…for such a long time."
"There's Christmas breaks! I'll come home! I swear!" Lily cried, gripping the edge of her seat till her knuckles turned white.
"Alright, I'll sign. But for only the interview. I want to make sure that my daughter is protected," Rose said. "And if we don't like it, we can always go back. Just as long as we don't sign the last page."
Lily nodded. She looked at her dad. He still looked doubtful.
"I don't know about this, Lily."
Lily swallowed. "Please, Dad. Just do it for the interview."
Mark's pen paused. He sighed and closed his eyes, horrified at what he was about to do. Their protection plan seemed flawless, and he knew that if anything happened, they would take Lily home right away. Professor Dumbledore would be there.
The tip of the pen hit the parchment as he signed it.
The page sparkled for a bit, and the signatures glowed, setting it in the paper for good.
Lily let out a breath.
It was done.
A/N: I kind of rushed it in the end. At least its done.