Chapter Six: A Dangerous Pastime
' "I'm afraid I've been thinking." "A dangerous pastime." "I know." '
Lily Evans snatched the owl before it could wake her sister. Pulling the letter off of its leg, she read it while munching her previously frozen waffles.
"Head girl," she breathed to herself, hardly daring to believe it. But she read further, looking for the head boy, and ended up nearly giving herself a heart attack. "They have GOT to be kidding!"
~
"Zymmer, Harvey!" called Professor McGonagall, and when Harvey was made a Ravenclaw, everyone looked at their plates expectantly.
Professor Dumbledore rose to his feet. "Before we eat-" A chorus of groans interrupted him. "Ahem. As I was saying, before we eat, I'd like to introduce our new Head Girl and Boy – Lily Evans and James Potter." The hall broke into obligatory applause, but most were applauding the fact that the announcement was over and they could now eat.
"Normally," said Lily snidely, reaching for her goblet, "the Head Boy was a prefect."
"Not a rule, though," James retorted. "It's not based on any factors except for who they think will do the best job – and that'd be me, apparently."
"Perhaps their drinks were poisoned," commented Lily airily, "to make them think that you could possibly handle that much responsibility."
Esedora groaned and slid down a few inches in her seat. "Here we go again," she murmured, exchanging wry glances with Remus.
"Are you implying that I can't handle it?" demanded James.
"Yes, as a matter of fact I am. In the six miserable years I've known you, you have never once proven to me that you can handle anything beyond juvenile pranks."
"And girls," smirked Sirius. "He can handle girls. That's his other extra-curricular activity."
"That explains a lot," said Lily dryly. "Anything and everything you can think of to avoid doing something useful."
"You're just saying that 'cause you've never in your life had a proper boyfriend," snapped James.
"And glad of it, I might add. Boys, as you are clearly demonstrating to me, are nothing but a waste of oxygen. I'd really rather not have a boyfriend in the first place."
"Lucky for the guys," muttered James.
"Excuse me?"
"I can just imagine you smacking them in the face if they bother you. Which would probably be a lot."
"Well, if they have faces like yours, a good slap might actually improve matters."
"And your face-"
Dumbledore stood up. "Would the Head Boy and Girl assume their duties?"
~
Lily and James led the rest of the Gryffindors to the portrait.
"Well?" said Lily, turning expectantly to James. "Give the password!"
"I thought you got the password!"
"Of course you did! Let's have Lily do all the work, shall we? We couldn't possibly have bothered to exert ourselves enough to find out a simple word?"
"You were just as capable of getting the password as I was!"
"Um…" said a fifth year. "Lily?" Lily turned her glare on the girl, who visibly shrunk a few inches. "Er…Dumbledore gave me the password – it's Finite –" At her words, the portrait swung open.
"About time," snapped the Fat Lady.
"Oh, shut up," said Lily. She and James had to wait until everyone was situated. Luckily, it wasn't their night to patrol. "Listen," she said, sending an icy look in James' direction. "I may have to work with you, Potter, but that doesn't mean I have to like it."
"I don't have to either. And I'm quite sure I won't."
Lily didn't lower herself to respond, but huffed off to her dormitory.
"Yup, she's sure got the hots for you, Prongs," said Sirius, who had been listening on the stairs along with Remus and Peter.
James groaned. "I have no idea what I'm doing."
"Insulting her is probably not the way to go about things," Remus pointed out.
"You don't say," replied James, his head in his hands. "I could use a few ideas."
Sirius cackled. "This is where I come in, Prongs, old boy."
"Oh, great."
"No, listen. I have an idea!"
Remus eyed him skeptically. "Is it a good idea?"
"Definitely," Sirius insisted.
"Ok," sighed James, "let's hear it."
"We need to prove to Lily that you're not awful, right?"
"Right."
"Now, what is the most terrifying thing on the grounds?"
"McGonagall," his friends answered promptly.
"Besides that," said Sirius, waving his hand impatiently.
"Um, the Forbidden Forest?" suggested Peter.
"Exactly. Now, suppose we trick her into the forest. She gets lost. This is where you, Prongs, step in and escort her, ever so gallantly, back to the castle."
James eyed him dubiously. "How would I explain what I was doing there? And how would we get her in there in the first place?"
"Minor details," said Sirius in annoyance.
"Lily takes her Head Girl duties very seriously," began Lupin slowly.
"Really? Thanks, Moony, for that brilliant insight," said James edgily.
"Hey, I'm on your side here. What I'm saying is, if she thought a student was heading into the forest, she'd be sure to go after them and bring 'em back."
"And then," cried Sirius, leaping up, "when you 'rescue' her, you can just say you were going after the student too! It'll be even better! I'm so glad I thought of it!"
Remus coughed pointedly.
"Well, Moony helped too."
"How're we going to make her think that there's someone in the forest?" asked James.
Sirius shrugged. "Easy enough. I'll run in there; I can lose her easily enough. Peter, you stay back here and get Lily to look out the window. James, you'll be waiting in the forest. Remus, you come along with James as back-up."
Remus shook his head. "How do you come up with these things?"
"Natural talent," said Sirius, flinging out his arms and beaming.
"Natural insanity," muttered James.
"So, when do we pull this thing off?" inquired Remus.
"Not yet!" said James, looking stricken. "We've got to wait a few weeks or so. To, you know, get into the year and stuff."
Sirius made a noise that sounded rather like a hen clucking. James responded by maturely chucking a quill at him.
"Your loss, Prongs," said Sirius.
~
"Ssshhh!" hissed Esedora, who was crouched at the door of their dormitory. She motioned for Lily to creep closer.
"What?" asked Lily as quietly as she could.
"Asper's talking to herself again," said Esedora, giggling. Lily suppressed a grin herself; Asper was well-known for holding conversations with herself.
"But I can't!" they heard her exclaim, along with the sound of her feet pacing around the dormitory. "I don't want to be like the rest of them. I swore I wouldn't ever like him. I don't want to be the girl he dates for a week and then dumps to snog someone else. But – but – oh, Merlin –" Asper sank onto her bed as Lily and Esedora nonchalantly walked into the room.
"Oh, hi, Asper," said Lily, hiding a smirk. "Fancy finding you here."
Asper looked at them with alarm. "Were you guys right outside the door that whole time?"
"Oh, no," Esedora assured her, but the laughter dancing in her eyes, as well as Lily's, gave them away. Asper groaned and buried her head in her arms.
"So," said Esedora, playfully bouncing onto Asper's bed and pulling away her arms, "you wanna give us a little more information?"
"Not particularly," said Asper, heat radiating from her face.
"Come on," said Lily, leaning against Asper, "we're dying of curiosity."
Asper rolled her eyes and folded her arms tightly.
"I guess it's up to us, then, to figure it out," said Esedora, meeting Lily's eyes impishly.
"Indeed," said Lily, sitting up primly. "Let's see. It'd have to be someone popular – a girl-a-week type of person –"
"And good-looking," interrupted Esedora, "to explain the swooning."
"I did not swoon!" cried Asper indignantly.
Lily stood up. Dramatically placing the back of her hand on her forehead, she sank onto Asper's bed and stage-whispered, "Oh, Merlin!"
"Perhaps she's in love with Merlin," suggested Esedora in between her fits of laughter. Lily, however, suddenly sat up straight.
"I think I've got it," she said, more to herself than anything. "But – yes, that would make sense all around – last year – she always –"
"WHAT, Lily?" asked Esedora crossly.
"So, Asper," said Lily, casually leaning against the wall. "How long have you liked Sirius?"
~
"I still can't believe it," said Esedora, pulling her long hair into a ponytail as they hurried down to breakfast.
Lily glanced at her sideways. "You're not – upset, or anything, are you?"
"What? Me? No!" replied Esedora. "I got over him ages ago!"
"You guys," groaned Asper, "can we please stop talking about this?"
"Sure," said Lily, pulling open the door to the Great Hall. "Now, I wonder where we should sit?"
Esedora put a finger to her chin in mock thought, and before Asper could object, she was being dragged towards the Mauraders.
"But, Lily," said Asper in desperation, "I wouldn't want to force you to sit by James – I know how much you hate him – this really isn't necessary –"
"Hello, ladies," said Sirius, nodding gallantly to them. "Lovely day, isn't it?"
The three of them promptly looked up at the ceiling, where great masses of gray clouds were gathering.
"Well," shrugged Sirius, "it seemed like the proper thing to say. Won't you have a seat?"
Slightly suspicious of Sirius' newfound politeness, the girls cautiously pulled out their chairs.
"Oh, no" groaned Lily. "Someone, please switch with me or something –"
Looking at her quizzically, Remus volunteered to change seats with her. "But why – oh," said Remus, noticing Snape directly in view across the Hall. He cast a sympathetic look in Lily's direction.
"Doesn't he blink?" she groaned, picking up her fork. Remus hid a smile, then turned to talk to Esedora.
Lily glanced over at Asper. Asper was observing Esedora and Remus with a very mischievous twinkle in her eye.
~
"Come on, Esedora," said Asper, running to keep up with Esedora's long strides. "He's perfectly nice! Give him a chance!"
"No," replied Esedora stiffly. "I really don't want to get involved with anybody right now."
Asper sighed and looked at Lily for help. Lily only shrugged.
"Time will tell," said Lily in an undertone, and Asper brightened slightly.
~
Author's note: I know it's short. And it's been a long time. And I like to flatter myself thinking anyone cares. But nonetheless, sorry.
Virtual chocolate chip cookies to whoever picks out the Shakespeare-inspired line. (Think Much Ado About Nothing.)