Barely Even Friends
'…barely even friends, then somebody bends, unexpectedly…'
"Um, Lily," said James. "Didn't, er, see you there."
"Clearly," said Lily in a deadly quiet voice. "I don't suppose any of you would care to tell me what's going on?"
The Mauraders looked at each other. "It was Sirius' idea!" squeaked Peter.
"I guessed as much. So, Sirius Black," she said, rounding on him and giving him her all-time best glare, "what the bloody hell is the big idea?"
"Er," said Sirius articulately. "It's just, we, um –"
"You do realize I broke my ankle chasing in after you?"
"You did? I mean, how do you know it was me?"
Lily rolled her eyes. "It doesn't take a genius."
"Clearly," said James in an undertone.
"You, Potter, are hardly in a position to be rude," snapped Lily. "You knew perfectly well that there was no reason to be in there; so why were you?"
"Um," said James in a squeaky sort of voice, "That way I could, um, kinda sorta rescue you when you got lost –"
"WHAT?" shrieked Lily. "Oh, I get it. When poor little helpless Lily gets lost, you can step in and be the knight in shining armor, can you?"
"Er, I hadn't thought of it that way, exactly –"
"I don't think you thought at all. You had bloody well get that idea out of your head – I am no one's Snow White. And you do know, Potter," said Lily, her arms crossed and a menacing expression on her face, "that this means war."
After fixing them all with a final lethal glare, Lily strode up to her room.
The boys who remained didn't say a word for a full twenty seconds.
"Who's Snow White?" asked Sirius finally.
"Fairy tale character," said Remus, looking rather shaken. "Eats a poisoned apple and falls into a deathlike sleep. Dwarves think she's dead. Prince comes, kisses her, she comes back to life, they live happily ever after."
There was a pause while the other Mauraders digested this information.
"Who poisoned her?" asked Sirius.
"Her stepmother."
"Why would her stepmother do that?"
"Snow White was prettier than her."
"How'd she know?"
"The mirror told her."
"But I thought this was a Muggle fairy tale!"
"It is, but there's magic in Muggle fairy tales."
"What dwarves?" Peter wanted to know.
"The ones she lived with."
"In sin?"
"No, she just cleaned for them and baked pies and stuff."
"Some life."
"How'd the Prince know to come?" asked James.
"'Cause he's Prince Charming and he knows these things," said Remus, beginning to get exasperated.
"Why would he want to kiss a dead person?" James inquired.
"I don't know!" cried Remus. "I only know the story 'cause my mum kept a few Muggle storybooks around! Lily doesn't want to be 'rescued' by a Prince Charming, that's all you really need to know."
"Well, why not?" James asked.
Remus put his head in his hands. "Because it's old-fashioned. She doesn't need a guy to save her."
"Oh," said the others, comprehension slowly dawning.
Silence reigned again, until Peter requested to know what happened to the evil stepmother.
~
The next morning, James stretched and sat up without opening his eyes. Unfortunately, this caused his to crack his head on the top of his bed. Because of this knock to the head, he thought the way his room looked was due to concussion-induced delirium.
Judging by Sirius' reaction, however, he was not imagining things.
"What the bloody hell happened to this place?" demanded Sirius. James didn't answer; he was too busy staring in bewilderment at the life-size portraits beaming at him from every wall.
'The James Potter Shrine," read a banner draped across their doorway. 'Dedicated to he who thinks himself the best.'
"Well," said Remus, who had woken up by this time and was trying hard not to laugh, "she did say it was war."
James groaned and pulled his covers back over his head.
~
"Sleep well, Potter?" Lily asked innocently that morning at breakfast.
"Quite well, thank you," he said, also feigning politeness.
Lily smiled cheekily and turned to her plate, only to discover that the food on it had been transformed into pebbles. She raised an eyebrow at James, who was busily looking anywhere but at her. She took his lapse of attention to snatch his plate, replacing it with her own.
"Hey!" cried James when he dared to look down.
"Problem, Potter?" asked Lily pleasantly.
"No," he growled, reaching for the pumpkin juice.
~
"The problem with Lily," Sirius was trying to explain, "is that she's sneakier. I have it on good authority that she is just as capable of playing a good prank – even large scale – without people knowing. You, on the other hand, are much more obvious."
"Is this supposed to make me feel better?"
"Not really. I was just pointing out that she can keep up her good reputation and pull off a good trick. She's sly and she never, ever gets caught."
"Maybe she just doesn't do anything," grumbled James.
"Nah. That whole shrine business proves she's got years of experience. You, Prongs, just may have met your match."
"While you have yet to meet yours," retorted James.
"Nothing wrong with playing the field," said Sirius, reclining, and James' requests to know just what a field had to do with anything were met with a contemplative silence.
~
"Honestly," murmured Lily, passing two Gryffindor third years with her friends, "why don't they just get on with it?"
Asper gave her a confused look. "What do you mean?" she asked, when they were out of earshot.
"I've seen them around a lot," Lily explained. "It's horribly obvious they like each other, but they can't seem to bring themselves to admit it. They'd rather go on ignoring each other.
Asper and Esedora exchanged glances.
"Gee," muttered Esedora, "can't think who that might remind me of."
~
"Pass to Potter," said Petrucci, who was disregarded by most of the students. "He dodges Ravenclaw's Keeper – shoots – ah, he misses. Ravenclaw takes possession – Bones is speeding towards the goalposts – ouch, that looks like it hurt." Amelia Bones shook her head and began flying again, looking dazed; she had been rammed into the side of the stands.
The game continued, with more and more fouls. Emma Dodds was beginning to look nervous as the game went on; Ravenclaw had excellent Chasers.
"And Potter is fouled by Ravenclaw, he takes the penalty – he scores – the score is 110-90, with Gryffindor in the lead." Petrucci paused, looking intently at the other end of the field, where the two Seekers were locked in a race. "Seekers have spotted the Snitch – they're neck and neck –"
The two Seekers were haring around the field, occasionally dodging a Bludger, until Ravenclaw's Seeker began flying higher, more slowly, with his fist high in the air.
"Ravenclaw has got the Snitch!" declared Petrucci. "The game is over – Gryffindors with one hundred and ten points, and Ravenclaw with two hundred and forty."
A shocked silence settled over the stands filled with scarlet and gold. They weren't sure what to make of losing. Slowly but surely, as the Ravenclaws realized what happened, the cheering grew louder and louder until several students covered their ears.
~
"We lost," muttered James that night, sitting with his friends in the common room. "I can't believe we lost."
"It'll work out," said Sirius bracingly. "You've still got a shot at the Cup."
"We haven't lost since I became captain!" said James. "This isn't the way it's supposed to work!"
"Sorry, Prongs, but there's not much to be done at this point," added Remus.
"We are not going to lose again," said James in a determined voice. "It is just not going to happen."
~
"So the invincible Gryffindors finally lose," said a jeering
voice. "Tell me, Potter, how does it
feel to be the captain of defeat?"
"Shove off, Malfoy," said James, lacking the energy for a more spirited reply;
he had been up til morning, working out a new strategy for the team.
"Ah, poor baby Potter, all tired from losing," added a new voice; Sirius muttered various things that were luckily indistinguishable to Snape.
"We wouldn't want to keep you from breakfast," said Malfoy smoothly. "After all, you'll need to have plenty of energy for when we beat you."
"We don't play you for two more weeks!" cried James.
"All the better," said Malfoy haughtily. He turned his back and went towards the Slytherin table.
Snape, however, leveled eyes with James for a moment, the way dogs do before they attack. "I'd hate to be you, Potter," he said softly, then left in a swish of oily hair.
James released his fists, which he had unconsciously clenched, and pulled out his chair for breakfast.
~
Asper rubbed her eyes, staring hard at the Hufflepuff table. "Is that – is that Lockhart?"
Esedora turned and gaped. "It is."
"What the heck did he do to himself?" said Lily.
"Must not be as dumb as he seems," said Asper.
"Guess not," said Esedora, still gawking. "He had to learn all those self-improvement spells."
Lily shook her head. "Honestly, what is he trying to prove?"
For Lockhart's once-dingy hair was gleaming, his bland eyes suddenly bright blue. The smile he was flashing around was much better received that usual, as it was now white and dazzling.
"Y'know," said Esedora contemplatively, "this is just going to make him more of a jerk than ever."
"Oh, of course," said Lily. "No question about that. People can take him on looks now, so he's got something to survive on."
"Pretty stupid, aren't they," observed Asper, referring to the girls now fawning over the artificial creature.
"No stupider than Pottergirls," said Lily defiantly.
Esedora rolled her eyes. "Are you still on about that?"
"Well," said Lily, cracking an evil grin, "not at the moment. They don't seem to be hanging on his every word as usual…" She nodded towards the other end of the table, where James was blissfully unaware that his hair was light blond and sticking straight up. "The look doesn't really suit him, does it," said Lily, now beginning to cackle in a most frightening manner.
The girls watched as Sirius held up a plate in front of James. As he stared in horror at his reflection, Lily had to duck under the table to keep from laughing out loud. When she sat back up, she discovered that he was right behind her.
"What did you DO?" he demanded.
"Just a little improvement project, Potter," said Lily, staring up at him with innocent eyes.
"You'd better watch out, Evans," he said, his own eyes narrowed.
"Always."
Author's Note: Wow. Am I updating fast or what?
And fear not, the L/J saga begins in the very next chapter!