Omochao's Revenge

Anyway, let's get this party started!

"They interview the kid, oh training they forbid, because Yoda sensed in him much fear, and Qui-Gon said 'Now listen here, just stick it in your pointy ear, I still will train this boy…" Omochao paused briefly from his Weird Al Yankovic singing and then resumed. "He was singing, my, my this here Anakin guy, may be Vader someday later but now he's a small fry, he left his home and kissed his mama goodbye, singing soon someday I'll be a Jedi…"

Eggman walked into the room. "I changed the-"

"Gah!" shrieked Omochao, throwing his guitar across the room. "What do you want?"

Eggman calmly dodged the guitar. "The countdown is for seven days from now!"

"You will die in seven days," hissed Omochao in a raspy voice. Then he grew serious. "They're the same thing! How many days are in a week, Eggman? Huh?"

"Um, eight?"

"No! Guess again!"

"Seven?"

"That's right, baby," said Omochao. "Or should I say, baby who mooned the entire USA yesterday?"

Eggman blinked. "That never happened!"

"Yes, it did," said Omochao. "When you were making your threat to the world, I replaced your footage of the Onion of Doom destroying stuff with a diaper-changing video of yours!"

"That's it!" roared Eggman. He was about to attack Omochao, but he decided not to (for some reason). "I'll change it to three days! Deal?"

"Deal," glared Omochao. He gave Eggman a "But you better not mess it up again!" look.

Eggman gave Omochao a "Of course I'm not going to! But you better not talk about the baby incident!" look.

Omochao gave Eggman a "OK, fine. Did you hear the Globetrotters are playing the Knicks tomorrow?" look.

Eggman gave Omochao a "Yeah. Do you want a Best of Cuba 1803 cigar? I have some right here!" look.

"Why's it so quiet in here?" asked Metal Sonic, before leaving.

There was a short silence.

"Wait," said Omochao. "How do you give someone a look that says the Knicks are playing the Globetrotters?"

"I dunno, you're the one who did it," said Eggman.

Just then, the newspaper was delivered. Because a paperboy will always deliver a paper to a heavily guarded evil base that has just threatened to destroy America.

"Hmm…" said Eggman, getting the mail and the paper. "Here, Omochao, you read the mail and I read the newspaper."

Omochao flicked through envelopes. "Bill… bill… coupon… bill… spam…"

"Spam?" said Eggman, salivating wildly.

"I meant spam, like as in junk," said Omochao.

"I thought you only said that about e-mail," muttered Eggman. He took the rubber band off the paper and saw the headline news. His face grew furious.

For the headline news said that Blockbuster had stopped having no late rental fees.

"No!" he shrieked to the heavens. "Curse you… um, who owns Blockbuster… uh… Curse you Wally Fitzpatrick!"

Omochao gave Eggman an odd look and threw the headline into the trash. They turned to the next page.

The headline read: EGGMAN'S NEWEST PLAN INCLUDES CHILD PORNOGRAPHY!

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" roared Eggman. He kept reading.

In his newest plot, the terminally obese Dr. Eggman, who has been constantly thwarted by Sonic the Hedgehog over the last few years, has turned to a more menacing way of work. Overriding all TVs in America, the good doctor spouted nonsense off of a set of cue cards, and then displayed a video of a child resembling him at a young age having a diaper changed. The child's bottom was exposed, resulting in angry parents demanding why their own children need be exposed to this. Eggman seemed to be unaware of this. When asked to comment…

"I NEVER COMMENTED!"

"Keep reading!"

When asked to comment, the doctor made assorted clucking noises and insisted that the diaper footage was a mistake and he was planning to display himself in a chicken suit instead. The conclusion we can draw from this is that Eggman is a chicken boy! Cluck, cluck, cluck! Bwocka, bwocka!

Eggman sat there, motionless. Omochao gazed nervously on. Eggman seemed on the verge of calming down…

Then, Metal Sonic threw the bag of chicken feed at Eggman.

"Augh!" screamed Eggman. "I hate everybody!" And with that, he ran off to hurt Metal Sonic badly.

Omochao put his head in his hands.

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