A/N: It has been approximately forever since I've updated. Sorry! Although I must point out that if I were to get more reviews, I would probably be a little more intent on working on this…

To Have Someone Understand

"And for once it might be grand, to have someone understand – I want so much more than they've got planned."

Lily was throwing herself headlong into her schoolwork. She had to take her NEWTs at the end of the year, and keeping herself busy had the added benefit of not allowing her to think about certain messy-haired Quidditch players. Not that she would have normally, of course. She couldn't care less.

Really.

This is what she kept telling herself, of course. She had no time for such ridiculous things. She wrote her essays, studied late into the night, and kept her mind as occupied as possible. This was, however, a lot more difficult that she had thought.

For one thing, she had to be particularly careful not to let anything slip. James being one of the most popular boys in the school, his name came up in conversations with some regularity, and she found that she had less control over the color of her face than she would have preferred. For another, her friends had not ceased to be amused at the late-night "escapades" (as Esedora called them) of a few days ago, and their frequent teasing did nothing to alleviate matters. All in all, Lily was not happy with the situation in the slightest.

However, there were other problems to consider. Esedora was still embarrassed about having unsuccessfully asked Remus out, and it was all Lily and Asper could do to keep her from darting into corners or behind doors if she saw him ahead of her in the corridor.

"Come on, Esedora," said Asper impatiently, "you'll have to face him eventually."

"Not if I can help it," Esedora replied obstinately, at which Asper and Lily rolled their eyes.

"Besides," continued Lily logically, "was it really that bad?"

Esedora stared at her. "Yes."

"Okay. Fine," said Asper. "It was the most horrible embarrassment of your life and you'd like nothing better than to crawl into a hole for the rest of your natural existence rather than have to face him and, y'know, be normal. Am I right?"

Esedora chose not to respond, but instead marched smartly towards the Great Hall for breakfast. Asper and Lily rolled their eyes and followed.

As the day went on, Lily and her friends (and, indeed, most of Gryffindor House) began to suspect a conspiracy among the teachers. There was simply no other way to explain the tidal wave of homework currently crashing over their collective heads. Those taking extra classes, such as Lily, were particularly overwhelmed by late afternoon. "I'm not sure I'm coming to dinner, guys," said Lily, looking ashen. She bent over her paper again, making notes with a quill that was beginning to run out of ink.

"You need to eat, Lily," said Asper, whose course load was considerably lighter.

"Yeah," agreed Esedora. "Besides, I need someone to sit on my other side to avoid…uh…conflict."

Lily rolled her eyes. "That is not sufficient reason."

"Well, homework isn't sufficient reason to skip a meal," said Asper, who would never dream of doing so.

"Asper, I have three tests to study for, fifty-seven Arithmancy problems left to do, and papers to write in Potions, Charms, and Divination!" cried Lily, sounding rather panic-stricken.

"Er," said Esedora, deciding that this was not the time to argue, "why don't we bring you something back."

"Thanks," said Lily, slumping back in her chair. Asper and Esedora left the common room, glancing back over their shoulders nervously.

Lily rubbed her eyes. She'd been working for four hours straight now, and it was nearly eleven. She'd eaten the sandwich Asper and Esedora had brought back for her, but that had been, according to her watch, four hours, thirty-two minutes, and sixteen seconds ago. Seventeen. Eighteen. She shook her head and peered more intently at her Arithmancy notes, only to be distracted yet again by a noise coming from the boys' dormitory. She swung around, ready to give the intruder a dressing-down, but discovered that it was, of course, James. The resulting mental image from her earlier silent threat made her cheeks flush, and she was grateful for the relative darkness. At eleven these days, most students were so exhausted that they were either in bed or asleep over their books, except for a few couples who took advantage of the desertion of the common room and the fire.

"Hi," said James, dropping down into a seat at her table. "Just remembered that I've got a paper in Potions due tomorrow."

"I finished that," said Lily, recovering, "but I've still got Arithmancy and Charms to do."

"Arithmancy?" asked James, pulling a face. "I hate that stuff."

"Join the club," muttered Lily, pushing her hair behind her face.

"There's a club?" asked James, confused.

"No, it's just...never mind," said Lily, her exasperation magnified by the amount of work she still had to do. "Shut up and let me work."

"Ah," said James. "I was beginning to worry; you didn't seem like yourself."

She glared at him pointedly, and he ducked his head down and opened his Potions book. By the time the fire had nearly burned itself out, most of the occupants of the common room had left, and James was almost done.

"Stir…clockwise…full moon…three dashes…" he muttered to himself. Lily opened her mouth, but decided the argument wasn't worth the effort. "Done!" cried James triumphantly, earning him a severe look from Lily. "What, aren't you?" he asked her sweetly.

"No," she said in frustration, "but I'm getting nowhere. I can't do Arithmancy this late at night."

"You hungry?"

"Why would you ask that?"

"Didn't see you at dinner," said James innocently.

"Keeping track of my eating habits now, Potter?" Lily asked in a tone that was meant to be scathing.

James ignored the question. "C'mon, let's go down to the kitchens."

"Are they going to let us in? We didn't do so well the last time," warned Lily, who nonetheless pushed back her chair and stood up to follow him.

"Don't worry," said James, grinning back at her. "I can charm anyone."

"I've gotten that impression, yes," said Lily, delicately stepping over the couch cushions left on the floor. She didn't care to conjecture as to how they got there.

James shrugged. "Does it bother you?"

"Should it?" asked Lily as they exited the common room.

"I don't know," said James, sounding perplexed. "It always seemed to."

"Then why bother asking?"

James rubbed his forehead. "It was just a simple question."

"Nothing's simple with you," Lily retorted.

He stopped and looked at her oddly. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing," said Lily, wishing she had more control over her tongue. It was remarkable how little control one really had over oneself.

"Anyway," said James, choosing to drop the subject, "we're here."

"It is late, Master Potter," said Piper sternly as the door swung open.

"How'd you know it'd be me?" asked James, smiling down at the elf.

"Who else would come at at this hour?" Lily pointed out.

"I don't know," said James, a smile dancing across his face. "I believe Dumbledore is capable of the occasional midnight snack."

Piper folded her arms and looked at him as menacingly as a house elf could. "Piper is keeping her secrets and her silence, sir."

"We were just wondering if we could get a bite to eat," said Lily hurriedly. Piper looked at her doubtfully. "We won't fall asleep. I promise."

"We'll go outside and eat," James interjected, getting a sharp look from Lily. "It's not that cold," he defended himself. "We have cloaks."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Fine. Whatever. Can we have something to eat, please?" she asked the elf, attempting to remain polite in the face of an increasing hunger.

Piper shrugged her tiny shoulders. "We isn't supposed to refuse. But Don't. Fall. Asleep," she said sternly, wagging a narrow finger in Lily's face. Lily and James exchanged amused glances as Piper went off to converse with the other elves.

"Here you is, sir and mistress," said Piper, presenting them with two steaming mugs of hot cocoa and slices of cinnamon toast. "And," she added conspiratorally, "Webby is informing me that the sky is very brighted tonight. She is looking in the Great Hall, sir, and is seeing this."

"Thanks, Piper," muttered James, his ears going red. "C'mon," he added to Lily, who was looking at him curiously.

"What was that all about?" she asked him as they headed for the door that would send them outside.

"Nothing," said James. "Piper's a little off sometimes. Probably got into the Butterbeer a little too heavily tonight. You know house-elves."

Lily shrugged. "Not really," she said, but James didn't elaborate.

"Hey, listen," he said, once they were outside. "Y'know your friend Esedora?"

"No," said Lily sarcastically, "I make a habit of pretending to be friends with people when, in fact, they're total strangers."

James sighed. "You know what I mean. And I assume you know about…well, Remus?"

"Yes," said Lily curiously, wondering where this was going.
"She can't know," said James. "He's beating himself up about it – bit annoying, really – but he can't get involved with her, because she can't know, because then she wouldn't want to, and…and it's just very complicated," he finished, sounding uncertain.

"I know," said Lily. "And tell him not to worry, I won't breathe a word. I wish he would tell her, though. I don't see a huge amount of harm; she's trustworthy."

"She is," said James, nodding, "and don't think we haven't tried to convince him. He just won't have any of it."

"I just wish they could be…happy, y'know?" said Lily, aware of how trite her words sounded. She pulled her cloak closer around her against the chill and took a drink.

"Yeah, I know."

Lily looked at him in surprise.

"What? You don't think I care about people?"

"It's not that," said Lily, hedging. "I've just never heard you sound so…serious."

"Yeah, well, I try not to be serious too often," he said, giving her a lopsided grin.

Lily laughed despite herself. "Clearly."

"C'mon," James said, steering her with a nudge to her shoulder. "Let's walk around the lake."

Not seeing any reason to argue, Lily complied. "Wow," she breathed. "It's like a mirror." Every star that could be seen in the sky was reflected in the dark waters of the lake, giving them the odd impression that they were caught between two dimensions.

"I can see it from my window, if it's clear enough," said James, smiling at her obvious delight.

"Lucky for you," said Lily. She drained the last of her cocoa and made to put her mug into the large pockets of her robe, but found that it had melted away. "Great," she muttered. "Now I've got nothing to keep my hands warm."

"I could fix that," said James, and slipped his hand into one of hers. Her eyes widened, but she didn't pull away.

James continued to walk along nonchalantly, as if he were not, in fact, holding the hand of the girl he'd had a crush on for three years. Lily was having a little more trouble concentrating on the task at hand. It was no laughing matter, however, she thought to herself. He may have been able to hold hands with her without any adverse effects on his nervous system, but her own heart was hammering and she was having difficulty remembering the precise movements required for walking.

"So," said James innocently, "how're the NEWT preparations going?"

"Er," said Lily, "all right, I suppose."

"I should probably be reviewing a bit more," continued James, "but I can't seem to find the time, what with all the extra homework and all."

"Um, James?" asked Lily. "Must we talk about homework?"

He turned and looked at her. "You called me James," he said incredulously.

"That would be your name, after all," remarked Lily, who was relieved to find that she knew this fact, though she seemed to have forgotten her own.

James smiled to himself and faced forward again. "So, what d'ya want to talk about then?" he asked.

"Anything besides homework," said Lily, and her next words tumbled out before she could stop them. "Or we could talk about why in Merlin's name you're holding my hand, and what exactly the implications of that are, or why I'm not pulling away but am instead allowing you to hold said hand, or why we're walking around the grounds in the dead of night, or how the house-elves can make mugs that disappear like that, or whether Piper knew exactly what you were up to, or why I didn't know exactly what you were up to, or maybe I did know and I just didn't care, or why I can't shut up –"

Without dropping the hand he was holding, James reached around with his other hand to cradle the back of her head, then bent down and kissed her lightly on the lips. He moved away and smiled at her shocked expression, which was quickly morphing into a barely concealed grin.

"S'pose I asked for that one, didn't I," commented Lily.

"Yeah, you did – figured I had to shut you up somehow."

She swatted at his arm. "Jerk," she said contentedly, and leaned into him when he put his arm around her. They continued to walk along, now in a comfortable silence, and they came to an area of the grounds concealed from view from the castle by thick bushes.

"Wait here," said James. "I want to show you something, but you have to promise not to tell anyone. Anyone. Ever."

Lily looked at him. "All right," she said, a bit suspiciously. "I've kept Remus', after all."

"Funny you should say that," said James, "he being the reason for this. Oh, and one more thing – don't be frightened."

"I won't be –" Lily began, indignant, but he laughed at the look on her face.

"I know. Just warning you that you'll be surprised."

Feeling that if she were surprised much more tonight, she might have a nervous breakdown, she sat on a rock to wait as James disappeared into the bushes. She heard heavy footsteps walking away, then heavy rustling of leaves, then silence. She strained her vision to see what was going on, but it was too dark. Then footsteps again – but strange ones, lighter sounding. She couldn't hold back her gasp as a stag emerged.

"Prongs," she breathed, feeling the puzzle pieces fall into place in her head as she reached up to pat his head. He nuzzled at her fingers, and it suddenly occurred to Lily what an odd situation she had gotten herself into. Here she was, patting the head of a very large animal – an animal which she she had kissed not fifteen minutes before. She noted with amusement the dark markings around his eyes, looking suspiciously like his own black glasses. The stag lowered his head so that he was looking directly into her eyes, then turned and bounded back into the bushes. A few minutes later, James emerged, looking slightly the worse for wear and sporting several twigs in his hair.

"Well?" he asked.

"Brilliant," said Lily, not quite trusting her voice, "but are you bloody insane? You're an illegal Animagus? Do you know how dangerous that could be? Why on earth –" She stopped, remembering his earlier comment. "Oh," she said in a small voice. "Werewolves are only dangerous to people."

"Exactly."

Lily stared at him. "I can't believe you would do that."

James shrugged, faintly embarrassed. "We thought it would be sort of cool."

"We?" exclaimed Lily, gaping at him.

"Whoops," muttered James.

"The nicknames," said Lily, beginning to pace, "they're your animal forms. Padfoot? What on earth has pad feet? An awful lot, that's what. Wormtail…ew," she said, with evident disgust. "He's a mouse or a rat or something, isn't he."

"He's a rat," said James, knowing he was stuck. "And Sirius is a dog. Huge one."

Lily cocked her head. "You don't get to choose your Animagus forms."

James nodded.

"And Peter's a rat."

"I believe we covered this."

"That doesn't…concern you?"

"Look, Lily, Peter's our friend. I know a lot of people don't like him, and he may seem slightly rat-like in personage, but that's not really a reason to distrust him."

"Sorry," muttered Lily. "Didn't mean to offend you."

"You didn't," said James amicably. "I imagine it's a bit of a shock."

"Yeah," said Lily, "yeah, a bit."

"C'mon," he said, putting his own hat on her uncovered ears. "We'd better head back."

They stood in the middle of the common room, neither one wanting to be the first to say goodnight.

"Well," said James, studying her face.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked him suddenly.

He looked at her intently. "About how much I want to kiss you."

"Funny," said Lily, reaching up. "My thoughts exactly."