Disclaimer: I own some pocket lint…you think that'd pay for the rights to Naruto?

-Don't Push It-

One day, Sakura randomly asked Sasuke if he liked anyone. Almost instantaneously, the Uchiha's face was smothered in red. Naruto had cackled about then, and he was all over him, asking things like "Who is she?" or "Is she hot?" or even "Does she wear a thong?"

In an uncharacteristic girly outburst, Sasuke cried, "I don't like ANYONE!one!#$!one!" and burst into tears.

Sakura and Naruto exchanged knowing glances, because everybody knows that they have ESPN, or whatever it's called. The blonde pointed something out with uncanny wisdom: "Sasuke, denial ain't just a river in Egypt." Sasuke shot him is best 'Don't-fuck-with-me!' glare, the tears intstanly vaporizing from the heat of said look. "I. Do. Not. Like. Anyone!" he ground out.

"Is it a girl?" Sakura pressed.

Sasuke shot her a frosty glare, and she just kept on smiling because Sakura's oblivious to everything. "Well, Sasuke-kuuun?"

"NO."

"Aha! Then it's a guy!" Naruto crowed. "Wait 'till the rest of Konoha hears the Almighty Uchiha's a flaming poptart!"

"I AM NOT A-hey, why'd you call me a flaming poptart?" Sasuke asked, completely in the dark.

Sakura threw her hands up in exasperation. "It means you're way gayer than gay!"

"Then no," the Uchiha stated matter-of-factly. "I'm not gay."

"Well, if it's not a girl and it's not a guy, then who could it be!" Naruto cried in frustration.

"An animal, maybe?"

The trio whirled around dramatically to face their jounin sensei, Hatake Kakashi.

Sakura was the first to speak. "An animal? But…but Sasuke-kun is not like that, is he?" She looked pleadingly at the raven-haired boy. "You're not, right?"

Sasuke humphed grumpily, "No, I am not." He kicked Naruto in the stomach. The said abused boy had been previously rolling on the ground busting his ass off laughing. He lay winded for a moment, then leapt to his feet. "TEME! YOU'LL BE PISSING BLOOD FOR A WEEK WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU!"

Kakashi somehow managed to calm the irate Uzumaki. "Now, how about we go weeding some gardens, hm?"

The team-bar Sasuke-gave a half-hearted cheer. Kakashi's visible eye curved upward in an impossibly perfect rainbow shape. "Off we go!" He promptly whipped his faithful porn saga out and sauntered away.

Naruto hung back to have one last word with his anti-social companion. "Are you sure you're not gay?"

Sasuke's glare did not scare the fearless blond, even though he could see the torture that the other boy longed to inflict upon him. "Don't push your luck, Uzumaki."