Title: Things Needed to be Said (Part 2)
Author: Hieiko
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own BtVS.
Notes: This story was supposed to be a one-shot, but then it started to have a life of its own. After the first part, assume that the Scooby trio buried their heads in denial for a bit, so things pretty much ended the same way in First Date. This part is set Post - Get It Done.

Spike silently left the basement at around 2 am. He went out the back door, and settled down on the porch steps. He lit a cigarette, taking a deep drag and relishing it. He hadn't smoked ever since he got his soul back, not until he killed that demon from the portal. He thought that he probably would have quit if not for that; going cold turkey was a walk in the park compared to the madness brought on by the soul. But tonight Buffy had wanted the old Spike back, and being love's bitch that he was, Spike gave her what she wanted. Leather coat, cigarette smoke, demon bashing, and all. And yet, after returning from the portal, Buffy merely spared him a cursory glance before going up to bed.

Spike knew he shouldn't take it personally. There were more important things going on. But he couldn't help wondering why Buffy had the time to emasculate him in front of everybody, but not a care when he got the job done. He told himself it didn't matter. Strange as it was, he actually believed it. It had hurt when Buffy said those things to him after all the changes he'd gone through. But it was a wake up call. After the tussle with the demon, he'd found that he felt more settled within himself. The demon had long ago accepted the soul, but perhaps the soul was finally accepting the demon. If only Buffy could do the same.

Spike thought that Buffy had accepted him, or at least recognized him as a person ever since the soul. He understood that she needed a fighter to watch her back, and he had to be strong to be that fighter. But hadn't she told him just days ago that that wasn't what she needed him for? She never did tell him what exactly that was.

He recalled the last few days. After Buffy's vague confession to make him stay, she actually wasn't around him very much. Nor were any of the others. He mostly kept to himself except when they were training the Potentials. There was something about Red and the whelp though, he noticed. They were no longer going out of their way to avoid him. They also kept sneaking glances at him when they thought he wasn't looking. He had shrugged it off at the time, but now he wanted to know. Did they think he was weak now that he had a soul? Was that the way Buffy saw him?

It hadn't occurred to him that she thought of him as weak. But considering the things she had said earlier, it was as though she wanted him to get rid of the soul. Or worse, to have a soul and act the way he used to when he didn't have a soul. He shook his head. Surely that wasn't what she expected?

Spike stubbed out his cigarette, and stared at it for a second before tossing it out into the yard. Evil, soulless Spike wouldn't care about littering.

He heard the back door opening, and immediately knew from the scent who it was.

"Hey, Red," he said, without bothering to turn around.

"Um, hey there, Spike," Willow replied, a tad nervously. "You couldn't sleep either?"

"Creature of the night here, yeah? Not exactly bedtime for me," Spike answered.

"Oh, right. So, uh, you want some hot chocolate?" she asked him.

Spike's head snapped around to stare at her. When he realized the offer wasn't just made out of politeness, he nodded. "Yeah, I could go for that. We still got some of the little marshmallows?"

Willow grinned. "Yup. Mostly because Dawnie won't let anyone near those."

That gave Spike pause. He wanted to think that his Nibblet was doing it for him, but with the way things were between them nowadays, maybe it was too much to hope for.

But Willow went on, "Now I know who she was saving them for."

He was about to say something to deny her statement, but she just gave him a look that told him it was pointless to argue. They went into the kitchen, and Willow made him sit at the counter while she busied herself making the hot chocolate.

Spike remembered the night he was with Joyce Summers in that very kitchen, when she made him hot chocolate and listened to him as he talked about Drusilla. What would she think of him now?

"Chocolatey goodness, with little marshmallows," Willow said as she placed a mug in front of him, and his trip down memory lane was cut short.

"Thanks, Red."

She sat down across from him, with her own mug between her hands. She thought of what happened the week before, when the First Evil had fooled Buffy, Xander, and herself. None of them had really dealt with it. But she had been thinking about it all week. She wanted to talk about it as well, but neither Buffy nor Xander would oblige her. They were quite content staying in denial. She'd had enough of that, though, and hopefully Spike could give her answers.

Spike watched her silently. He knew where this was headed, of course. She obviously wanted to talk, or ask something, but didn't know where to start. He decided to let her have all the time she wanted; she made good hot chocolate anyway, though not better than Joyce did.

Willow looked up from staring at her mug and was disconcerted to find his intense blue gaze fixed upon her. She took a sip of chocolate to calm herself.

"Spike, did you know that the First showed up here last week? Did Buffy tell you?"

He raised his scarred eyebrow. "I was here, Red. You tried to record the First. I knew about it before Buffy did."

"I meant the other time the First came."

Spike blinked. "What other time? Paid you a solo visit, did it?"

"No, it came to Buffy, Xander and me. And we didn't know that it was the First right away. There were things... that it said. About you." Willow took another sip so as not to have to look directly at Spike.

"What'd it say then? That I'm about to kill you all in your sleep?"

"No, Spike. See, we didn't know it wasn't you. Not at first. It said some things about what happened between you and Buffy last year."

Spike stiffened.

Willow continued, "I guess, it's kinda none of my business. But see, we all knew about the bad things, about you hurting Buffy."

Spike wanted to say something, but nothing came out.

Willow looked at him directly this time. "None of us realized that Buffy had hurt you, too. All the blame was put on you, and we all left it at that. We didn't even remember how you had tried to be good. I'm sorry."

"No, Red. What I did... the things that I... oh, bloody hell." The mug shattered under Spike's grip, and hot chocolate spilled across the counter.

A short while later, vampire and witch sat side by side on the back porch.

Willow told Spike everything that had happened during that encounter with the First. The expressions on his face just confirmed that most of what the First had told them were true. After telling the story, she didn't know what else to say. She stared at the ground, and beside her, Spike was doing the same.

"Hey," someone called out from across the yard.

They looked up simultaneously. Buffy jogged towards them, a questioning look on her face.

It suddenly crossed Willow's mind that Buffy wouldn't exactly be happy if she knew just what she and Spike had been talking about.