Title: Things Needed to be Said (Part 3)
Author: Hieiko
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own BtVS. Some dialogue from BtVS 5.14, "Crush".
Notes: Set Post – Get It Done. This part occurs almost immediately after the previous chapter.

There were hundreds of them. Maybe even thousands.

Buffy had no idea how they were going to fight the First's army of ubervamps. She couldn't help but think that she had made the wrong decision, even though at the time she had felt it was the right thing to do. She simply couldn't let herself be violated by a demon... but in a way, she already was, wasn't she? The ancient Watchers had done it to the First Slayer, and then it was passed on from generation to generation every time a Slayer was Called.

She didn't want to accept that she had the essence of a demon in her; that what she had refused was to have more of it within her. She had to believe that her decision was the right one. Because if she was wrong...

No. She wasn't going to think that way. It was done. She had felt a little better after talking with Willow about it, but at the same time she had seen that her witch friend became slightly rattled with her revelations. Buffy knew that the vision she had been shown would probably keep her up all night; she could only hope that she didn't give Willow the same problem.

Without bothering to change into sleepwear, Buffy just lay on her bed and stared at the ceiling. Thinking over the day's events, she realized that maybe she had been too harsh on Spike. But she had had to do it, because she needed him to be strong for the fight. It seemed to have worked, anyway, since he'd killed the demon from the portal. He was even wearing the duster again. That had to be a good sign. Sort of.

She decided to go down to the kitchen for a drink of water. Although, if she went down to the basement to get her laundry, that was just because the basement door was right there anyway. She was a little surprised when she heard voices from the back porch. It sounded like Spike...was he talking to someone? He seemed to be saying something, and then waiting for a reply that Buffy couldn't hear, before he would talk again. Curious, and also a bit suspicious, she slid the kitchen door open just a crack.

She never expected to see Willow there, sitting on the steps and looking up at Spike who stood beside her. Willow kept looking back and forth from Spike and something on the back lawn, although Buffy couldn't see what. Then Spike stiffened; both he and Willow turned their gazes to whatever it was on the lawn.

"...I can't let myself love you, Spike. You know that." Buffy's own voice floated back to her. She froze for a moment, until the form on the lawn made itself visible. It looked exactly like her, wearing a forlorn expression that she had seen often enough on her own face. Anger bubbled within her and she flung the door wide open.

"Get out of here! We've had enough of your games!"

Willow stared at Buffy in horror. Spike's jaw clenched in fury as he understood what was happening.

The First/Buffy's expression turned cheerful as she flipped her hair over her shoulder haughtily. "What? I was only telling things as they are... which is more than I can say for you, Little Miss Chosen One."

Buffy really wished that the First was corporeal so she could kick its ass right then and there. She stood her ground. "At least I don't go around taunting people and manipulating their feelings," she stated coldly.

The First/Buffy grinned widely. It unnerved both Willow and Spike, who hadn't seen that kind of smile on Buffy for a long time.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure there's someone here who could disagree with that," The First/Buffy said, never faltering. "But he's much too busy, getting weepy and whaled on, to say so."

Buffy flinched as her words were thrown back at her. She risked a glance at Spike, whose face betrayed nothing. Somehow, the lack of emotion seemed much worse than if he had been angry at her. She was caught by surprise when he spoke.

"If you're trying to get me to leave," he said, staring straight at the First/Buffy, "it's not going to work. I'll be in this fight."

"Because of her?"

"More than just because of her."

The First/Buffy pouted. "Even if she'll never love you?"

"Well... yeah," Spike retorted, trademark smirk in place, to hide the pain those words still caused, even though he had already accepted them.

The First morphed into Drusilla. She appeared right beside Spike and placed her hand near his cheek, almost touching. "My poor, sweet William," she murmured, "Even I can't save you now."

Then she disappeared. For a long moment, nobody spoke.

"The First is just trying to mess with our heads. Don't let it get to you," Buffy finally said, breaking the silence.

Willow wanted to say that it was too late, it had already gotten to them, but didn't. Instead, she just mumbled a "good night" and went inside. Spike was right behind her.

Before Buffy could do or say anything, he was back outside, this time clad in his leather duster.

"Gonna patrol," he muttered.

"Give me a second to get a jacket," Buffy said, turning to enter the house.

"No need, pet. I'm going alone," he said, without looking at her.

"Is this about what the First said? You know what it was trying to do."

"Doesn't mean the bugger wasn't telling the truth, though, does it?"

Buffy said nothing.

"Better get yourself some rest, Slayer," Spike said, before walking away.