(anger)
"Usui; that bastard! I'll never forgive him; never forgive him for what he did!" I can't control the tears; my rage; my hatred. Through it all; hazy passion. Hands are stroking me all over, mimicking what I used to receive on a nightly basis. And a voice in my ear:
"Give it to me…Your love, your anger, and all of your sorrow."
Who knew Chou could be so poetic?
"Take it…" My own voice is a hoarse whisper, "Take me. Fuck me. I want to forget…"
"This ain't gonna make you forget, 'Tari." But he obliges, pounding into me, kissing roughly. He likes when I'm angry. He likes it rough. He even finds it amusing that, after two months, I still cry Yuki's name when I come. "And ya should be angry at Shishio, not Usui." He points out between grunts, "He's the one who ordered it done."
"Damn him to hell!" The rage is uncontrollable. The tears are burning; leaving hot trails down my cheeks. My entire body quakes with fury and Chou doesn't stop. If anything, it spurs him on. Harder. Faster.
It doesn't matter.
I'm angry with Usui for killing Yuki; angry with Shishio-sama for ordering it done; angry with Yuki for dying; angry with Chou for pity-fucking me; angry with Sojiro for being so sympathetic.
But mostly, I'm angry with myself.
After all of this, why do I still love Shishio-sama? Why am I still here? Why is my heart still so ensnared by the man who doesn't give a shit whether I live or die? Why am I allowing the continued assault on my heart? Why let him continue to toy with my emotions like this?
Because, a voice in my mind whispers, you have nothing else left.
And that just makes me more angry.