Slight slash here, if you squint. Blink and you'll miss it.
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II
The Way Things Are
He's gone. Those words were agony. I felt like a killer in my own right, as if by saying them I'd pushed him through that veil myself.
Harry hasn't forgiven me. I neither expect nor want him to. Whenever he sees me, his eyes grow cold, as if he's resigning himself to the fact that he must now breathe the same air as the man who condemned his godfather.
He thinks it's an irrational hate. He doesn't know that he has every right to hate me. No one's thought to tell him, but I was with Sirius on that night. I could have stopped him, but I was careless. I was the reason he didn't come to the Floo. I'm the one who never stopped my friends when I should have, and I let the bad habit follow me into adulthood.
Lily's green eyes stare accusingly out of James' face, and I blame myself for their deaths as well. Maybe if I hadn't suspected Sirius, things would be different.
But I can't change the way things are, I can only wish I could.
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