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Reflection of the Moon

Lake • Sapphire Lake

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I was asleep within Yukito, yet was able to see everything happening in the world through his eyes. I could not even choose if I want to see or not, and until Yukito was asleep, like now, could I really have a moment to myself.

Normally I would think about what happened all day, the new master of clow cards, and of course, Clow. But tonight my mind was rather empty, and a twinge of restlessness arose, which I should not have at all, since I was the Judgment Maker, Yue. Maybe it was because of the full moon, maybe it was the constant warmth I, no, Yukito, had beside him. I was definitely not used to this warmth --- the body temperature of another person, but I had no choice but to bear with it. Nobody ever even came this close, not even Clow, it was rather disconcerting to find that the steady rise and fall of Touya's chest was making my heart beat accelerate.

It was absolutely a bad thing that I could feel what Yukito was feeling, so, often I se up barriers so that I would not be affected. It felt ridiculous that you could feel what others were doing to you when you knew that you were not the object of their actions. How I wished that I wasn't even there. The world was empty without Clow.

But I had to obey his last command. I had to be the Judgment Maker. I was lucky that Yukito had become friends with the new master's brother once he arrived at Tomoeda, and now I could observer her up close. It was odd that Yukito was attracted to Touya rather than the new master. Perhaps it was just that he had the most magic in all Tomoeda when Yukito arrived.

Yukito's feelings for Touya grew deeper and deeper day by day, but as for exactly how he felt, I did not know, I t did not concern me, really. Yukito and I were separate persons, and you could say that both of us were real, or nonexistent. In theory, Yukito was my false form, but maybe it could be the other way round. Or even someday, when my powers ran dry, we would all disappear like the mist, leaving no traces, fading into nothingness. Maybe it was all a dream . . .

My heart ached somewhat at that thought. It felt as if I was leaving something behind if I were to vanish. No, that was quite impossible. Yukito would probably ache for the loss of Touya, but to me, Clow was already gone. I said repeatedly to myself that there was nothing for me, but that only added to the feeling of loss. Why . . .?

"I have finally found my moon, I will definitely reach it someday." I suddenly heard Touya say, extremely close to my, no, Yukito's ear, and my heart skipped a beat. He couldn't' have found out about me, could he? No, absolutely not. He would not be treating Yukito this way if he knew that Yukito was not human. People never accepted things like Keroberos and I. There was only Clow, but he was gone, and I couldn't even die with him.

Clow . . . I missed his so much.

I stopped thinking, suddenly very tired. I also gave up on putting up that barrier between Yukito and me, so now, the warmth of Touya invaded my senses, and I knew that I was safe. Maybe I could try to get used to this.

Touya . . . thank you for the warmth, even though I knew that it was all for Yukito.

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I felt the sunlight piercing through my eyelids, and I instinctively snuggled closer to something right beside me. Normally it should be my pillow, but today it wasn't. It was warn, harder than a pillow and had a slight musky scent. Also, it was holding me around the waist. Strange . . . But I was too comfortable and cozy to move. Maybe it could stay like this forever . . .

Until I heard a chuckle from that "something", and my eyes popped open. I stared into To-ya's deep cobalt eyes.

"It is about time that you wake up," he said, amused, and relinquished his arms from my waist. I shivered at the sudden cold, and was a bit disappointed as To-ya stood up. "If we go back now, we could sneak into the house, I doubt that father and Sakura are up yet." He had a mischievous glint in his eyes and smirked, then pulled me to my feet.

He did not let go right away, but just held my arm in a firm yet gentle grip. I could feel him looking at me, and I lowered my head even more. That discomfort form last night came back again, making me unsure about what to do. Part of me wanted to just smile and pretend that nothing ever happened; the other part was infested by that discomfort, which made my heart beat faster and faster, all the while more and more aware of To-ya's warmth, every little breath and heartbeat.

"To-ya . . . when you reach your moon . . . will you leave me?" I heard myself say in a voice so small that I could barely catch it myself. I was pathetic. I couldn't even bring myself to look into his eyes.

"Yuki," To-ya whispered and tilted my chin up so that I came into contact with his deep blue irises. "Yuki, I will never leave you, no matter what, I promise."

I let myself sink into the ocean-deep eyes, and all the discomfort went away. Even all the thoughts inside me were soothed, and from that moment on, I trusted To-ya with all my heart. The peacefulness made a smile creep to my lips, and soon, if felt myself grinning like an idiot, though I had no wish to control myself, because it was To-ya whom I was facing.

He smiled at my foolishness, then pinched my face and said, "Come on, let's go before father and Sakura wakes up."

He had already walked away a few steps, when he suddenly turned and extended a hand towards me. I took it, then cast a glance up at the sky, where there was only a ghost of the moon left.

"Yuki, let's go home."

"Yes, we'll go home now, To-ya."

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What is a home?

A place that you live in, like an apartment, or a house? Or is it your family, all the people who have a blood relation to you? Then perhaps for people who do not have a family, does a home mean where most of the people you befriend are at?

If so, Yue would never have a home, but Yukito just agreed to Touya that they were going home.

Then what is a home anyway? If it is one of the above, then why do we still feel so lost and insignificant when in a crow, as if we were detached from every person beside us, not knowing where we were from and where w would go? As if we might die the next second and nothing would be belonging to us anymore. As if we had nothing to hold us onto this world, and that we were drifting endlessly. As if we were empty.

We shouldn't be feeling this if we had a home, right?

Maybe a home is just a person who makes you feel sheltered, special and useful. And when you are with that person, you know that you are connected to this person in a unique way which can never happen with someone else; that if you were to die that next second, this person would be said; and that you know where you are. You would be so satisfied that nothing in the world would be able to exchange for one second of your time with that person.

So, your home is wherever that person is.

Is this home important? Of course, and especially to Yukito. It was all he had, even if he had not realized that himself. Without this "home", then all his life was merely an illusion. It was the sole support in his whole life.

What if someone were to take this away from him . . . ?

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