Where Do We Belong?

Disclaimer: Ah something! It's a miracle. I think I angered some people by not updating 'Somewhere I Belong'... cough cough crowkeeper990 cough.... It actually was a one shot, but well I figured, I really have nothing to lose by making another fic to go with it. Hope you like.

WARNINGS: May have violent, harmful themes, read the prequel and you'll understand.

Keisan: Aww what the hell! How am I supposed to mark my chapters and begin my stories decently now?! Honestly! I want my little star thingies back...asterisks I think they're called. Whatever, I WANT THEM BACK!

(Kyouji quivers in fear)

(calms down)

Okay....I'm done for now... em... yeah here's the chapters. Wait a sec, what the hell's Kyouji doing here. Go away.

(Kyouji:runs away)

Good. Now here's the story.

It's been two years since it's stopped. The cutting I mean. It was really hard to do at first because I didn't know who I'd turn to if I ever felt nervous, frustrated or just bad about myself. Then I was reminded that I had Kai. He said he'd be there for me, and I could come to him whenever I felt those bad feelings of self doubt. And I did. We would talk for hours about things, and though he would usually do the listening and holding, I was able to get a little bit out of him. I would ask him if he ever did things like I would do, knowing his dark, mysterious past. But he told me he never shared anything with anyone, not after Tala had betrayed his trust. I guess there was something between them when they were little kids, he said they were really close friends, but Tala was lured by the power Voltaire and Boris offered, and betrayed Kai in many a way. He never wanted to disclose with me exactly what Tala did to betray him. But I gather it had something to do with betraying his trust, maybe with a secret. Kai doesn't tell anyone his secrets anymore. Well except me, and that's very rare indeed.

I still participated with the team, I don't think they ever knew about the cutting, at least I don't think Kai would've told them, he knows about betrayal and trust. And I knew I'd never tell, it was a little embarrassing to think I had to resort to something like that in order to be free from my self-torment, and knowing them, they certainly weren't mature enough to understand, they'd think it was gross or something.

My old team have seemed to come back into my life somehow. They would sometimes visit and by the end of the tournament, I did know that they forgave me, and I was able to forgive myself knowing that. It makes me laugh the way Kai acts when Mao gets all mushy around me, he usually stuck his nose up in the air snobbily like it didn't matter, but inside I could tell he was seething. For some reason he didn't like her around me, tell you the truth, she kind of bothered me sometimes too, but we were still friends, though I did tell her we would never be anything more. She truly was like a little sister to me, but she didn't know about what I did either. Nor did any of the rest of my old team. But now one of the reasons I cut myself was gone, I accepted (with Kai's help of course) that my team forgave me, so I forgave myself.

The other reason I hurt myself before, well I was still working on that one. It was Kai's own past which led me to believe that I had not been punished enough in this life, and that I deserved to be 'self-disciplined'. But Kai has told me the last thing he wanted was me to hurt myself on his account. I still feel guilty about how lucky I am, I truly don't think I deserve it, or Kai's caring for that matter. Why should I have this.... this love I guess? It makes me wonder, I certainly don't not like being cared for by someone like Kai, but it's strange, he doesn't really care the same way about anyone else. The only one, he said, that ever came close was Tala and that disappeared when he betrayed him. Kai's usually bitter about the subject, but he tries to be calm and caring if only around me. Kai however, tends to 'vent' when he's around Takao or Max, but it's usually the former who takes the most verbal beatings or 'intense beyblade training' as he would call it.

As of now, my current state is content, if not happy. Kai is there for me whenever I need him and nothing will ever change that, he said so himself. And I still have my promise to Kai, that I would never hurt myself intentionally again and I have kept that promise. And although Kai can be over-protective, I still appreciate and recognize it's because he cares, he said so, once. At one time I thought we might become something more, I don't think it's now because I've only come to accept that Kai is my supportive friend, who is always there for me.

Currently, I am sitting on the window sill daydreaming away, technically I am sick and am supposed to be resting, but I thought this was a little more entertaining. Kai is down on the field training the rest of the team. Poor Kai, Takao's being a pain in the ass. But I laugh all the same. There are few fluffy, white clouds in the sky, it rained two days ago, but it's sunny now, I hate the rain.

Kai's POV

I hate Takao! Ugh. What a crappy day. I just got back from training (yes, even great champions like ourselves need our daily training and practice). Of course, that doesn't usually include lip from the most overly-confident, and dare I say arrogant, teammate. Yet it comes all the same. I guess that's what comes with being a leader, or captain, whatever. But that's all he does!!! He whines and whines and whines some more!

Take a deep breath, breathe. I am calm. Thank the gods our session is over, I think I dislike training more than Takao does, just because he doesn't shut up.

Oh well, at least I get to go see my kitten. Rei wasn't well today, he was awfully pale and had a high fever this morning. The home doctor recommended rest and no getting out of bed. He objected of course, he doesn't like to miss training, or maybe he just likes being with the team, or just me. Heh... being self-centered again. At any rate, Rei's health is of utmost importance now, I don't like seeing him so...vulnerable. He's usually strong and able to take care of himself, except when he has those little bouts of self-disgust, he comes to me, that's another reason I like staying close to him, just in case.

I know he would never break his promise, but if I wasn't there when he needed me, I would never forgive myself. Not to mention Mao's been unusually friendly and tends to come over whenever she feels like it. Her team can only restrain her so much, before she gets out of control. She has this obsession with Rei, but Rei doesn't seem to realize how strong this is, he usually brushes it off and assures me they're only friends. And then he'd ask me why it mattered to me, I usually just say it's nothing. Though I know what it is, I'm not about to tell Rei, yet.

I guess it's just another thing I like about Rei, he's so naïve, but it's I don't know...cute? Note to self: never say that word aloud, it's out of character.

Anyway, it's not like he feels the same way, at least I doubt it. He's still getting over that health issue from two years ago, and sometimes still asks my why I ever bothered with him in the first place. I've told him I cared for him and his health, plus he's a great asset to this team, and he seemed satisfied. Of course, I'm not going to tell him that if he ever killed himself, I wouldn't want to live anymore, he's everything to me. I think I care about him more than any friend I've ever had, even more than Tala. If he ever betrayed me, I don't think I could get over it. I regretted getting so close to Tala for that reason, I felt void of almost anything, but hate and spite when he betrayed me. I was an empty shell. Now Rei's here, he makes me feel again, and it scares me as much as it draws me closer and closer to him. He doesn't even seem to realize it.

I glanced up at our window as I walked back inside, there was Rei sitting on the ledge inside gazing at the sky. His glossy raven hair was out of its binds and graced along his lithe frame, contrasting with his sun-kissed skin. His eyes were another story all together. They were of an inexplicable gold, filled with an untainted innocence, completely warm and compassionate. When I looked in his eyes that day I found out what he was doing two years ago, I could see fear and pain in those golden orbs, and I vowed I never wanted to see those two things again, I would protect him from it at all costs.

I climbed the stairs to our room, opened the door quietly, he's got sharp hearing, but he seemed to be so wrapped up in his thoughts that I was able to walk up behind him and put my hands over his eyes.

"Guess who," I said with a small smile.

"Hmm... Kai, who else?" he said with a grin as he put his hands over mine.

"And Rei, what are you doing? What did the doctor and I say?"

"To stay in bed and rest. But what makes you think I want to? It's so much more fun to see you lecturing Tyson than to lie there bored as hell."

"Ugh, don't remind me."

"Aww, it's okay, I'm here now," he said giving me a long look.

I shook my head and led him back to his bed, tucking in the covers around him.

"Feel better," I said as I walked to the door and exited quietly, ignoring the evil look he gave me.

I knew he hated being confined there, but it was for his own good. I cared about him too much for him to get any sicker, I wanted him to be well, protected and safe.

Rei's POV

I hate it when he does that. I swear he couldn't be anymore overprotective if he tried! Always checking up on me, always watching me when I'm around him, always trying to stay as close to me as possible...it's almost as if-

Nah! No way! No fucking way that could ever happen between us. I don't even know if he likes boys, I mean sure he doesn't seem all that attracted to girls the way he talks about them, but it's not like he's ever said anything that gave me any indication that he's attracted to boys either. Right. I'm just a wishful thinker. I know I want to hear he likes boys and that maybe I have a chance, but I know that would never happen. I have to get that fact through my head and stop dreaming about what will never be.

My heart dropped at the cynical thoughts, but I knew it was true. It had to be. I've honestly never believed I might have any romantic happiness. I think sometimes I'm a little too optimistic for my own good, thinking that things will always turn out and be okay, but in reality that's not usually the case. Well I suppose Kai helping me through my cutting phase was a good thing, but that's not to say nothing good can ever happen. Most of the time things don't turn out the way humans want them to, that's all.

I just wish Kai would stop being so overprotective, attentive and giving me false hope. It's depressing. Maybe I should talk to him. Or maybe not, he might think I'm implying something and then I'd be embarrassed if he found out what I really think of him. Ugh, who knew Kai would be so hard to deal with like this.

TBC

A/n: I know that was short and considering I haven't been writing much lately, it's not really an apology fic. However, I was simply going through my files and seeing what I'd had done and this seemed close enough. Now I know what you're thinking, and before you say anything, it ISN'T complete, I couldn't just leave it like that. Nothing's really happened and even though the prequel to this fic was a one shot, well it doesn't mean this one is. I'm not sure how long this'll be, but I guess we'll see. The main reason I didn't really do much for writing this summer is because I was in Ireland visiting my family and therefore did not have the time. Well I'll try and update this as soon as I can- thanks everyone! I appreciate all the readers and reviewers alike, do continue if you please.