Chapter Two She's a White Magic WomanSort of

Gandalf strode into the Golden Hall of Meduseld, attempting to ignore Kali's threats to Háma about suing for the obstruction of elderly people. he called, and his eyes fell on a sight that made his heart sink. King Théoden of the nation of Rohan was slumped in his chair, eyes pale and glazed, hair and skin crusty and old-looking; clearly not himself.

Théoden—or his mockery, anyway—raised his head long enough to take in the sight of Gandalf and his four companions. Why are you here, Gandalf? All you ever cause is trouble.You make a good point, my liege, Wormtongue said unctuously, leaning towards Théoden.

AIIE! Wormy Willy! Kali shrieked, and several guards in the room winced or covered their ears. Wormtongue looked up in shock, just as he suddenly shot into the air as if launched from a catapult. Stop worming all over King Théoden! she cried, as Wormtongue bounced off the ceiling. Go outside and get some sun, you cave critter! she continued as he fell and bounced off the �oor. And get a better wardrobe! He rose up and bounced off the ceiling again. By this point, he was letting out a steady wail of pain and embarrassment.

Théoden made as if to rise from his seat. What are you doing to Gríma, my most trusted advisor! he demanded hoarsely. Answer, Gandalf!It is not I, Gandalf responded, as confused as everyone else. He glanced over at Kali, and noticed that she had a look of determination on her face, and was glaring at Wormtongue as he undulated around the throneroom, crying out and �ailing and nearly knocking over bewildered guards. !' he thought. It must be some spell of hers! But she is neither using a focus, nor gesturing'

He closed his eyes and shook his head. That is not what I came here for!' Taking a step towards Théoden's throne, he gripped his staff �rmly and aimed it at the possessed king.

Wormtongue squeaked between bounces off the �oor and ceiling. You—were—supposed—to—take— their—weapons—! Kali shouted. Even if they HAD been able to take my weapons, it wouldn't have stopped me from punishing you! the pale-faced toady gasped as he landed on the �oor and stayed there. What have I—ever done to you—!

Kali's eyes narrowed. Insulted my vision with your wormy presence. She tossed her braid behind her shoulder imperiously. Besides, you're a sexist bastard. I can see it in your eyes.

Gandalf clenched his teeth. Must ignore comic relief' he said to himself. To the wizened-looking king before him, he cried, Théoden! You must shake off Saruman's spell!

Théoden cracked an evil smile. No, Gandalf, he said in Saruman's voice. Rohan is mine. I will not give it up. You have no power here!I was expecting you to think something like that Gandalf muttered, whipping off his cloak. Théoden moaned and covered his eyes, and several guards turned away, squinting.

Wow, that's bright, Kali observed. So is your robe radioactive, or do you just have Continual Light cast on it?Continual Light, Gandalf responded, and made a mental note to later ask Kali just how much she knew of magic.

Wormtongue cast a desperate glance at Théoden. S—stop them—! he hissed to the guards. Several of the Rohirrim warriors standing around the room reached for their swords and suddenly froze, as if the air around them had solidi�ed.

What is wrong with you guys! Kali demanded. Taking orders from a wormy ex-Mentat of the Harkonnen family instead of your rightful king? Sure, he's possessed by Saruman, but he's still better than Wormy Willy!WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING ME THAT! Wormtongue wailed.

BECAUSE YOU'RE WORMY! she responded in a mockery of his pitiful wail.

Gríma frantically looked around at the guardsmen, still frozen in the act of drawing weapons. Why aren't you stopping them? one of them squeezed out.

Gandalf continued to advance on Théoden. I will suck Saruman out of you like poison from a wound! he announced, focussing his will for a spell. He sent waves of purging magic at the King of Rohan, and it was clear Saruman was having dif�culty keeping his hold.

Damn you—! Saruman hissed. If I go, I'll kill Théoden!I don't think so! Kali shouted, and disappeared. Théoden, still speaking with Saruman's voice, let out a cry of shock.

What the—! How did YOU—! Then the King of the Golden Hall moaned as Gandalf drove Saruman's hold from Théoden's body. Théoden's appearance slowly reverted to its true form, and he blinked slowly and looked around. Kali reappeared.

what happened he asked hoarsely as Éowyn ran to embrace him. Where isÉomer? And Wormtongue whimpered and took a step back. Théoden whirled to face him. P-please, my lord Gríma said quietly, feigning joy. I am glad to see that you are yourself once again! My wish has only ever been to serveGet him out of here! Théoden roared.

With pleasure! Kali said, and Wormtongue sailed over her head and out the door, hitting the ground hard and rolling down the steps.

where is my son? Théoden questioned, rising from his throne.

Théoden sank to his knees, grief etched on his face, as the soldiers carrying Théodred's bier passed. I can't Éowyn's voice rose in a dirge, and many of the people present began sobbing anew.

Gandalf closed his eyes and lowered his head. You have my deepest sympathy, Théoden-King.No parentshould ever outlive their child Théoden choked, tears running down his cheeks. He clenched a �st. Curse that wizard! Were it not for his domination, I might have been able to help my sonI can help, Kali said softly from beside Gandalf. The two men turned to look at her.

I am sorry, Lady Kali, Théoden apologised, but unless you can bring Théodred back from the dead, there is nothing you can do to help.

Kali smiled. What did you think I was going to do? She turned to the soldiers surrounding Théodred's body, preparing to bury him. Step back, please. With bemused expressions on their faces, they did so, and Kali stretched out a hand toward the dead prince of Rohan. She closed her eyes and chanted something that sounded like a supplication. The song Kaze to Tori to SoraReincarnation' began playing softly in the background as countless motes of light appeared in the air above Théodred's still form and �oated down onto him until the body fairly glowed. Suddenly, the prince's eyes opened and he drew a deep breath.

I don't believe it Théoden whispered.

Théodred sat up and looked around. he murmured. What happened?You died from a battle wound, my son, Théoden replied.

No, I meant, what happened to you? the prince of Rohan asked, rising from the bier and standing slightly unsteadily on the ground. When they brought me back from the battle, you did not come to see me. Éomer and Éowyn said that youthat you were not yourself.

Théoden sniffed and wiped tears from his eyes. But I am myself now. Do not worry yourself about it. He stepped to his son and embraced him tightly.

Kali suddenly looked back over her shoulder, and Gandalf turned to see what it was that had caught her attention. Two young children were seated atop a weary horse, and as they watched, the older one—a boy of about �ve years—silently fell from the saddle and landed in the grass. Kali rushed over to him, carefully picked him up, and helped his sister down off the horse. Someone come here and treat this poor horse! It's nearly dead! she open-Sent. Now, let's get you two inside, she said gently to the little girl.

Aragorn called, jogging over to her, have the power to raise the dead? she answered.

Could you, perhapsbring our companion Boromir back to life? He was—I know what happened to Boromir, she interrupted. Yes, I could resurrect him, but I'm not supposed to. Someone else is going to do that.

Kali grinned and winked. You'll see.An army of Uruk-Hai and Men, attacking Rohan Legolas repeated quietly, as they listened to the story of the children.

Aragorn sighed and struck a match with which to light his pipe. Of a sudden, the front half of the wood pipe popped off and there was a chenk sound to his right. He glanced over and saw a quivering knife, its tip embedded in the wooden column. His eyes widened and his heart skipped a beat as he examined his now-split pipe. If that dagger had been a handspan closer to my face!' he thought. He looked around the room angrily. Who did that! You shouldn't be so reckless!

Kali walked over and pulled her knife out of the column, disappearing it into a hidden sheath somewhere. Sending the Ranger a glare so full of anger that he almost wanted to �ee in terror, she growled, Quit smoking, or your hand is next. he sputtered. I don't need to quit! I smoke only to relax. I am not addicted. To himself, he observed, Such quick mood changes. Kali must be a very dangerous adversary.'

Yeah, right! she retorted. That's what they all say, just before they die of lung cancer!You don't like Gimli asked nervously.

Kali whirled around, eyes blazing. NO! It's a horrible, �lthy habit, and all it ever does is kill people! she roared. Her tail was swishing back and forth as if possessed of a mind of its own. The two children whimpered and shrank back from her, and she paused. I'm sorry, chibis. I didn't mean to scare you. Taking a deep breath, she extended her hands to either side, then brought them together in front of her. Waves of light radiated from her, washing over everyone in the room. That oughtta take care of addiction.I beg your pardon, Kali, but I think there are slightly more important matters at hand than the fact that you dislike smoking Gandalf began.

She huffed. Yeah, yeah—Saruman's armies. So they're coming to Edoras. So what? Just let me take a crack at 'em. I've taken on larger and tougher armies before.somehow doubt that Aragorn muttered.

She glared at him, and Knight of LodossKaze no Uta' began playing. It was I who saved the cursed island of Lodoss from Beld and his dark conquests. I personally trained a small army of Amazons to the point where a single one of them could slay an adult Red Dragon by herself. I have defeated the three Prime Evils in single combat. I exorcised a piece of Ma-Oh Shabulanigdu from Rezo Nayena, and then destroyed it. An unorganised band of savages poses no threat to me!

Aragorn was silent for a moment, blinking in confusion, then regained his composure. The only part of that I understood was the last sentence. she cried, throwing her hands in the air. I try to use in-game terms, and look where it gets me! Okay, it's like this: I have an Equivalent Character Level in the forties and can easily defeat encounters that have a CR of 20 or higher. I don't think I'll have any trouble with an army composed of CR-1⁄2 Uruk-Hai and human jobbers!Be that as it may, Théoden put in, carefully hiding his utter confusion, Edoras is, unfortunately, not a very defensible location. I suggest evacuating to Helm's Deep and �ghting the Wizard's armies there.

Kali pulled her braid over one shoulder and stroked it. You have a point. Conserving energy is always a good idea. Tossing her braid behind her, she turned to Théoden. I have a suggestion, King Théoden. I can cast an illusion spell that will make it appear to the armies that Edoras is actually a mile or two away and in a different direction from where it actually is. Based on where they are now and their average travelling speed, they would probably reach the illusion by sometime tomorrow. When they �gure out the ploy, the illusion will disappear, but that would give us enough time to warn everyone and get them safely away.

Théoden nodded. I like it. He studied Kali brie�y, and asked, Are you one of the Wizards? Aside from Gandalf and Saruman (may he be buried in clods), I have never met a user of magic before.One of Kali thought for a moment. Oh, the Istari. No, I am not one of them. Only �ve were sent to Middle-Earth, and all of them men, for some reason

Gandalf turned to face her, an expression of shock and awe on his face. I would have been surprised to learn you were of the Ainur, but this is even more surprising! What manner of sorceress are you?A very weird one, she replied, smiling. Now, then. Let's get to work. I'll cast that spell, and anyone who wishes can go start warning the townspeople. But please be careful—try your best not to start a panic!Where is Éomer, anyway? Théodred asked.

Théoden shook his head. I do not know.

Éowyn moved gracefully over to the throne. Gríma had him banished, along with many who were loyal to him, she explained. He manipulated you into signing an order while you were under Saruman's spell.

Théoden's head jerked up. When was this?Three days ago, his niece answered. They must be miles away from Rohan by now.How many went with him?

Éowyn tapped her lips with a �nger, thinking. About two thousand of your best warriors, Uncle.This is disastrous! Théoden cried. We need every man we can get to help defend this nation!And woman, Kali and Éowyn added in unison.

Théoden blinked. Yes, yes. He turned to Théodred, seated at his right side. Go and warn everyone in Meduseld, my son. Have the guards start preparing for battle, and tell someone to go after Éomer and his companions. Looking back at Kali, he requested, I need you to cast that spell as soon as you can.Right away! she said, standing up straight and saluting. And after that, I could go notify Éomer and his Riders, if you'd like. I can travel faster than anyone else here.Oh? I thought Gandalf had Shadowfax, Théoden said.

I didn't say I would be riding, King Théoden she said with a smile, turning on her heel and leaving the throneroom. Arcane chanting and sparkly noises were heard from the hall outside.

Well, we should probably be doing whatever we can do to help as well, Gandalf said, rising from his seat. Come, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli.

Legolas sat on the edge of the bed in his guest quarters, unbraiding his hair. It had been over an hour since Kali had left to �nd Éomer, but he felt as lonely and as hollow as if she had been gone for years. With a great sigh, he let himself fall backwards onto the mattress.

This Recognition' he thought. A very strange phenomenon, indeed. Linking two people together for the purpose of exceptionally talented offspring How unfortunate it would be if the two people were enemies, or if one were to force himself on the other.'

Just then, his door opened quietly, and Kali entered the room. She shut the door, walked towards him as silently and as gracefully as a cat, and pulled off his silk tunic. He needed no further encouragement to aid her as she continued to undress him and started on herself.

Gimli called. Come see this!

The Ranger stuffed the last of his bread and meat into his mouth and dashed off to where his Dwarven comrade was standing at the top of the long stairway that led up to Meduseld. Gimli pointed towards the southwest. Look, over there!

Aragorn strained his eyes. It was still early, and not all of the sun's rays had reached over the tall peaks on the horizon. There seemed to be another large city a few miles away, shrouded in mist.

He nodded. It must be Kali's spell.So where is she? Gimli asked, looking up at the human. Everyone was supposed to get up at the crack of dawn so that we can leave as soon as possible.I haven't seen Legolas awake, either, Aragorn realised. We'd best go wake them. said something at his feet.

He looked down. A gray-and-brown tabby cat was sitting on the paving stones in front of him, looking up with large blue eyes. Are you someone's pet, or just a stray? he asked quietly, kneeling to let the cat sniff his hand.

Actually, I'm looking for Kali, it answered. Aragorn fell over backwards in a chibi pose, and Gimli facefaulted. She is here, isn't she? Aragorn croaked.

the cat replied, daintily leaping over the prostrate Ranger. It trotted in through the open doors, headed for a stairway, and carefully dodged the various Rohirrim that were moving about and preparing to evacuate the city.

Kali, meanwhile, had sat bolt-upright in bed as a sudden realisation hit her like a Megaton Hammer. My God!' she thought, covering the lower half of her face with one hand. So THAT's why Guta has been so quietDamn it! I am SUCH an idiot!' she berated herself, sliding off the bed and beginning to dress herself. How could I let this? Well, no, I suppose it wasn't my faultRecognition is Recognition, after all'

She looked up at a soft scratching on the outside of the door. Just a moment, she said quietly, trying not to wake Legolas, who was still blissfully asleep in his glorious birthday suit. When she had put some more of her clothing on (she didn't mind nudity, but these humans always had such annoying hang-ups about it), she opened the door to see nobody standing there.

Down here, a familiar voice said, causing her heart to leap.

she hissed, looking down at the tabby cat seated in the doorway. Snatching him up, she began showering him with affection in the most humiliating ways she could think of. What are you doing here!to see you the cat squeezed out between head-scratchings that bordered on noogies. Just thoughtI'd comehelp �ght.You don't have to, she murmured, dumping him on the bed and donning the rest of her clothes.

Well, I want to, he answered. I worry about you.That's unnecessary, Kali told the cat �rmly, brushing her hair and starting to braid it. I can take care of myself. You'll notice that I don't hunt you down and try to protect you.That's because I live a less interesting life than you do. The tabby feline paused to lick his tail. Kali, Iperhaps you could make me your Warder.I can't do that! she hissed, binding her braid and tossing it over her shoulder. I'm already someone's Warder! I can't have one of my own Legolas murmured.

Kali spooked. Oh! I'm sorry, Lego-sama! In a �ash, she was sitting on the edge of the bed, stroking the Elf's lustrous blonde hair. I didn't mean to wake you up. Glancing at the window, she added, But it's probably about time to get up anyway. We've a long day ahead of us.

Legolas groaned and sat up, rubbing his eyes. He noticed the cat, blinked, and rubbed his eyes again. why is thereOh, that's Neko-sama, she said quickly. Don't mind him. Legolas climbed out of bed, collected his scattered articles of clothing, and groggily got dressed. I'm just curiouswhen did you get a cat?This morning, she answered cheerily. He was a stray. I found him outside. She shot a look at the cat that seemed to say, Play along or you'll regret it. Neko-sama seemed to �inch slightly. Done getting dressed? she asked. Good. Let's go have breakfast.