Chapter Four Helm's Deep Breakfast
Kali kept a steady watch, glancing surreptitiously around her, as she rode Sephiroth to one side of Aragorn and Legolas. Her cat, Neko-sama, occasionally poked his head out of the leather scrip hanging from her shoulder. The Rohirrim surrounding them, both mounted and on foot, moved in silence, faces solemn and eyes downcast.
It's too quiet, Kali whispered. These people think they may be going to their deaths.They have reason to believe that, Neko-sama told her. An army of ten thousand humans, Orcs, and Uruk-Hai are headed towards Rohan. I would guess that Wormtongue �ed to Orthanc as soon as he could, and probably told Saruman that King Théoden would lead the Rohirrim to Helm's Deep, since it's more defensible than Edoras.
Kali took a deep breath. I can't stand it when the mood is so dark! Ethereal music slowly swelled into existence around her, and she began singing in an unknown language. Legolas somehow knew the meaning of her words; probably, he guessed, because their souls were linked.
Saisho waatatakai mizu nonaka de / Utau you-nakodou wo kiita / Umareta shunkankodou no ubu-goe / Kaerou to At �rst, within the warm water / I heard a song-like pulse / The moment I was bornI began to cry of loneliness, crying to go back
Around her, as she continued to sing and the beats of the unseen music grew stronger, the Rohirrim raised their heads to look at her. Aragorn glanced at them, and saw hearts lifting and hope returning. His own heart stirred and quickened as Kali's clear voice rose and fell rhythmically, and when the song ended, he clapped as heartily as the rest.
More, Milady! Please, sing some more! a woman clamoured, and Kali smiled humbly and lifted a hand for silence. Suddenly, her head whipped towards her left, and she grabbed Sephiroth's reins and wheeled her around.
Scouts from Isengard are coming this way! she cried, producing an ornately-carved longbow from somewhere. Orcs, riding Wargs! Iké, Se�rosu! The white horse leapt forward, and Neko-sama yowled in surprise at the sudden jolt.
Legolas repeated, pulling out his bow and urging his mount after Kali. Saruman has allied himself with the Wolf-rider Orcs?'
Kali had a good head start, and despite pushing his horse to its limit, Legolas could not catch up with her. The scouts, however, came into view soon enough. There were only three, headed in the direction of the Rohirrim at a fast clip.
Legolas saw Sephiroth stop and rear up on her hind legs. Neko-sama suddenly appeared on the ground several yards behind the horse, tail puffed out and swishing. Legolas thought he heard Kali say something to Sephiroth—Let's do this thing!—and a peal of thunder rolled across the sky. A tremendous sword appeared in Kali's hand, Sephiroth jumped towards the three Warg-mounted Orcs, and Kali swung her blade three times, each slash causing a red kanji to appear in the air. Sephiroth landed on the ground, her rider's sword still outstretched, and each of the Orcs and Wargs fell into two neat pieces. A fourth scout, lagging behind the rest, crested a rise just in time to see the attack, and pulled back on his mount's reins so hard that it looked for a moment, when the Warg reared back, as though the beast was about to tip over backwards on its rider. The Orc visibly paled under Kali's direct stare, and when she hefted her blade and directed Sephiroth forward, Saruman's scout yelped an order to his mount, whirled around, and dashed off in the direction from which they had come.
Legolas urged his horse to a gallop and rushed over to Kali. Why did you let him escape! he cried. Now he will be able to tell Saruman where the Rohirrim are!
Kali laughed. I've seen the look on that Orc's face before, she told him. He can tell Saruman where the Rohirrim are, but he'll also report that he encountered a woman that singlehandedly destroyed the rest of the scouts, and that the refugees may not be so easy to pick off after all.In that case, he will return with reinforcements!If he returns at all, Kali said. Neko-sama trotted over to Sephiroth and leaped onto Kali's foot, carefully climbing up her leg and crawling back into the scrip. That particular Orc will probably be whimpering in his cave for days. Kali held her sword before her chest, and Legolas watched in amazement as it was sucked into the blue-and-gold amulet hanging from her neck. She adjusted the strap on her shoulder and stood up on Sephiroth's back, scanning the horizon.
Holy shit, she whispered. That is one big fuckin' army.I told you it was ten thousand or more, Neko-sama said, slightly muf�ed by the bag.
Legolas cried, sitting up as straight as he could and straining his eyes. Sure enough, a broad black carpet seemed to be creeping along in the distance, pointed implements sticking up here and there and torches blazing.
By Elbereth! he swore. That's an army big enough to slay every man, woman, and child in Rohan!Not for long, it isn't, Kali said quietly, a smug smile spreading across her face. She pointed towards the distant marchers, and sudden bursts of orange �ame erupted from among the masses. Legolas listened hard, and his ears picked up the faint sounds of roars and screams of shock and pain.
he whispered. Can you do it again?Why, certainly, she replied with a smile, and this time, the very earth beneath the Orcs' feet seemed to explode as if kindled with fury. Uruk-Hai sailed high into the air, �ailing and screaming, and stopped moving when they hit the ground.
Kali chuckled. It looks to me like they're starting to get worried, she observed. A few of them are breaking ranks and trying to �ee. Heh heh hehthat just makes them easier to pick off. Her longbow reappeared, and she nocked an arrow.
As much as you have amazed me so far, Kali, I will be even further impressed if you can actually hit any of them from here, Legolas said quietly.
Then prepare to be impressed! she responded, letting her missile �y. Within moments, one of the Uruk-Hai, still miles away from the two watchers, stopped in his tracks and fell over.
Legolas cheered and applauded. That was unbelievable!If you thought that was cool, watch this! she announced, nocking another arrow. She spoke an arcane word, and the tip of the arrow began to glow faintly. It, too, sailed unerringly into the heart of a hapless Uruk-Hai.
You can enchant your arrows! he whispered, awed.
Yeah. Check this out. Drawing another arrow, she set it to her bow and aimed directly at him. Legolas started back, terri�ed. Again she enchanted her missile, and shot it. Inches in front of the Elf's face, the arrow swerved and �ew in the opposite direction, toward Saruman's dark army.
Legolas slumped in his saddle, panting. Please do not frighten me like that again! he pleaded.
Kali threw her head back and laughed. That's a little trick called Guided Arrow. No matter where I aim, it always goes for the target I intend it for.I must learn it! Legolas cried. Not that my aim is bad or anything, butwhat an amazing skill to haveDon't worry, Lego-sama, she assured him, turning Sephiroth back towards the Rohirrim and gesturing for him to follow. I'm going to give out lots of training when we get to Helm's Deep.
Returning to their places in line, Kali slowed Sephiroth to a walk and closed her eyes, apparently concentrating deeply on something. After about a minute, she opened her eyes and looked around. All right, people! she called, stopping Sephiroth and dismounting. Saruman's forces have been frightened off for now, but they'll probably return. We need to move faster. She strode away from the train of refugees, stopped about twenty feet distant, and concentrated.
Damn it she hissed after a moment. Legolas slid down off his horse and walked over to her, just as she cupped her hands over the amulet hanging upon her breast. It �ashed in a spiral and began to glow with a golden light, and Kali stretched out her hands in front of her. A vertical line of silver light appeared before her and appeared to rotate, widening into a rectangle ten paces high and twice as wide. Within it, Legolas could see a fortress-like structure, built directly into a solid mountain. Kali murmured. That's odd. I don't feel any of the taint. Perhaps it's been puri�ed.That's—that's Helm's Deep! Éowyn cried, watching.
Kali replied. This is a gateway. It links this spot and Helm's Deep. You must all go through it, as this is a much faster method of travelling than going overland. I will hold the gateway open and come through last. Neko-sama squealed, sticking his head out of the scrip. Did you just channel saidin!Yeah, and it was hard as hell, she replied. Damn hormones. She sent him a glare tinged with signi�cance. Looking up, she gave a whistle. Sephiroth, could you come here? The silver-maned white horse trotted over immediately, cocking her head as if listening for her next order. I would like you to go through �rst and make sure there are no Uruk-Hai lying in wait. Sephiroth bobbed her head, almost seeming to nod, and darted through the gateway.
Your horse is very well-trained, Lady Kali, Éowyn observed, slowly walking to near where Legolas stood.
Oh, Sephiroth is incredibly intelligent, Kali replied, idly pulling her braid over one shoulder and stroking it. There are times I don't think she's even a real horse, but some other being in disguise.Perhaps she is one of the Mearas! Éowyn suggested. One of the wondrous horses descended from Nahar, the steed of the Valar Oromë.
Kali shook her head. I don't think so, she answered. Sephiroth, like me, is not native to this world.Then that is odd, Éowyn said softly, because she very much resembles a Meara.
Sephiroth had been galloping in a wide circle around the area before Helm's Deep, looking from side to side and snif�ng the air, and she came back towards the gateway and slowed to a trot. Kali watched her, and nodded.
she announced. No traps. Start heading through!Kali, are you sure Legolas began.
Kali glanced at him and smiled. Sephiroth iswell, she's sort of like my familiar, she told him. She gets to use my skill bonuses if they're better than hers. Which means that since I have exceptionally acute eyesight and hearing, so does she. If something is hiding near Helm's Deep and she missed it, it would have to be so well-hidden that the Creator herself would have a modicum of dif�culty �nding it.Did you say the Creator herself? Éowyn queried, slightly bemused.
Yes, yes. I'll explain later. All right, Rohirrim, start going through! Kali cried, raising her voice only a little but somehow becoming easily audible to everyone in the area.
Kali, aren't you worried about more scouts coming and following the Rohirrim through the gateway? Neko-sama asked, ears folded back in a worried expression.
Nope. This gateway is actually one of my own versions—it works a little like a Town Portal in Diablo II. One must be allied with me in order to go through it.Ohh. That's useful, Neko-sama remarked.
The long column of Rohirrim slowly turned around and began heading through the gateway. Kali ushered each of them on, keeping up a steady watch of the surrounding area. When all had passed through the portal and reached Helm's Deep, Kali stepped through the gateway and it vanished.
All right, people, she called. Let's get inside. Once everyone is settled in, I'll be offering combat training to anyone interested. Dozens of people immediately started clamouring and waving their hands in the air, and Kali had to gesture several times before they quieted down. First things �rst! We need to get into Helm's Deep! She rose into the air, to the astonished gasps of everyone watching, and shot over to where Théoden was sitting on his horse. He noticed her and gaped.
Get used to it, she muttered. King Théoden, am I correct in assuming Helm's Deep has an armoury? He nodded silently. Kali rolled her eyes, put a hand under his chin, and closed his mouth. How about a big courtyard?
Théoden shook himself. More than one, he replied.
All right. Let's go! With a grand sweep of her arm, she turned towards the mighty fortress and began �oating away. Rohirrim, both mounted and not, stampeded after her, many not looking where they were stepping and occasionally running into others or nearly tripping.
Kali, why didn't you say before that you could �y! Aragorn cried, selecting a suit of chainmail.
She chuckled. I did. You just didn't pick up the innuendo.
Gandalf emerged from the various people lining the walls of the armoury and stepped closer to Kali. I have to say, Mistress Kali, that I am very curious as to where you came from. You are clearly not human, but neither are you an Elf or one of the Istari. Yet you appear to speak Minfo quite �uently.I'm a crossbreed, she explained, digging through various suits of armour and handing them out to the Rohirrim surrounding her. A lot of what I can do is due to my self-shaping. I learn very quickly, and can learn at an even faster rate if I alter my mind to be more absorbent.
She held up a suit of scale mail and examined it. Laying it on the counter, she touched a worn spot, and the metal smoothed over and appeared to harden. As she handed it to a waiting Rohaner, she continued, Of course, not all of my abilities were acquired by that method. My psionic abilities were a gift from the Goddess I serve, and the ability to channel saidin and saidar Well, I know that generally can't be learned, so it must have been inborn.So you're psionic? I thought so! Gandalf cried, gesturing with his staff and nearly blinding a passerby. Er, sorry, he apologised. I have seen you using various supernatural powers, but I did not recognise them as any spells I had ever seen. The fact that they were psionic abilities explains it.Well, I can cast spells too, you know, Kali stated. I just prefer psionics, because I have far more of that energy available than I have energy to cast spells.Oh, so you have only 150 or so mana as opposed to, like, 400 psionic points? Neko-sama asked, making a wry face.
Not really, she answered, reaching over to scratch the cat between his ears. I have about 450 mana, and around 1500 psionic points. You were off a bit.
Neko-sama facefaulted. You know what I meant! Then he popped up again, eyes wide. Did you say 1500 psionic points! That must be on the Final Fantasy/PSO scale!No, it's on the Exile/Diablo 1 scale, she replied nonchalantly. He fell over again, twitching.
Gandalf chuckled. I must say, your cat is a very interesting character, he commented.
Yeah, he is, isn't he? Kali gave away the last suit of armour in the chest and plucked the feline creature off the shelf on which he had collapsed. Too bad he's going to be useless in the �ght. Neko-sama cried, lifting his head up. I can too be useful! Put me down, and I'll show you! Kali laughed, rolling her eyes. All right. She let the cat ooze out of her arms onto the �oor, and the Rohirrim standing nearby stepped back. Neko-sama lowered his head, concentrated, and suddenly grew to �ve times his original size.
See? I can be like Red Thirteen! he proclaimed, tossing his dark-maned head.
Only if you have a hair clip, Kali laughed, leaning over and attaching something to his mane. The surrounding Rohirrim had initially been surprised and frightened at the cat's sudden change, but now they grinned and applauded.
the cat-woman said, stretching her arms high above her head and yawning, who's ready for some combat training?
Théoden watched in admiration and amusement as dozens of his subjects mimicked Kali's martial arts maneuvers. I still do not understand, he said quietly. Why is she doing all this? She is not even from this world. Why lend so much aid to people with whom she has no connection?It's her nature, Neko-sama answered, still in his battle-cat form. Kali has always found great satisfaction in helping people to the extent of her abilities, and with as much psionic and magical power as she has, the extent of her abilities is very large.
The King of Rohan looked down at the leonine creature lounging at his feet. She expects nothing in return?Not from you, no, the cat replied, glancing up. For people like her, the warm fuzzy feeling that comes from having helped someone is payment enough.
Théoden turned back to watch Kali and sighed. If only there were more people in this world like her, he muttered, his throat tightening.
Neko-sama chuckled softly and laid his head on his paws, watching Kali perform a HUcaseal-style unarmed linked attack. The Rohirrim under her tutelage spooked slightly as they saw her demonstration, but each managed to learn the routine quickly enough. The next few attacks she demonstrated, however—mainly consisting of techniques that bore suspicious resemblances to Tifa's limit breaks from Final Fantasy VII—took a bit longer to absorb.
All right! Kali called, turning to face her pupils. Next is sword training. Everybody got a sword? Cries of acknowledgement were heard as the various students dashed off to retrieve or borrow blades from the ever-increasing throng of spectators. Okay. First
Neko-sama watched raptly as Kali demonstrated and explained each of her sword-�ghting techniques. Rolling onto his back, he let out a guilty sigh. He knew that he was descended from the famous hero Aktahvi, a warrior who had been as skilled with the harp and �ute as with the sword, but Neko-sama somehow doubted that he had inherited anything beyond musical talent from his illustrious ancestor. Perhaps, sometime, I could ask Kiliq to train me' he thought, except for the fact that I can't stand dealing damage to anybody with a weapon. I suppose I'll just have to stick with spells and natural weapons.'
Neko-sama continued to muse as Kali �nished training her group of Rohirrim, moved on through several more, and taught a few special magic abilities to the three non-wizard members of the Fellowship that were present, as well as Théoden and Éowyn. Striding over to Neko-sama, she plopped down on the cold �oorstones and dusted her hands on her pants. Man, I'm worn out, she muttered. I think I need to have a nap before the battle starts. Are you willing to be a furry pillow?A nap before the battle starts! Gimli repeated incredulously, as Neko-sama rearranged himself to be more suitable for use as a pillow.
Don't worry, it'll be a power nap, she assured him, scooting the rest of the way over to her cat and lying down next to him, resting her head on his �ank. Within the space of thirty seconds, she had fallen asleep. Neko-sama activated his Game Sight, and saw her Diablo-esque mana and power point globes �lling up at a rapid rate, while the Fatigue bar emptied at a somewhat slower speed. He glanced up at Legolas, who was practising one of the techniques Kali had taught him, and chuckled. It was Elrond's Swift Terror from the Two Towers PlayStation 21 game.
Neko-sama stretched out his front paws and laid his head on them. Kali was emitting Z-rays, and if she napped much longer, he was going to fall asleep as well. He struggled for a few minutes to keep his eyes open, then his ears pricked up at the sound of a distant horn-blast.
Someone is approaching Helm's Deep, he told Aragorn, who had apparently also heard the sound.
That does not sound like Orcs the Ranger murmured, as he dashed away towards the forti�ed entrance.
Kali sat up and stretched. Oh, the Elves from Lothlórien are here, she announced. That reminds me I wonder when Éomer and his buddies are going to arrive. I made their horses extra-fast, so it ought to be pretty soon A Rohirrim war-horn answered the Elves' long note, and Kali nodded. Standing up, she brushed the dust from her seat and hips. It's sure a good thing that this isn't the animated Lord of the Rings, isn't it, Neko-sama? Because if it were, everyone's horns would sound the same, and we'd never be able to tell them apart.
Neko-sama guffawed. Not to mention that Boromir, Denethor, and Sauron would look like rejects from the Knights of Ni!And Legolas would look like Bambi and be exposed �ve F-stops too bright, she added.
And the Balrog would have had bunny slippers and butter�y wings! Neko-sama continued.
Thank God for Peter Jackson! the two cats said in unison, and laughed. Everyone around them blinked in confusion, most with animé-style expressions on their faces.
Kali, resplendent in her various pieces of armour and other battle-gear, strode out onto the Hornburg Courtyard to greet the newcomers. Neko-sama prowled alongside her, trying to look as impressive as possible (not dif�cult for a lion-sized cat with a diamond-studded pin in his mane), and Aragorn and Théoden walked on her other side.
Haldir of Lórien! Aragorn cried, recognising the Elf at the head of the archers.
Greetings, Aragorn called Elessar, Haldir said, throwing back his hood. Long ago, there was an alliance between Men and Elves for the purpose of defeating Mordor's dark hordes. We hope today to renew that bond. Théoden called, rushing to his dismounting nephew. He lowered his head, ashamed. Can you forgive me?It was not you that had me banished, Uncle, Éomer replied. It was that triple-cursed Gríma Wormtongue that sold his soul to Saruman. You have no need of my forgiveness.
I do, however, wish that you could have seen Théodred one last time. He fought bravely, butI did see Théodred, the King of Rohan interrupted. In fact, he has come here with me.
Éomer paused, about to begin another sentence, and stopped, astonished. What do you—? Movement off to one side caught his eye, and he glanced in that direction to see Kali walking towards the Deeping Wall. Lady Kali! he cried, dipping his head in respect.
Kali reached the Wall and looked down, both within and without. That stream, she murmured, peering down into the pond just inside the fortress, could lead to problems. It �ows out through a hole in the wall, and such a hole could be breached with enough time, Orcpower, or the proper tools.Well, what can we do? The water must �ow somewhere, Théoden explained.
Let's see Kali leaned against the heavy stone wall and closed her eyes. Neko-sama padded over and sensed psionic power �owing down into the rock, and looked down over the edge of the battlement at the small body of water. As he watched, a hole opened up near the outer wall, and the water �owed down into it. The stone arch set around the metal grate that had been installed to allow out�ow seemed to melt, oozing downward and covering the bars. Tendrils of earth from below reached up and fused with the stone, strengthening it.
Okay, that should take care of that, Kali declared, turning back towards Théoden. What I've done is sealed the grate so that it's no longer a weak point. The water now �ows underground for a few miles before emptying into another river. The path it takes is narrow, and I have set up choke points and gratings along the way so that nothing larger than a mouse would be able to crawl up it and in�ltrate the fortress. And it would have to be a mouse that could swim against a very strong current, at that.You sealed Théoden asked, looking down. I could explain it, but time is of the essence. Just repeat to yourself: It's magical, I should really just relax Théoden gave her a quizzical look, then shrugged.
Nice job, Kali! Neko-sama complimented. Now the suicide bombers won't be able to blow up the wall.That was the idea, she replied smugly, cracking her knuckles. Yet again, I have fucked up the plans of Smartass the White.
A few hours later
Kali hung her head, a large blue sweatdrop sliding down her hair. Well, how was I supposed to think of that? Uruk-Hai aren't supposed to be smart! She held up her left hand, blasting away a lit bomb that had been hurtling towards her. Besides, my brain is Jell-O! Guess whose fault that is!
Neko-sama folded his ears, tail twitching nervously. Whatever you do, Kali, you shouldn't blame yourself.Why not? It's my fault, isn't it!Well, not really You had no idea they would bring catapults and think to launch the bombs over the Deeping Wall once they saw that the hole was closed.DAMN SONS OF BITCHES! Kali screamed, sending blasts of force in several directions. Bombs changed direction, shooting back towards their hapless launchers, and ladders covered with Orc soldiers sailed away from the Deeping Wall. Neko-sama caught a glimpse of something gold twining around her hand and wrist, and he spooked.
Kali, what's that on your hand! he asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.
It's a ribbon device! she grunted in response, watching an Orc scale a ladder before her and then drop-kicking the creature in the crotch when it reached the battlement. The Orc squealed and staggered back, knocking the ladder away and then plunging down off the wall.
Ribbon—! A Goa'uld Hand-Blasty-Thing! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A GOA'ULD HAND-BLASTY-THING? Gandalf, �ghting at the other end of the battlements, heard the shrieked Goa'uld' and gave a start.
BLASTING STUFF! What's it look like! Kali yelled. Damn these fucking assholes! FURIIZU OHBU! She held both hands out before her, and a globe of super-chilled air and ice coalesced and shot away through the army's ranks, spraying frosty bolts in every direction as it went. Orcs and Uruk-Hai dropped to the ground or froze and shattered.
Oh, you didn't like that, did you, bastitches? she growled. Then you'll like this even less! Daiyamondo-Dasuto! Orbs of light swirled around her, and she vanished. Rohirrim, Elves, and Uruk-Hai alike gaped as a pillar of ice shot up from the ground, encasing a pale-skinned woman. The ice shattered, the woman reached up and gathered energy in one hand, then pointed down at the dark creatures before Helm's Deep. A wave of frost shot from her outstretched hand, smothering a wedge-shaped portion of the army, and shattered in midair. Easily two hundred Uruk-Hai fell, others behind them heedlessly trampling the corpses in their rush for the Deeping Wall.
When Kali reappeared, Neko-sama tapped into his own powers. he cried, invoking Ramuh (/ramu'/), the god of lightning. In front of Helm's Deep, a small mountain shot up in layers like a wedding cake made of stone, �inging Orcs and Uruk-Hai into the air. A man with a long white beard materialised at the top of the mountain, then raised his staff, causing bolts of lightning to fall from the heavens like rain. As another percentage of the army dropped, Neko-sama rematerialised and activated his Fanaticism aura.
Oh, you're a Paladin too? Kali gasped, relief �lling her eyes and voice. Spreading her arms, she let out a cougar-like shriek, and Neko-sama felt the effects of the warcries Shout and Battle Command take hold, as well as the spell Thunder Storm. The soldiers surrounding them, not knowing much about magic in general, much less spells from Diablo II, were initially confused by the various auras, but quickly regained composure when they realised that the magical effects were highly bene�cial. Kali began singing La Soldier', �ring arrows with Multiple Shot like a rabid Amazon on Surge.
Isn't it odd, Gandalf, Aragorn began, watching from the other end of the Deeping Wall, that two who are not Wizards cast so many spells, and you who actually are a Wizard do not often use magic?
Gandalf grumbled. Young show-offs! he muttered, lifting his staff and summoning a swarm of meteors from the sky. The archers from Lothlórien took his spell and Kali's attack as cues to �re off their own volley of pointy-tipped death.
Kali disappeared her bow, conjured a long and shiny sword from her amulet, and leapt off the Deeping Wall with a trilling cry. Carai an Ellisande! she bellowed, descending on the dark army below her and slaying several Uruk-Hai before they even realised they had been attacked.
Neko-sama screamed, jumping up onto the battlement. RAKHATH KOLOI MIS TANURAIK TEL! Orcish soldiers roared and surged towards Kali, brandishing their spiked, wicked-looking blades. Neko-sama hardly dared to breathe as he watched the Amazon slaughter the beasts surrounding her, pulling off several intricate moves resembling hybridisations of various Gauntlet: Dark Legacy Valkyrie combos, the Diablo II Barbarian's Whirlwind attack, and a few of Cloud's limit breaks. In addition, he noticed that her sword did, indeed, have a built-in bug-zapper like Beld's Maken, only not evil.
No, I have not lost my mind! Kali replied, speaking Nakhatli as he had.
Aragorn raised his arm to signal the Elven archers, then did a double-take over the top of the wall. WHAT IN THE NAME OF ELBERETH IS KALI DOING DOWN THERE! HOLD YOUR FIRE! Legolas shrieked, leaping up onto the battlement.
What the—! Bloody Hell! Gimli snarled in Dwarvish, vainly trying to see over the four-foot stone wall.
I know Dwarves should not be tossed Kali's voice said in the Dwarven warrior's head, but what about being launched into the air and falling onto the enemy, axe-blades whirling, like a 250-pound ball of spiky metal fury?
Axe-bl? Gimli began, then stopped as a second weapon suddenly appeared in his left hand and vicious-looking metal spikes sprouted from his chainmail. He let out a hearty laugh. Aye, Kali, few Dwarves would object to that! The only regret in Gimli's mind as he suddenly shot up and over the Deeping Wall to descend upon the shocked Uruk-Hai was that he could not see the expression that must have been on Legolas' face.
Neko-sama shook himself, frantic despite his best efforts to calm himself and the triumphant Lord of the Rings theme playing in the background. I must defend Kali!' he thought furiously, But how? I'm sure I am just as powerful as she is, but I do not have nearly the experience or repertoire of spells and powers she has at her command!'
The dark-furred cat steeled himself. Aktahvi, my forefather, �rst of the Sekhtali, guide me!' He leapt off the wall and Sled Fanged through several Uruk-Hai in his charge towards Kali.
What the—! Legolas muttered, watching Gimli methodically hew through Orcs and Uruk-Hai. He's beating me! I can only hope that I slay more Orcs than he in my defence of Kali Nocking a �stful of arrows to his bow, he jumped off the Deeping Wall, using one of the techniques Kali had taught him. She had called it Strafe', or something similarly unfamiliar, and like many of the other terms she used, he had learned not to ask for an explanation.
Gandalf paused to watch the various bombardments of Saruman's horde, then shrugged and let out an animé-style puff. Why let them have all the fun? He vaulted over the battlements with a mighty yell, skewering one soldier with his staff and clubbing others into senselessness. Invoking the sacred Flame of Arnor, he raised his staff high above his head, and the holy light emanating from it caused Uruk-Hai all around him to shriek in agony and retreat.
Aragorn threw his hands in the air. How do they expect us to �re arrows when they're down there in the melee! he demanded rhetorically. Archers, take aim and �re, but be careful!Have we ever been anything but? Haldir asked, a hint of smugness in his voice as he sighted along his missile and let it �y.
Neko-sama, clawing and spinning his way through endless Orcish warriors, brie�y reached out to Kali's mind. What he sensed was totally unfamiliar to him, with his good alignment and usually-peaceful ways. Kali was in rapture, revelling in the heat of battle, drawing joy from every kill she made. Apparently, she really did worship Kali-Ma, and honoured her deity through slaughter, at least some of the time. It was almost as if she were raging or berserk, the way she—
Neko-sama broke off the contact and shook himself before Kali's battle-pleasure spread to him. It's true that Uruk-Hai are evil, horrible creatures and deserve to be destroyed, butif I didn't know better, I'd almost think she was a Ce�né!' His eyes widened and a sweatdrop slid down the side of his head as another realisation came to him. I hope she doesn't intend to drink the blood of her enemies once the battle is over!'
Concerned anew, the large feline creature felled several more soldiers standing between him and Kali and approached her, being careful to stay just out of her sword's reach. she intoned, sending a shimmering blue triangle of force off through the legions still swarming toward Helm's Deep and giving no indication of having heard him.
Kali, you must— Neko-sama began, and cut off with a howl of pain as an Uruk-Hai blade slashed down his side.
Kali screamed and whirled around. Neko-sama knew that since the two of them shared one soul, Kali felt his pain as keenly as he but did not share the actual injury. I can take care of myself! Don't make me have to babysit you! her voice roared in his head, as she cleaved through the Uruk-Hai surrounding him. There must have been some kind of force�eld or something surrounding her body, because every swing taken at her was somehow de�ected in some way Neko-sama could not see. Kali gestured idly with her free hand, as if �icking something in Neko-sama's direction, and turned away to send more Uruk-Hai into oblivion. Neko-sama felt relieved that she used her sword's force�eld and blasts of psychokinetic force more often than she made use of the Ribbon Device on her left hand.
I am really confused by that,' he thought as he lay into the dark creatures surrounding him, because it means she has either a Goa'uld or Tok'ra symbiote. Or maybe just Naquadah in her blood? Major Carter was able to use the Hand-Blasty-Thing even after Jolinar was killed'
Trying to ignore the screams of the dying Orcs and Uruk-Hai, the catlike creature continued to muse. I know from watching the episode of SG-1 where Sha'uri returns to Abydos that if a Goa'uld doesn't go into hibernation during its host's pregnancy, the child will be premature and stillborn Apparently, Kali does not have that problem! I'll have to ask her about it after the battle' Neko-sama pounced on an Uruk-Hai, maiming it and knocking it to the ground, then tearing its throat out for a merciful death. That is, if I can still stand myself! How could anyone kill like this on a regular basis, much less a Sekhtali like me?'
That's why I'm raging! Kali Sent tersely. I couldn't do this otherwise! Neko-sama was stunned as she began singing again, this time Rhythm Emotion'. Did she absorb air through her skin instead of breathing, or what!
Aragorn leaned on the battlements of the Deeping Wall, mouth hanging open, as he watched his sometime companions quickly and easily decreasing the number of Uruk-Hai around them. Gimli was swinging his axes and caught up in the fervor of battle, becoming faster and more powerful with every hit. Legolas whirled and danced through the ranks, stabbing monsters left and right with his glowing, curved daggers. Gandalf handled his staff as expertly as if it were a part of him, Neko-sama slaughtered Orcs with the rage of a female badger defending her young, and Kali combined both sword maneuvers and unarmed combat techniques to kill those within her range, occasionally performing a back�ip that sent crackling orbs of blue lightning into all those surrounding her.
Théoden stepped over towards him, also gaping in astonishment. The minions of Saruman keep coming, but the �ve of them—�ve!—appear to have an edge, and show no signs of fatigue! Aragorn shook his head. This is the kind of thing that one cannot take as anything but an in�ated boast to hear a warrior say it, but to actually see it with one's own eyes He gestured to Haldir and the other Elves, still standing ready behind him. As impressive as the spectacle is, Théoden said quickly, a hint of nervousness tinting his voice, they cannot possibly have the energy to �ght the entire army. See how many they have already killed, and still the ranks stretch off beyond sight!We have to get them to come back up to the Deeping Wall, the Ranger muttered. Or else get backup No sooner had the words left his lips than a commotion rose up behind him, and as he spun around to look, a �ash of white shot past him and over the battlements. Great white wings �apped, an eagle's shriek pierced the air, and a strange beast stooped down onto the Uruk-Hai. It was like nothing Aragorn had ever seen before—the head, wings, and forelimbs of a giant eagle, but the tail, body, and hindquarters of an enormous lion, and with the exception of the silver wings and tail-tip, completely covered in sleek feathers and fur such an immaculate shade of white that they seemed to shine. As the bizarre creature began to shred its way through the dark ranks, a burst of �ame in the sky caught Aragorn's eye, and balls of �re and burning stone began to fall from the heavens, exploding brightly among the Uruk-Hai.
HA-HA! AHHH! Kali laughed, and shrieked like a panther. Her amulet �ashed, she extended her left hand with her �ngers spread, and Saruman's soldiers began �ying into pieces as if torn and rent by an invisible force. Heads and bodies simply exploded in a broad line rapidly moving away from Kali, and Aragorn had to turn away to avoid becoming sick in a most undignifying manner. Others upon the Deeping Wall were not so swift, and vomited noisily over the battlements. Kali shouted again, and bolts of lightning fell from the sky as the earth before Helm's Deep burst upwards in fountains, spouting rocks and gouts of �ame. Aragorn strained his ears, and made out the faint sounds of Kali beginning to chant, perhaps an incantation for a spell. Neko-sama clearly recognised it, for his ears snapped backwards and he shot towards the Deeping Wall, leaping upwards and digging his claws into the dark stone. He swiftly climbed up the vertical surface and scrambled over the battlements, leaping behind a clump of archers and cowering.
The angry-looking clouds covering the sky suddenly parted, revealing a brightly-glowing full moon. Kali seemed to attract its light, almost appearing to become taller, and then Aragorn heard her cry A ball of shimmering blue and silver light formed between her raised hands, and she reached forward and directed a stunningly huge blast of magical energy through the survivors of the Orcish horde. A few intelligent (or cowardly) Uruk-Hai had attempted to turn and �ee, but found no escape, as Kali swept the spell's power to both sides as implacably as a tidal wave.
Good use of hosing! an unfamiliar female voice called from the sky, and Kali looked up and waved as the last wisps of magic dissipated.
Thanks, Athuamë! she replied happily. And may I say, your timing is absolutely impeccable!
Aragorn looked in the direction Kali had been speaking, and was surprised to see a woman �oating above the carnage, dressed in gold and crimson silks �t for a queen. Clinging desperately to her waist was a man in a leather—a leather coat and chainmail—in fact, dressed just likeBoromir?
The man attached to the �ying woman whimpered something into her side, and she laughed and began to descend. He let go long enough to �ail wildly, his arms brie�y becoming spastic blobs, and then latched on again more tightly. Kali chuckled as she held her sword in front of her chest and caused it to disappear, while Legolas, Gandalf, and Gimli staggered over to her.
Aragorn called, leaning through a crenellation. —need to go down, right? Neko-sama's voice said behind him, and Aragorn rose smoothly into the air. He had never experienced any sensation like this, and gasped as it felt like his internal organs had been left behind on the Deeping Wall. The ground approached, slowly but steadily, but before he had time to panic, he had landed softly on his feet. He took a moment to regain his composure, then rushed over to the small group.
I got forty-nine, Gimli was saying smugly. How many did you kill, Master Elf? Legolas squeaked. How did you get so many?
Gimli chuckled, the hint of a smirk visible beneath his ruddy moustache. I take it I have won this round by your reaction. Legolas replied, shaking his head with a smile. We tied.
The Dwarf spluttered and started coughing, gripping his axes and shaking them in Legolas' general direction. he gasped when he had regained the ability to speak, —you, an Elven archer, slew as many Orcs with your two daggers as a full-�edged warrior of the Khazad with his mighty twin axes!Forty-nine, eh Gandalf asked, with a soft laugh. I lost count of my victories.I'm not going to say how many I killed, Kali said, tossing her braid behind one shoulder. Mainly because I haven't tallied them up yet.how, exactly, do you intend totally, Kali Neko-sama asked hesitantly.
Oh, easy! she proclaimed, whipping a handkerchief out of one of her invisible pockets. She shook it out and held it up, moving it in a slow arc as if to show it the entire battle�eld. A small, circular array of lines appeared on it and twirled for a moment, and the �gure 021' became visible in large, glowing characters. Neko-sama facefaulted.
Let's see She shook the square of cloth, and the numbers reformed into 26'. That's how many you killed, Neko-sama. Boy, for a descendant of Aktahvi, you sure are a wimp. Again she shook the handkerchief. Gandalf killed seventy-�ve once more, Firefall slew �ve hundred and three another shake, the White Grif�n sent forty-three into oblivion She stopped, lowered the kerchief, and turned around. White Grif�n The strange creature slunk regally over to Kali and dipped its head. Oh! Sephiroth! How the hell—? The animal's beak almost seemed to curve into a pleased smile.
I am so confused, Boromir said.
Aragorn whirled around. LAMPS OF THE VALAR! IT IS YOU! HOW IN THE NAME OF ALL THE AINUR—!Actually, I think it would be the name of just one of the Ainur Kali asserted, and the queenly woman laughed. Her voice was rich and musical, almost vaguely reminding Aragorn of something, like a long-forgotten dream.
The Ranger staggered over to the Man, who had let go of the sorceress' waist now that his feet were on �rm ground. Aragorn thought he saw two small �gures running towards the rest of them from some distance away, but blocked it out of his mind for the moment. he whispered. I thoughtOh, come on! Kali cried, spreading her arms. Like you've never known anyone to come back from the dead before! Hell, didn't I TELL you someone was supposed to resurrect him!it must have slipped my mind, Aragorn murmured.
Boromir shrugged. Welcome back! Aragorn cried, embracing the other Man warmly. Boromir spooked, but then somewhat gingerly returned the hug.
Aw, isn't that sweet Kali muttered. Floating up until she was level with the top of the Deeping Wall, she called out, So, King Théoden, now that Rohan is safe, will we be returning to Edoras?yes, I suppose we will, he replied, apparently rather bemused by the whole goings-on.
All right, then! I'll make the gateway