Disclaimer for my sanity:
This story was written in 1999, so don't be too harsh on me :P
If this isn't the right format for a story, go ahead and take it down. I've seen other works in this format on this website and they're great, but if there's a problem with it by all means remove it.
-Samantha
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Another Crazy Episode of The Newlywed Game
ANNOUNCER: Live from Hollywood, it's The Newlywed Game!
(Audience cheers)
ANNOUNCER: And here are today's newlyweds. Couple number one, Aino Minako and Yaten Kou. Couple number two, Kino Makoto and Seiya Kou. Couple number three, Mizuno Ami and Taiki Kou. And now, here's the star of The Newlywed Game, Bob Eubanks!
(Bob walks out and everyone cheers)
BOB: Hello again and welcome to The Newlywed Game. I have to make a correction to the announcer's introduction. These three couples are not newlyweds, they only came here as couples on the show.
MINAKO: That's not true! I think Ami-chan and Taiki-san are engaged!
AMI Blushing: We are not, Minako-chan! We've only been dating for a month.
BOB: Maybe more once this show's over… Anyway, will the ladies step backstage so we may start the show?
(Minako, Ami and Makoto walk offstage)
BOB: Now you three, the way the game works is, I will ask you each some questions, and then we'll bring the girls back out, and if your answers match, you get five points. Okay? Here's the first question. Guys, how would you complete this sentence, "My life would be so much nicer if she never learned the word what?" Yaten?
YATEN: Um… Minako's always begging me to take her out to eat, so I'd say "dinner."
BOB: Seiya?
SEIYA: Definitely "why." Every time I ask her to do something it's "why?" When I say we can't go out, it's always "why?"
BOB: Why?
SEIYA: Not funny, Bob.
BOB: Sorry, sorry. Taiki?
TAIKI: "Homework." It's all she ever talks about.
BOB: But I thought you were the smart guy.
TAIKI: I am, but studying isn't the only thing on my mind when I'm with her.
(Audience whistles and cheers)
BOB: Okay, okay. Next question. Seiya, how many other men has she seen naked?
SEIYA: What do you mean other men? You think she's seen me naked?
YATEN: No, of course not. She's still alive and well.
SEIYA Stands up: Why you little-
BOB: Alright, alright! Stop it! Seiya, answer the question.
SEIYA: Okay, um, two?
BOB: Taiki?
TAIKI: I'm hoping one.
YATEN, SEIYA (Eye Taiki slyly): Mmmmmhmmmmm… And we know who that is…
BOB: Oh, come on you guys… Anyway, Yaten, how many men has Minako seen?
YATEN: Naked? I think seven.
BOB: Woah! She's a busy girl!
YATEN: Yep…
BOB: Next. If your girlfriend-
SEIYA: Makoto's not my girlfriend!
BOB: Uh, okay, sorry. If, uh, the girl you came to the show with were to join the Spice Girls, what would she have to change her name to?
TAIKI: Who the hell's the Spice Girls?
(Yaten and Seiya do one of those 'fall onto the floor and stick up your arms and legs when someone's doing something stupid or embarrassing' Anime things)
SEIYA: Haven't we been in America long enough for you to figure that out?
(Yaten holds up a Spice Girls poster and points each spice out)
YATEN: These are the Spice Girls… Baby… Posh… Ginger… Sporty… Scary…
SEIYA: You have a Spice Girls poster?
YATEN Sweatdrop: It's Minako's.
TAIKI: Yeah right… Ami would be Smart Spice.
YATEN: Ditsy Spice.
SEIYA: Brutal Spice.
BOB: What?
SEIYA: Every time I say I can't take her out she threatens to beat me up.
BOB: Okay… We'll be back with the girl's answers after these messages.
(Commercial)
BOB: Welcome back to the show. We've brought the girls back, and it's time to ask them the same three questions. First one, ladies, how did your boyfriend complete this sentence: "My life would be so much nicer if she never learned the word what?" Minako?
MINAKO: Um… Movie.
YATEN: Nooooooooo… You're always telling me to take you out to dinner.
MINAKO: But I like to go tot he movies more!
BOB: No points there. Makoto?
MAKOTO: I'd say… Why.
BOB: That's right. Ami?
AMI: Study…
BOB: That's not exactly the same as homework.
AMI: Oops. No.
BOB: Next, how many men have you seen naked?
MAKOTO: Oh God! You've gotta be kidding me… No? Okay… Um… Two I think.
BOB: You're right! Ami?
AMI Blushing: … One…
MINAKO, MAKOTO: Really, Ami-chan?
USAGI, REI (In audience): Who?
AMI: I don't want to talk about it on TV!
BOB: Leave her alone! Geez! I'm afraid to ask Minako…
MINAKO Counting on her fingers: Hmmm… Let's see… There was my first one, then that crazy guy, then those guys at the bar… Then a few more last week, and that night club-
AUDIENCE: Minako!
MINAKO: Gomen! The total comes to around… (Takes out calculator…) Forty-two!
(Audience gasps)
BOB: … And you're how old, Minako? Forty-two men at seventeen!
MINAKO: Nani? Forty-two men? I thought you asked how many times I saw other men naked.
BOB: Um, no.
MINAKO: Oh! Well in that case, four.
(Audience sighs)
BOB: Phew! I was worried there for a minute… Still, you're a busy girl… Anyway, here's the last question. Ami, if you were to join the Spice Girls, what would you have to change your name to?
AMI: Smart Spice.
BOB: Yep! Minako?
MINAKO: Happy Spice!
YATEN: No way… Ditsy.
MINAKO: Hey!
BOB: Makoto?
MAKOTO: Judging from the first question, he'd probably say Why.
BOB: Um… Seiya?
SEIYA Hiding his head in his arms: I told them Brutal, Makoto…
MAKOTO: WHAT? Hit's Seiya with a pillow
SEIYA: See…
BOB: That's enough. We'll be back after these messages.
(Commercial for Spice Girls Movie and CD)
BOB: Thanks for tuning in here on The Newlywed Game. We're at the segment where we ask these three ladies ten point questions. And here's the first one. Girls, what part of his body does he disgust the most? Minako?
MINAKO: Yaten doesn't like his head cause he looks like a girl.
BOB Laughing: Alright, Makoto?
MAKOTO: Well, Seiya's pretty conceited when it comes to his looks, but I'd say he dislikes his hair.
BOB: Why?
MAKOTO: 'Cause he always says he wants to cut it, but he keeps the ponytail cause it matches the other two.
BOB: Too bad. Ami?
AMI: His hair.
BOB: I can understand that. Now, what on his body can be classified as small?
MAKOTO: His head. Definitely too small.
AMI: His muscles.
MINAKO: Yaten's a shorty. Height.
BOB: But what on his body, Minako?
MINAKO: Then his whole body's small.
BOB: Last question. Where on his body are you hoping he'll fill in the most?
MINAKO: We're really stressing the physical questions, aren't we Bob?
BOB: Hey, I don't write the questions; just ask them… Ami?
AMI: I guess I'm hoping he'll fill in his chest.
MINAKO: Whole body.
MAKOTO: Head.
BOB: What?
MAKOTO: He's not the smartest guy in the world, that's for sure.
BOB: Thanks girls. We'll be back. Stay tuned.
(Commercial for body building system)
BOB: Welcome back. This has been quite an interesting show today. We're now rejoined with the guys, and prepared to ask the ten point questions. First one. Yaten, what part of your body do you disgust the most?
YATEN: My muscles.
BOB Laughing: Minako says your head looks like a girls.
YATEN: Hey!
MINAKO: Gomen! But you have to admit it does.
BOB: Okay, okay. Seiya?
SEIYA: I guess I disgust my head the most, too.
MAKOTO: That's the same as hair, isn't it?
BOB: No, sorry. Taiki?
TAIKI: I've been constantly made fun of because of my hair.
BOB: That's a match. Guys, what on your body could be classified as small?
SEIYA: My head.
TAIKI: Muscles.
YATEN: Head.
BOB: Right, right, wrong. Your whole body's small, she says.
YATEN: Yeah, yeah…
BOB: Anyway, our last question will determine the winner. Ami and Taiki have thirty points, Makoto and Seiya have twenty, and Minako and Yaten have… none. Your honeymoon, or rather date, will be spent where?
ANNOUNCER: You both will spend one week in Tahiti!
BOB: Wonderful! Now, Yaten and Minako. You have zero points. Get this last question correct and you will walk away with at least some points… Where on your body is she hoping you'll fill in the most?
YATEN: Judging from her previous answers… My whole body.
BOB: Right!
MINAKO: YEAH! We're going to Tahiti! We're going to Tahiti!
YATEN Sweatdrop: Minako-chan, we didn't win anything…
MINAKO Starts to cry: Wwwaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I thought we won!
BOB Shouting over Minako's wailing: Sorry, Minako. Makoto and Seiya, if you get this right you'll be in first place.
SEIYA: Umm… My backside?
MAKOTO: NANI?
BOB: Too bad. Taiki, if you match Ami-chan's answer, you'll have a total of fifty-five points. What is your answer?
TAIKI: She's probably hoping I'll fill in my chest.
BOB: That's a match, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway. You two are taking a vacation to Tahiti!
(The audience goes wild, Ami and Taiki hug each other and cheer, Makoto is beating up Seiya, and Yaten has walked out of the studio, leaving Minako crying on stage)
BOB Rubs his temples: Oh dear… Please forget this and join us next time. I'm going to take a bubble bath. Bye.