Chapter Six The Plot Thickens, Because I Added Too Much Flour. Oops.
Gorthaur was bored. Very, very bored. For the past few millennia—maybe it hadn't been that long, but it seemed like Ages—he had existed only incorporeally, unable to affect anything signi�cant in the material world. Only a few months ago had he worked up the strength to focus his awareness into the Great Eye, surveying Middle-Earth for the Ring he had forged so long ago. The Ring that would allow him to once again take physical form and claim his rightful rulership of the sniveling cowards that populated the world.
Lately, it had been hidden from his sight, and Witchking had brought no news of sensing its presence. How could that be, he wondered. To his knowledge, it was still in the possession of one of the Holbytlan, a weak and diminutive race not known for their cleverness or trickery.
As he had done so often since regaining the power to form the Eye, Gorthaur attempted to reach out with his mind, hoping to touch his master, Melkor, who had been imprisoned somewhere in another plane. Melkor, Counter-Singer, heed the call of your servant!' he thought desperately, hoping for succor. With no Ring and no higher power to aid him, what could he do?
Suddenly, shockingly, something answered him. A voice that seemed to echo through his mind from nowhere, though he had no physical mind, �lled his consciousness. You are the one they call Sauron, the Dark Lord?
Y—yes! Though that is not my true name. Are you a servant of Melkor?'
Perhaps I am. It doesn't matter at the moment. I am known asthe Serpent Kingand I have come here seeking an alliance with you.
Here? My apologies, but where is here? My perception is yet limited.'
Came to Middle-Earth fromelsewhere. I am not physically near you, Dark Lord, but am projecting myself so as to communicate.
Very well, then. What is it you wish of me?'
I wish your alliance. In return, I can lend you power— Gorthaur suddenly felt a surge of energy, sensed the barrier between his plane of astral nothingness and the physical realm weakening, and tore through a hole, his body forming anew from the searing �ames that had comprised the Great Eye. Standing naked but triumphant atop the highest peak of Barad-dûr, he threw his head back and laughed.
MIDDLE-EARTH SHALL TREMBLE BEFORE ME! he roared, punctuated by a burst of incandescent lava from the jagged crown of Mount Doom.
—and in return, the Serpent King's disembodied voice continued, I request your help in subjugating the inhabitants of this world.
Gorthaur's face hardened. What? You want my help to enslave the people it is my right to conquer?
I invested a signi�cant amount of effort in contacting you and enabling you to move about Middle-Earth in corporeal form. Becoming my lieutenant is hardly an unfair exchange. In truth, on your end, it is more than fair!
The Dark Lord shook his head and glowered, though he doubted the Serpent King was actually able to see him. The only master I answer to is Melkor, he stated, and Middle-Earth will be conquered and offered to him alone.
So be it! the Serpent King snarled. We will undoubtedly meet on our separate campaigns. Do not expect mercy from methere are far worse things that can be done to a physical body than to an incorporeal spirit! I will make you suffer for squandering the gift I gave you. And the presence was gone.
Good riddance, Gorthaur mumbled, brushing a strand of blood-red hair from his face. Ah, but what to do now? I spent so long wishing I had physical form again that I didn't bother to think what I would do once I had it. He looked around for a trapdoor, anything that might permit him entrance into the fortress, so that he could get at his old possessions. The armour he once wore was probably long since destroyed, but something of his wardrobe should have remained somewhere, his collection of raiments �t for a king. The king of Middle-Earth that he was destined to become.
Boromir braced himself for the vertigo, but it didn't come. The air around him was suddenly hot and laced with the stink of brimstone. He opened his eyes, and saw that he and his companions were standing on the slope of a mountain. No, not a mountain. An erupting volcano. Mount Doom! And there was Barad-dûr, though it looked somehowodd, like it was missing something.
What the hell? Kali swore quietly, looking around. The Eye is gone! Yes, that was it. The Great Eye, like something that had collected all the world's cat eyes, turned them evil, and wreathed them in �ame, no longer peered around from atop the peak of the Dark Lord's fortress.
All the better, I say, Frodo muttered. I hate being watched by that thing.All right, let's get moving, then, Kali said �rmly. I'll take point. Gandalf, Athuamë, make sure everyone is spelled up to resist �re. Aragorn, Gimli, bring up the rear.Where is the Eye? Boromir wondered as they set off up the �ank. Not that I want You-Know-Who to see us destroying his last link to existence, but it all seems a bit suspicious to mePerhaps he does not always have the spell in effect, Firefall murmured. Something of that size, with that range, must take an enormous amount of energy to sustain. It is entirely possible that he periodically takes a rest from scanning Middle-Earth. I am far more powerful than he, and even I would need a break in such a routine.
Gandalf watched the two lovers out of the corner of his eye, thoughts gnawing at the back of his mind. Frodo and Sam called her Firefall, Boromir called her Girasol, and Kali used the name Athuamë—a name he knew he had heard somewhere, in some previous Age, but could not remember. The word meant supernova' in Minfo, the most ancient of tongues, the language of gods and creation. He thought it sounded like a name that would be given to one of the Ainur
Yes! Because it had been! Anarach-keli-Athuamë had been one of the Maiar chosen by the Eternal Divine to sing in the world of Arda. She had been beautiful, powerful, a peerless alto, until— His heart skipped a beat. he hissed, clutching his staff. Firefall stopped dead in her tracks and stared at him.
Boromir began, then noticed that Gandalf had also come to a halt. Kali spun around.
What are you doing? she demanded.
Gandalf growled. You strayed from the true path to follow the Flame of Udûn!
Firefall started back, then composed herself, sending him an icy glare. Once, yes, she said quietly. But I have renounced that path. I am no longer Tanariel.Can one really un-choose such a thing? he cried. Do you think Melkor, the Dark Enemy, will let one who served him so faithfully turn away!
Beads of sweat began popping out from Boromir's temples, though it could not have been from the heat, since he was enchanted to resist �re short of being immersed in red-hot lava. What is he talking about!Melkor can go fuck himself, Firefall maintained, folding her arms. I don't care what he thinks of me, trapped in the space between worlds, because it has no bearing on my life.You were Tanariel, Queen of the Valaraukar! Gandalf bellowed, shaking his staff. You took over commanding the Balrog army after Morgoth was destroyed! I do not believe that— Kali yelled, and the mountain seemed to shake. He fell silent. Shut up. You're scaring the straights. Indeed, the Hobbits were backing away slowly, and Boromir looked as if he had received a literal dagger in the back from the woman he loved.
Stop it, Kali commanded. All of you, calm the fuck down. Gandalf, Athuamë is not a fucking Balrog anymore. Just chill, will you? And Boromir, get that forlorn look off your face! You haven't been betrayed.
Athuamë did something stupid when she was young, and now she regrets it. She's a Maia, not a Valaraukar. The only one who has been betrayed is Melkor, the Dark Squirrel. So can we please just get on with it! The Man paled, the Hobbits trembled, and even Gandalf found himself cowed, for Kali exuded a very de�nite aura of intimidation. She certainly would be a terrible foe, and he wished to avoid that. He did not want to test himself against her power.
Since it has come to your attention, Olorin, Firefall said, I might as well explain to you just who I am. It's true I once turned away from the celestial song of the Ainur, and now they will not have me back in the choir. That is �ne, though, as I have found enlightenment in other ways. When Melkor was banished, the Valaraukar and all his other servants scattered like dead leaves in a wind, �nding other paths to follow. I found that a great deal more ful�llment lay in knowledge, the study of the arcane, and travelling the world than in domination of the Free Races. She wrapped one arm around Boromir and pulled him close. And I have a family now. I would do anything to make my love happy, or for our daughter.Pregnancy, if nothing else, changes a person, Kali explained in a calm voice. I don't relish the thought, but in a few more months, I will have no choice but to settle down and raise my children, putting off my crusade for what will probably be many years. I wouldn't expect you to fully understand, Gandalf, seeing as you're male, but when one realises that one carries part of the next generation in her very body, it makes one stop and think about what the future holds. I know Athuamë is not evil. I know she can be trusted. Chalk it up to women's intuition if you will, but I will not have you at her throat while I am here.Kali is with child! Gimli muttered. Curse that Elf!No, Gimli, she said. I wouldn't take on passengers without a full cargo hold. She turned away and continued climbing the mountain. Are the rest of you coming, or not?
The crater of Mount Doom was �lled with searing heat, acidic smoke, and the occasional bursting bubble of molten rock. To the new Fellowship of the Ring that entered, however, it was merely warm and tinged with an unpleasant odour. Kali made her way up to the tip of an outcrop overlooking the great pool of lava below, glanced down, and beckoned to Firefall and Boromir. Come, Athuamë, she called. Toss the Ring into the lava, and I'll pull it out once it's melted.how, exactly, do you intend to do that, Lady, er Pippin queried.
Kali! Her name is Kali, Sam snapped, glaring at his companion.
Silly Hobbit, she called, even after the Ring has melted, the atoms of gold will still be easily separable from the atoms of liquid rock around them. I just have to latch onto them psychokinetically and remove the little chunk, forming it back into a ring shape once it's cooled a little.
Gimli stepped close to Pippin and nodded in Kali's direction. Take my word for it, laddie, he said quietly, it's usually best to just trust her and not try to understand how her powers work.
Firefall held out her hand, staring at the Ring resting in her palm. Snatches of the Black Speech whispered in her ears, but she ignored them. Funny, isn't it? she asked rhetorically. That this little thing could have caused so much trouble.Ah, but remember, Athuamë, Kali pointed out, that people like us have a knack for resisting mental slavery. Not everyone, especially not your average run-of-the-mill human or Hobbit or whatever, has such a good Will save bonus.
Firefall chuckled. True enough. Striding gracefully to the edge of the rock, and standing �rmly at Kali's side, she �ipped the Ring of Power into the air as if tossing a coin. Good-bye, Sauron. Enjoy your eternity in Hell with your tone-deaf master Melkor. The two women leaned forward slightly, watching the sparkling Ring fall until it became indistinguishable from the glowing bursts of lava around it.
After a moment, Kali squinted down into the lava and nodded. Right, then. Here it comes. She �icked a �nger, and a dart of blazing gold, like a tiny shooting star, �ew up from the burbling pool and came to a stop before Firefall, rotating slowly into a round shape. Would you like anything engraved on it? Firefall smiled and shook her head. Oh, but wait—it's an engagement ring. It needs a rock of some sort. What do you think? Diamond, or something red?Red. De�nitely red, Firefall requested.
Excellent well. How Reddish motes of light coalesced around the Ring, forming into shining, faceted globules on the outside. star rubies? They're red, and stars kinda match your theme.Oh, it's lovely, Firefall breathed, reaching out a hand. The new Ring dropped into her palm, and she turned serenely and offered it to Boromir. Here, beloved, would you like to present it to me?Of course, he said, grinning broadly. Taking the proferred piece of jewelry, he clasped Firefall's hand in his and lowered himself to one knee. Girasol, Lady of Fire, I humbly ask for your hand in marriage.I humbly accept, Boromir son of Denethor, she said with a brilliant smile.
Then take this ring as a token of our betrothal, he whispered, slipping it onto one of her �ngers. Surprisingly, almost every one of her digits already had a ring, all of them heavy and silver.
Oh, it's so sweet! Kali gushed, clasping her hands over her heart. And it reminds me, I probably ought to get married at some point She glanced at the golden ring, shockingly similar to Sauron's Ring of Power, on her left hand and sighed. Not yet, though.
As they exited the mountain, Kali sniffed the air and looked around. You know, something's kind of odd, she remarked. I kind of expected to feel backlash from the death of someone as powerful as Sauron, but I didn't feel a thing. I'm not sure what's going on, but something's not—
Far below them, cries were heard from the great gate at the base of Barad-dûr. The �res on the torches �ared, black blood sprayed, and a tall, angry man began charging up the mountainside. He had black skin, crimson hair, and was garbed in �ame-coloured silk, black leather, and chainmail. Kali stopped short upon seeing him. Wha— It can't! That—
He yelled something up at them, shaking his �st in fury, but the rumbling of the volcano drowned him out even as he picked his way up the �ank, seemingly unimpaired by the jagged scree littering the landscape. Kali bared her teeth, the very picture of an angry lioness. That son of a bitch—! she snarled, taking off down the slope to meet him. Gandalf heard her cry as she ran, and she bull-rushed into the stranger with both hands outstretched. Rather than �ying off the mountainside, he fell to the ground with a wail of shock and anger, and Kali began toroll him along, likelike some kind of rolling thing. Gandalf found himself utterly puzzled. She was gaining speed, and rocks and other various bits were sticking to the angry man as if attracted by magic. He screamed and cursed and �ailed, but Kali kept going, charging straight into a group of Orcs—all of whom stuck onto the clump, which by now was beginning to appear more spherical.
Firefall mused. A clump? A ball? How very oddUm, let'sget down off the mountain, shall we? Boromir suggested, starting to pick his way down. He offered his arm.
By the time they reached the bottom, Kali's odd clump had swelled to the size of a small house, and everything from torches to �ags to swords to Nazgûl dragon-steeds was sticking out at odd angles. Kali rolled to a stop, breathing heavily but with a smile on her face, and sat down on a protrusion of rock.
Eight metres! she announced proudly, giving the lump a pat. Not terribly impressive, I know, but there wasn't much stuff to roll around here.
Aragorn took a breath. I know I'll regret asking this, but——what in the name of the White Tree did you do? Boromir interrupted.
Oh, you can't tell? I rolled a katamari.Ahh, yes, a katamari! Gandalf exclaimed. A what?
She made an aggravated noise. You know, Katamari Damashii? Lump Soul? Yilkarara Kalentair? They shook their heads, staring blankly. Umf! Clearly, I have more teaching to do. I'll start by explaining the properties of a katamari, beginning with the base— Bits �ew off the giant ball, those with legs scrambling to their feet and rushing away, and Kali gestured at the empty air. I used— WHAT THE FUCK! WHERE DID HE GO?
Gorthaur hit the ground with a splash. The hell he muttered. Hasty teleportation spells can lead to oddities, but Orthanc was not surrounded by water last I knew He pulled himself to his feet and shook water from his hands. Clearing his throat, he looked around and called, Saruman the White! Your master has come in the �esh! There was no answer. Irritated, the Dark Lord of Middle-Earth waded through the cold water, cursing the fact that his chainmail boots would probably rust and the leather trim on his tunic would de�nitely be stiff later. he bellowed. WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?Oh, good, someone came, said an unctuous, wormy voice from behind him. Gorthaur whirled around to see a hunched, pale man clad in black fur. Did you bring a Palantír? I'm afraid Lord Saruman is rather upset over the loss of the one he had.Who the fuck are you? Gorthaur snarled, taking a step toward him. How dare you address me in such a nonchalant manner!
The Man's eyes widened, and he shuf�ed back. Oh, terribly sorry, sir, he wormed. I don't believe we have been introduced. I am Gríma of Rohan.Oh, Wormtongue, Gorthaur huffed. I believe Saruman spoke of you. I am Gorthaur the Sorcerer, Lord of Middle-Earth.
Gríma became even paler, a nauseating sight, and nearly fell over. Taking another step back, and glancing up at the forbidding peak of Orthanc as if wondering what Saruman would permit, he squeezed out,
Gorthaur took a single stride forward and grabbed the pitiful human by the throat, easily hoisting him into the air. Never call me that, he hissed. My name is Gorthaur! Gríma squirmed vainly, gasped for air, and shook his head in agreement. Gorthaur dropped him in the water. Now, Wormtongue, he said, tell me what happened here. Where is Saruman?
Gríma, still unable to speak, clutched at his throat and pointed at the spire. Gorthaur glanced over his shoulder. In the tower? That's to be expected. What I wish to know is what has happened to my armies. Saruman promised me a horde of Orcspawn, and I see no such force. Thisthis water-parkcannot possibly be what he intends to offer me. Wormtongue gasped, coughing. Ents came.Ents? You can't mean those splinter-headed old walking trees! They must have been extinct for a least an Age!The very same, Gríma stated. Apparently they are not.Wh—! This—this is— This is all preposterous! I demand you take me to see Saruman immediately!Ah, well, thethe problem with that is— the Man said quickly, hemming and hawing, that Saruman sent me away to �nd him a new Palantír, and if I don't return with one, I fear he won't be best pleased
Gorthaur stepped closer and glared down into Wormtongue's eyes. Take me to him now or I won't be best pleased. You know how easily I could kill you, yes? Gríma whimpered and nodded.
Well, isn't that a neutral evil thing to say! commented an unfamiliar male voice from somewhere. Gorthaur whirled around, but saw no-one, not even a ripple of someone hiding beneath the surface of the water.
he spat, shoving Wormtongue toward the tower. Lead on.
Saruman did not glance up from his spellbooks as he heard the great steel doors at the base of Orthanc open and close, instead continuing to peruse his indices for an invocation that would cure withdrawal. The cursed Ents had destroyed his storehouse, and then the double-cursed Hobbits had smoked up all of his Shire-grown pipeweed, though he would never admit to anyone that he had become so hooked on the fragrant stuff triple-cursed Gandalf used to bring. If that's Gríma come back without a Palantír,' he thought grumpily, a bolt of lightning should do wonders for that unnatural complexion of his'
It was not Wormtongue's unctuous voice that echoed through the tower, however. bellowed an unfamiliar, but deep and powerful, male voice—from a speaker easily over six feet tall, probably around two hundred eighty pounds. WE MUST HAVE WORDS! A husky voice, possibly from smoking pipeweed or, hell, maybe he lived in a volcano, for all Saruman knew. Rising from his chair made his head throb, and he winced and grabbed for his staff—the staff that wasn't there. Cursing the names of Gandalf, Kali, and everything that lay between the High Heavens and the Burning Hells, he slammed his spellbook shut and swept out the door and down the stairs to the large round room located halfway up the tower.
Gríma was there, obviously having had no luck in his search, judging by the way he hunched away from Saruman in fear of his wrath. It was the other man with him, though, that caught the Wizard's attention. Very tall, closer to seven feet than six, and with long hair the colour of blood and skin the shade of basalt, he stood waiting with arms crossed like a despotic king kept waiting for an audience. Saruman found himself marvelling—inwardly, of course—at the stranger's unusual yet luxurious garb, of iridescent �ame-tinted silk and slick black leather and the chainmail boots with turned-down leather tops. This was clearly no Man, no Elf, and certainly no Uruk-Hai. From where did he come?
I am Saruman, he said simply, inclining his head in the slightest of nods, for it was always best to act polite to strangers until they became comfortable enough that you could demonstrate your full power over them.
I am Gorthaur, the tall man said, with no perceptible show of respect. Saruman felt his heart skip.
he whispered. You—you are— he stepped closer— here? In the �esh? That must mean—your Ring— If this truly is Sauron,' he thought, I must not let him know that I intended to keep the Ring for myself and take Middle-Earth for my own' You slew the foolish Hal�ings, I presume?The Holbytlan that stole it? No, the Dark Lord replied, I realised that I had gained enough power just on my own that I was able to break through the barrier between this world and the Spectral World.He's lying, said the same unfamiliar voice Gorthaur and Wormtongue had heard outside. Saruman spun around, searching for the intruder. He saw nothing. Someone wanted his help, so they gave him enough power to re-manifest himself. Then they asked him to help them conquer Middle-Earth, and he refused.An invisible speaker Gríma wondered. Could it bethey are wearing the Ring?No, simpleton, Gorthaur snarled, because I would be able to sense it if they did!Be that as it may, Lord Sauron, Saruman said, and Gorthaur stiffened, as you can see, I, your loyal servant, have been greatly weakened by the attacks of the upstart races. I humbly ask your assistance in avenging myself.If you are so weak that Men and Ents can do such damage, Gorthaur said, what use are you to me?No, please, my Lord, you do not understand! Saruman pleaded, daring to take a step closer. I can be a most powerful ally! You saw the vast legions of Uruk-Hai I assembled for you, the chaos I wreaked in Rohan. I was caught off-guard, by foes who do not follow the honourable rules of engagement!Honourable rules of engagement? Gorthaur repeated, sneering. There are no such thing. As for your Uruk-Hai armies and the weakening of Rohan, both have been nulli�ed. By a tiny band of mortals, no less. Do you really think you can help me in any meaningful way?Mend—mend my staff, Lord Sauron, Saruman requested, and I will show you what assistance I can render.
Gorthaur walked close to him and glared down into the Wizard's eyes. Up close, it became apparent that he was not very much taller, but de�nitely had a great deal more muscle than Saruman, who was defenseless in any �ght in which he did not have his staff. I will say this to you once, the Dark Lord said in a quiet and dangerous voice. My name is Gorthaur, not Sauron. Call me the hated one' again and I will tear your throat out one-handed. Do I make myself perfectly fucking clear?Indeed, my Lord, Saruman said, only mildly intimidated. My Lord Gorthaur, ruler of Middle-Earth.Yes, that's what I like to hear, Gorthaur murmured, turning away. Where is your staff?Outside, my lord, the Wizard explained, then looked past the Dark Lord to glare at Gríma. Wormtongue of Rohan! I charged you with �nding my Palantír! Where is it! The human stumbled back, fawning sickeningly. I—don't know, my lord. It—it's not where it fellThen LOOK HARDER! Saruman roared, shaking his �st. Gríma shrieked and �ed down the stairs, clearly unaware that his magic-using master had dif�culty actually using magic without his staff to use as a focus. If you'll follow me, Lord Gorthaur, Saruman said, I'll show you where the pieces of my staff lie— Neko-sama called, appearing a few paces behind her. I—um, I'm sorry about—earlierMm-hmm. Me too. What did you come here to tell me? Since their souls were linked through Recognition, she didn't even have to brush his mind telepathically to sense his thoughts.
He scampered up to where she was, striding alongside the other members of the Fellowship, and spoke in Japanese so as not to panic them. You were wondering where Sauron went? He's at Orthanc.Orthanc—! Shit! she hissed. Well, it's not as if it'll do him much good—I think we kicked Smartass' ass pretty thoroughly.Yes, except, he pointed out, Sauron is about to go cast Make Whole or something on Saruman's staff so that he can use magic again.What? No, that's not possible. Make Whole is a cleric spell, not arcane!Maybe he's a cleric of Melkor.The Dark Squirrel? I doubt it. Melkor is an Ainur—an arch�end, at the very most. It's very unlikely that he can grant spells. She looked down at the feline, who—not for the �rst time—wished he could use his normal form instead of masquerading as a housecat. Why didn't you stop them?I was invisible, and that would have required revealing myself, he explained, and I �gured that would be bad.No, you just had to sneak out and grab the halves of Saruman's stick before they got there. Kali sighed. Really, Caifaal, you must be just as powerful a psion as I am, but you almost never use your power.I don't have as many levels as you do, he admitted, just a lot of Psi and potential.Well, remind me to rush you sometime, she stated. Sanctuary is on the other side of this planet, and I doubt everything respawns just like in the video game, but there should still be plenty of stuff to kill. I know you don't enjoy killing, but you're a Sekhtali—you practically have the Good subtype—so you shouldn't object to slaughtering demons. She smiled maliciously. Besides, it gets to be really fun sometimes.That's what I'm afraid of, he said quietly.
Something wrong? Firefall asked, picking up on the tone of his murmur.
No, no, Kali said, switching back to English with no effort. Neko-sama was out scouting, and just reported what he saw.Anything on what's happened in Mordor since the Ring was destroyed? Aragorn asked. Did he see any signs of Sauron's death?
Kali slowed down brie�y. Um, about that she muttered, de�nitely isn't dead. cried several voices in unison.
If the fucker hadn't teleported out of the middle of my katamari, I could have introduced you guys to him, she grumbled. Yes, I'm talking about the goon who came out of Barad-dûr just as we were leaving Mount Doom. I recognised him right off, and was a bit irritated, as I had been planning to use his Eye as the base of my katamari, since spherical things roll much better.
The others had stopped behind her, and she spun around to face them. ? Let's keep moving!You mean to saySauron has already taken physical form Gandalf said in a �at voice.
and you didn't bother to tell us? Firefall �nished, her tone icy.
Kali threw her hands in the air. I didn't know myself until I saw the wanker charging up the �ank of the volcano! If I had said then, Hey, look, it's Sauron,' most of you would have freaked out trying to �ee and half of you would have shat yourselves, to boot!I think I just did anyway, Pippin mumbled, hoping Merry wouldn't overhear.
At least he doesn't have the Ring, Neko-sama pointed out. Until he forges a new one, anywayHe can't, I'm sure, Kali said. He invested a lot of energy in making that one, and part of his essence was still bound up in it when we destroyed it. It will undoubtedly take him some time to recover, and by that time, we will have already kicked his ass.You seem awfully con�dent, Boromir croaked, trying not to let his fear show.
Kali walked over to him. I'll let you in on a secret, Boro-kun. Everyone—even illiterate commoners who do nothing all their lives but farm—has a degree of personal power that can be measured in class levels. —Well, okay, not really— she glanced over her shoulder at Neko-sama, who for all the world appeared to be regarding her with one eyebrow raised skeptically— but let's say, for the sake of argument, that they do. Each level is an abstract amount of of experience that, when added up, converts into a quanti�able amount of power, and there are different classes in which you can take levels, each of which pigeonholes a particular vocation or lifestyle. You, for example She stepped back and stared at him a moment. have fourteen levels of �ghter and four levels of commander. That adds up to 18th-level. Not bad. Oh, I forgot to mention prestige classes—but never mind, I don't want to make your head explode. Sauron, from the information I have gleaned, has a class level in the high 20s, though probably no higher than 30. I, personally, am level 39, with a level adjustment of +8 due to my special abilities. Forty-seven is greater than thirty, yes? Still mostly confused, he nodded. Oh, and while I'm at it, I may as well point out that Athuamë is a level-34 character and has bonus Hit Dice from being an Ainur.I'm terribly sorry, Kali, but I really understood almost none of what you just said.
She sighed. Well, I can't say I'm surprised. Dungeons and Dragons tends to oversimplify life in a rather inaccurate manner, but I was aiming for some kind of analogy that wouldn't take too much explanation to show that I, or Firefall, or—hell—both of us together could easily defeat Sauron.
The Man shook his head, doubtful. I still cannot quite believe that.You did not see the battle at Helm's Deep, my friend, Gimli chuckled. Kali waded through those Orcs like a lava-lizard hunting blinded tunnel-rats! And that was against a horde. There is only one of Sauron.Anyway, Sauron isn't even the biggest threat to Middle-Earth right now, Neko-sama said. Everyone, including Kali, looked to him in surprise. W—well, he doesn't have the One Ring, the cat continued, and I had a dream last night about a far more terrible force that has come to Middle-Earth from across the sea of stars. No, Kali— he snapped, heading her off, —it's not Cthulhu, nor the Ogdru Jahad! It's some kind of—snake-thing.
Kali shrugged. I suppose we should believe him. He's much stronger in the clairsentience psionic talent than I am.
He looked up at her, cocking his head in a cute feline manner. Am I really?I think so. My three strongest talents are Psychokinesis, Biokinesis, and Psychoarcana. Yours, I believe, are Psychokinesis, Psychomancy, and Telepathy. was all he said.
There are several different ways in which psionic energy can be used, Firefall explained, and those in whom the gift manifests itself tend to have stronger potential in one or two of these talents and varying levels of ability with the rest.The discipline with which I am least pro�cient is Psychoshamanism, Kali put in. I'm not surprised, as it's a very rare talent. It's quite dif�cult for me to psionically channel a Ra Tilt, for example. But put a city in front of me, and I can levitate it all day.Be that as it may, Gandalf said, gripping his staff in a businesslike manner, we cannot stand around all day talking and admiring the lovely scenery. I suggest we return to Edoras.Yeah, seems like a— Kali was cut off by a bestial shriek echoing through the sky. Wait a minute—! That sounded like a Nazgûl! Shouldn't they have been destroyed when the Ring was reforged?Apparently not, Neko-sama muttered. There are three, headed this way.Now why the hell would they do that? she cried, gesticulating angrily. We don't have the Ring! —I mean, not the Ring they want, anyway!I suggest we go, and quickly! Gandalf decreed, hitching up his robes so he could run more easily.
No. Fuck the Nazgûl. We'll just kill 'em all! Kali swore, producing her elegant and exotic composite bow from the storage amulet hanging around her neck. A quiver appeared around her waist, and she loosed a glowing arrow with barely a glance for aim. Seconds later, there was a horrible cry, followed by a roar of pain. Kali nodded smugly. That's one Nazgoon and one foomhead, she announced, nocking another arrow. I'm so glad my piercing/guided arrows don't follow the rules in the 1.10 patch. More shrieks and roaring. Ah, I love my brokenness. A lightning bolt suddenly shot up from behind a hill some distance away, transpiercing the last Wraith and its steed. As the dead creatures plummeted, a thrown spear reached the top of its parabolic trajectory and began falling to earth. Gandalf noticed this, and his eyebrows rose slowly.
Someone is coming! Riding a— Neko-sama began, then stopped, confused. That's odd. I thought it was a Warg at �rst, but it's more like a big tiger. I'm not sure what kind of—Oh, a tarun, Firefall said. Really? I haven't seen one of those for Ages. I didn't think they lived around here anymore.
The rider crested the hill, holding the reins of her semi-feline steed, which was running at top velocity. The two reached the falling spear just before it hit the ground, the rider deftly snatching it from the air and spinning it around to sheath it across her back. She noticed the group, and pulled the tarun to a stop.
she called, raising one arm in greeting. Which among you is Gandalf the Grey?
The companions looked at each other, some mildly uneasy, for random women did not often appear in the Wild and ask for a speci�c member of a party. Kali waved to the stranger and set off toward her.
Gandalf the Grey is now Gandalf the White, she explained, pointing. He's that elderly one in the glowy robes.Ah, thanks. The tarun began moving again, and trotted past Kali up to the remainder of the Fellowship. The rider dismounted and strode over to Gandalf, extending one hand and lowering her head in some form of odd greeting. My mother, Analikë Silverspear, sends her regards, she said, and Gandalf sputtered. My name is Dolynna Ravenhair.Oh, Lamps of the Valar, the Wizard muttered, a bead of sweat sliding down his temple. I should have known something like this could happen.Who is Analikë Silverspear? Aragorn wondered.
She is an Amazon, Gandalf explained, from the Northern Mountains. I met her and her tribe about—oh, it must have been around twenty years ago.That would be about right, since I celebrated my twentieth birthday last month, Dolynna said, a slight grin curving her lips. Gandalf let out a sigh and looked genuinely troubled.
Tell your mother, he requested, that I am terribly sorry to have caused her so much inconvenience. Dolynna laughed. Raacha would be quite pleased to hear you say that, I'm sure! Shialin, the leader of my tribe—you remember her, I'm sure—had a son around the time I was born, and Raacha has just never gotten over that. She shrugged. I'm better with magic than most of my tribeswomen, so I studied the arcane arts under Raacha for a while, but when she taught me everything she knew, I came looking for you, since you're a Wizard.It seems your mother trained you in the arts of war, as well, he observed, glancing at the spear-haft visible over her shoulder.
She chuckled. Yes, that she did. Did she really throw a javelin through your knee when you �rst met her?
He closed his eyes, trying not to remember the pain.
Kali returned to the group, speaking softly to the tarun and extending a hand for it to sniff. It grunted and lowered its head, letting her pet it. When introductions are over, let's get back to Edoras, okay, people? Gandalf muttered. As if I knew any of this in advance. This, as you may have guessed, my companions— he gestured, taking them all in— is my daughter, Dolynna. It seems. I think. Dolynna, these are— and he indicated each one in turn, Kali, Aragorn, Frodo, Samwise, Pippin, Merry, Gimli, Boromir, Athuamë, and— he glanced down at the cat, who was very calmly seated on the ground with the tip of his tail twitching— Neko-sama. But I doubt that's his real name. What you see certainly is not his true form, he �nished in a low voice.
Does it really matter who—or what—I am? Neko-sama asked, surprising Dolynna. I'm on your side, and can predict what the Enemy plans to do next. He licked one paw nonchalantly. Actually, to be perfectly honest, Olorin, I'm a lot like you or Athuamë.Well, now that that's settled— Kali said, blowing right past Gandalf's expression of silent shock, let's just 'port back to Rohan— Without so much as a gesture, they abruptly found themselves in the Golden Hall, and Gandalf began to realise just how disturbing psionics could be. At least you could always tell when someone was casting a spell, because they chanted and usually needed a focus. Usually.
The Rohirrim milling about seemed a bit spooked by the sudden appearance of the new Fellowship, but when they saw Kali was with them, they immediately calmed down. Éowyn was seated on a bench not far from where Théoden and Théodred sat in their thrones, and Legolas was kneeling on the �oorstones in front of her, apparently trying very desperately to explain something.
For crying out loud, Kali muttered, glancing at the pair.
Dare I ask what's going on? Aragorn wondered.
She turned to him and lowered her voice. Legolas and Éowyn Recognised this morning, she explained. That's why I didn't try to bring him. Finding your soulmate is a wonderful experience, but it can also be rather unsettling, especially if you're already in love with someone else.I see.He's probably telling her how torn he is between his love for me and his newfound bond with her, trying to get her to understand. I'd wager he feels quite guilty about it, and wishes there was something that could be done. She sighed. Doesn't get it, silly Elf. He's not cheating on anyone. She strode over and poked him in the shoulder, and he gave a start.
Oh, K he stuttered, quite unlike himself. I—I, er, have something I need to—It's all right, she said, helping him to his feet. I know. Don't worry about it. She embraced him, then bent over to embrace Éowyn, who by now was a most accomplished protégé of hers. I congratulate you both.But—you don't—? the Elf-prince began.
No, no, it's �ne, Kali assured him. And no, I'm not just saying that. She's your soulmate, Lego-sama. You and I are just a good genetic match. It's the way of the Rayaluan—your ancestors—to have lovemates and lifemates. He stared at her, eyes full of longing, and Éowyn folded her arms uncomfortably. Kali sighed. Why don't we discuss this over a nice hot meal? she suggested. I've just spend the last few hours traipsing around the Wild, and I wouldn't mind sitting down for a while Tossing a look over her shoulder at Neko-sama, she ushered the two blondes from the room, inquiring what sort of things they were in the mood to eat.