A.N/ This will probably progress slowly, whenever I feel like decimating these guys. It was thoroughly therapeutic, actually. The worst part of this whole thing is that they are all In Character. headdesk Anything you'd like to see me do to them? Drop me a review and I'll think about it. :)
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Thank Goodness! I don't know who does, but I pity them. But if I did, Ace and Christie would become young parents . . . XD
"Good morning, Racer. I'm going to go and play basketball with Hapford and Reginald," said Ace. "Would you like to come? Remembering of course that we will meet Ronny on the way and end up spending the morning pointing out the error of his ways, generously sacrificing our morning of basketball to spread the Gospel in a manner that will only put him off it for life?"
"Certainly I would, Ace. It was very considerate of you to ask me." Racer accepted. "Just let me make sure I am dressed appropriately. Long trousers, long sleeved, high-collared shirt. Yes, I am dressed perfectly for a game of basketball on a hot day."
"That's great, Racer, but shouldn't you ask your mother for permission? Seeing as you father is at his Very Important job, and your mother is the only available parent?" Ace reminded his friend patiently.
"Oh! Yes! Thankyou for reminding me, Ace." Racer disappeared into his house, and reappeared a few moments later, followed by his mother, who carried a tray with drinks on it.
"Hello, Ace. I heard you talking, and being the stay at home mom I am, I had nothing better to do than prepare a snack." She held out the tray, and the two boys took a drink.
"Thankyou, Mrs. Loyalton," said Ace politely. "And my father was just saying how godly you are for sacrificing your first name and being known only as 'Mrs. Loyalton'."
"Thankyou, Ace. A woman's place is behind her husband, after all. Tell your father I appreciate his Pure and Godly thoughts." Mrs. Loyalton took the tray and empty glasses into her kitchen.
"Perhaps we should stop by Pudge's house and ask if he would like to join our game. We won't ask any of the girls though, as it is improper for them to do anything that involves physical exertion."
"Right," agreed Racer. "We'll just ask Pudge." Here he paused thoughtfully, before asking, "But why do we call him that? Isn't it wrong to call someone a bad name?"
"Oh Racer," laughed Ace, kindly. "Not when they are fat and stupid, like Pudge! Not even Pudge's mother has bothered to learn his real name. When someone is overweight and less intelligent than the rest of us, it is perfectly fine to address him by a name that focuses on his excessive waist line."
"Oh, right," Racer nodded. "I think I am beginning to understand."
They stopped outside Pudge's house, which was smaller than theirs because his father was dead, and his mother was completely incapable of providing for her sons as well as her late husband would have. She was the only female member of her church with a job. She cleaned houses, the only respectable career option for women in her town.
"Hi, fellows!" Pudge waddled down his front path.
Ace and Racer knew better than to expect drinks from Pudge's mother, as the Meekways were poor and she was not a model stay at home mom, anyway.
"Would you like to play basketball with us, Pudge?" Ace asked him.
"Oh, gee fellows. Due to my excessive weight and dull mind, perhaps it would be best if I just sat and watched, as the team that had me would surely lose."
"Although I secretly agree, it would not be right for me to allow you to sit out the game. You may be on my team, because everyone knows I am such a great basketball player that they will know you are the reason my team lost." Ace smiled at him.
"Wow, Ace," said Racer. "You are so lucky to have our church pastor as your father. It is clear that you will grow up to be a successful pastor and marry Christie, the most perfect girl in town, helping her father manage his Christian bookstore while she feeds the homeless and organizes church functions." Racer shook his head. "How can we compare?"
"You can't," Ace reminded him. "But it's the effort that counts."
"Look, fellows," said Pudge suddenly, forgetting that it was rude to interrupt. "Isn't that Ronny on his new motorbike, which is a sure sign of the devil?"
"Yes, it is," confirmed Ace.
"And he isn't even wearing a helmet!" Racer said in concern. "Isn't that dangerous?"
"Ronny can't help it, Racer. Not being a Christian means that Ronny is even dumber than Pudge, and has bad grammar," Ace reminded the other boys. "Not to mention bad personal hygiene and fashion sense. Let's go preach at him before he can avoid us!"
"Hey guys! What's up?" Ronny greeted them, his face twisted into the sneer that not being a Christian had cursed him with, and his greasy hair flopped into one eye.
"We just wanted to hurl random passages of Scripture at you, while being insufferably nice and ignoring your rudeness," Racer told him.
"Eh, well, maybe some other time," Ronny sped off recklessly on his motorbike.
"Oh well. Off to the basketball courts, I guess," Pudge shrugged.
"I know it's your nature to be dense, Pudge, but could you try and realise what this means?" asked Ace, patiently. "We just saw Ronny displaying unchristian like behaviour, so now we have to have a long and pointless conversation."
"That's right!" said Pudge, brightening. "And I will have been enlightened on something by the time we've finished."
"Me too," added Racer. "Only Ace won't have, because he knows everything."
"That's right," Ace nodded, before launching into a long-winded lecture.
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