It was raining in Sunnydale, not uncommon for a California winter but on this raining night there seemed an atmosphere of great despair and lost hope… Some one had given up, and she was the last person you would want to give up...

Because she is the slayer, the one girl in all the world chosen to protect everyone from all things that go bump in the night. She is our lone protector, our one woman army, our only protection from the very bowls of hell… And tonight she has fallen…

Buffy the Vampire Slayer lay in an alley, the famed alley that had unleashed Angelus on her seventeenth birthday, struck down but not dead.

Today is her birthday, today was the day she was to tell her one true love a very important secret, today she found he had a secret of his own..

"Angel Investigations." Came a female voice over the phone.

"Yes, can I speak with Angel?" Buffy asked.

"Is this Buffy?"

"Yes…"

"Oh my God, Buffy it's been so long. It's Cordelia! Oh Angel's here hun, but he's not available. He's making reservations for us at a new restaurant in town because I was complaining that we never go out together anymore since we have started dating." Cordelia said with a sneer.

Buffy felt like the air had been knocked out of her, she couldn't believe her ears. "Well ok, just forget I called. Oh and congrats Cordy, I hope you two are happy." She croaked

"Oh we are."

And that's how she had found out, she had lost him, completely. What good was her secret if he already knew? So she went about her day, plastering a fake smile for Willow and Xander while they sung her happy birthday, opening her gifts with pretend happiness, all the while thinking about Angel.

Finally when the sun had set she told them she needed to patrol, which she did, but what she didn't tell them is that she didn't plan on coming home.

What was the point anymore? Home just means more pain. Her life was just one big angst marathon. She'd save the world, get something taken away or more pain just added, cry her eyes out, do what she'd have to and save the world again. No breaks, no happy endings, nothing for her.

So she went out to search for a fight, a fight with a demon, a fight she would lose.

She found her demon, vampire, well vampires. About eight had cornered her in that alley, behind the Bronze, next to Angel's old apartment. She had fought half heartedly, making clumsy amateur mistakes, she almost laughed when she pictured what Giles would say. She was basking in the landed blows made by her opponents, each brining her to that, hopefully final, death. One which CPR, prophecies, or witch friends couldn't bring her back from.

And finally when they were standing over her, gloating at their luck of defeating The slayer, they sniffed her twice, looked up and ran away.

And that's how we began, our slayer, fallen. And what's a slayer to do when she seemingly cant die?

She started to cry.

Not even the Powers That Be would grant a break, not the simple gift of death. That's when she heard it.

The steady clunk of commando boots, she smelt the cheap cigarettes and saw the peroxide king himself.

Spike

Spike POV

I had been following the lil' bit all day,I could smell the grief coming off her in waves, wasn't right on her. Today was supposed to be a good day, her birthday or something or another, a day when she shouldn't have anything go wrong, well then again her birthdays always did seem to be cursed.

The bloody Slayer threw herself into a fight that she didn't want to win, and I didn't interfere of course, until I knew she would have been done for if I hadn't.

Oh they paused when they saw she was marked, a few even back off when they felt it was by a master, Angel to be exact, lucky them. I just 'persuaded' the others to leave quietly…

Oh the Slayer has been done up but good, curled into a tight ball with tears running down her bloodied face. Now I knew something must have been horrible to make her want a death so bad, I knew it could be only one bloody thing.

Angel.

Sure it could be her friends or maybe her goldfish died, but she could have handled that. She would grieve, yes, find a way to right it like revenge, yes, but ask for death? No.

You only ask for death when you lose part or all of your soul. Once again Angel has fucked up the family. Oh the 'family' part? She's Angels mate. Hell even Dru calls her 'mummy' now. How else would I know to follow her, lil' Dru can talk to the stars.

I carefully pick her up, wrapping her in my jacket. I can smell death on her, she's entirely too skinny, so it already has begun. She's dieing and she knows it and if the bloody Poof doesn't come back she'll waste away in a matter of weeks, months if we're lucky. And, well, we're not looking lucky.

She may not know it but I know her secret. Bedding a physic really doesn't leave you in the dark about much of anything.

I know she went to the powers after she couldn't bring Faith in to cure Angel.

I know she was given a choice with a big consequence.

I know when she gave the Poof her blood that she bound his soul.

But as with any great gift to give there it always the catch. To bind his soul, she bound her life to his. Add that up boys and girls and that means she also gave up her mortality. An eternal slayer she became for the powers. But, and yes this is a big but, he needed to stick around to make sure that their bond wasn't strained.

Well as we all now know, she let it slip her mind to tell him.

And he left her to go and fight the good fight in L.A. so she could have a "normal life". And in doing this he has all but torn his bond with her to shreds. She has been losing everything bit by bit everyday.

Two months ago, eight vamps would have barely fazed her. She defeated the mayor, Angelus, and a hell god. But something today speeded up the deterioration process.

As I lay her down in the master suite in the mansion Drusilla find it time to say her bit that is going to make my un-life a lot harder.

"You have to bring him back."