Burning
By Heavenly Awkward
Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. I own my little world that I made up and which happens to include the Titans, but that's about it...
NOTE: THIS STORY CONTAINS SELF-ABUSE. This chapter in particular. IT IS VERY TRIGGERING! If you are in recovery at the moment, then you probably should not read!!
Chapter 6: In which Raven exhausts herself and another "force" in her mind becomes ever so slightly more evident.
She was running. Hard. Not to mention fast. Very fast. As though she had death on her heels, in fact. But, as it were, she did not have death behind her. There was nothing behind her but buildings, and nothing before her but the same. It was also very early in the morning, and there was a damp, early-morning chill in the air. Raven didn't notice the cold, as her entire body (lungs in particular) was burning from within from exertion, even as her skin was cold, drenched in sweat.
Raven's early morning course was very strenuous, but after a few weeks of doing it at least once a day--and often more than that--she was used to it. It wasn't the uncommon morning when she would go around twice or more. The path she took led through several alleys, all of which were littered liberally with various obstacles (trash cans and such) which she liked to jump over, and she did so with one of them now, the powerful muscles in her legs and ankles pushing upward, using the momentum of her run to help propel her over the obstacle in one smooth, powerful leap. She landed in a crouch, legs burning, and continued.
This's the second time around, right? Yeah. It's getting bright, though. It took longer to go around than usual--I wonder why? Getting lazy? Not for long... Get up at four tomorrow, and go around three times at least. Then some practice in the gym. Can't get out of shape, can I? I've still got all that weight to lose...
Raven reached the end of her course, which was at the T-Tower, and went in. As usual, she chose to take the stairs up to their living quarters, rather than the elevator. It was several flights, and if she got too tired, she could always fly up, couldn't she?
But you can't do that too often, remember. Always, always, if at all possible, run up all the way. It gives you more of that exercise you need so badly, you fat cow! Good, you made it. Okay, now go get a drink--don't want to get dehydrated, do we? Cold water, it's better for you. Lots of it--get one of those tall glasses. Don't forget to keep moving, it keeps your muscles from cramping! Splash your face with water, clean off the sweat before it clogs your pores again. Gooood. Nooo! Don't eat anything, you idiot! If you eat right after you exercise, your body will start burning the food instead of the fat, you know that! Close that refrigerator! Better. Now, off to the gym with you, you disobedient child! And maybe a nice, warm shower afterward as a reward, if you've worked hard enough.
Ah, yes, the gym. Wonderful, wonderful. We can have some real fun here! Hmm, let me see, what to do first? Remember those flips you did yesterday? Do 'em again. Gymnastics is a wonderful way to increase flexibility and strength... So is dancing, but you don't know how to dance, so that's out of the question. You should learn, it'll make these funner, and easier for you to decide to do. Not that I'd let you NOT do them, but still. Why not have fun with it? Okay, don't forget to stretch--you don't want to pull a muscle, do you? Arms first--upper arms, then the lower arm and wrists... Then legs, back of the knees, inside of the thighs, calves--well, you know the drill by now...
Raven stretched on one of the mats, until every muscle and joint of her body felt limber and refreshed. She really liked stretching, she always felt so clean and energetic afterwards. It was a good feeling, and a good thing to do, so naturally she did it a lot. Then she stood on the edge of the room, about a yard from the wall, wiggling her feet and toes, not about to stop moving for a second...
...that burns calories, you know. 500-800 extra a day. Okay, now into your gymnastics. Start easy, with a front handspring. See, wasn't that easy? Now two in a row. Good, now a handspring and then a flip. The other way around, now. Good, just play with it like you're doing--noo, don't stop! Who GIVES a care how tired you are, keep going, you aren't done yet! GET UP FROM THE FLOOR AND KEEP GOING!! ...ugh, here comes Robin. Get up, now, if you let him see that you're tired, he'll start suspecting something, that little... Come on, keep going, he's going to wonder why you're here, if you weren't exercising... What? He wants to SPAR? ...good idea. But then, you might not be strong enough, little weakling that you are. Better pass it up, this time...
"No thanks, Robin," Raven said, sounding utterly normal (for her, anyways). "I've been training for a while now, and I'm getting tired. Maybe another time...?"
"Alright, Raven," Robin smiled at her. "I'll remember to ask you the next time I need a sparring partner, then?"
"Fine," Raven replied, turning to exit the gym and, after pausing a moment a few steps into the hall, sprinted to her room.
...mm, not quite what one would call an optimal performance... But still, you worked just hard enough...
A/N: ::sigh:: What a short chapter. I'm such a lazy bum lately, and all because I found the complete illustrated collection of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's "Sherlock Holmes" stories in a box mom brought in... not that they aren't some of the best stories ever written in the history of the earth, but still... And sorry it took me so long to get to work on this chapter, I had something of a breakdown of my own, which totally messed up my ideas of this fic, so now I have to reorganize them... Blech...
Well, take a stab at guessing who/what on earth it is that's so mean to Raven. Did you understand any of that, by the way? Oh, and look, I get to answer the substantial amount of reviews you folks gave me! (You know I love you guys! ::hugs::)
BlackShield: Yus, poor, poor Raven... :( ::sheds a tear:: Bad influence? Star? Why, what gave you that idea? And, Raven, in bad shape? ...heck yeah! :P Lack of food and sleep and rest and relaxation and... stuff like that... Well, it'll do that to ya. Yeah, it is kinda sweet that Robin's worried about her (and rightfully so...). He's the only one who's noticed thus far, cuz,
1) he's the most observant of the team, par, perhaps, Raven--and he might top her, having lived with Batman the detective himself, and
2) he really cares about his teammates. Really, he does, a lot. REALLY really.
Pairings are BB/Rae and Ro/St (the main pairings I support, by the way), but we focus on our dear Raven's relationship in this one. Might do a R/S fic later, though... And yeah, four was my dirtiest chapter. And it will probably remain so. ...okay, I won't kill you if you don't review. (Aaw, but I wanted to try out the new kitchen knife my mom got... ::pout::)
wordbearer (both of the reviews): Yeah, I was worried that people would get bored with the shopping, but I decided it was just important enough to put in, anyways. Thank you--in this fic, I'm gonna stress their friendship a lot, and they're going to get VERY close! Calm before the storm, eh? I think you have your answer to that...
Twisted? Yeah. It's supposed to be. And expect most of this fic to be, as well. Of course I send you rolling down with a bang--what fun would it be if I asked permission a few times, gave a few little taps, then asked again if it was okay, and then tentatively gave you a tiny little push off, then got cold feet and pulled you back up... Bangs are fun.
phoenix7929: MINE TOO! :D They're such a sweet couple! Thank you! I will!
Human Lightshow: ::whacks HL on the head with a small fork:: Okay, I forgive you now. BB? Of course. Very soon. I'm not as good at portraying him, though, but I'll do my best.
Albino Drachidna: O.o;;; You... Okay? Err... THANK YOU! I'll try to keep it up, really! I like writing angst...
Writer's Slush: NII!! [That, by the way, is the squeaking sound yours truly makes when she's incredibly, uncontrollably happy.] You're too incredibly flattering for words! You registered just to give me a review? ::hugs!:: And a heck of a review it was!
Gosh, and here I was thinking the summary sucked... Yeah, it is an interesting premise, isn't it? It occurred to me when, in another fan fic, someone said something about Raven being close to Terra, and their being good friends, and it combined with some obsessions and experiences of mine to create the monster you see before you.
Thanks, I got that impression from the comic books too. Mm, chilling... I like it put that way, I think. Yes, the "guilt starvation" started immediately, but of course, she didn't realize that anything out of the ordinary was happening (now why would that be?), although... Think of it as... It's not that there's "already results", it's more that, perhaps, the results were just intensified along with the cause? ::whacks self on head with fork:: Do not tell too much of plot! I always loved the type of books that I had to read several times in order to comprehend--so I'm very, very, VERY glad to hear that my story, though short and humble, is making you do the same. Mm, yes, the vinegar tea was one of the little hints I put in. It doesn't have much to it, it's not something she EATS, and she doesn't necessarily have to have too much of it to be satisfied, so it's very guilt-free, and only helped by the fact that vinegar actually helps "soak up" fat, and cleanses ones insides quite thoroughly.
Yup, cutting is not a likely option for her, I think--not to start out with, anyways. The self-torture/punishment by cold water is logical, certainly--but not so much original. It's done all the time. (Kinda depressing, huh?) And it hurts, I think, much more than a blade could ever do, though maybe that's just because I have an insanely high tolerance for pain... But cold is scary. I have this AAALL figured out...
Your impression was right (glad I could get it across), she was, in fact, trying to purge much, much more than alcohol from her system. But 'twas no drugs--'twas guilt that brought it all down on her. She had been a bad girl, and she knew it. That's what she was trying to get rid of, trying to clear out, along with the alcohol. She was trying to find a way to start clean again, though I don't think she knew that's what she was doing. She just did it. And nothing really catastrophic happened at the club, other than the rise of sexual tension--I put that in as an afterthought, as an effect of her powers starting to go out of control in a way she wasn't quite used to.
Mm, I never saw that episode, but here's my explanation, based on my idea of Raven's character and experiences: True, she was not shy then. But think of it this way: She was not only out of her cloak (which yes, I have taken that into account in all her actions--she likes her cloak a lot) but she was out of her cloak AND costume AND was wearing things that showed a good deal more skin than she was comfortable with AND was in an entirely different atmosphere than at the other club--or at least I'm assuming so...
Hm, good thought on the villains. No, I haven't got it planned yet. That's a chapter or two away. Thanks for your twenty-five cents on this (well, actually, with all that it was more of a dollar or two...), that really gave me a huge confidence boost!
Well, signing out for now!
HA
By Heavenly Awkward
Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. I own my little world that I made up and which happens to include the Titans, but that's about it...
NOTE: THIS STORY CONTAINS SELF-ABUSE. This chapter in particular. IT IS VERY TRIGGERING! If you are in recovery at the moment, then you probably should not read!!
Chapter 6: In which Raven exhausts herself and another "force" in her mind becomes ever so slightly more evident.
She was running. Hard. Not to mention fast. Very fast. As though she had death on her heels, in fact. But, as it were, she did not have death behind her. There was nothing behind her but buildings, and nothing before her but the same. It was also very early in the morning, and there was a damp, early-morning chill in the air. Raven didn't notice the cold, as her entire body (lungs in particular) was burning from within from exertion, even as her skin was cold, drenched in sweat.
Raven's early morning course was very strenuous, but after a few weeks of doing it at least once a day--and often more than that--she was used to it. It wasn't the uncommon morning when she would go around twice or more. The path she took led through several alleys, all of which were littered liberally with various obstacles (trash cans and such) which she liked to jump over, and she did so with one of them now, the powerful muscles in her legs and ankles pushing upward, using the momentum of her run to help propel her over the obstacle in one smooth, powerful leap. She landed in a crouch, legs burning, and continued.
This's the second time around, right? Yeah. It's getting bright, though. It took longer to go around than usual--I wonder why? Getting lazy? Not for long... Get up at four tomorrow, and go around three times at least. Then some practice in the gym. Can't get out of shape, can I? I've still got all that weight to lose...
Raven reached the end of her course, which was at the T-Tower, and went in. As usual, she chose to take the stairs up to their living quarters, rather than the elevator. It was several flights, and if she got too tired, she could always fly up, couldn't she?
But you can't do that too often, remember. Always, always, if at all possible, run up all the way. It gives you more of that exercise you need so badly, you fat cow! Good, you made it. Okay, now go get a drink--don't want to get dehydrated, do we? Cold water, it's better for you. Lots of it--get one of those tall glasses. Don't forget to keep moving, it keeps your muscles from cramping! Splash your face with water, clean off the sweat before it clogs your pores again. Gooood. Nooo! Don't eat anything, you idiot! If you eat right after you exercise, your body will start burning the food instead of the fat, you know that! Close that refrigerator! Better. Now, off to the gym with you, you disobedient child! And maybe a nice, warm shower afterward as a reward, if you've worked hard enough.
Ah, yes, the gym. Wonderful, wonderful. We can have some real fun here! Hmm, let me see, what to do first? Remember those flips you did yesterday? Do 'em again. Gymnastics is a wonderful way to increase flexibility and strength... So is dancing, but you don't know how to dance, so that's out of the question. You should learn, it'll make these funner, and easier for you to decide to do. Not that I'd let you NOT do them, but still. Why not have fun with it? Okay, don't forget to stretch--you don't want to pull a muscle, do you? Arms first--upper arms, then the lower arm and wrists... Then legs, back of the knees, inside of the thighs, calves--well, you know the drill by now...
Raven stretched on one of the mats, until every muscle and joint of her body felt limber and refreshed. She really liked stretching, she always felt so clean and energetic afterwards. It was a good feeling, and a good thing to do, so naturally she did it a lot. Then she stood on the edge of the room, about a yard from the wall, wiggling her feet and toes, not about to stop moving for a second...
...that burns calories, you know. 500-800 extra a day. Okay, now into your gymnastics. Start easy, with a front handspring. See, wasn't that easy? Now two in a row. Good, now a handspring and then a flip. The other way around, now. Good, just play with it like you're doing--noo, don't stop! Who GIVES a care how tired you are, keep going, you aren't done yet! GET UP FROM THE FLOOR AND KEEP GOING!! ...ugh, here comes Robin. Get up, now, if you let him see that you're tired, he'll start suspecting something, that little... Come on, keep going, he's going to wonder why you're here, if you weren't exercising... What? He wants to SPAR? ...good idea. But then, you might not be strong enough, little weakling that you are. Better pass it up, this time...
"No thanks, Robin," Raven said, sounding utterly normal (for her, anyways). "I've been training for a while now, and I'm getting tired. Maybe another time...?"
"Alright, Raven," Robin smiled at her. "I'll remember to ask you the next time I need a sparring partner, then?"
"Fine," Raven replied, turning to exit the gym and, after pausing a moment a few steps into the hall, sprinted to her room.
...mm, not quite what one would call an optimal performance... But still, you worked just hard enough...
A/N: ::sigh:: What a short chapter. I'm such a lazy bum lately, and all because I found the complete illustrated collection of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's "Sherlock Holmes" stories in a box mom brought in... not that they aren't some of the best stories ever written in the history of the earth, but still... And sorry it took me so long to get to work on this chapter, I had something of a breakdown of my own, which totally messed up my ideas of this fic, so now I have to reorganize them... Blech...
Well, take a stab at guessing who/what on earth it is that's so mean to Raven. Did you understand any of that, by the way? Oh, and look, I get to answer the substantial amount of reviews you folks gave me! (You know I love you guys! ::hugs::)
BlackShield: Yus, poor, poor Raven... :( ::sheds a tear:: Bad influence? Star? Why, what gave you that idea? And, Raven, in bad shape? ...heck yeah! :P Lack of food and sleep and rest and relaxation and... stuff like that... Well, it'll do that to ya. Yeah, it is kinda sweet that Robin's worried about her (and rightfully so...). He's the only one who's noticed thus far, cuz,
1) he's the most observant of the team, par, perhaps, Raven--and he might top her, having lived with Batman the detective himself, and
2) he really cares about his teammates. Really, he does, a lot. REALLY really.
Pairings are BB/Rae and Ro/St (the main pairings I support, by the way), but we focus on our dear Raven's relationship in this one. Might do a R/S fic later, though... And yeah, four was my dirtiest chapter. And it will probably remain so. ...okay, I won't kill you if you don't review. (Aaw, but I wanted to try out the new kitchen knife my mom got... ::pout::)
wordbearer (both of the reviews): Yeah, I was worried that people would get bored with the shopping, but I decided it was just important enough to put in, anyways. Thank you--in this fic, I'm gonna stress their friendship a lot, and they're going to get VERY close! Calm before the storm, eh? I think you have your answer to that...
Twisted? Yeah. It's supposed to be. And expect most of this fic to be, as well. Of course I send you rolling down with a bang--what fun would it be if I asked permission a few times, gave a few little taps, then asked again if it was okay, and then tentatively gave you a tiny little push off, then got cold feet and pulled you back up... Bangs are fun.
phoenix7929: MINE TOO! :D They're such a sweet couple! Thank you! I will!
Human Lightshow: ::whacks HL on the head with a small fork:: Okay, I forgive you now. BB? Of course. Very soon. I'm not as good at portraying him, though, but I'll do my best.
Albino Drachidna: O.o;;; You... Okay? Err... THANK YOU! I'll try to keep it up, really! I like writing angst...
Writer's Slush: NII!! [That, by the way, is the squeaking sound yours truly makes when she's incredibly, uncontrollably happy.] You're too incredibly flattering for words! You registered just to give me a review? ::hugs!:: And a heck of a review it was!
Gosh, and here I was thinking the summary sucked... Yeah, it is an interesting premise, isn't it? It occurred to me when, in another fan fic, someone said something about Raven being close to Terra, and their being good friends, and it combined with some obsessions and experiences of mine to create the monster you see before you.
Thanks, I got that impression from the comic books too. Mm, chilling... I like it put that way, I think. Yes, the "guilt starvation" started immediately, but of course, she didn't realize that anything out of the ordinary was happening (now why would that be?), although... Think of it as... It's not that there's "already results", it's more that, perhaps, the results were just intensified along with the cause? ::whacks self on head with fork:: Do not tell too much of plot! I always loved the type of books that I had to read several times in order to comprehend--so I'm very, very, VERY glad to hear that my story, though short and humble, is making you do the same. Mm, yes, the vinegar tea was one of the little hints I put in. It doesn't have much to it, it's not something she EATS, and she doesn't necessarily have to have too much of it to be satisfied, so it's very guilt-free, and only helped by the fact that vinegar actually helps "soak up" fat, and cleanses ones insides quite thoroughly.
Yup, cutting is not a likely option for her, I think--not to start out with, anyways. The self-torture/punishment by cold water is logical, certainly--but not so much original. It's done all the time. (Kinda depressing, huh?) And it hurts, I think, much more than a blade could ever do, though maybe that's just because I have an insanely high tolerance for pain... But cold is scary. I have this AAALL figured out...
Your impression was right (glad I could get it across), she was, in fact, trying to purge much, much more than alcohol from her system. But 'twas no drugs--'twas guilt that brought it all down on her. She had been a bad girl, and she knew it. That's what she was trying to get rid of, trying to clear out, along with the alcohol. She was trying to find a way to start clean again, though I don't think she knew that's what she was doing. She just did it. And nothing really catastrophic happened at the club, other than the rise of sexual tension--I put that in as an afterthought, as an effect of her powers starting to go out of control in a way she wasn't quite used to.
Mm, I never saw that episode, but here's my explanation, based on my idea of Raven's character and experiences: True, she was not shy then. But think of it this way: She was not only out of her cloak (which yes, I have taken that into account in all her actions--she likes her cloak a lot) but she was out of her cloak AND costume AND was wearing things that showed a good deal more skin than she was comfortable with AND was in an entirely different atmosphere than at the other club--or at least I'm assuming so...
Hm, good thought on the villains. No, I haven't got it planned yet. That's a chapter or two away. Thanks for your twenty-five cents on this (well, actually, with all that it was more of a dollar or two...), that really gave me a huge confidence boost!
Well, signing out for now!
HA