Chapter 7: Da Big Boss Arrives:

Early in the morning, Shultz roused the four cubs and their Papa.

Hogan asked, "Shultz, isn't this the day Hitler arrives?"

"Yes it is. And the Kommandant wants you on your best behavior. That means no monkey business!"

"Of course, Shultz! Do you expect anything less from your favorite prisoners?" said Kinch.

"Col. Hogan, please keep your prisoners in line."

"They not my prisoners…talk to Crittendon."

"Your men don't listen to him. Please, Col. Hogan."

"Awright, Shultz."

The men stood grimly in ranks. The gates opened and a black Gestapo car drove into the camp.

Carter muttered to no one specifically, "Look at the beautiful Gestapo

car."

The car door opened, and Hitler climbed out. All the Germans saluted. Hogan would have led his men in catcalls, but 1) this was one line he wasn't gonna cross and 2) he knew the truth. Suddenly, Marya got out of the car and took Hitler's arm. Hitler waved at his Germans and they went inside the office.

Klink called across the compound "Diiis-missed!"

Hogan gathered his men. "Keep Crittendon out of his office." They went into Hogan's old barracks and plugged in the coffeepot.

"Sir, I still don't understand why you want to see my senior P.O.W," said Klink.

"Does der Fuhrer need a reason for anything?"

"No, of course not, mein Fuhrer," groveled Klink.

Shultz brought Crittendon to Klink's office.

When he walked into the office, Marya said "This isn't my darling Hogan…." She looked into Crittendon's eyes. "He's…beautiful!"

Crittendon just stood there staring at the beautiful woman before him. "I don't believe we've been introduced," he finally managed to spit out.

"This is Marya. Marya, this is Col. Crittendon, new senior P.O.W.," introduced Klink.

"Call me Masha," said Marya.

"Mashenka, I think I love you!" said Crittendon.

Hitler began shouting, "I want to see Col. Hogan! Get him NOW!"

"Yes sir, sorry sir. SHULTZ!"

"That's my cue," Hogan stood up, straightened his jacket, and ran his fingers through his hair.

Shultz entered the barracks. "Col. Hogan!"

"Coming!" he shouted. To his men, he said, "See you later."

Hogan entered Klink's office. "So this is The-Little-Corporal-Who-Could! Nice to meet you."

"Klink, Marya, you," Crittendon looked up, "You're dismissed," said Hitler.

Marya and Crittendon walked out in a daze. Klink walked out in confusion.

Hitler turned to Hogan. "What happens next?"

"A dance with my windshield wipers."

"Love will find a way. So you are Papa Bear."

"I was fooled by the job description," quipped Hogan.

"Weren't we all. I need to talk to you. There is a convoy of troops coming by here on their way to the Russian Front. I need you to stop them. By whatever means necessary," said Hitler.

"Even death?"

"If it comes to that. There are also some bombs aboard the train that could win the war for the fascists. I want them gone."

"You're trusting me?"

"So it seems."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why…everything?"

"You must understand."

"That will be a little hard."

"The Jews killed my mother when I was at summer camp. I thought my father was dead, but later, I got in a knife fight with someone wearing a black cape and helmet. After an epic battle that should be in the history books but isn't, I cut off his hand. He told me that he was my father. I've never been the same!"

"So…?"

"I found a release in pot. But it gave me strange side effects… I began believing in a perfect race. One that looked nothing like myself, even! I rose into power and began taking over. As of late, I've been going to 'Potheads Anonymous'. There, I met John, Paul, Richard, and of course, Georgie. They taught me that I need to love. So I contacted some underground agents and found myself here."

"I need to sit down," was all Hogan could think to say.

A/N and Disclaimer: It's quite odd that we can make fun of Star Wars and Hitler in one story. We don't own either, though. Uhh, we still don't own HH or the Beatles- if you missed that, we pity you. I beg forgiveness, O great George Lucas No, Pan the Beatles allusion. Coincidently, are you related to Peter Pan (which we don't own)? Uh, no. Pan the Greek God of Chaos…Didn't you know that?