F/W from Black Viper: Before we begin, there's a few things you ought to know: A) This is my first fanfic (solo or joint), so be nice. B) I had a hand in writing it, but dmann came up with the actual idea of this and I thought it'd be funny; and C) We own NOTHING. Not Goku, Gohan, the Kais, not even Vegeta's hair gel belongs to us. Shame really, I'd kill to have hair like that ...never mind. Read, enjoy, etc.
P.S. This takes place near the end of the Buu Saga.
Use Only As Directed
By R. Miller and S. McGary
'This is it,' thought Goku. 'It ends here.' "Maybe you'll come back someday, as a better person. Maybe we could have a little one-on-one. I'd like that." Down below Buu was trying to push back Goku's recently-launched Spirit Bomb with little effect. Goku threw a two-fingered salute. "Adios," he said. "I'll be waiting for you, Majin Buu!" As everyone yelled for the end of Buu, Goku gave one last push into the Spirit Bomb and watched as the world went white. 'Did I do it?' he thought. 'Is it finally over?' Those were his last coherent thoughts as he touched down and fainted from having used so much energy in the last few stages of the fight...
As Goku reopens his eyes weakly, he sees Vegeta looking down at him. Goku tries to lift one arm, but fails miserably. He manages 1 word after. "Senzu" he half speaks, half breathes before he faints again, making Vegeta whirl around to the voice. "Kakarot!" says the Saiyan Prince, a slight hint of worry in his voice. "Quit sleeping & repeat that again, or I will destroy you where you sleep!" The Young Supreme Kai walks up behind Vegeta as he starts preparing a weak Ki Blast, & taps him on the shoulder, making Vegeta whirl around again & throw the Ki Blast, blowing up a nearby mountain. "Whats wrong, Vegeta?" asks the Kai. "Hmph, Kakarot was asleep, he said 'Senzu' then fell back to sleep...''
''Senzu?'' The Supreme Kai has a look of confusion upon his face. Vegeta sees this, and quickly starts to explain about the magical energy-restoring beans. The Kai nods in realisation. 'That would explain Videl's quick recovery time at Earth's World Tournament...' ''I'll get the beans. Stay here with Goku until I return.'' Vegeta, never one for being ordered around, simply gives a tight-lipped nod as the Supreme Kai translocates to Korin's Tower.
The Kai translocates into a bathroom, looking down seeing hes stood in the bath, which is full of hot water & Bubble Bath. "Bubble Bath?" he asks himself as he steps out of it, onto a bathmat. "I hope I didnt land in the wrong place" the Kai asks himself "Or Goku may not survive" he muses seriously. He then pokes his head out the door of the Bathroom, & sees hes in the Korin Tower Bathroom, & as he does, he sees Korin coming towards the Bathroom with a towel around him whistling a merry random tune. "Oh No!" says Kai as he dodges back in the bathroom before Translocating behind Korin, pretending that he just appeared there...
Meanwhile back at the Sacred Planet of the Kais...
Vegeta sits pondering his admittance that Goku was his superior in every way when he hears a noise. He sits bolt upright and looks around. 'It can't be, that monster's dead, it mus-' The noise repeats, cutting off Vegeta's train of thought. Brrrrrip. ''Sweet Dende, that stinks! Damn you, Kakarot!'' yells Vegeta as he holds his nose with one hand and moves so that he is no longer downwind of Goku...
While this happens, at Korins tower...
The Supreme Kai explains to Korin the situation with Gokus energy, whilst trying to hide his wet trouser legs from him. "Kai?" asks Korin "Why are you hopping around?" & the Kai just grins sheepishly. "Erm" says the Kai, looking around for a temporary escape route "I need to use the bathroom" he says, before running to the bathroom that he was in earlier, & shutting the door before Korin can protest the use of it. In the bathroom Kai breathes, & wrings out his trouser legs to the best of his ability, before flushing the toilet & walking out, dragging some toilet roll in his shoe, as Korin watches in astonishment...
One minute later...
''...And what I was trying to say is, um, where do you keep the Senzu?'' Still slightly embarrased from having IT'd into Korin's bathroom, the Supreme Kai shuffles his feet as Korin replies. ''Come with me. I'll get some.'' The Kai follows the huge white cat-like being into a greenhouse-like structure. Korin turns to the Supreme Kai and asks how many Senzu will be needed. ''We have several people injured, with Goku being the most seriously drained. I'd say no less than twelve beans.'' Korin turns to a plant and plucks off a few before placing them in a bag. ''There's 24 beans in here, just in case. Let me know if you need any more...''
Meanwhile, on the Kai Planet...
Vegeta sits, half looking at the sky, half looking at Goku. "Kakarot" he mutters "You best not die, or I will be the only pureblood Saiyan left." He looks back at the sky, & feels the wind start to change direction, then he sniffs. "KAKAROT!" he screams, holding his nose "What keeps crawling up your rear & dying!" he wafts the air, & starts moving again, this time flying halfway round the planet to escape the smell...
As Vegeta starts to fly off, he collides with the Supreme Kai, who has recently Translocated to the Kai planet. ''How is he?'' asks the Kai, before getting a whiff of that scent. 'Gods, that reeks. What in the Nine Spheres-' ''Apart from certain, shall we say, emissions, he's still unconcious.'' Vegeta's reply cuts off the Kai's question. ''Did you bring the Senzu?'' the Saiyan prince asks. The Supreme Kai raises a bag in reply. ''There should be enough for all of you. Korin gave me extra in case we needed it.'' ''Judging by the blasts Kakarot is letting off, we may need them all,'' says Vegeta, and they turn to the motionless Goku...
Vegeta lands next to Goku, & the Kai lands next to him, as Vegeta leans down, holding his nose with 1 hand to keep from keeling over from the smell, & using the other to wake Goku from his slumber. Goku opens his eyes slightly & says "Senzu" again, & the Kai opens his mouth & pushes 3 Beans in with a finger, as Vegeta notices the amount...
''Far be it from me to question a supreme being such as yourself,'' said Vegeta, ''But you're only meant to give him one bean.'' ''Relax, Vegeta. Goku's condition is such that he needs as many beans as he can get. Korin explained to me how these things work; sometimes the 'patient' needs more than one bean.'' As the Kai prepares to dig out a few more, Goku starts to stir and sits up, shaking his head. ''Man, I feel like a train ran over me...how long was I out?'' he asks. ''Only a few hours, and already you've managed to stink the place up Kakarot. It's a wonder your woman can sleep in the same-'' Vegeta stopped as he saw Goku stand up and immediately double over. ''What's-'' Goku started to scream in pain as he let off another one. ''Gods Goku, do you have no self control-'' The Kai was cut off as Goku ascended to Super Saiyan and fired off yet another, more violent smelling odor. ''Christ, Kakaro-'' As Goku ascended to Super Saiyan 2, Korin was relaxing in his tub when he felt Goku's power rise. ''Not aga- AAAGHHH! THAT SERIOUSLY STINKS!'' Back at the Kai planet, Goku's power level was steadily rising...
On Earth, babies stirred at the smell that was similar to off Lima Beans. On Namek, children screamed at the brown clouds appearing, & still Goku's power level increases, to Super Saiyan 3. "I... cant... hold... it... in..." groans Goku, straining to hold it in "Tell EVERYONE to get down" he warns, as he lets off a ripper twice as powerful as the last. "1... more..." he says as he tries something to try & siphon the energy. "Kame...Hame..." then he farts without warning, making the universe rumble slightly with the blast...
''Wow, that was a big 'un. I never knew Goku had it in him. Here's to ya, Goku!'' On a remote island on Earth ex-Master Roshi sits back as he puts a cigar in his mouth and flicks his lighter. As the flame emerges however, the gas from the previous ''emission'' is ignited and the flames go from Earth to the Kai planet and back again leaving every human with singed hair and eyebrows, the Namekians with stunned expressions on their faces, and Goku with a small fire on the rear of his gi. The initial pain of the flame was enough to throw Goku into Super Saiyan out of reflex and send him flying a good hundred or so feet...
Vegeta looks up at the in-flight Saiyan & tuts, then he notices the aftersmell, as does everyone else in the universe. The Saiyan Prince wafts for dear life, but it doesnt help matters any. He then notices the smell is coming from his clothes, & as he resigns to fate of smelling bad, he then remembers whose fault this is. "SUPREME KAI!" he shouts, running towards the Kai at top speed, which even shocked Vegeta to find this speed from somewhere, then he stopped as he got to him, due to the almighty stink emenating from the young Universe Ruler. "This is all YOUR fault!" fumes Vegeta, pointing at Goku, "You gave him too many, & he nearly destroyed the universe!" "Erm, sorry." says the Kai, leaning his head down, as Goku lands a few feet away, "I did as Korin ordered me." Goku gingerly walks up to Supreme Kai & Vegeta, using his hand to put out his gi, & grinning "They should put a warning on those things" says Goku gingerly, putting out the last bits of fire "Use Only As Directed..."
Epilouge
After Goku & Vegeta return to Earth, they get thrown out by their respective other halves, Goku for 'Setting fire to the Universe' (although ChiChi looked funny with singed eyebrows) & 'Smelling to high heaven' (Vegeta knew people there, who said he 'smelled to Hades' too). A few months later, The Earth Dragon, Shenron, was Summoned, & he Vanished straight away, after complaining about the smell, saying "Call me in a Year..."
dmann "Hey BV, should I say it?"
Black Viper "Say what?"
d "IT!"
BV "What are you talking about?"
(dmann whispers something in BVs ear)
BV "Ohhhh. We say it together?"
d"Sure."
(dmann & BV gear up to say something in unison, & Goku jumps on them grinning)
Goku "THE END!"
d&BV "THATS OUR LINE!"
d "Please Read & Review, No flames, or we will get Goku to KameHameFart on your head..."