Author: Rothalion

Title: Shadowboxing

Summery: Alexander reflecting on Hephaistion. Movie driven. First ATG fan fic. Movie based I suppose. An expansion of Cleitus punching Hephaistion at the banquet before the wedding. I love that scene. Not sure where it will go just yet, it's already growing far larger than planned.

Switching back to Alexander POV here, beginning to feel as though I shouldn't have tackled these voices just yet.

Rating: PG-17 for safety

Disclaimer: Don't own him. After all, besides Hephaistion who could?

Shadowboxing Chapter Four

Healing and Dealing

The doctor is as insane as my mother. The old fool, where he'd dug up the courage from I'll never know, had me dragged from my own room and away from Hephaistion's side by my own guard. I should have him flayed. I need to be with Hephaistion. Nothing should be able to keep us parted, not the whole of the Persian army, not the call of Sirens, and damn sure not one old fool of a doctor. I pound on the thick door until Ptolemy grabs my shoulders and spins me round to face him. Perdicass is there, Cassander and Craterus as well. They hold no love for my Hephaistion and their presence is tantamount to that of circling vultures. They come here like looters after a battle and it is my heart they seek to divvy up between themselves. I won't have it, and screaming at them in Macadonian I send the creatures away except for Ptolemy. He holds me up a bit as I slide with my back against the door down to the stone floor. Sobbing in frustration, anger and ineffectualness. I want my vengeance and I want it now. Hephaistion, though has tied my hands, and those bindings, the trust found in any oath between us, defies even the tangle of the Gordian knot.

"Alexander, let the doctors work, come now Alexander. They cannot treat him with you clutching him as you were. Alexander!"

He shakes me by my shoulders and slowly like a baggage train weighed down by women and plodding up a mountain pass, I began to find my center. I sigh a deep and shuddering sigh and look into his gray eyes. I see in them that he knows who has done this. That whether by spying or simple logic he has pieced together the puzzle.

"Cleitus, what will you do about Cleitus, Alexander. He cannot be allowed to go unpunished. This is more than a simple beating Alexander. They left him for dead." He surprises me by sitting down beside me and putting his arm around my shoulders. "You cannot leave Hephaistion alone in this like you normally would, this is too much! It borders, Alexander, on treason. He is your second now, Alexander. What will you do?"

I look at him and I can see that he reads the confusion in my eyes.

"Hephaistion, made me swear to leave it to him. His fight, his honor. My hands are bound."

I growl in frustration and bang my head back against the door over and over. I want to hurt as I know that he is hurting. Such is our closeness. I want suck the pain from his body and make him whole and pure again. I want to replace him and take the beating for him. It was after all meant for me. It was my actions that brought it on. Like tossing a pebble into a pool my actions always seem to ripple outwards and drown the things I care about the most. No, I am no pebble. Truth be told I am more of a boulder, and the ripples are huge and deadly tidal waves, such as those driven by the quaking earth. Hephaistion now has become a victim. My beautiful Hephaistion.

I do not know how long the doctors took, only that Ptolemy sat with me and paced with me as a loyal and trusted friend should. I twisted my guts around and around like meat on a spit as the visions of what Hephaiston had endured played over and over again behind my red rimmed eyes. I'd seen my share of brutality and rape. I meted out harsh and monstrous brutality. I'd heard the screams of the boys my father and his soldiers took. Did you scream my Hephaistion, did you scream? In my heart I know that he had. That I would have. How much longer. Gods, I so needed to be near him. Ptolemy's advice that if they were still working on him he must be alive did little to ease my heart. Seeing was believing, and my imagination began to run wild. Maybe he'd died and the doctor and his aides had simply killed themselves to avoid my wrath. Maybe they were trying to choose who would forfeit his life and bring the horrible news maybe…

The sound of the door latch swung me around and an exhausted aide to the doctor motioned for us to enter.

Hephaistion is there. On my bed swaddled in furs and propped up a bit by pillows. I walk hesitantly toward the bed wringing my hands nervously like and old woman, I can hear Ptolemy speaking in hushed whispers with the doctors. Hephaistion. He is clean now but his face is still a mass of purple bruising and his beautiful eyes are still swollen closed. Hephaistion; finally I sit tenderly on the edge of the great bed afraid to cause him pain. He sleeps. I note with relief that his breathing is steady and quiet, the gurgle of death is not present. I want to touch him but my shaking hand hovers over him, where? 'Where do I touch you my love and not cause you pain?' Again tears slip from my eyes and I feel Ptolemy's hand on my shoulder.

"The doctor will return later Alexander. He says Hephaistion needs rest and fluids. He lost a great deal of blood. Will you be alright with him alone, Alexander. I could send for…"

"No, Ptolemy. We are fine. Just post a guard, and let his men know that he is alive and will get well. He loves his men Ptolemy, and they love him."

He leaves and I finally touch my much loved friend's battered cheek. I tell him that I am with him and that I love him and that he will be well again soon. If he hears me, I do not know, but it eases my tormented soul to think that he does.

It was four days before Hephaistion truly came around. Yes, he'd been in and out a time or two but it was four long days before he knew me and could respond to my comfort. I stayed in my room with him, sleeping on the floor so as not to disturb him and left only for very brief meetings with my council and staff. I put the wedding off for a bit until I was certain Hephaistion was better. Cleitus for his part was unreadable. If he feared my retribution he made know note of it. I had to give the fool credit, he was doing a fine job of masking his guilt, a trait, no doubt that he'd learned from my father. Whenever I saw him I had but one thought. 'Your smug silence will not save you old friend, for if nothing else I have learned from my mother, though I seldom employ it, the fine art of hurting and destroying those I love.' My first question to my Hephaistion, when he able to speak well was just that.

"How will you punish Cleitus, you have my blessing and that of Zeus in this Phai. Anything. Anything you desire my love"

It's been two weeks now and my thirst for vengeance is beginning to rule me. I fear that if Hephaistion does not act soon I will. To be in meetings with Cleitus and ignore his deed is tearing me apart. I have an insane urge to write my mother and ask her advice on a suitably horrendous mode of revenge. She is so much more vicious than I am. Yet no. She would only gloat at Hephaistion's misfortune and tell me that I'd brought it on myself, foul woman.

I watch him as he stands and walks to the fireplace. The flames are small yet warm and fragrant, like a camp fire in the cleft of some nameless mountain during a hunt. Inviting and friendly, good memories can only be birthed by such warmth and scents. He is still stiff and his damaged ribs plague him like fleas on hound. I can see that he is bothered, yet he tries to ignore the pain. I thank the gods that the awful swelling and discoloration that marred his face has gone away somewhat. It is the scars that I cannot see though that cause me the most agony. The shame I know he feels at what was done to him. We have not spoken of it yet but I have held him tight within my arms when the nightmares dragged him, like a reluctant bull to slaughter, from his sleep.

"Hephaistion, you have stayed my hand in this," I place my arms around him and rub his back. "but by the gods, I do not know how much longer I can feign ignorance of his guilt. Hephaistion?"

I feel him shudder in my grasp and sigh. "You love him. You owe him your life. Granicus. And Philip owed him his before you. What would you have me do? Shame you with selfish revenge before the gods. Alexander, this is Cleitus."

"And you, my love, are Hephaistion. And you my love are good, and honorable. And you my Hephaistion have suffered their barbs and jealous lances and vitriol since Meiza in order to stay at my side. But this Hephaistion, crosses all bounds. A fight, an argument, yes you've suffered through them before. But this. They left you, my love, for dead. They attacked you as an affront to me, their King. It is treasonous Hephaistion, treasonous."

He pulled from my grasp and sat down on the couch. He was thinking. Contemplating. Weighing options and counter options as only he knew how. He was putting on the scales his love of me and my love of Cleitus. His place in my heart and life and kingdom and my place as king. When he spoke he spoke rapidly and with the same hissing hatred that my mother had learned from her snakes and used so well to dominate those around her.

"I feel like her Alexander. I hate her. Your mother. I lie awake at night and plan and plot how best to make him suffer. How to make you happy with my choice of punishment. He defiled me. He took from me the one thing that should have been yours aside from my heart. The one thing that not even Philip dared touch for his love of you. I too am Alexander you say, but would Alexander so readily forget the life debt that owe this man, would Philip? Your mother would. As quickly as one of her vile snakes can strike a man down. Am I nothing more than a weak and needy replica of her? So needing of your love and devotion and attention. I want to hurt him Alexander, but…I do have a plan. If you would agree."

"Anything." I sat down beside him and poured us each a cup of wine. "Anything, Phai, just name it." And now I too felt like her. A fetid conspirator plotting away a life. So be it. He had harmed my Hephaistion and threatened my position. I shuddered and reminded myself which slight was more important.

He began, and I had to admit his ploy was clever and vicious. Spare Cleitus, but make him punish the six men with him. They were a tight lot and would together in death for one another if need be. One of which was his own boy. The two were close and Cleitus loved him dearly. They had been together since we'd departed Macedonia and Cleitus defended him fiercely. Yes, my Hephaistion, you are truly an apt student of intrigue and retaliation.

It would be a week more before Hephaistion was well enough to attend a council meeting and felt strong enough to enact his revenge. When he entered the meeting room that afternoon there was an audible gasp at his appearance from those present. None had seen him since the beating save Ptolemy. He was still battered even after three weeks. I wondered if some of them reconsidered their glee at his pain once they'd seen him. Cleitus and his men had done a good job and the stitches and bruising would take a bit of time yet to be fully gone.

He took up his position away from us as he always had, the difference being that he sat in a chair where he would normally stand. Cleitus seemed uncomfortable but hid it well. He had to have known that Hephaistion would return. Why did he seemed shocked.

"Hephaistion," I shattered the silence. "It is good to once again have you in our presence. You are well I take it?"

"Yes, Alexander. Well and ready to resume whatever function you desire of me." Ah yes, always the loyal and able follower.

"Good. By some few of us, you have been sorely missed." My eyes met Cleitus' and held him pegged there for a long moment. "Yet others…well."

We moved through the afternoons business quickly and when the last topic was broached I stood and walked to the door. The sun was high and hot. Just as we'd hoped for. Without turning back to the room I spoke slowly and deliberately.

"Is there any other business?"

I heard him stand and felt him move past me. Then his voice sounded as loud and strong and clear as the bravest trumpeters call in battle. It filled me with pride and love for him just then. Fear as well. My Hephaistion. He would have his revenge, but at what cost. Pebbles and ripples again filled my mind.

"Cleitus, assemble your men for my review." I waited to hear the older man argue against Hephaistion's authority. He was silent. "Unarmed, un-horsed and naked. Immediately."

"What? Has this beating you've suffered rattled your already arrogant brain boy? Do you, have you, you untried and coddled upstart, any command over me? What right to order me…"

I turned then and watched as Hephaistion stood now toe to toe with Cleitus and made his case.

"You, General, have been given an order by me, General Hephaistion Amytor, second to our King Alexander. Untried I am not. An upstart I am not, but by virtue, General Cleitus, of my recent appointment, I do in fact out rank you. Now you have your orders, I suggest you see to them. Dismissed."

Cleitus was furious beyond belief. His fists were clenched with enough force to crush Mt. Olympus itself and his eyes blazed with a fire so hot that no forge, not even that of our fine god Hephaestion could contain it. The stricken man stormed from the room amidst the cries of outrage from all the others save Ptolemy. What right they spat, what right did Hephaistion have to humiliate such a one as Cleitus. Rejoining to fray I spoke loudly to overcome the din.

"Is Hephaistion not my second?" They nodded. "Then does he not command, should he desire, over…all of you? He will not I am sure abuse his position without warrant. If I felt that he would," and my eyes met each of theirs, "I would not have trusted him with it. Come now, in a few moments we have a review to attend. Look lively and heed this days lesson well!"

As I made my way to the open are where Cleitus would assemble his men I felt a sudden wave of panic. Yes, Cleitus would pay, but the hate and jealousy these men felt for Hephaistion would increase. I began to consider just calling Cleitus out and making it known that he'd condoned the attack on Hephaistion. I'd promised him his way though and we would just have to ride out the consequences dealt to us by fate.

Cleitus had them ready in short time. We rode up on horses and dismounted before them. Hephaistion strode directly toward Cleitus who stood before his men at attention but still clothed. Pulling smuggly at the sleeve of the angry man's robe he said, "Your orders, General Cleitus, were naked. Do hold yourself above and apart from your men? Neither your King nor I certainly would. Disrobe."

Cleitus did and we began to cull the six men we sought from the ranks. It did not take long. Hephaistion has a sharp eye when it came to remembering a face and being beaten had not dulled it. We left them all standing in the hot sun while we waited for the next part of Hephaistion's plan to complete itself. When they'd left him for dead they'd taken everything from him. Looting him as any good soldier would do. His great robe, his bracers, his shoes and jewlary. So as we roasted in the sun we had my house guard search the tents and kits of the six in question. They arrived and placed the items found at the feet of the man whose kit it had been recovered from. I found myself happy that Hephaistion's walking robe had been found in Cleitus' boy's kit. Vengeance was getting sweeter by the moment.

"General Hephaistion here, one of my finest commanders and a dear friend was attacked, beaten and left for dead some three weeks past. These items are his. These items were found in your kits. He has identified you six as his attackers. If any one of you will come forward and declare that you were following General Cleitus' orders in this travesty you will all be spared. Like wise if General Cleitus accepts responsibility for this act of treason you will all be spared and he will be summarily executed. Who will speak?"

None did. A shame really. Such devotion and I was about to kill it and short my army of fine men. Cleitus stood still and arrogant trying to read my plan. There is no way that could have though as it was not mine but Hephaistion's.

"Are you all guilty then?" Still silence. "You, Cleitus' boy are you guilty of this crime against me? Will throw away your life for his?" I pointed at Cleitus. Who stood as blind as Prometheus to what was occurring around him. "You possessed Hephaistion's cloak. A cloak I know to be his since he has carried it since our youth. Do you admitt your guilt?"

"Yes, my king. We battered your 'boy'. We had our way with your 'boy' and good King it is apparent who rules in your tent. He was quite 'tight' and untried." I was furious beyond rational thought. Even Cleitus' front shattered a bit at his boy's boldness. Yes, the lad was a good Macadonian trooper. No fear of death in this one and with his mind poisoned by Cleitus' jealousy, his hate for Hephaistion would cost him his life.

"Hephaistion, your sentence?"

"Death my King. Executed by Cleitus' very own hand."

At this Cleitus paled. He turned to me and through his eyes he sought redemption and forgiveness. He would find neither. He now understood fully the nest he'd wandered into and was aware that his only way out was death. But a hardened and tried survivor such as he is does not go quietly to his doom. No the general in him took over and he figured that six lives were indeed worth his. Even if he lost his beloved, brave boy. Boys were easy enough to procure.

So it came that we assembled and looked on as Cleitus the Black cut the throats of all six of his compatriots involved in Hephaistion's beating. Cut them all with his own dagger, his boy being last by Hephaistion's order.