Just a bit of fun. I don't particularly think it's humorous, but how often do you laugh at your own work?I just wanted to write something about the funniest Fairy Godmother ever! Also, they don't say Charming's father is, so yeah…
Am I the only person who loves Shrek 2 and like pretty much hates the first one? Cos everyone says they liked the first one better, but I didn't like it...
Charming had been meaning to talk to his mother for a while, but she was always working. One afternoon, he finally got her alone.
"Mother, you know how Rapunzel has a father?"
"Yes, darling."
"And how Tom Thumb has a father?"
"Yes…"
"And how Princess Fiona has a father?"
"Good god, Charming, what is it?"
"Who is my father?"
"Your father? Your father…let's see, your father…"
"Well?"
"I'm sorry, darling, I don't know."
She pressed the buzzer on the intercom, "Jerome, coffee. NOW!"
"Yes, Fairy Godmotheur."
"Mother, do you really not know?"
"I really don't know. Listen, if I were you, pumpkin I wouldn't worry about it. He couldn't have been anything special since I've forgotten who he was. Why do you want to know, anyway?"
"Because I want to know where I came from."
"Darling, you came from in here," she patted her stomach, "Remember? Mummy had to squeeze you out and was in an enormous amount of pain for 21 hours, remember?"
"No."
"Of course you don't. All you had to do was lay back and enjoy the ride, leaving me to do all the work."
"So you honestly don't know who my father is?"
"Honestly, sweetheart, I don't."
"Oh."
He walked off to his room.
"Mummy is the only one you need, sweetheart, remember that! JEROME! WHERE'S MY COFFEE?"
Who is Prince Charming's father? Is it Mr. Nice Guy? Or is it The big bad wolf? Or, is it someone we haven't mention yet? Stay tuned to find out.
"Mother, I've been talking to some people and they said that you do know who my father is."
"Who said that?"
"They told me not to say…"
"Darling, tell Mummy who told you…she needs to…talk with them."
"Who is my father?"
"Haven't you figured it out yet?"
"How could I have? There are no clues."
"On the contrary, there's a very big clue. To figure it out, you will have to endure blistering winds and scorching deserts and put your manhood to the ultimate test…"
"Or you could just tell me."
"He's the man I have locked down in the dungeon. Do be careful when you go down there, he can be frightfully sweet."
Charming made his way down the dungeon steps with a candle in hand. It was fairly dark, so he stayed alert and looked very hard for his father. Eventually, he came to a door and opened it.
"Father?"
A man who was chained to the wall looked up at him, "Who are you?"
"I think I'm your son, who are you?"
"They call me The King of Hearts. Steve for short."
"Are you my father?"
"I don't know. Who's your mother?"
"She's the Fairy Godmother."
"That woman! She's been keeping me locked up down here for years, all because she thinks I kissed Sleeping Beauty and broke the spell! I didn't though, honestly! Your mother can be quite the jealous…I…I have a son?"
"It seems that way. The King of Hearts. Well, now I know why I'm a prince."
"What's your name, boy?"
"Charming. Prince Charming."
"Really? What a stupid name! Your mother picked it out?"
"Well…yes."
"She must have been doing a bit of..."
He made a drinky drinky action.
"So she locked you down here under false pretences?"
"Yes. Do you think you could have a word with her…you know…persuade her to uh…let me out?"
"Well, sure."
"Charlie, I've told you a thousand times, you don't mix goose feathers with daffodils. Ooooh, where's my mocha-chino?"
"Mother!"
"Yes, darling? Did you talk to your father?"
"I want you to release him."
"Whatever for?"
"He said he didn't kiss Sleeping Beauty."
"And you believe him over your own mother? I carried you around for eight and a half bloody months, endured twenty-one bloody hours of labour pain, raise you for twenty bloody years and this is all the bloody thanks I get? You take his word over mine?"
"He says he didn't do it."
"He's lying. I saw him kiss her, is that enough proof for you? Why don't we both go down and see him. I shall prove you wrong."
"You stupid lying son of a queen!"
"Pardon me?"
"I said you're a stupid lying son of a queen! You did kiss Sleeping Beauty and you know it."
"I didn't say I didn't."
"Charming said you said you didn't."
"I said I didn't kiss her and break the spell."
"Oh yes you did!"
"I kissed her after the spell was broken."
"You see, Charming, he admits it, he kissed her."
"Yes, but that's no reason to lock me up!"
"Oh, isn't it?"
"No!"
"Come along, Charming, I don't want his bad influence rubbing off on you."
Charming looked at his father as he was dragged back up the stairs.
"Really, darling, you have to have more faith in your mother. I'm always right."
"But mother, why haven't you let him out yet? Surely one kiss isn't worth a life-time of imprisonment."
"He kissed another woman!"
"Were you two together at the time?"
"I…um…let me think…that was a long time ago, I…"
"Were you?"
"Possibly…not."
"Then why don't you let him out?"
"It's the principle, darling, if I let him out, he'll think he's won."
"Fine then, I'll let him out myself."
He started walking towards the stairwell, but she used her wand to slam the door shut.
"Oh no you won't."
"Fine, I shall do it when you're at work."
"Darling, I don't think you realise how far my powers can reach. Now, go to your room and don't come out until supper."
He walked off grumbling to himself.
"And don't you make those faces at me, young man or you'll be grounded for a week."
"Yes, mother."
The next morning, Charming went down to the dungeon to free his father, but found that he wasn't there. He then went to his mother's room to ask her if she'd seen him. To his displeasure, she had. He knocked on her door and walked into the darkness, "Mother, have you seen father anywhere? He's not in the dungeon."
"Oh, what are you doing up so early?"
"It's 11am!"
"Oh, go back to bed, sweetie."
"Have you seen father?"
"No, not yet, but I'm pretty sure that if I turn over I'll be able to see him. Yes, now I can see him."
"Good morning, son."
Charming's jaw dropped, "Are you two together again?"
"No, Hearts will be leaving soon, I don't particularly want him hanging around here every day. Now go back to bed!"
"I now have another emotional scar to add to the list."
"Are you still here?"
"No, no, I'm going, I'm going. I'm going to need more therapy…"
Please take note that this is a one-shot. I will write no more!