Thank you for reviews, they really mean a lot!

Allan Pitt: Wow you've thought about it a lot and I can't believe how close your idea is to what I was going to do.  I'm not actually going to do that though because of a big twist coming up after the next chapter which I hope will be cool in its own way.  There will be a Tru/Faith bit but probably not as you imagine it and I'm not sure about Angel-he definitely wont be important.

This chapter is an extra one I hadn't planned on but I realised after I said they were all set to go in the last one that it's actually really important for tru to learn all the stuff she does in this chapter.  Hopefully it's a bit angsty-it'll work best if it is.

This is to Sam-453 who got me hooked on Fanfic and who helps me loads with stories

Hope you like!

A slayer's life

"I-I think I can do it." Willow stammered looking up at Buffy, who had just walked in, from the spell book on her lap.  "I don't know if it'll work for sure but-"

            "Will it will work, it did once before remember." Buffy said to reassure the wicca who kept looking sadly over at her girlfriend.

            "B-but it could make all our heads explode."

            "Will, it won't.  You'll be fine.  This is really important.  Willow you-" Xander interrupted Buffy with bitterness in his voice.

            "You're her big gun.  Right Buffy?  That's what you were going to say wasn't it?  Even though you know Willow hates being the centre of things.  It's really important to the plan that Willow does this, to buy time even though you know it wont work."  Buffy and Willow looked at Xander, Willow with some alarm but Buffy with unnatural calm.  She knew that Xander was just worried and annoyed with her.  All the way back to the magic shop he had tried to find out what was going on but Buffy had gently refused to explain her plan, only trying to reassure Xander that the outcome would be different.

            "No.  Actually I was going to say it's really important for you to get Tara back."  Buffy lowered her voice and Tru watched from a distance as the slayer said softly to Willow, "You need to find her, you need her." Tru was sure there was something Buffy wasn't saying but Willow was looking at her friend with gratitude all over her face.  Tru could see by the look on Willow's face how important Tara was to her and also Buffy.  Tru saw that Willow trusted Buffy implicitly and that the slayer had somehow given her permission to do something, though Tru wasn't sure what that something might be.

            "So when do we kick this god's ass back to hell then?" Spike's rough voice asked, cutting into the moment of calm.  Buffy turned to him and said,

            "Same time we did last time."  Spike looked at Buffy with a frown.

            "You sure that's a good idea luv?  Shouldn't we get moving a bit sooner to save the little bit?  Like now maybe?"

            "Yeah see, even fang boy gets it.  Buffy if we left now we could get there in time to do some serious altering of the situation…and godly ass-whooping."  Xander was glad that someone else agreed with him, though he was less pleased that it was Spike.  Tru watched the scene unfold as if she were a spectator of a show whose characters had stepped straight out of the fictional, supernatural genre.  Giles was drawn towards the group by some instinctive ability to sense squabbling despite his engrossment in a book of some sort.  "Tell her Giles."

            "Hmm." Giles said absently only vaguely concentrating on the conversation, more absorbed in his book.

            "Tell Buffy we should saddle up now." Xander said emphatically but to his surprise Giles disagreed.

            "Uh-no.  Not just yet."  He said still partially distracted.

            "Giles." Xander said again after a pause and snapped his fingers in front of the watcher's face.

            "Sorry, sorry." Giles awoke from his distracted state.  "No if we go this early, now…well it's not…didn't I say this yesterday-uh-today?"  Xander looked slightly shifty.

            "I don't think I listened to that bit."  Xander admitted in a guilty voice but Giles tolerantly refrained from making his usual clucking sound and merely explained.

            "If we attempt to stop Glory too early and something goes wrong we leave the path clear and enough time for Gloy to-to complete the ritual."

            "Yeah but nothing will go wrong will it?  I mean we know what's going to happen so we can go right now, stop it before the ritual can even get started."
            "No." Buffy said a little too quickly so that everyone looked at her.  "I-we have to know exactly what's going on.  If we go in early things might be different.  It has to be-" Buffy broke off looking down at her hands.  "I need to know what's happening or it wont work."

            Tru understood where Buffy was coming from, Davis had said something similar to her when Mark had been killed at her party and then at her high school reunion she had very nearly witnessed what he meant yet she though that in this case Buffy might have it wrong.  Since they knew almost exactly what had happened and the problem was leaving things too late, an early arrival didn't seem such a bad idea.  Tru was going to express theses sentiments but Anya, whose bluntness amused Tru, got there first.  Buffy immediately beat her down.

            "No.  We go when Tara told us.  When it's time." Giles seemed to read something in his slayer's face though Tru wasn't sure what-determination, sadness, love?  Maybe a multitude of emotions but whatever it was made Giles call a halt to the attack on Buffy and accept her decision, not that the ball was in his court- Buffy was the slayer and Tru was gradually coming to realise that meant she was the boss.

            "In the meantime…do whatever helps.  I need to …go pummel the punch bag." Buffy walked towards the door to the training room and Tru watched her go, an unassuming figure in white, walking as though she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders.  Yet she was not fragile like the last time Tru had seen her in those clothes.  The strength it seemed this group of people depended on was still there and Tru could tell that Buffy was on a mission, to save Dawn she knew, how she didn't.  So as Buffy temporarily exited the stage Tru prepared for her entrance.

            "We could go through the council stuff again." Anya suggested perkily breaking the sombre tone of the last few moments.

            "What's the council?" Tru asked curiously.

            "Bunch of kill Buffy types." Xander said with a light-hearted bitterness typical of him.

            "Xander please.  They did not kill Buffy…they just came very close to doing it…twice." Giles was not nearly so sure of his own point by the time he finished that stuttered sentence.  "But they didn't mean to…the…the one time they did believe her to be Faith and well the cruciamentum was unnecessarily cruel we are all agreed but it was incredibly unfortunate," He finished in a weak defence.

            "So this council…anti-slayer league or something?" Tru asked realising that whatever it was had obviously tried to rid the world of both slayers.  To her surprise Xander let out a slight guffaw but Giles remained serious.

            "The Council of Watchers is a group comprising of all watchers and well I suppose I must include myself in that bracket although I hope I am not as bloody short-sighted and bigoted as good old Quentin."

            "Why would watchers try to kill the Slayer?" Tru asked feeling as if she were trying to extract a tooth that was firmly rooted in.

            "Because they are arrogant pen-pushing beaurocratic egomaniacs." Xander said expressively making his feelings regarding the council crystal clear.  This time Giles did not scold Xander though his sigh made his reluctant agreement obvious.

            "They do rather lack field experience." He said diplomatically and Tru began to build a rather accurate mental picture of people who looked a little like Giles wearing tweed and sitting in a boardroom with piles of ancient books and cups of tea.  "Yet they are the best when it comes to researching the occult, in fact researching anything."

            "Like how to get you kicked out of the country." Xander added irritably having not forgotten Travers' clever ploy to get Buffy to perform his test.  Xander would forever savour the moment of Buffy's speech to the council, especially the sword she threw at the watcher who interrupted her.

            "Well they are also known for their coercion skills or do you honestly think I would have performed even part of the cruciamentum on Buffy?"

            "Uh slayer speak.  What's the crucia-thing?" Tru said, asking yet another question.

            "An arcane and pointless ritual in cruelty and one which I am thoroughly ashamed to have ever taken part in." Giles removed his glasses and began to clean them carefully avoiding anyone's eyes.  "It is a test performed on the Slayer's eighteenth birthday in which her strength is unknowingly removed and she is sent to fight a vampire using her mind only.  Of course in Buffy's case they had to make it as difficult as possible and when you add the inevitable complications…well needless to say the day was…memorable."

            "What happened?"

            "The vampire Buffy was meant to fight escaped.  Her mother's life was endangered so Buffy immediately went to help her, despite knowing that she was no longer strong enough to fight the demented creature."
            "I thought you said she didn't know about being weak." Tru commented, her mind well adapted to spotting discrepancies which could be crucially important.  She was talking of small issues but her mind was concentrated on larger ones.  Buffy had walked into an impossible situation to save someone she loved.  She had been put in danger by people whose job it was to protect her, what on earth could the bad guys do to her?

            "She didn't…until I told her.  It was my job to administer the drugs which took away her strength but I couldn't cope with what it was doing to her.  Buffy believed herself to be ill in some way, to be losing a part of herself and the ability to protect not only herself but others.  Fortunately she proved she had not but the event was…trying.  I was fired as her watcher and her faith had been shattered."  Tru could tell from the emotion in Giles' voice how sorry he was about the test and how guilty he felt.  She could tell how important his Slayer was to him and how he cared for her like a daughter.  "Buffy has faced a lot to reconcile with the council, not least agreeing to participate in another of their tests.  It is just something that makes me even more proud of her-to fight demons is one thing-to fight men as powerful as the council and initiate a ceasefire is quite another."  Giles was indeed proud of Buffy.  As he had told her before her ability to place her heart above everything was something amazing, something indescribable by the limits of adjectives and tru would shortly learn that.

            "Sounds like they really don't know how to treat the Slayer then." Tru stated and to the minds of everyone present it was true.

            "And they wonder why slayers die so young." Xander commented wryly.  "Couldn't be because they have no clue what they have to face."

            "Slayers die young?" Tru repeated.

            "Not every Slayer even reached the age of their cruciamentum.  Some live for barely a week after their calling, they have been known not to last a day.  Very few make it past their teens."

            "But Buffy's going strong right?  I mean she's what twenty?  She's not died yet."  Everyone looked at the floor.  "Right?" Tru persisted and eventually Xander looked up at her.

            "Actually-" Giles looked at Xander who paused and then the watcher quietly turned away and walked towards the training room, not wanting to face his guilt over his Slayers' death at a time when there was, yet again, a world to save.  "She-well Buffy did die."  Tru looked at Xander.  She did not need to ask a question for it was written all over her face.  "She drowned." The group had mostly turned away by now, Willow was looking up more spells, Giles had left the room and Anya was collecting useful items from the bookshelves.  Only Spike was listening in on the conversation but he did not say anything, he merely listened to the famous tale.  "There was a prophecy which said that Buffy would face the Master-super evil vampire dude-and that she would die.  And she went to fight him and it happened."

            "She fought this vampire even though it was going to kill her?"

            "That's the buffster for you.  The world's in danger and she lies down her life to save it."

            "But then how?…how is?"

            "She still alive?  Good old CPR.  The prophecy was right but it wasn't the whole truth.  Buffy came back from the dead and presto we have two slayers."  Tru couldn't think of anything to say for a moment.  How could she comprehend just how much Buffy was willing to give up?  Sure she felt as if she were making unfair sacrifices in her life but they were insignificant things mostly-arguments, cancelled arrangements.  Her job had once saved her life-whirling her out of the current day before a bullet killed her but Buffy's had done the opposite.  Her fight had killed her and presumably others.  When people Tru could not save died, at least she had the comfort of knowing that they were meant to. In Buffy's case they could be innocents caught in the crossfire of good and evil and would leave the mark of loss on Buffy.  To lie down her own life-it was something Tru could not envisage having to do.  She could only begin to imagine what it would be like going into a fight and knowing you would be dead by the end, it was bad enough knowing some one else could die that day.  And now it was Dawn's turn.  Tru would not let the third Summers girl die, she would at least save Buffy that heart ache though she could not undo the rest.  But Tru did not know it all, Buffy's suffering would take weeks to relate but in the next few minutes Tru was granted an insight into the tragic life of the Slayer and the bravery and emotion with which Buffy faced it.  She began to understand why this group of people stayed so close together-they were led, not by the Slayer, but by Buffy.  By the girl who held her heart out for all to see, to make decisions with and to guide her.  A heart that was bruised and sore but which remained intact, sewn back together by the love it embodied, the love which heightened Buffy's desperation to save her sister.

            After Xander's tale Tru continued her circuit of the people present.  She had not planned it but each seemed to have a story to share and they all made her more in awe of Buffy, more impressed by such an inconspicuous figure who managed to retain her humanity and the emotions it dictated yet was somehow beyond them.  Though she kept herself among people whose only gift was their nature she was evidently more than them.  The power she possessed was radiant and Tru could tell it was her love and selflessness which stopped her wielding it over everyone, it wouldn't be hard to cut the string and rise above everyone but Buffy never would.

            Willow was gazing into Tara's distracted face when Tru sat down beside her.

            "You doing ok?" She asked the witch though she knew it was a pointless question.  "I'm sorry that was stupid.  'Course you're not."

            "I just want her back.  I can't lose her, she's my everything."  Tru could se the longing in Willow's eyes and knew that she spoke form her heart.  It was touching to see how she cared for Tara and Tru could parallel Willow's desperation to save her girlfriend with Buffy's to save her sister.

            "What about Buffy?" Tru asked wondering how the Slayer fitted into a life so clearly consumed by one woman.  A small smile flittered onto Willow's face.

            "She understands."  This statement confused Tru slightly.  What did Buffy understand?  Fortunately Willow answered the unasked question.  "She knows how important it is to find her and I know how important it is to find Dawn.  Buffy's my best friend and-and I love her, in a best friend kind of way, and she understands.  She understands what I have to do."

            "What's that?" Tru asked alarmed by the implications of something that would harm others.

            "I have to put Tara first, I have to save my world."  Tru somehow understood then what Buffy meant to Willow.  The look of gratitude that had earlier crossed the witch's face and the permission that had somehow been granted was an understanding of the choices each would make.  They were friends in the truest sense-each would support the other's decisions and more than that, they knew where their actions came from.  They could read the other's heart and would do whatever they could to keep the other safe.  Willow had taken on a huge task-to comfort and protect the Slayer but she was repaid by the understanding of her best friend, an understanding which led her to risk everything for her safety.  And Tru learnt of what Buffy would do for Willow, how much she would stand to lose in order to protect her friend. 

"Like she has to save hers.  She has to save Dawn like she would save Giles or Xander or me." Willow continued.

            "She saved you all?" Tru asked, surprised at how unsurprised she would be by this.  Willow nodded.

            "Mostly from horrible demony deaths."

            "What did she save you from?"

            "Faith." Was Willow's unexpected answer.  "She agreed to trade the box of Gavrok for my safety even though she knew it would bring the ascension."

            "I'm lost." Tru said wondering what the ascension was and what Faith had to do with it.  As if she knew what Tru was confused about Willow explained.

            "Faith was working for the town mayor who planned to ascend to a pure demonic state in which he could, in all likelihood destroy the entire town.  Faith had me captive but Buffy decided to save me even though she could have stopped the ascension."
            "She risked the lives of the whole town?" Willow nodded, a small smile on her face.

            "For me.  Like she would risk the world for Dawn.  There's no way she'll let Dawn die, she'll do anything to save her.  She'll do whatever it takes."

            Willow's echo of Buffy's words made Tru pause.  There was something in them that spelt foreboding but Willow seemed to be unconscious of it.  She was continuing the story.

            "So she blew the entire school up, lucky it was graduation or I guess she'd have been expelled…again."

            "Expelled?" Tru repeated distractedly, having missed what Willow was talking about.

            "From Hemery." Willow said looking at Tru carefully.  "Buffy only came to Sunnydale because of it, not easy.  She started all over again because of the vampires, because no one would believe that she burnt the gym down to save them all, and it's the same-all the time." There was a bitterness in Willow's voice, on behalf of her friend.  "No one knows, what she goes through.  No one tries to understand, except us,  The Scooby gang.  Even Cordelia respected Buffy but the rest of them have no idea what she'd do for them, what she does for us."  Willow's gaze returned to Tara and Tru promised herself that she would understand.  She swore that she would learn what a slayer's life held and she would help Buffy face it.

            Spike was next in the unconscious circuit Tru was making.

            "Yeah Slayer's had a rough time of it."  he said mid-conversation.  "'Course I probably didn't help for  a while, had a bit of a thing for slayers.  The blood's just got that extra something-know what I mean?" 

            "Uhh" Tru slurred not quite sure how to respond to the vampire.  It didn't seem to matter though as it was a rhetorical question.

            "Yeah well did a couple of them."

            "But not Buffy?" Tru commented blandly.

            "Well I'm good now aren't I."  Spike replied with a touch of pride in his voice.  "I mean I had a few goes at it an' all but now I'm good."

"A good vampire? I didn't think there could be wholly good ones."

"Well I'm not totally good, not like that prat Angel but I do alright.  Okay I'm not actually good but I fight for the good guys alright?"

"You've got a thing for her haven't you?" Tru said smartly.

"Yeah I told you, Slayer's blood's got something real good in it."

"Nah you like her don't you?" Tru continued with a smile forming at the corners of her lips.  "You don't just stick around for the blood, you've got the hots for her."

"I bloody well do not." Spike protested standing up violently and lighting a cigarette but Tru crossed her arms and gave him a disbelieving stare.  "Whatever, I'd never be good enough for her, not after soul boy."

"Soul boy?" Tru repeated and Spike resigned himself to the story.

"Angel.  Once the scourge of Europe, 'long with coupla others o'course, now vampire with a soul and the slayer's damn soul mate or something."

"Buffy went out with a vampire?" Tru asked disbelievingly.

"Not just went out with or we wouldn't have had half so much fun."  Tru raised her eyebrows at Spike, intrigued by his story but wondering how much to trust the blond vampire.  "Well fun for me of course, not sure Buffy saw it quite the same way."

"What happened?" Tru asked once again taking on the role of investigator as she delved deeper and deeper into Buffy's life.  "Where's Angel now?"

"Left her didn't he, like soldier boy.  Said they couldn't be together 'cause he had nothing to offer her-being 240 odd and all besides the vampire-slayer thing."

"And that was fun for you how?"

"No no that wasn't the fun part.  Now we're going back a bit.  See Angel's soul-well it's not exactly permanent.  Coupla things that'll get rid of it and Angel without the soul…let's just say he's a lot more entertaining."

  "Entertaining for you."

"Well yeah, Buffy had her fun getting rid of the soul- a moment of pure happiness, you get the picture."  Tru did and her mouth fell open as Spike continued.  "So Me an' Dru and Angelus-that's the alter-ego- had rather a good time of it for a while.  See Buffy was in a bit of a situation-kill Angelus and lose Angel or leave Angelus and lose, well, lots of people actually.  See Angel and Angelus aren't that far apart really, one night and Angel's gone but he looks the same.  Must have been quite interesting going to bed with Angel and waking up with a monster."

"She loved him?"

"Oh yeah." Tru caught the wistful tone of Spike's voice and knew that Spike didn't just lust after Buffy, his feelings went deeper than that.  "That's what made it so fun, watching her squirm.  Only Buffy's got this champion of the world thing going on hasn't she and he had a destroy the world thing."

"Destroy the world?"

"yeah well it was Dru as well." Spike added with a touch of pride.  "But I got us out of there, so it was Buffy and Angelus and a portal waiting to take the world to hell.  Well obviously we aren't in hell, though we could be in about half an hour, so you can guess what happened.

"She killed Angelus?"  Tru was horrified by what Buffy must have gone through.  To lose someone you love was one thing but to be the cause of that loss, even if it was not the true person you knew…yet again she was struck dumb by the horrors of the slayer's life.  But Spike was not finished, there was worse to come.

"No.  She killed Angel."

It was a simple statement, one tossed offhandedly at Tru but it carried so much weight.  One after another events tumbled down on the Slayer and though Tru was merely hearing the stories their weight pressed against her shoulders and she mourned for what Buffy lost-her childhood.  The innocent period in which a transition is made was lost to the slayer, lost through a destiny she could not control, a destiny unwanted and yet accepted and bringing with it trials no one should have to face.

"Why?"

It was a simple question, one Tru did not think about asking but it asked so much.  One after another her questions revealed insight into the Slayer and though they did not build the whole picture the fraction that became apparent was tragic enough.  So Tru listened to the tale, a tale told by a third party, someone who could relate it in the most dispassionate tone, and yet the weight behind it was as great as ever.

To kill the one you loved to save the world.

Just words.  That's all they were.  Yet so much more.  A heart-rending decision.  An impossible choice.  Yet Buffy had done it.  She did the truly harrowing and sacrificed her love for the world, just as she sacrificed herself.  Tru bowed her head as Spike told of Angel's second departure, understanding how much pain it must have caused the Slayer and a silent tear dripped down her face as she learnt that the two were destined to be together yet fated to be apart.

As Tru realised the first part of her promise to herself, as she learnt of the heartache of a slayer's life the Slayer herself emerged. 

"Tara," she said, "Do you have somewhere to be?"

Please review! Ooh and has anyone seen the musical Blood Brothers?  I was thinking about a Tru Calling/ Blood brothers X 'cause the question would be could the twins find out about each other and live or was it superstition?  Also should both live? Etc etc… whaddaya think?

Please review!